DeLoner Update (2024)

15/04/2024

Very short story
Good morning

25/02/2024

MONEY HAS DIFFERENT NAMES ...

In Church it is called Offering,

In Marriage it is called Brideprice,

In school it is called fee's,

When you owe someone it is called Debt,

When you pay the Government it is called Tax,

In Court it is called a Fine,

In Hospitals it is called Bills,

Tenancy - Rent,

Competition - Prize,

Government Retirees call it Pension,

Boss to Workers - Salary,

Master to Subordinates - Wages,

When you borrow from bank it is called Loan,

To k!dnappers - Ransom,

!llegally received in the name of service - Bribe,

In The Police Station - Bail,

The Question Is: When A Boyfriend Gives Money To His Girlfriend, It is Called what?🥴🤌🙄😎🙄🙄
Someone should answer me please✋✋

Please follow me for more interesting jokes
Tap👉 Deloner update

21/02/2024

ARCHBISHOP BENSON IDAHOSA

His mother died while on crusade. Archbishop Benson Idahosa who raised the dead like drinking coke. He was in America when they sent a message that his mother is dead. He said "my mother can't die," because God did not tell me. The last time I checked in my spirit my mother was well. If God must take her, HE has to tell me. Put her on my bed when I return, I'll wake her.
They asked him, when are you coming back? he said, "10 days time". They told him, "she will smell". He insisted they should put her on his bed. "If she smells, its my room, put her there".
The first miracle for 10 days, the body did not smell. The color of the skin changed from black to ash, totally dead for 10 days. The Arch Bishop said, he's not coming back until he finishes his crusade. When he finished he's crusade, he landed in Benin airport and he said, "take me home".
They took him home, when he entered his room, he said, "Mama I am back, stand up and give me water to drink". Mama said, "my son, well come".
Today by the strength of this testimony, anything dead in your life is coming back to life in Jesus name......

24/01/2024

A very short story
Ladies, don't let material thing spoil your ambition

14/01/2024

It's a bless Sunday
Stay positive

26/12/2023

😭😭😭😭😭Finally I’ve given up,😭😭😭😭😭
Am single again 😭😭 to put an end to the rumours, and those who speak lies about my life, you must know that my relationship was very difficult, so today to avoid gossip, I inform you,that we’re no longer together, several times I felt very good, I had a lot of fun, I cannot deny that I really liked it and I was very happy, but I didn't realise the evil I was doing to myself, I finally decided to leave that unhealthy relationship, I decided to take another route, but am not going to deny that! we will continue to see each other, for me to move on to other things and end this evil in my life, Today I end my relationship with 🎤(☝️)sugar, Chinese Rice 🌾 , beer, vodka, pizza and others 😭🙈😭......

Just as I have done, F:Free to C$P .
Confuse your enemies.
Someone was about to dance💃.....
Because they have spirit of witchcraft, jealous & confusion.
E Clear Abi ?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

10/12/2023

A group of aeronautical engineering professors were invited to fly for free on a new aircraft that was just being introduced.

As the door was closing and the plane was about to take off, a voice over the intercom said, “Thank you for your confidence in taking the inaugural flight on this new aircraft. It was designed and built by all of your students over this past year.

All the professors began to unbuckle their seatbelts and make their way to the exit door of the plane, with the exception of one, who remained calmly seated with a smile on his face.

One of the professors who was standing in line to exit the plane asked him why he wasn't getting off of the plane, knowing that the plane was built by some of his recent students.

The Professor replied, “Because they are our students.”

Another professor who was standing close by asked, “So you are sure that you taught your students well enough to build this?

The sitting professor smiled and said, “No, I’m not sure, but I AM sure that it won't fly.”😂😂

Sunday vibes

07/12/2023

Deloner cares

20/11/2023

Very short story
When they say fear women

16/11/2023

School resident pastor brutally flogs female student for being late to Sunday church service.

10/11/2023

AN URGENT CALL FOR HELP !

This is Esther/Imaobong; a Student at the prestigious University of Uyo studying Biochemistry and currently in 200l.

Reports from the Victim states thus;
"It happened on September when I noticed that there was a swelling in my lower eyelid. I went to the pharmacy and was given eye drop and some other medications but no improvement. I also went to University of Uyo Teaching Hospital (UUTH) and was opportuned to meet a doctor at the eye clinic. He prescribed an eye drop and medicines and told me that if it persists for two weeks, I shouldn't hesitate to report to the hospital.

