Joy in the Grief

07/06/2024

I am going to be moving my blog page into my Foundation Page. Please go like The Schuylar Barnes Foundation so they can will continue to see my blog posts. 😊

23/03/2024

Sometimes the only way I get through is FAITH. Without it I would be a mess 100% of the time instead of 75% of the time. Life is hard and it’s even harder when you are faced with Grief. 😞 What I know is that its so easy to choose that Faith in the Good, easy times…but in the past 3 years Ive learned that I need that Faith sooooo much more during the Bad, hard, sad times.

16/03/2024

Even in the hardest times…choose joy!!!

16/03/2024

Hi friends I know its been a bit since I’ve posted. To be completely honest and transparent the past few months have been hard. Holidays always hit hard but I’ve also been a caregiver for my Mom who is now battling Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer for the past several months. It’s hard watching someone else I love fight this battle and sometimes it gets the best of me. 😞. But when I am silent I also think ALOT because thats how my mind works. 🤪 Recently I have been thinking more about how I want to honor my Schuylar’s legacy….well here it is. The Schuylar Barnes Foundation has been formed. And we have some SUPER EXCITING things in the works. I can’t wait to share it all with you. So even in the hard times I find Joy knowing we will make a difference in lives. Right now we are working on a website, social media, logos, praying for the right Board Members who see and feel our passion for this. So stay tuned and get ready to go on this journey with me. Much Love!

17/02/2024

Grief will always be a part of me. How can it not be? Everyone lives with some type of grief because we are built to greive the ones we lose and we all suffer loss in our lives. What I can tell you is the loss of a child is the worst type of grief. And if people tell you it gets better…they are wrong. You just learn how to wear it. 😞

So how have I chosen to wear my grief. Ive chosen to wear it in a way that will honor my Schuylar. I live my life. I go on the vacations. I hang out with my family and friends. I go to the concerts. I smile and laugh. I love BIG. I Pray HARD. I have unwavering FAITH!

Yes I still cry…every single day actually…mostly in private, in a bathroom or hidden under my covers at night. I cry because I miss her so bad and so much reminds me of her. But then I pull myself together and I think…I am reminded of her by so many things because she lived. I think about how blessed I am to have had her for 31 years instead of not at all. I think about the day I will be reunited with her at Heavens gates because she and I both gave our hearts to Jesus and lived by that FAITH.

So I choose to wear my grief in my own way exactly where I’m at. I wear my grief how I think my sweet girl would want me to and to honor her. If you are grieving especially for a child, here is what I would tell you. It DOES NOT get easier with time!!! But choose how you will wear your grief and when you make that choice think about what your loved one would want for you life. And most importantly cling to Faith!

08/02/2024

Prayer is sooo Powerful!!! I’m praying for people close to me this morning. Prayers are answered in so many different ways. Sometimes they are answered in ways we don’t understand. Even when you don’t understand why a prayer wasn’t answered the way you wanted…KEEP PRAYING..especially for the people who MATTER in your life!!! Just because your prayer wasn’t answered the way you wanted dosen’t mean your prayer for them won’t be. 🙏

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22/01/2024

My drives to Georgia are beautiful but oh so bittersweet…Bitter because this drive takes me directly into the relm of the place where I lost my daughter, the place where EVERY single thing here reminds me of her. The places, the people…she introduced me to every part of this Georgia world.

Sweet because it takes me directly to the 2 sweetest things she left me in Georgia. My Son-in-law and my Grandson. They are the reason that no matter how bitter that drive can be, I will continue to drive it! Because these 2 are definitely part of my Joy!!!

