24/11/2023
I've been clean for three years. But. That isn't why the schizophrenia started. I did drugs to GET AWAY from the fact my parents were divorcing, getting further and further apart each day with the screamining matches and the financial problems accumulating...I wanted to find chill people to hang out with.. I like to speed, but yes, people that did downers etc, would calm me down sooo soo much, Im an energy vampire, etc, I would absorb their life and their memoires and everything just sitting next to them, like knowing them inside out, because I am also a witch. But I am a good person,most of the time.
Lately though, Im just trying to write my poetry and snap my selfies to record my health and mental status, and maybe I actually had a life that day. I figure I'm a pretty important person... Today we give thanks, I thank God, for thinking of me, to create the life that is me, even knowing we wouldn't always get along. Even if it's demons, thank you for giving me company.
It's not that I didn't "fit in" with the other people at school. The cool kids would come sit with me.. But I had problems with one girl, she was in my Art class, and she was apparently envious of my long beautifual hair. I decided recently I am NB, nonbinary, and I am (THERAPY WISE) dealing with internalized misogyny. Like waaa why didn't mama love me instead of running off with men and getting drunk to mourn my dead dad. She used her looks to get what she wanted, and she would take away from us for herself. It's all fubar. Like apparently, maybe there really was an accident...
