29/10/2023
MY AFFAIR WITH THE PROPHET
I came across the story of pastor Elijah and i must say i identify with it 101% because i have been in a similar situation.
I have always been aware of my s*xuality from a tender age but due to my very religious up bringing ( my parents where religious fanatics) i became extremely judgemental over everyone, everything and worst of all, over myself.
It got so bad that sometimes ,i would physically abuse (slap) myself when i ma******te to the thoughts of another man.
At a point, i thought i was possessed because i could see a man in public and would immediately know he is gay (by just eye contact) and shockingly, i would be right. They will start hitting on me or giving me signals (of which my response will be extremely hostile especially when they make advances).
Because nothing seemed to happen after i have tried praying the gay away, i became severely depressed. I had-had just one s*xual encounter with a very nice guy i met in a taxi. We had got talking and i ended up following him to his house. Even though i was the one who made the first move on him (he wanted us not to rush into s*x but i insisted and persisted), i was the one who cried and lamented the most. Looking back now, i can only shake my head in pity to the man i once was.
Ever since that event (with the guy from the taxi), i was torn with guilt that i vowed to marry immediately i finished youth service. Everyone in my family wasn't in support because they thought i wasn't ready but i insisted. Eventually, i had my way and got married. But the feeling NEVER EVER left.
Now thinking life was "normal" because i had settled down with a woman, disaster struck. My wife (now ex) and i couldn't conceive. At first, i thought God was punishing me for being gay....but how can God punish me over something i have denounced? it was just so messed up to try to put a blame on something or someone.
We (my ex wife and i ) decided to wait for Gods time. But after the years rolled by,