I went back since there was no improvement. I was advised to go for a MRI scan which costs thousands of naira. On getting the result it was observed that the problem is from the nose; there's a growth in the nose pushing the eye out.

I was referred to ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat). On getting there, several tests were carried out (blood test and biopsy).

The biopsy suggested chemoradiotherapy as the treatment. I was later referred to Asi Ukpo Comprehensive Cancer Centre at Calabar. Several tests were also carried out here plus other expenses.

I was given radiotherapy bill which cost ONE MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY THOUSAND NAIRA (1.560.000).

Please I need your financial support

03/11/2023

𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐇𝐔𝐒𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐘:

1. Feed him
2. Sleep with him
3. Leave him in peace
4. Don't check his phone (Msgs)
5. Don't bother him with his movements
6. Clean the house
7. Wash his clothes
8. Always pray for him.

So what's so hard about that?

𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐖𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐘:

It's really not too difficult but... To make a wife happy, a husband only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a plumber
10. a mechanic
11. a carpenter
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a s*xologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer/prayer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎:

44. give her compliments regularly
45. go shopping with her
46. be honest
47. not stress her out
48. not look at other girls

𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄, 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐒𝐎:

49. give her lots of attention
50. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
51. give her lots of space, allow to visit her family members and your relatives.

𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐈𝐓 𝐈𝐒 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓:

52. To learn not to ask for change when u give money for shopping. Whatever u give out becomes rightly hers no matter how big the note is.........
𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐀 𝐖𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐘 𝐈𝐒 𝐀 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 😄😀😃😜🌹
Message from

03/11/2023

What is sq**rting?

Is sq**rting the same as p*eing during s*x?

Can every woman sq**rt?

Every woman can sq**rt but not every guy can make a woman sq**rt. It needs an experienced guy.

Not every guy knows where the G-**ot is located. Firstly , what is sq**rting..."sq**rting is when a woman releases watery fluid from her va**na during s*x.

It is easier to make a woman sq**rt through fi*****ng than normal pe*******on because fingers have more force than p***s; however , he must have some skills and s*xual experience to be able to do this.
Sq**rt looks like urine but its not urine. It come from the bladder , through the urethra but not urine.

Some women feel shy to sq**rt so the guy doesn't think she urinated

Loosen up you va**na , don't hold it. When you feel the urge to p*e , dont hold back. Wide your legs and let it out.

Its one of the best experience a woman can have.

Spice up your marital life, make s*x pleasurable, your spouse can only ask for more or give more when the experience is wao.

HAPPY WEEKEND AND A FREAKY FRIDAY
MAKE SURE U SQ**RT

18/10/2023

Very short story
Good morning from here

18/10/2023

Unicross lost one Graduate😱

JUST IN: Confidence Ogar Enya a 500level student of the department of Civil engineering UNICROSS Calabar Campus has been confirmed Dead yesterday at about 7pm just few days after her sign out.
R.I.P Comrade😢😥
😢😢

30/09/2023

*THE TRUTH ABOUT MARRIAGE!*

In marriage there are days you wish you had remained single.

There are also months you look at your spouse and wonder 'what was I thinking when I married him/her?💘

There are times you'll wish you had married someone different 😭

😭 There are times you feel like divorce is the only option left.

There are instances you feel betrayed beyond recovery.

There are also times you feel your love is been taken for granted. You are not alone.

*The truth is that every marriage has it's fair share of trials/difficult moments.*

Every marriage goes through rough times.

Every Husband and wife experiences perplexing moments.

Remember it's the rough surfaces that sharpen the best.

*Rough times are meant to build your marriage not break it.

*The beauty of marriage is in realizing that difficult seasons are temporal moments*.

Straight roads don't make experienced drivers. Keep moving on.

Whether married or single, this prayer is for you. No power will damage your marriage in Jesus name.🙏

God bless every marriage in Jesus name,
AMEN! 💋

Please like, comment and share

28/09/2023

Things are happening 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

God Labourers 🙏

Pastor waited on the Lord for 21 days and was unable to walk. No food , fruits, or water. It was an absolute dry fasting 🙊😳😹🙆

"This is what God told me to be doing every September".

DeLoner Update

15/04/2024

25/02/2024

21/02/2024

24/01/2024

14/01/2024

26/12/2023

10/12/2023

07/12/2023

20/11/2023

16/11/2023

10/11/2023

03/11/2023

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18/10/2023

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