11/07/2024
I’m going to be a bit vulnerable / open on here to you all. I wanted to share a bit of my journey, I grew up in a little beach town. Life wasn’t exactly smooth sailing, but I was lucky. I was raised by a single mum, and my dad, who we weren’t allowed to talk about, wasn’t in my life from when I was a baby. He was in prison and then he died and I only really started talking about that on patreon which is like a therapy for me as it was so hush hush. I had my grandparents down the road and a cute wee community and but back then, people judged single mums, the kids of single mums, small towns, etc., I guess I’m off loading all that because things in life that we aren’t able to share or that are thought of as embarrassing take a toll on you as you grow.
As a teen, I ended up boarding and trying to complete school. My dream was to be an artist, but my practical side aimed to be a midwife so I could be secure. So, I was doing year 12 and 13 while worrying if I had put my washing out and everything you think about when you're suddenly responsible for yourself. There was an expectation that I couldn’t do it. The teachers and school were amazing, and to this day, I still have some of my teachers in my life who still encourage me and check in.
At 18, I headed to uni with big dreams, but life had other plans. I couldn’t do it; I felt lost. I was the youngest in my midwifery program (it was around the first year you didn’t have to do nursing first, and most of the students were already nurses or had kids). I didn’t really have transport, had no money and I was tired, to be honest. Getting through school the last few years on my own was exhausting. I worked, settled down with what I thought was the right thing to do, fell pregnant, and became that young pregnant person everyone had been expecting me to be. However I thought all that mattered was having a family unit , a house, material things and looking like I had it together yet I was stuck in an awful marriage that was breaking my soul, constantly battling self-doubt. I bounced between jobs, always feeling like I wasn’t smart or good enough.
I fell pregnant with my second baby. Then for years, I couldn’t work because my baby was sick. I spent years living in the hospital as a single mum with two girls and fighting every day for her to survive and relying on the system. We had an incredible family and community around us, and during that tough time, I found my joy in my kids, my passion in the charity sector and painted. That time in our lives was hard, in fact, at times hideous, but I found so many magic moments thanks to the kids. Speaking about our life made me feel like I was making a difference, even though the self-doubt was always there.
Starting over was tough when we left the hospital, but thanks to the love around us, we did it. Then, meeting my amazing husband changed everything, and amidst the chaos of working, medical/IV/nursing care for EVs, we grew our family. Despite the new happiness, the echoes of judgment from my past haunted me , not just others but I judged me for not finishing uni, for being a single mum, for not working enough, and for financial struggles. Even when dating the oh you have kids, oh you got married young , did you study etc It felt never-ending, oh you don’t have a home etc etc
But what I had learnt was that material things and the perfect looking family situation was the least important thing in the world , your kids and living were and still are. Being happy and true to yourself is what matters. I used to say I would live in a room ( oh we did haha ) for the rest of my life as long as I had my kids and knew they were healthy and happy and to this day that still sits true.
After leaving Cure Kids to care for my kids and help Moo rehab and EVs through her surgeries, I felt lost again. I had Kenz and did random jobs, even worked with Airbnbs, and then found myself caring for 95-year-old Elizabethshe was hugely passionate about reading and English and would stretch my brain with it all haha. That year with her was the best, and when she passed, I felt lost all over again.
But then, a huge opportunity came my way.
Fast forward to now, I contract with a team
I love and… I’m back at uni! Someone saw a spark in me that I didn’t know was there and nurtured it. I am eternally thankful and realize how blessed and lucky I am. Applying was scary—my last grades I could access weren’t even in digital form for the application and the first semester was full of tears and frustration. I was nearly vomiting when I handed in my first assignment, convinced it was wrong. But I’m determined and stubborn. Jase, our kids, my adopted mums/family, and friends have been my rock, supporting me endlessly, even when it meant sacrificing time and energy. Hearing them say they’re proud of me is something I’ve never really experienced before, and it means the world to me.
Self-doubt is a hideous thing, stemming from years of others saying I wasn’t enough, and it has stayed with me. While the power of not being believed in is huge, I can tell you the power of someone believing in you is even bigger. Even when I got this opportunity, some I told were more focused on how I couldn’t do it, thought I wouldn’t do it, and that I should be doing more to support my family. Maybe it’s their own insecurities, maybe I look like a train wreck, but it’s taught me that encouraging someone to something is such a powerful gift to give them .
It’s a juggle—four kids of different ages all needing different things, work, house stuff, trying to keep everyone happy and healthy, doing art to help get by and fill the gaps, and then often studying until 3 in the morning. But I’ve loved seeing the pride on my husband’s face, loved my kids seeing me achieve, and especially loved studying late at night with moo next to me, both of us working on our different uni assignments.
I’ve learned that I have courage, strength, and resilience. Going back to study after so many years was a real mind f**k, and I kept it a secret for a while because I was scared of failing. But I’ve realized you’re never too old, and your time hasn’t passed. Every struggle teaches you something, prepares you for what’s next.
I’m sharing this and the letter I just received, as soon as I had it I sent it to my family and closest but I’m sharing it here now because you know what, I’m proud , I’m proud of myself and my family for doing that and for once I’m going to shout it from the rooftops! Because if I saw that someone had achieved this I would be brimming for them so why I can’t I for myself ?
So, am I bragging? Maybe a little. But mostly, I’m trying to say , Sometimes, we need to step out of our comfort zones and trust the good that others see in us. Take a chance when an opportunity comes your way, no matter how scary it is.
Does it take a villiage to raise a child yes it does but it also takes one to heal
And build up adults.
I’m not saying go to uni Infact some of the most successful people I aspire to be like didn’t! I’m talking about in life as a whole. I never in a million zillion years thought life would be like this.
Remember, “Strength grows in the moments when you think you can’t go on, but you keep going anyway.”
Don’t listen to that little voice inside you unless it’s saying you can do this whatever it is x
