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Happy Monday. Three words: short work week. 👗 Stitch Fix’s IPO didn’t exactly go as planned on Friday with the stock only finishing 1% above where it initially priced. “It could be worse, they could be Blue Apron.” 🚛 Tesla’s semi truck launch was upstaged by the surprise addition of a new Roadster with a top speed of 250 MPH and a price tag of $200k. “The long range on these trucks could spell the end of the truck stop sex worker industry.” ⚽️ FIFA corruption trials stemming from widespread bribery, wire fraud and racketeering have begun in Brooklyn. “This is the type of stuff 30 For 30’s are made of.” In other news … ▪️ Honda recalls almost 1M Odyssey minivans because of second-row seat issues ▪️ Peter Thiel is out at Y Combinator ▪️ Axios is raising $20M for expansion ▪️ Toshiba will raise $5.3B by selling new shares to foreign funds ▪️ Apple delays HomePod release date to 2018

We've got some HUGE news. We're going public. Ok so technically we aren't IPO'ing but we are launching our referral program. And to celebrated we're giving away Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts gift cards. It's pretty easy to earn one: 1️⃣ Sign up for the best business news and career advice newsletter on earth at thewatercoolest.com 2️⃣ Refer a friend using your unique referral code 3️⃣ Earn free ☕️ or 🍩.

Google is doing it’s best to take the guesswork out of compensation during your job search by aggregating pay estimates based on internet data. The ranges are wide and the data is likely sourced from jilted ex-employees. . . To all you companies posting on ZipRecruiter, who never get back to applicants sending requests for salary information...you hear that?

😎💦 Congratulations everyone, we’ve made it to Friday! Here’s your last newsletter for the week until relaxation begins... 🛒 Wal-Mart’s stock price hit an all time high on a surprisingly big earnings beat. “There’s no rolling back this stock.” 🗣 The FCC is set to vote to kill net neutrality in December. “Yes, in theory this does mean service providers could slow the speed of your adult entertainment streaming.” 📺 Rumor has it that Comcast approached 21st Century Fox regarding an acquisition. “Of course, we also reported that Walt Disney was in the market for Fox just last week. Thanks for the fake news Wall Street Journal.” In other news … ◾️AirBnb bought Accomable, which is basically the AirBnb for disability friendly accommodations ◾️Oath, aka the combined, legacy Yahoo and AOL is laying off another 4% of its workforce ◾️The House of Representatives passes its tax bill which is the first step towards tax reform ◾️Siemens, the German manufacturer is laying off approximately 7,000 people worldwide

Whether we like it or not, sometimes you gotta sell your soul to the company store before you can get paid to travel to exotic locales and capture your fabulous life in $10k Instagram posts.

😎💦 Welcome to Thursday’s edition of The Minutes! Enjoy the read as you book your concert tickets so you can get out of work tomorrow... ✈️ Airbus announces one of the largest aircraft commitments of all time. The French aircraft manufacturer will deliver over 400 jets with a sticker price just shy of $50B to Indigo Partners. “Somebody’s Christmas bonus is going to be pretty phenomenal.” 📱💰Square, the mobile payment company, has begun allowing some users of their Square Cash platform to store bitcoin in their account. “Great, now I can watch my net worth fluctuate wildly in real time from the comfort of the Square app." 🎤 UnitedMasters, a music technology and marketing company, secretly raised $70M from Google to take on record labels. “This is what happens when we let a guy with SoundCloud and PirateBay launch a record label.” In other can’t-miss news... ◾️Sports Illustrated is launching Sports Illustrated TV, a subscription streaming service available on Amazon for $4.99 per month ◾️Details emerge that PE firm Cerberus Capital Management is a top shareholder in two of Germany’s largest banks sparking merger rumors ◾️Electronic Arts fears that social media outrage over in-game purchases in Star Wars Battlefront 2 will hurt sales ◾️Richard Cordray, Head of Consumer Financial Protection Bureau is stepping down. The role was created as part of regulations stemming for the 2008 financial crisis.

"Back in the day, job description was king. Consultants consulted, designers designed, and technologists built. But today, a new breed of talent is emerging.” -Fast Company Yeah... so you’re gonna need to learn more than just your job description these days, especially for the 💰💰💰...

