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Awaken Through Love Relationships are catalysts to find yourself...not lose yourself ♡ Elle Vicini (MA)
(23)

Safe community for those wanting to awaken to love, inner peace, joy and freedom.

Respecting yourself also respects others too. And no matter how you try to change or convince, it won't be yours because...
09/08/2024

Respecting yourself also respects others too. And no matter how you try to change or convince, it won't be yours because it's not meant to be part of your beautiful expression.

It's a painful truth, but we can't attract what is running away in a different direction. When you honor the above, you often run into what is meant to be yours.

And what is meant to be yours will be yours...no matter how many times you try to close it off. There will be hard work, but not forcing because it was always meant to be.

So come back to YOU...trust your internal guidance system and you will attract what is meant to dance with your life story.

Which slide resonates best with you?

The reasons for the chemistry can change...before you may have felt chemistry in a euphoric, adrenaline and addictive wa...
28/07/2024

The reasons for the chemistry can change...before you may have felt chemistry in a euphoric, adrenaline and addictive way. When you meet someone who feels right, you may feel chemistry in an aligned, safe & compatible way..."we have the same values/interests etc."

The SECURITY helps to create the chemistry... someone who is a safe space, who feels like home, who is your goofy person. You can finally relax...and that BOOSTS the chemistry. Security goes hand in hand with chemistry. And vice versa

You may meet nice and stable people, but none with chemistry or with that spark of similar interests, passionate growth, or polarity etc. Prior to my life partner, few shared my zest for life like business, travel or psychology. And they seemed "boring". They are kind, yet deep down you don't honor them in the sense of find them interesting nor will they challenge you to showcase the best side of you. And respect must go hand in hand with compassion in a relationship.

You may desire a partner who is predictable, secure, committed, safe, etc. Of course you will need to fine tune triggers and communication. YET, you may also desire PASSION. For my life partner and I, our passion is in creating new projects together, exploring life together, healing together, mirroring to one another growth and experiencing deep closeness.

We need the passion for life, yet in a contained, safe, and secure space. Without passion, life would be dull. And without security, life would be TOO chaotic and lacking in forward movement. Both go hand in hand and you deserve it 🙏.

Follow for more relationship tips.

Relationships are meant to find ourselves, not lose ourselves 👏. And secure relationships take TONS of practice to maste...
22/07/2024

Relationships are meant to find ourselves, not lose ourselves 👏.

And secure relationships take TONS of practice to master...There are SO many opportunities if you are looking for a partner or if you found a partner.

If you both are aligned in the same direction of consistency, growth, similar values, and you are overall happy with some negative communication cycles, then DON'T give up. You will make mistakes and may regress to old patterns some days.

YET, you will also have an abundance of opportunities to work on it. Remember that this will pass with practice and to remember that sometimes the journey is far more worth it than the outcome.

So don't feel guilty if you mess up. No need for perfection because you and your partner will keep dancing together, enjoying the dance of healing. You can do this.

💛 Follow for more healing tips.

It's difficult when you hoped for potential and now must accept reality. But you can't keep your love stuck waiting.  As...
16/07/2024

It's difficult when you hoped for potential and now must accept reality.

But you can't keep your love stuck waiting. Ask yourself, "How am I benefitting from staying? What need am I getting from chasing unavailability and how can I create this in expansive/soothing ways?"

Don't give up the need, just be flexible on how it gets met. Choose YOU and don't lose hope. You can create what you want! Trust yourself, the journey and that the Universe has your back.

Make the jump with confidence. Surround yourself with those with a common future, not only a common past.

💛 Follow for more healing and relationship tips.

11/07/2024
Replace striving for perfection in relationships with focusing on repairing rupture. This means we don't expect ourselve...
09/07/2024

Replace striving for perfection in relationships with focusing on repairing rupture.

This means we don't expect ourselves to be perfect everytime, but rather embrace the opportunity to learn from our emotions and vulnerably repair any rupture.

This means when someone says they are hurt or felt confused xyz, we reassure them and repair the bond...even if we have a different perspective about the incident.

This also means when we react, we attune to possible hurt that we may cause our children or partner and explain vulnerably that it has nothing to do with them.

We have a tendency to throw the baby out with the bath water and want perfection. However, there are great key messages from conflict.

