Joy in the Grief

07/06/2024

I am going to be moving my blog page into my Foundation Page. Please go like The Schuylar Barnes Foundation so they can will continue to see my blog posts. 😊

23/03/2024

Sometimes the only way I get through is FAITH. Without it I would be a mess 100% of the time instead of 75% of the time. Life is hard and it’s even harder when you are faced with Grief. 😞 What I know is that its so easy to choose that Faith in the Good, easy times…but in the past 3 years Ive learned that I need that Faith sooooo much more during the Bad, hard, sad times.

16/03/2024

Even in the hardest times…choose joy!!!

16/03/2024

Hi friends I know its been a bit since I’ve posted. To be completely honest and transparent the past few months have been hard. Holidays always hit hard but I’ve also been a caregiver for my Mom who is now battling Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer for the past several months. It’s hard watching someone else I love fight this battle and sometimes it gets the best of me. 😞. But when I am silent I also think ALOT because thats how my mind works. 🤪 Recently I have been thinking more about how I want to honor my Schuylar’s legacy….well here it is. The Schuylar Barnes Foundation has been formed. And we have some SUPER EXCITING things in the works. I can’t wait to share it all with you. So even in the hard times I find Joy knowing we will make a difference in lives. Right now we are working on a website, social media, logos, praying for the right Board Members who see and feel our passion for this. So stay tuned and get ready to go on this journey with me. Much Love!

17/02/2024

Grief will always be a part of me. How can it not be? Everyone lives with some type of grief because we are built to greive the ones we lose and we all suffer loss in our lives. What I can tell you is the loss of a child is the worst type of grief. And if people tell you it gets better…they are wrong. You just learn how to wear it. 😞

So how have I chosen to wear my grief. Ive chosen to wear it in a way that will honor my Schuylar. I live my life. I go on the vacations. I hang out with my family and friends. I go to the concerts. I smile and laugh. I love BIG. I Pray HARD. I have unwavering FAITH!

Yes I still cry…every single day actually…mostly in private, in a bathroom or hidden under my covers at night. I cry because I miss her so bad and so much reminds me of her. But then I pull myself together and I think…I am reminded of her by so many things because she lived. I think about how blessed I am to have had her for 31 years instead of not at all. I think about the day I will be reunited with her at Heavens gates because she and I both gave our hearts to Jesus and lived by that FAITH.

So I choose to wear my grief in my own way exactly where I’m at. I wear my grief how I think my sweet girl would want me to and to honor her. If you are grieving especially for a child, here is what I would tell you. It DOES NOT get easier with time!!! But choose how you will wear your grief and when you make that choice think about what your loved one would want for you life. And most importantly cling to Faith!

08/02/2024

Prayer is sooo Powerful!!! I’m praying for people close to me this morning. Prayers are answered in so many different ways. Sometimes they are answered in ways we don’t understand. Even when you don’t understand why a prayer wasn’t answered the way you wanted…KEEP PRAYING..especially for the people who MATTER in your life!!! Just because your prayer wasn’t answered the way you wanted dosen’t mean your prayer for them won’t be. 🙏

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22/01/2024

My drives to Georgia are beautiful but oh so bittersweet…Bitter because this drive takes me directly into the relm of the place where I lost my daughter, the place where EVERY single thing here reminds me of her. The places, the people…she introduced me to every part of this Georgia world.

Sweet because it takes me directly to the 2 sweetest things she left me in Georgia. My Son-in-law and my Grandson. They are the reason that no matter how bitter that drive can be, I will continue to drive it! Because these 2 are definitely part of my Joy!!!

10/01/2024

The Holidays were very hard and even though I know God’s promises are real its nice to see the reminders he gives us. Especially during the hard times. No matter how optimistic you are, no matter how hard you try to carry yourself on faith and grace there are still some very hard days. It’s hard to watch people you love suffer. The past 3 years have been a struggle, losing my daughter to cancer and now watching my Mom battle it, my brother being in a nursing home. Some days are overwhelming and today was one of those days for me. But as always on hard days I seem to get a sign. Alot of times its been pennies found in the oddest places, several times its been cardinals or dragonflies…today it was a big rainbow as I sat in my car crying. So again Im reminded of God’s promises to us and I am still grateful even on the hardest days because Joy is coming to take away all my grief one day! 🙌🙌

19/12/2023

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who is experiencing Grief this Holiday Season. I pray that somewhere among the heartache, tears and pain, God will touch your heart and you can find a little Joy in the memories of loving that person so much that they are worth the Grief. We all grieve differently, but our grief is because we all had someone we loved so deeply.

Just know that if you are in the middle of one of those blizzards right now…you are not alone. 🙏

14/12/2023

Wow! Who would have known that years later I would be begging God for my child’s life 😞 And when my begging prayer was not ansered I would have to decide if his GRACE was enough for me. Is only his grace enough for you? Trust me it’s a much harder question to answer when tragedy hits. But even today, my answer is “Yes Lord, your grace is enough”! 💛

13/12/2023

Even though I choose to look for the Joy, my grief is so real and so deep. I was telling a friend of mine last week, You just have to take it day by day. I tell everyone Grief is like waves, they are always there. Some days they are small and you barely notice them splashing on your feet, some days you remember and embrace and enjoy riding them and some days you could drown in them. You can see when some of the big waves (holidays/special days) are coming but then some days they crash on you when you least expect it and knock you flat on your back!!! Cling to God and remember the good times. Find the joy when you can and remember your blessings. And I NEVER let go of God’s promise to see my Sweet Daughter again. 🙏 But also embrace your grief. I have seasons when I barely sleep, I cry almost continuously, I don’t want to get out of bed. (I’m deep in one of these seasons right now). That’s ok, deal with your grief in your own way. Do not let ANYONE dictate how you do it, because this is your journey and NOONE truly understands where you are or how you feel because everyone’s loss is different no matter how similar they are. And your people, your circle may not understand but they will love and support you through it. 💛

13/12/2023

Kelli Mann