😎💦 Good morning readers! It’s Humpdayyy! Get your coffee ready for some news and enjoy yourself as you’ve made it halfway through the work week... 💊The FDA gave the greenlight to an antipsychotic smart pill which can signal doctors that you’ve taken your most recent dose. “Of course telling a schizophrenic patient that they are going to be tracked from the inside probably won’t go over too well.” 🛠 Home Depot reports a large increase in same store sales, citing DIY millennials and a spike in recovery supplies associated with the recent hurricanes. “This may be the first earnings call in history that doesn’t blame millennials for disrupting an industry.” 🔥 Firefox release its new Quantum Browser in hopes of winning back Google Chrome defectors. In other news, the browser’s new search engine of choice will be … Google. “If you use the title of a James Bond movie in any product name it just sounds so much more sexy.” In other news … ◾️Tesla is facing a class-action lawsuit over complaints about racism and mistreatment at one of its plants. The stock dropped on the news. ◾️BMW is planning to switch all of its external power sources to renewables by 2020 ◾️Weight Watchers is rolling out a diet Sauvignon Blanc ◾️Super Mario Bros. will be coming to the big screen after signing a movie deal with Universal’s Illumination Studio

This would certainly save companies time and money. If only the teachers applied this thinking in college then we wouldn’t have had to sit through two hour classes... Source of quote: @The Wall Street Journal

😎💦 Happy Tuesday folks! Gather around for some news that will make you today’s expert on stock market activity along with other interesting events... 🔌GE unveils its long-anticipated restructuring plan which includes cutting its dividend in half. The stock dropped 7% on the news. “No matter how sh*tty your day was, rest assured that it was better than John Flannery’s.” 💰🐓Roark Capital is making an offer to buy Buffalo Wild Wings for more than $150 per share. The news sent the stock up almost 30%. “It remains to be seen if Roark will feel a bit queasy and full of regret after the purchase.” 🇨🇳🤖The Ex-President of Google China says that AI is going to take half of our jobs, starting with the white collar variety. “Sign me up!” In other news not about stocks... ◾️AB InBev aka Budweiser has named a new US president amid struggling sales ◾️Qualcomm rejects Broadcom’s $100B takeover bid ◾️ESPN’s SportsCenter is coming to Snapchat ◾️A new Lord of the Rings show will air on Amazon ◾️MSG CEO David O’Connor is stepping down

Peter Thiel’s and Reid Hoffman’s thoughts on business school, from Business Insider. Agree or disagree?

Why read the news when you can listen to it? 🎧 📰

😎💦 Happy Monday to all of those who are ready to kick-off this work week! Today we will be delivering you news involving ridiculous profits and transactions that rocked the global business world... 💵 Alibaba’s Single’s Day set sales records on Saturday with almost $25B in sales. To put this in perspective, Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales combined accounted for just over $6B last year. “The only thing I buy on Single's Day is a gallon of ice cream and a Prozac refill.” 🎶 Bytedance, the Chinese tech firm, acquires the tween lipsync app Musical.ly for $800M. “Back in my day when we wanted to do karaoke we browned out at the local dive bar.” 🚘🌐 Uber and Softbank finally reach a deal for a multi-billion dollar investment after founder Travis Kalanick and investor Benchmark Capital came to an agreement on their board seat dispute. “I bet Softbank didn’t think it would be this hard to give a company $10B.” In other news... ◾️Hasbro plans a takeover bid for rival Mattel ◾️Disney announces a brand new Star Wars trilogy ◾️Cheddar is launching a general news offshoot ◾️Bikram Yoga files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy

Be afraid. Be VERY afraid of your employer... From The Hustle: “There’s Crossover, a tool that monitors focus by taking photos of remote workers every 10 minutes through a webcam. There’s Wiretap, which can be used to covertly monitor conversations on Slack. Then, there’s Tetramind, which alerts managers when employees are switching between applications too much (a sign of distraction). These modern technologies seem to rest on a structure of inherent distrust — the notion that workers are incapable of managing their own time.”

😎💦 It’s finally Friday! Congrats on making it to the weekend! Read on as you secretly plan your weekend festivities at work... 🏈 ESPN plans to lay off more than 100 employees after Disney announces it missed Q3 revenue and earnings estimates. “The Worldwide Leader in job cuts.” 🥖 Panera acquires Au Bon Pain for an undisclosed sum. Earlier this year, Panera was purchased and taken private for upwards of $7B. “Corporate American carb aficionados rejoice.” 🏛 The Senate announces a tax bill that has some major differences from what the House proposed last week. “Tax law is about as exciting as watching C-SPAN.” And the last few snippets... ◾️A self-driving shuttle gets into an accident in its first hour on the job in Las Vegas. ◾️Senators grill former Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer regarding the search firm's massive data breach. ◾️News Corp. which publishes The Wall Street Journal, the New York Post and major newspapers tops revenue estimates.