The more we can expect conflict and get stronger at repairing the conflict, the more we will feel secure in our relationships. This means including their needs and ours.

Think about someone vulnerably saying to you "Oh wait, I'm reacting and I don't want to. I'm going to take a few deep breaths." Or "I understand you felt hurt. Thank you for coming to me. I didn't mean it that way. Let me tell you what I meant so you don't have to feel hurt."

You instantaneously feel better. The connection is restored.

It is not about being a perfect partner, but about owning your vulnerability and working through your hurt to access understanding. Everyone speaks the same language of vulnerability.

🤍 Follow for more healing and relationship tips 🫶
   

1. Insecure attachment or negative relationship patterns of dismissing, invalidating, protesting, controlling, blaming o...
16/06/2024

1. Insecure attachment or negative relationship patterns of dismissing, invalidating, protesting, controlling, blaming on both ends etc are not effective. They will not get what you want, but only perpetuate a negative cycle. Know this is a dead end for both and decide on a more effective form of communication. Acting on a negative emotion is mostly not a good idea.

2. First, you MUST address the trigger if you are in flight or fight mode. We must regulate by taking a few minutes to let the negative emotion spread throughout the body. Don't think just give the body space for it to flow through.

OR you can involve your partner by sitting facing one another. Deep breathe with one hand on each other's heart. Make eye contact and you will immediately sink back into an open heart space. It's harder to be mean looking into your partner's eyes.


3. When calm, invite the logical mind to get clear on exactly what you're feeling and what you need from your partner. Do you need validation, understanding, problem solving, connection, intimacy reassurance, etc? Get extremely clear on what you feel/need.

4. Communicate your feeling/need to your partner openly without any attack, protest, judgment, or defensiveness. "I felt unsupported when you showed up late. I need to feel like I can trust you. How can we solve this?" Or "I am feeling unsupported at home. Can we make a schedule to get tasks done together?"

5. The partner on the receiving end should be receptive, open, validating, and supportive. The avoidant can see it as an opportunity to be of value.

Then work together to find a solution that feels harmonious for both of you. Sometimes the solution is you actually agree with your partner. Other times your partner might agree with you. Or you might need a solution that respects both of your needs.


   

Do you feel the energy of others around you deeply? Do you hyper focus on a threat or the person in a bad mood? An empat...
31/05/2024

Do you feel the energy of others around you deeply? Do you hyper focus on a threat or the person in a bad mood? An empath may be why.

Many empaths have an anxious attachment as they tune and latch onto predicting the behaviors of those around them who they deem as inconsistent and unsafe.

They absorb the energy around them instead of pushing it away. They crave emotional closeness, sometimes bringing it out of avoidant or emotionally unavailable people.

Empaths are very attuned to threat and try to predict in advance the next shoe to drop and therefore, process stimuli much more in their environment. They may easily lose themselves to keep the connection with others, which is why they may need time to withdraw.

The person with a negative emotion or a withdrawing!/disapproving attitude feels like a threat to an empath's safety. Filling the distance (quietly to yourself or if the environment feels safe enough) by noting what you feel is key to shifting. Then explore what their emotions mean about you..."I fear rejection, criticism, abandonment. I'm making their triggers mean it's all my fault." Then shift to what feels nice in your environment or what would feel empowered. You can also shift the fear about yourself to focusing on them conpassionately: how they must be in pain, how you can use your gentleness to hold space, or use this experience as a new boundary to surround yourself with more gentle and emotionally aware people.

The empath has a high need for oneness, harmony, attunement and softness. This is an asset and a beautiful desire in a world that has become desensitized and projects their insecurities onto others. Do not get rid of this gift as your sensitivity is your superpower, but see it as an opportunity to embody these qualities and empower yourself towards your desires.

With a beautiful love, we open our hearts. We soften. We aren't in love because of what this person gives us or what we ...
16/05/2024

With a beautiful love, we open our hearts. We soften.

We aren't in love because of what this person gives us or what we can chase.

We aren't in love because this person is a trophy to show off.

Love is not a status symbol. We are in love because of what we co-create together...safety, peace, life, happiness and support.

We bring the other person as a part of ourselves...to nurture and nourish.

