01/06/2023
Finding the New You- Kessie Marie
So here I sit after a hard workout at the gym thinking about how fast this past year has gone by, how fast life goes by. We all know that every new year we tend make unrealistic goals for ourselves and we are on fire at that moment. We psych ourselves up. We go out and buy the gym memberships, join food programs, join therapy or whatever it is we are seeking to “fulfill” and enrich our lives. We plan and tell ourself how different this coming new year will be. We look forward to creating the perfect body, letting go of toxic behaviors or friendships, getting rid of substances or alcohol in our lives and so much more. We are bound and determined to get it right in the upcoming year.
How many times have we been going around and around on this merry go round of life? How many times have we made promises to ourselves saying this time it will be different, I will be successful? Why are we so excited about the possibilities of becoming refreshed and renewed, a better version of ourselves without all the negative or toxic attachments and then don’t seem to follow thru? Our intentions are good, they most always are.So with that being said, why can’t we just throw caution to the wind and move forward with the life that we know we want and deserve?
When we are younger we think we are invincible. We live without thinking, make decisions on the fly and rarely consider the so called “consequences” of any of our actions.
The Phoenix is said to die and then be reborn, which means that it rejuvenates. However, it also represents the concept of death being the beginning of another beginning. The mythical bird is often used as a symbol for new beginnings, hope, and positivity. Just as this bird represents a new beginning or new life, the Bible speaks of us being a “new creation”. What does this mean and how do I become new?
2 Corinthians 5:17 says : Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the OLD has gone, the new has come!
So what exactly does this mean?
Let’s start here. What does it mean to be in Christ? God himself takes up residence in our hearts. We are in Christ and he is in us.
In him we are regenerated, renewed, and born again - this is the new creation and we become spiritually minded.
Our old nature is carnally minded - thinking on those thing and behaviors that tend to to bring us into a life of repetitive bad choices, ones that continue to drain our mental health, our physical health and begin to enslave our thoughts and our minds.
How do we get rid of our carnal mind or our carnal nature? Well, the answer is this…We Can’t but He Can ! We cannot not rely on our weak human flesh and mind to lead us into “doing the right thing”. Believe me, I have tried FOR YEARS in my own strength but always failing, every single time.
I struggled for years with alcohol, little did I know it had enslaved me to years of partying and drinking, or just the occasional social outing with friends for drinks after work. I honestly look back on those times and realize how every time I drank, I would wind up behaving like someone other than who I knew myself to be. I would make horrible decisions and each time wind up regretting the choices I made the next day and spend hours or even days loathing myself and feeling shame. Sound familiar? Most of us have been right where I was.
Fast forward, I am now 50 years old and turning 50 has made me start to “evaluate” so many areas of my life. They say you get older and wiser, but had I really done that?
I was still enslaved to my flesh and giving into things and desires that I knew I truly did not want to do. One day, as I was looking out my front door admiring the birds , (I love bird watching by the way), I noticed the feeder full of fresh bird seed. I began to watch the birds around the feeder. Here is a feeder full of food but what did they do? They were pecking at the around trying to find something to eat. What? I was so frustrated thinking to myself, HELLO (face palm moment lol)! Why would they be working so hard at finding food when right above them was all they food they could fill their little bird bellies with? Then out of nowhere, I heard the a still small voice whisper in my ear, Kessie, you are like those little birds and I am like you.. watching with frustration as you continue to muddle around “on your own” looking, searching when I have everything you could ever want or need right ahead of you. Instead of moving forward, you keep returning to the things that are holding you back. Holding onto things that are making your journey harder than it needs to be. Creating so much “work” and mental exhaustion for yourself.
Was that ever a wow moment !! A slap in the face from my heavenly father. I really think god has to sometimes to blast us with the truth even though it hurts to grab our attention.
So what did I do, I immediately told God, I got this. Notice I said I, KEYWORD being I! Did I really have the ability to get my flesh under control. No, but you can bet I thought I did.
So I continued to repeat bad decisions, telling myself when friends asked me out that I would not drink or I would only have one! Yeah right ! I would end up having way to many and waking up the next day full of regret, feeling like a failure, apologizing to God, yet again.
This battle went on for years, yes I said years, and became so much for me mentally. I felt like I would never get free. I prayed, I asked God to help me…nothing. I began to think he did not care. Why would God not just deliver me from this? Well, because my flesh had me enslaved but I did not realize that just yet. My mind wanted to do the right thing, but my flesh was weak.