And you felt bad about taking that extra piece of pizza out of your roommates fridge... “Unhappy workers in [a new study] admitted to listening in on a private conversation (38%), drinking alcohol (5%), taking naps (15%), helping themselves to coworkers' food in the fridge (9%), playing pranks on coworkers (40%), watching Netflix (5%) and using the company credit card for personal purchases (2%).” “In a two-year study with the Faas Foundation, Mental Health America (MHA) found that disengagement causes massive losses in productivity — between $450 and $500 billion a year.” Valerie Barrett, HR Dive Read more 👉 http://bit.ly/2ApghoC

💦😎 Happy Thursday! We are delighted to bring you the latest in daily business news, where we once again find ourselves discussing unfathomable sums of money... 💰🚮 Almost $300M worth of the cryptocurrency, ether, is inaccessible after a user deleted some code in a cryptocurrency wallet. “I feel like this was all just a little too easy.” 🇨🇳👻 Tencent takes a 12% stake in Snapchat after shares plunged yesterday. “Buy low, sell high, indeed.” 🔫 Activision’s Call of Duty: WWII raked in half a billion dollars in its first 3 days on shelves. “Anti-Nazi sentiment is at an all time high.” And to top off your small talk at the cooler... ◾️AT&T’s proposed takeover of Time Warner has hit a regulatory road block, threatening to derail the largest media deal of all time ◾️FedEx Express has placed an order for up to 50 ATR 72-600 F aircrafts ◾️Investors are suing Outcome Health, an advertising startup, for alleged fraud ◾️Dior Chief Executive Sidney Toledano is stepping aside amid leadership changes at the firm

😎💦 Happy Humpday everyone! Here’s your latest talking points for the best day of the work week other than Thursday and Friday... 👻 Snap plunges almost 20% after disappointing earnings. “It’s a good day to be Mark Zuckerburg.” 🐳 SeaWorld saw its largest quarterly decline EVER. “Free Willy was the beginning of the end for Sea World, and Michael Jackson.” 🐥 Twitter’s 280 character Tweets went live today. “So. Much. More. Trolling.” And for your last words before resuming actual work... ◾️Waymo becomes the first autonomous vehicles on the road without a “safety” driver ◾️Lyft opens its first permanent NYC office ◾️Tesla acquires Perbix ◾️CVS announces next-day prescription deliveries with Amazon breathing down its neck

😎💦 Happy Tuesday everyone! Grab your coffee and sugary donut and gather around for some industry/bank-shattering news... 💫📽 Disney has been in talks to purchase most of 21st Century Fox. “I can’t wait for the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia 3-D experience at Disney World.” 💻🥊🥊 Intel and AMD are teaming up to take on Nvidia. “Can you say Frenemies?” 💸👑 The Paradise Papers release is shining light on offshore accounts of the rich and famous including Queen Elizabeth. “This is the stuff James Bond movie plots are made of.” And for the last few bites... ◾️Sprint vows to spend billions on improving its network ◾️Federal Reserve Bank of New York President William Dudley plans to retire in the middle of next year ◾️A US appeals court refuses to reopen Samsung's case against Apple ◾️Apple is offering more bonds to finance its massive capital return program

💦😎 Happy Monday to you all! Here’s your daily batch of news to brighten your day back at the office... 💰Broadcom is considering a $100B bid for chipmaker Qualcomm. “Broadcom might want to get their due diligence on to make sure Apple continues to use Qualcomm’s chips.” 🚓 The billionaire Saudi Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal’s arrest comes amid a broader corruption crackdown in the country ahead of the Saudi Aramco IPO. “And I thought Nigerian princes were the type you wanted to avoid.” 📺 CNN is planning to launch a paid digital subscription model next year. “I can’t wait until one of my friends finally caves and subscribes to this so I can get their password.” And to give you a few more ways to impress your boss... ◾️Sears is closing 63 more stores ◾️Anthem’s CEO Joseph Swedish is planning to step down ◾️Kroger, the supermarket chain is rolling out its own clothing line ◾️A US judge rules that Canada can’t make Google delete search results in the US, helping set the tone for who, if anyone, can police the internet

😎💦 It’s finally Friday! We’ve got the news so avoid hitting that snooze. 🏢 The GOP formally unveils their tax reform bill, which includes a 20% corporate tax rate. “Of course, there’s a reason tax reform hasn’t happened since the Reagan administration.” 💅 Conde Nast announces layoffs and announces that it will halt print-production of Teen Vogue. “I could have sworn that print died like 15 years ago.” ✈️🇺🇸 Broadcom announces that it will be moving HQ back to the US. “I’m sure this has nothing to do with their proposed $5B acquisition that’s been tied up with the US Committee on Foreign Investment.” In between sips at the cooler... ◾️Venezuela says it will seek to restructure all of its debts ◾️Apple beats Q4 earnings estimates with help from the success of the iPhone X ◾️U.S small business job openings for October match the second highest mark ever recorded