To understand the emotions underneath the logical facts. We are on the same team. I am here with you. We are mirrors.

It's not about the perfect relationship, but rather about deepening to love time after time after time.

And it can be very difficult to stay "all in" during times of hurt in a relationship. It can be easier to shut down.
However, if we are choosing to be in a relationship with someone, then we can choose the power of vulnerability. It is terrifying, but we can speak how an experience felt and be open to compassionately understanding our partner.

Together we can meet in the middle as a team. There is such a beautiful freedom in people committing to a relationship... to love, understand and integrate is the ultimate act of expansion.

A relationship where both are deciding to be all in even during the difficult times is power.

Follow for more healing tips.

1.Secure: A secure attachment is formed when the caregiver consistently attends to the toddler's needs. The child looks ...
02/05/2024

1.Secure: A secure attachment is formed when the caregiver consistently attends to the toddler's needs. The child looks for approval from the caregiver, but then continues exploring. Adults with a secure attachment will enjoy a healthy connection with others along with a balanced sense of self. They easily trust themselves and others, along with openly sharing their feelings or desires.
2. Anxious: An anxious attachment is formed when the caregiver inconsistently meets the child's needs. The child is too preoccupied with getting security to explore. The child becomes anxious, codependent and fears abandonment. Adults with an unhealed anxious attachment may become addictive, seek validation/security out of inconsistent people and fear being alone. They may also have a low trust in others and lack boundaries.
3. Avoidant: A child with an avoidant attachment will not depend on the caregiver for security and will explore on its own. The child is unable to express its sense of self, freedom, needs, & emotions around the caregiver so it pushes the caregiver away and relies on itself. Adults with unhealed avoidant attachment love being alone & may have difficulty trusting, committing, connecting, communicating and expressing their feelings. They fear losing themselves to others and may have a high sense of self control or enjoyment in work.
4. Disorganized: A child with a disorganized attachment is in a frozen state between anxious & avoidant. They desire to avoid the caregiver as he/she is dangerous, yet they do not want to be abandoned. They often have Stolkholm Syndrome. Adults with unhealed disorganized attachment may push someone away yet also desire connection. They have love/hate relationships and have a state of fear. They do not want to be violated or abandoned.

One can have suppressed or expressed differing attachment styles and often rotate from anxious to avoidant in order to integrate into secure.
   

If you suppress your no, the experience won't go well because you didn't fully align to it. You will dread it, which won...
24/04/2024

If you suppress your no, the experience won't go well because you didn't fully align to it. You will dread it, which won't feel good.

Often we feel bad about saying no, but really this stems from us worrying if they will be mad at us.

Instead we can think about what the person really needs and how we are not a good fit for it.

It would be doing a disservice to the person to say yes just to be seen as a good" person. Why? Because we really don't want to do it and no matter how much we suppress, it will show. We won't care about the task or the person as much as someone who really wants the opportunity.

So often we say "oh yeah I could do that" without thinking if all parts of us scream "YES omg this is so aligned!" (Note: there's a difference between being afraid and really wanting an experience vs just enduring or sacrificing).

Let's say a friend needs help planning a party. You really don't want to help. You will be a disservice to the party because your heart isn't in it no matter how hard you try. Suppressing and sacrificing doesn't feel good.

But let's say you are clear with where you DO want to give freely and openly. It frees you to give in this way like helping people do Reiki or being a space holder for them to express their pain. You will do a much better job helping someone where you are gifted than where you really hate.

Furthermore, it opens up the way for someone else to help plan the party who absolutely loves it. Maybe it is a neighbor down the road who needs the practice being a party planner. Or maybe your friend's grandmother loves to cook and needs support in her life.

You can choose to help the person brainstorm solutions so they DO get the aligned help they need. Or you can also resolve resistance so that you can enjoy going...you can dance at the party because you enjoy it or you can get a hotel room etc. Or you can say no to a bar but next week plan hiking.

We don't like giving when we feel like we have to sacrifice our passions for someone else. But discovering your purpose and spreading this value with the world is what you CAN gift. Where can you offer value and give so that it doesn't feel draining?

Rejection is painful as we are not wired for separation. Although not fun, rejection is the greatest form of oneness wit...
16/04/2024

Rejection is painful as we are not wired for separation.