10/01/2024

The Holidays were very hard and even though I know God’s promises are real its nice to see the reminders he gives us. Especially during the hard times. No matter how optimistic you are, no matter how hard you try to carry yourself on faith and grace there are still some very hard days. It’s hard to watch people you love suffer. The past 3 years have been a struggle, losing my daughter to cancer and now watching my Mom battle it, my brother being in a nursing home. Some days are overwhelming and today was one of those days for me. But as always on hard days I seem to get a sign. Alot of times its been pennies found in the oddest places, several times its been cardinals or dragonflies…today it was a big rainbow as I sat in my car crying. So again Im reminded of God’s promises to us and I am still grateful even on the hardest days because Joy is coming to take away all my grief one day! 🙌🙌

19/12/2023

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who is experiencing Grief this Holiday Season. I pray that somewhere among the heartache, tears and pain, God will touch your heart and you can find a little Joy in the memories of loving that person so much that they are worth the Grief. We all grieve differently, but our grief is because we all had someone we loved so deeply.

Just know that if you are in the middle of one of those blizzards right now…you are not alone. 🙏

14/12/2023

Wow! Who would have known that years later I would be begging God for my child’s life 😞 And when my begging prayer was not ansered I would have to decide if his GRACE was enough for me. Is only his grace enough for you? Trust me it’s a much harder question to answer when tragedy hits. But even today, my answer is “Yes Lord, your grace is enough”! 💛

13/12/2023

Even though I choose to look for the Joy, my grief is so real and so deep. I was telling a friend of mine last week, You just have to take it day by day. I tell everyone Grief is like waves, they are always there. Some days they are small and you barely notice them splashing on your feet, some days you remember and embrace and enjoy riding them and some days you could drown in them. You can see when some of the big waves (holidays/special days) are coming but then some days they crash on you when you least expect it and knock you flat on your back!!! Cling to God and remember the good times. Find the joy when you can and remember your blessings. And I NEVER let go of God’s promise to see my Sweet Daughter again. 🙏 But also embrace your grief. I have seasons when I barely sleep, I cry almost continuously, I don’t want to get out of bed. (I’m deep in one of these seasons right now). That’s ok, deal with your grief in your own way. Do not let ANYONE dictate how you do it, because this is your journey and NOONE truly understands where you are or how you feel because everyone’s loss is different no matter how similar they are. And your people, your circle may not understand but they will love and support you through it. 💛

13/12/2023

Kelli Mann

08/12/2023

Putting up my Christmas Tree today brought up a ton of emotions for me. Some things trigger your grief and make days hard. Today is one of those days for me….and that’s ok. Losing a child is harder than anyone can imagine and I choose to walk my path the best way I can without apology. It’s my journey and tonight and many other nights I just have to cry through it, because you are only sad when the loss meant something to you.

05/12/2023

Im the midst of the Holidays my heart is really heavy. And some days I feel like I just want to hibernate through the next month…but then I’m reminded that even through the pain I feel I still have loved ones that I am blessed to have and spend the Holidays with. I am also reminded of the true meaning of Christmas and all that God has done for me. So I will choose to celebrate my Savior’s birth because he carries me every single day right now. Even if you are hurting look for the Joy in the Grief and remember your blessings! 🙏

30/11/2023

People ask me ALOT how I am so strong and how I hold onto my faith. First and foremost I choose to have Faith in God’s promises. Secondly I keep my Faith because Ive seen what Faith can do. Schuylar touched and changed so many lives through her faithfulness. She held a 24 hour stand on her college campus to raise awareness for s*x trafficking, she traveled to 11 third world countries to show others God’s love and found her true self along the way, she loved people right where they were for exactly who they were. Just like God tells us to Love his people. And in the hardest times and in her weakest hours Schuylar chose to follow her faith to a baptistry in Georgia. Her faith changed peoples lives, and her faith saved peoples lives that night she was baptized. More than a dozen people were saved in that church because of her faith that night. A lady who was unable to get in the baptistry was healed at the very moment Sky was baptized that night. I didn’t know any of this until I watched the baptism video back months later. I was so very proud as tears streamed down my face realizing the impact she had that night and so many other times on people she didnt even know. 🙌 So who am I to lose my faith when my sweet girl was so faithful. But the bigger question is who am I to turn from God because I lost my daughter? I mean God gave his only Son to save me!! If he would use his Son to save me, who am I to think he wouldn't use my daughter to save others? My daughter was entrusted to me by God so ultimately she was His and she chose to follow and be faithful to her Heavenly Father. He used her in 31 short years to touch and change so many lives, more lives than myself or many people will touch in a lifetime. So even though its the deepest hurt I have ever felt…I still choose FAITH, I choose the Joy in the Grief because one day I will stand before my God and because of that I will get to Hug my Sweet Sweet Daughter. That my friends is why I keep believing!!!

