25/07/2024
ODD POST WARMING UP…
ALL THE REASONS WHY MANY PEOPLE DELAY IN MARRYING/MARRIAGE, WHY MANY END UP MARRYING WRONGLY
The title of this post is not a two in one. It is one and the same tittle. It may appear as two and if that is what it is to you then it is because they are thoroughly interconnected. Most times, delay in marriage could lead you to marrying wrongly especially when the delay is intentional and from a selfish place.
I write this post as a signpost for the young, adventurous and yet thoroughly misinformed as many of these which you are about to read may not be found in any book. (and yes! I’ve read books!!!)
P.S (Yes, my P.S is coming here. Leave it for me like that!! Don’t comment on this post without first getting permission from me via inbox. You must inbox me with your comment and get the go from me before you drop your comment. I senior you. So obey me! E get why!!)
Now, Back to business.
You already know the title of the post. So come with me…
1. There is a delay in marriage for a lot folks because they want to make ‘all the money in the world’ before they get married. Mind you, this not only apply to males. For the males, they have one enormous figure in their head ‘because they no wan suffer any woman’ and most times they end up not getting it or getting it and losing it due to mismanagement (whatever that means). For those who meet their initial financial goals, they raise the bar as marriage seems not to be… that much of a priority again. They become drunk with ‘chasing’.
The other part the coin is the independent woman-the one that wants to make money or chase career before settling down. They don’t give marriage a side thought. It comes after career or financial independence. They forget that a woman is a flower that fadeth away easily. Her beauty is in her youthfulness.
2. They are looking for a man who is riding a car/jeep (or whom they can clearly see, has money, I mean cash (AND IS FLOUNTING IT). ‘I suffer for my papa house, I no wan suffer for man house.’ Sadly, this also applies to men. If you fall into this category, you are going to marry wrongly in the end, if you are not very careful. I can cite case after case even starting from my own father’s house of people who regretted in the long run when they got in or when the money developed wings and flew away. The man became useless and worthless when his money died.
If two come together and work together, there is nothing they will not achieve. there is a ‘magic’ (not being negative here but because ‘miracle’ might sound like there was a problem before… I use the word ‘magic’)
3. They are looking for the perfect one. Some go as far as asking question after question from people with every new man that comes their way. Instead of looking up to and directing their questions to God. They are looking for a good (bad) reason to disqualify each suitor as if they are perfect themselves.
Everyone has an idea of their own perfection (perfect mate). For some women it’s tall, handsome, dark, muscular, funny, rich dude… and for men, you know una own now, I can’t write everything here. From front to back to height to fair to…, some men even check everything- straight nose, gap tooth, straight legs... Young man, all those things in a woman does not last enough. You won’t even see all these things again if she comes in and has a terrible character. Come to your senses... A woman will ‘die’ even before you know it. Being a graduate or not should not even be a criterion. The earlier you concentrate on inner beauty, the better for your senses, and I bet you, you won’t find all of those qualities anywhere in one, in any one person. God will not make anyone ‘a god’.
Do I mean you shouldn’t be looking for something…? Maybe you should. It should not be about ‘physicals’ all the same because you can’t get all the physicals you desire. Be fair and think of it yourself… why don’t you have those physicals yourself? Why does no one in your family even have it? If you are not really beautiful, why are you looking for someone who is handsome? If you are really short why are you looking for someone who is tall? Okay, it’s not like it is wrong to desire good things but you must understand that It should start with purity, peace and partnership. Someone you can work with, someone you can play with, someone you can ‘tease and annoy’, someone you can fight for. And yes- ‘you can be lucky’ to find these in the beautiful one you found and lest I forget… all beauty should start from within.
A young man once told me that he approached a lady in a bank. He was looking for a wife and he went straight to the stranger because she was ‘badly’ beautiful. Yes, he has courage… Yes, this young man was (and is still) tall, dark and even though he doesn’t have much of an attractive face but at least he’s muscular.
Well, the lady gave him her number but with a warning: he told me that she said that, even though she was giving him her number, he should not dream of anything happening between them. The curious man further listened as she continued: She said she wanted to marry but she was looking for something specific: tall, fair, muscular man that has money. Ha-ha! If she ever finds it, maybe she would be prepared to take some beating from him on her slightest provocation– Ehen now! He has muscles or some other evils like promiscuity since he is ‘heavily’ beautiful or cultism (that is not to say that we don’t have men with muscles that are extra caring because there are)
4. Previous bad experiences can cause a delay in marriage apart from looking for and waiting for the perfect one. Women tend to conclude that all men are the same and men tend to conclude same for women. Newsflash: You only met the bad one. Relax, heal. Stop holding yourself back because of one or ten bad experiences. Pray, open your eyes, go and look for angels, and you will find one. It is only he that seeks that will find.
5. Bad character. Some women cannot hide their bad character… they make it so easy for any man to run away from them. They can’t just hide it. ‘I must show who I am and if you don’t like it you can go.’ For men, it all boils down to the bad character you can bear. I run away anytime I find a woman that can nag. Whether at work, house, church or any place. I mark you out, even if you are a worker of miracles. Now imagine living with a nag in bed.
6. Know what you can bear-that is what it all boils down to. I know of men that say they can bear nags: they don’t reply and they don’t take it against the nags. So know what you can bear, know what you have grace for. But never in your life have grace for a drunkard, womanizer, smoker, or domestic violence (yes, women beat up men, too-I’ve seen cases) even though they are Elon musk.
7. Too much ‘shakara’… When the woman thinks she still has all the time and keeps doing shakara and saying ‘no’ even when she is not really looking for anything. When you are looking for something –peace, companionship and friendship –you will know when it comes. A time will come when no one will disturb her again and then, as she ages, it will be her turn to bombard the inboxes of various men.
8. Feeling you can do without a man- this one is different from being independent as mentioned above. There is just that bold courage within this kind of women to remain single if possible as ‘they no send anybody’. We can also tuck the ‘fear of commitment’ under this one.
9. Physical or mental issues can be a barrier to marriage. Individuals may feel unprepared to enter into a marriage while dealing with health challenges.
10. Waiting until you are ready to marry before you start looking for wife.
Okay that’s ten
Younger generation need to be aware that this does not mean a thing. Yes – all these excuses and reasons. When you assume a particular status and you feel that your partner must and would only be someone in your assumed status it could hinder your marrying.
My dad used to tell me years back that the woman he would have married was a barrister but she said ‘no’ because he was a ‘common businessman’. He was not even sure if the woman ever married again. Don’t let tribalism hinder your marriage too, we were first humans before tribal grouping set in. And it’s funny that people who claim to be Christians never allow their daughters marry someone who is not from their tribe. They even arrange marriages in such a way that their daughters marry their perceived tribal man. That is not how marriage should be.
This reminds me of my last sister… wow, can’t forget that me and my mum had it hot that year… and I’m proud to say that I won. She married the man of her dreams even though he was a Yoruba. Tribe is nothing before God.
Time waits for no man. Turn to God in prayer who knows the heart of any man while committing to marriage. As a woman don’t marry someone you cannot respect, and as a man don’t marry someone you won’t love. As you pray open your eyes wide too, not all that glitters is gold. that s/he is a member of your church does not qualify them to be a suitable partner.
What other ones can you add to this list? Before you do please refer to the P.S above.
AT THIS POINT I DON’T THINK THIS POST IS REALLY ODD AFTER ALL.
Inset is a nagging wife: DON'T BE LIKE HER!