Although not fun, rejection is the greatest form of oneness within yourself. The Universe loves you so much that it is eliminating the things that no longer serve you to help you align closer to your commitment to your values.

I had to learn to trust the process and unrush myself. I can, I am, and I will live the life of my dreams. All I need to do is believe, be consistent, and be patient. Everything has its aligned timing.

I trust the universe is working for me, not against me. Stand by your values and desires. Be willing to give up old comforts in order to pave way for the new. It won't be easy, and you will have to be very brave, but the journey will be worth it.

Take the jump. There are so many new doors out there for you to open. And ride the waves of grief or disappointment with softness. It's not easy to have hoped for what could be versus finally accepting what is. Go right through and when ready, explore what it is that you are missing about this person and how you can get this met in healthy ways. How can I gift what I'm missing from this experience to myself and in abundant ways? You can do this. Time to fly.

It's not "I win and you lose." (Narcissism).Nor is it not "I lose myself and you win." (Codependency).These two forms of...
11/04/2024

It's not "I win and you lose." (Narcissism).

Nor is it not "I lose myself and you win." (Codependency).

These two forms of relating are based in fear. "AND" perspective means there is space for both to be heard and understood. We can have compassion for the emotion underneath the logical facts. Together we can create a win win.

Note: it's not always possible to create a win win. The best win win may be to leave the relationship. You can have appropriate distance protecting oneself and understand someone's pain.

When we tilt from sacrificing our needs for others, we end up dealing with this lack by becoming overly defensive, reactive, bitter, or narcissistic. The key is to balance You and Me from an open flexible space.


Energy is either pushing against (resistance) or bringing towards. To love is to bring that aspect closer. When one is including a part of themselves or others, they create love/oneness. When one is pushing away a part of themselves or others, they form separation. Loving yourself is also loving others.

Where it's separation is to act for the benefit of an aspect within against someone else. To me, it's an AND... taking the aspects within as a part of yourself AND simultaneously including others externally as a part of you...as life is a mirror.
       

Nobody enjoys breaking up, it's not an easy experience.Yet, we can not water our love down due to their limitations or s...
03/04/2024

Nobody enjoys breaking up, it's not an easy experience.
Yet, we can not water our love down due to their limitations or stay in dysfunction to avoid painful emotions.
Once I learned to ride the waves of grief, the entire breakup process slowly became expanding with time.
While I know it's a challenge to see, it's really a matter of self doubt.

Do not use the reflection questions below to bulldoze sad emotions, but rather after the emotion is expressed in healing ways, see if you can shift your focus to:

- This too shall pass. I trust the process.

- Be truly grateful for the experience (if applicable)

- What can I learn from this?

- How has this changed me? What were the positive aspects that I want to continue? What were the negative?

- What beliefs/habits can I discard from my past that didn't serve me?

- Who do I want to attract and how do I develop those qualities in myself so I'm a match (which will prevent a repeat of the broken relationship you just got out of)?

- What can I do to calm my nervous system and go inward to feel and heal?

- How can I pamper myself and give myself presence so I can move through this and learn from it?

- Am I taking this person back because the hurt is so great?

- If so, what can I do to soothe the hurt in healthier ways?

- How can I heal that in ways that feel good one step at a time?

- What do I miss about this person and how can I recreate that in more abundant/soothing ways?

You can do this. Choose YOU. Try to find a way in your heart ❤️ to know that while you were rejected, it was actually the right thing for you to grow.

Rejection is code word for MAKING ROOM FOR FUTURE GROWTH.

Rejection is the Universe's way of protecting you and telling you that you're not in the right frequency, you're not in alignment, and you actually don't belong there.

This is not a fun situation whatsoever, but remember you're growing and making room for new and better opportunities.

Trust yourself and know that the Universe always has your back. I believe in you.

How to support your relationship during a conflict or fight. Know your negative cycle, attachment style and the need you...
18/03/2024

How to support your relationship during a conflict or fight. Know your negative cycle, attachment style and the need you are wanting underneath your triggers. Anger underneath you want empowerment, shame you want acceptance, feeling unheard you may want  presence...basically know your needs.

Reroute that pattern to the positive need you are wanting underneath. So let's say you have an anxious attachment.. you may feel unheard or unseen. The negative cycle is you often push to get that need met from an avoidant. Express that you want to feel heard and also understand someone else too. Instead of pushing, try to deliver with less reactivity. 