😎💦 Happy Tuesday. Here's everything you need to know to be marginally more informed ... 📱 Google and Apple are stepping up their mobile payment game. “It’s literally never been easier to make drunk, impulse purchases.” 📞 The networking giant, Cisco, announces its purchase of communication software system, Broadsoft, for $1.9B. “Make all the changes you want, it’s too late. The Cisco WebEx conference call jingle has already been seared into my subconscious.” 🍎 Apple and Samsung are heading back to court over who owns the concept of a cell phone with rounded corners. “I'm sure it will be really easy finding an expert witness to testify on the value of rounded phone corners.” In other news … ▪️ The Hartford is acquiring Aetna’s group life and disability benefit business for $1.5B ▪️ Netflix plans to raise $1.6B in debt to bolster its original content strategy ▪️ WeWork acquires coding education platform, Flatiron School, for an undisclosed amount

It's Monday. Back to the grind ... and back to The Water Coolest ... 👋 Snap is laying off 18 people in its latest round of downsizing and emails from Evan Spiegel to the company indicate a slow down in hiring for 2018. “This is what happens when all anyone shares on your platform are shaky videos from concerts no one cares about.” 😭 The CEO of National Beverage Corp, the maker of La Croix, took an unorthodox approach by venting his frustrations in his company's latest corporate statement. “He’s mad at short sellers and the SEC, but he should really be angry with hipsters and white chicks who aren’t drinking as much of his company’s run of the mill seltzer. 💰 SoftBank is planning a second $100B Venture Fund to invest in tech startups. “SoftBank has pretty much become the Publisher’s Clearing House of the VC world.” In other news … ▪️ Wells Fargo fires 4 forex traders as the sales-practice scandal reaches the investment bank ▪️ BP chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg is retiring ▪️ Tesla is planning to build a massive plant in Shanghai ▪️ Grab, the Uber of southeast Asia raises $700M in debt to purchase more vehicles ▪️ Bitcoin hits $6k for the first time ever

🍾 Happy Friday ya filthy animals. We made it to the end of another week. One day closer to retirement. Here's what you need to know today ... ▪️ Google invests $1B in Lyft ▪️ Jobless claims hit their lowest mark since March of 1973 ▪️ Hedge fund Maverick Capital is offering 0% performance fees ▪️ MongoDB stock jumps more than 30% in IPO ▪️ GM is settling an ignition issue claim for $120M ▪️ Tencent and Priceline are investing $4B in China’s Yelp, Meituan-Dianping Stitch Fix files an IPO 💰 "OK, Google. Give us some cash" Uber's arch-nemesis, Lyft, is receiving a hefty investment from Alphabet's (Google) venture capital arm, CapitalG, to the tune of $1B. You read that correctly. The investment brings Lyft’s current valuation into the $11B range. 👨‍💻 "People are at work, work, work, work, work" US jobless claims hit their lowest mark since 1973. You know, the year where you could rock bell bottoms at Studio 54 if you weren't protesting something the government was doing. Only 222,000 people filed claims reporting that they were looking for work in the most recent survey. 📉 Low introductory price Maverick Capital has been a whole lot more like Goose as of late. Lee Ainslie’s $10 billion fund is down 2% this year, after an abysmal 2016 campaign that saw the flagship fund down 10%. All this despite the S&P gaining 14.2% over the same period, meaning that if these masters of the universe were outgained by a frat boy with a Robinhood account. To offset the losses the fund created a “recovery share” class which would let existing clients invest more money in its hedge funds at 1% management fees with no performance fees. This compared with the 1.75% and 17.5% fees, respectively, its clients typically pay. In other news ... ▪️ MongoDB's stock jumps more than 30% on its first day of trading. The company which makes database software coveted by leading tech companies priced above the expected $20 to $22 per share range and closed around $32. This is all despite g

💦😎 Today's rundown ... ⛓ After hating on Bitcoin, JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon says they are launching a blockchain-based system with two other banks to reduce transaction costs. “I guess if you can’t beat em, use their technology and re-brand it as something for your own needs” 🍔 Ruby Tuesday, everyone’s third, or maybe fourth, but definitely top 5 slow-casual restaurant has gone private. “You’d think naming a restaurant after a song with ‘Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday’ would have been a bad start” 💵 Facebook bought a hot new app called “tbh" that lets people say only nice things about people they know anonymously. “If you haven’t got something nice to say, this app will block you from saying it at all, so I guess just be nice, you angsty teens!” In other news … ▪️Netflix adds 5.5M more subscribers than anticipated ▪️Nordstroms’ attempt to go private was blocked by the family ▪️“Woz U” opens to train the next generation of tech employees at a cheaper cost ▪️New Jersey offers $7B in tax breaks to lure Amazon 💧 Check out the full Water Coolest at http://watercool.es/t/OCT17-17 🎧 Listen at anchor.fm/watercoolesthq