27/11/2023

Life can change in an instant. Invest in the people you love and care about. Today my advice is reach out to someone who has lost a loved one. Especially a child or spouse. The Holidays are very hard for these people. Even if on the outside they look ok…trust me they are not. 🙏

24/11/2023

My name is Jessica. I am a 50 year old Mom, Wife and Ginga. I have a daughter (who was taken from us by cancer July 5, 2022) and 18 year old twin boys. My daughter gave me an amazing Son in Law and Grandson. I have had many hardships in my life. Living in the foster system, abuse, teen pregnancies (adoption choices), divorces and losing my daughter to cancer. People have told me for years now that I should write a book. Writing has always been a strength of mine and over the past 2 years I have been writing for myself. Writing to help me understand and process the grief of losing my daughter. So I am finally taking peoples advice. Im writing towards maybe doing a book (or two). I thought it would be good to write here too. My hope and prayer is that my story whether it be my entire story or maybe a chapter of it will touch or help someone else. 💛🙏

24/11/2023

Yesterday I told my family and friends to have a Wonderful Day. To say Happy Thanksgiving was hard for me this year. It has always been my favorite holiday, but to say its Happy just isnt true for me right now. Am I thankful, absolutely. I have so much to be thankful for and I acknowledge all of that…I am thankful but I am not Happy on Thanksgiving or any other holiday. I’m hurt that a piece of my heart is missing. So if I don’t say Happy Thanksgiving, it isnt that I am not thankful for so much in my life, its just that Im not Happy that my sweet Schuylar is not here for those holidays. I do hope that my family and friends had a nice Thanksgiving.

23/11/2023

I lost my daughter to cancer on July 5, 2022. It was the hardest day of my life. I had no idea how to navigate this new season of my life. I had her when I was barely 18, so I’m just not sure how to do life without her. But the December before she passed she and I had a very long talk. She told me she knew cancer would take her long before I would pass away…gut wrenching to hear as a Mom. She wanted to tell me how she felt about so many things…what she hoped for her Husband and 2 year old son in their lives, she wanted to be remembered, she wanted a celebration of life not a funeral. She had specific asks for this celebration. Mexican food, mimosas and margaritas, her family and friends having fun hanging out and playing yard games. We did every bit of this!!! She also made me promise that I would not lay down and give up. She made me promise to live my life so that she could live on through me. She said that her looks, personality, love and compassion for people came from me. She said that I had to keep loving my people, her people and even strangers the way I showed her you are suppose to love people. Without stipulations, for exactly who they are, where they are and BOLDLY!! Her motto was Love Like Crazy. So I will continue to Love Like Crazy!

This year has been harder than I think even my family and closest friends understand. But I get up everyday and live to honor my sweet Schuylar. People tell me all the time they don’t know how I do it. People have commented saying how they admire how I have handled this loss with such Grace and Faith. The truth is, it is HARD but I choose to find Joy in the Grief. There are still days when I do not get out of bed, I still cry every day, but I also choose to remember the wonderful moments of my Daughter’s life. She touched more lives in 31 short years than most people will touch in a lifetime. She was as Real as a person could be and her smile was one of the most joyful things to see. She was an amazing Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Granddaughter and Friend. She was a child of God and God granted me the honor of being her Momma on this earth. So because of that and God’s promise that I will hug her again one day…I choose to see the Joy in the Grief. I hope that someone else who has suffered loss can find that joy too. Because I truly believe that the Joy we have with our loved ones is the reason that Grief hurts so bad. It is because we loved that person with our whole soul.
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