Speak the vulnerability underneath the trigger. "I'm afraid that xyz or I feel ashamed that I feel jealous". What is your true hurt rather than blaming others? OR "I am making this mean that you don't love me. Is this true? What's your perspective?" Speak the hurt and then ask for what you need directly..."I need reassurance, problem solving, presence, a place to vent, clarity, understanding, etc. Whatever the need is (pick one to reduce overwhelm).  Can you help me and when?" (If they don't want to help, then get the need met creatively in other safe spaces). 

Avoid blaming, projecting onto others, assuming you know the outcome etc. But this means also be open to see reality, what's really there, not what you wish would be there. 

Deliver the message in a way that is respectful, clear, and open to flexibility. Perhaps it was a misunderstanding or perhaps there needs to be conflict repair. 

Huge note: (This requires two people to want to work on themselves. Sometimes the best thing is to eliminate communication with someone because they are not self aware, compatible or desiring what you want. We can't change anyone into becoming respectful. Discern whether this person/situation is retraumatizing you and it's mostly stress or if this person is retraumatizing you sometimes and you both are working on it and there are mostly great positive times.) 

Speak your truth and even share that you are afraid they will reject you. Allow them to speak their truth. Tell them exactly what you need from your feelings.

Often what we resist persists. The shadow chases us until we turn around and bring it into light. Although understandabl...
13/03/2024

Often what we resist persists. The shadow chases us until we turn around and bring it into light.

Although understandable and natural, fighting or resisting what is happening can be wasted energy. What we're looking for is to flexibly feel to understand and create some form of expansive empowerment.

We can be willing to feel this trigger or sensation to better understand what it fears, process the feelings that it brings up, and then create resolve.

Feeling the unwanted is to better create the wanted and align with your higher self. Triggers are sores from the past that need a new belief and or a new action.

Furthermore, often presence is the missing childhood need that we are so badly longing for. When someone is present showing unconditional space for us to vulnerably express an emotion, the emotion can naturally dissipate.

So show yourself unconditional presence for this past childhood feeling that is locked in fear...

Breathe with the feeling..."I am here with you. I am willing to feel this."

Then have the emotion express itself..."What does it fear? What does it feel? What is it tired of?"

When ready, "What would feel better? What changes can we make to improve our lives? Is there a limited belief to change? What physical action can I now put in to create a new healing experience?

"I am now going to commit to...."

Feeling is a tool and how deep you wish to feel is a personal boundary that depends on each person. How deep do you like to go? Are you a deep sea diver or a snorkeler?

Additionally, not always will you need to feel. Sometimes after understanding, decisiveness works. There are a variety of other tools like movement that can shake off an emotion. And just like with anything, we can use something to further suffer or to create further alignment.

Feeling does not mean endure, drown or not learn the lesson we need to evolve. It means to understand to create deeper alignment and shed past childhood patterns that no longer serve you so you can live the life of your dreams.

Defensiveness breeds Me VS You environment. The goal is Me AND YOU. I can honor myself and you too.It is not always easy...
05/03/2024

Defensiveness breeds Me VS You environment. The goal is Me AND YOU. I can honor myself and you too.

It is not always easy to choose love, softness & vulnerability when our survival instincts scream, defend, become hard, and close off. False power and fear become the ego's form of safety.

Yet, in these moments, we have a choice to end war within humanity and within ourselves because if we see war externally, it's being mirrored internally.

Often we ruminate in logical banter or try to make the facts line up with being right when really what we need is to release the emotional pain underneath and understand one another rather than solely the protector aspects like defense within.

Demanding our partner to change isn't going to work. But what will is creating the platform for a secure relationship that shifts naturally on its own.

We can learn to act in the benefit of our aspects within AND simultaneously act in the benefit of others. It is not I win, you lose (narcissism). Or I lose myself so you win (codependency). These two forms are based on fear of threat or rejection. An AND perspective means there is space for both. You matter and so do others.

It's about understanding and creating the space for both of our unique experiences to be understood and validated. It's expressing our meaning AND being open to their meaning. Both have to come towards the middle finding a harmonious dance between the two.

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