Here I was sharing God with others thru Facebook and social media, trying to help others thru words of encouragement but I couldn’t even help myself. The guilt of me telling people God will help you and you can overcome this or that, but I had not conquered my desires. I felt like the biggest hypocrite. Here I am posting scriptures to my feeds while also posting pictures of my “drinking” and social activitiies as well. So who was I? I’m sure some people wondered if I even knew God by my actions, saying one thing and doing another.
Recently in my devotional time with God, I asked God to show me why I had not received victory over alcohol. As I sat on the couch with my bible open, I asked him to reveal the root cause of this issue. After praying I begin to read the scripture right where I had opened the Bible. I read Hosea 4:11 which reads, “ Harlotry, wine and new wine enslave the heart.” Wow, I knew right then and there that God had answered the prayer I desperately prayed. I read the references, which led me to Proverbs 20:1 which says “ Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.” So in other-words, a wise person takes the dangers and temptations associated with drinking seriously. There is absolutely no wisdom in drunkenness, only brawling and confusion.
I continued my study and it led me to Ephesians 5:18 which tells us “Do not be drunk with wine in which is dissipation, but be filled with the spirit.”
I love to get the “meat” of the word so I dug a little deeper. Looking up the biblical definition of filling I found that it is the action beyond sealing, which is the action God took at the point of our new birth.
Right then the Holy Spirit hit me with yet another pearl, I heard “Sealed, Not Filled”. So what does that mean, Can we be Christians and believe that Jesus is who he says he is but not be filled with his Spirit? ABSOLUTELY !!! Now hear me out. We are all sealed by God when we are saved and that seal is permanent and cannot be removed.
Being filled is a moment by moment repeatable action. Being Filled with the spirit is what allows us to grow and as the word says if we live by the spirit, we will not want to fulfill the desires of the flesh. There is a constant battle between the flesh and the sprit when you are trying to do things in your own strength.
So why was I continuing to live in the flesh and not by the spirit? Well the answer may shock you just as it did me. Remember the scripture about Harlotry and wine enslaving the heart? I found the answer to years of why I could not let go of my desire to drink. I looked up the Spirit of Harlotry. It comes from the Hebrew word Zanah which means something done repeatedly as a way of life which then becomes idolatry. The spirit of Harlotry has addictive power. The scriptures in Hosea tell how that spirit had caused many to stray from the truth and that wine was actually used in Baal worship along with divination , sacrifices and ritual s*xual acts.
This faithless spirit bends and enslaves the heart (which is the enter of our will and emotions), so that we obey it’s desires and in the process it destroys our discretion and understanding. We then give greater affection to things, (alcohol, s*x, drugs, social media, material things, money, relationships) more than God and we repeat the ongoing cycle because this spirit has complete control over us.
Finally, afters years of seeking, searching and struggling, I now understood why I could not get free. I was enslaved in my heart and mind to this Spirit. I had allowed it to take over my thought my actions and would run to alcohol any time I was stressed or anxious, thinking I would find the peace I was looking for instead of running to God. I was placing alcohol above God! Now that I knew I was facing a much bigger power than ME, I needed to fight it. So again I went to the word and found that I needed to pray and fast. I was ready to see this spirit leave my life once and for all and I was fully submitting this to something way bigger than me, God. I was finally fully surrendering my will to his will. Not my my might, my own strength but by his. I fasted food and only had water and prayed and asked God to remove this from me…. And he did!!
Since I gave it to God fully, I am so FREE! I no longer desire to drink or even think about it. I know that the demonic spirit that had me bound for so long was GONE! The key to my freedom was there waiting for me to find it. Every-time I fell, I would get back up, dust myself off and try again. I never gave up even when I felt like doing so because deep down, I knew God had a plan and purpose for me. Even thought I was living in turmoil, doubting it all, God was in the background cheering me on. He knew I would find my way. He saw ME, the Kessie he created to be full of joy and life, no longer bound by the darkness, I can now walk free from guilt and shame and regret. I can now be all he created me to be.
So, don’t ever give up, if God can do it for me, he can do it for you. You just have to give him the reigns and allow him to steer you into the truth. You can choose to live in bo***ge or live in the freedom that only comes from a surrendered life. Giving up what is holding you back is wisdom. Wisdom is the quality of having experience, knowledge and good judgment. Insanity is repeating the same actions expecting a different result or outcome. Don’t let your cycle continue to steal years from you. You can be free, one step at a time.
