Sanctus Comedy

21/08/2017

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30/07/2016

1) When a guy open a car door for a girl,
is either the girl is new or the car is new.
(2) A guy asked u for s*x and u asked,
"Do u Love me?". What do u expect him
to say, or Are U a LEARNER ?
(3) Half naked girls are hot,while well
dressed girls are beautiful. Hell is hot,
while heaven is beautiful. the choice is
yours.
(4)You have been engaged to him for 4
years and no wedding is forth coming.
Please kindly remove the ring. Is your
finger a key holder?
(5)You have slept with over 10 girls
without protection yet you go to the
barbers shop with your personal clipper.
What are you preventing?
(6) Guys always know who their heart
belongs to, so if you like cook chicken in
diamond sauce or do monkey style in
bed, if it's not you, it can't b u.
(7) In America wen a couple go to bed
dey say "Good nights my love" In Britain
"Sweet dreams darling" In Nigeria "Did u
lock d Gate, doors & windows?
(8) You cannot say "I can't date you, I
have a boyfriend" and be asking for
money from him. Gt-bank staff cannot
receive salary from UBA bank!
(9) My name is A'square, I used my friend
to set up my girlfriend to see if she'll
cheat on me. Now they've sent me
weeding Invitation. What AM I?
(A) Learner
(B)God sent
(C) Fool
(10) No Guy will ever tell a Lady "i ve a
Girlfriend" when asking her out. Their
National Anthem is "we had issues &
we've broken up".
(11) Welcome to Nigeria where the
government is responsible and blamed for
every damn things. if mosquito bite you,
you will blame the government.
(12) No guy is single,you either sn**ch
him from someone or share him with
someone, the most important thing is to
be the highest Shareholder.
(13) I woke up today,someone
somewhere just took their last breath.
Thank You God for blessing me more than
I deserve
(14) 35yr old first class graduate without
job and u dey follow Lil'Wayne sing 'I
Ain't Got no worries, your life is on SOS
(15) Idiot girl said: "I dated him for
GOOD 10 years and he broke my heart"
fool, what's GOOD in the years?
(16)(a)
S*x won't make him love u
(b) A baby won't make him stay. If you're
doubting me, kindly ask TUFACE
(17) No matter how nice you are to a
goat, it will still eat your yam.
18) You make his 'Dick' hard, u carry him
enter room, he don off shirt, then u shout
April Fool... My sister, he will R**E ur
Destiny!
(19)What shall it profit a girl to have all
the Brazilian hair in the whole world and
still lose her boyfriend to a girl on low a
cut?
(20) Kill an American citizen and 1 million
policemen will be deployed to search for
u but kill 1 million Nigerians U will be
invited for amnesty in NIGERIA.
(21)Don't act like you have it all, even
rich men beg for pen in the bank.
(22) No matter how big ur house is,How
recent your car is,or how huge ur bank
account is, Our grave is still gonna be the
same size, stay humble.
(23)No Matter How Pretty Or Cute your
Face Might Be,you Will Still Be the Food
For Worms. Set your Arrogance Aside and
Remember 6 Feet. No one lives for Ever....

30/07/2016

Do you know the meaning of these common terms?

1.) *GOOGLE* - Global Organization Of Oriented Group Language Of Earth.
2.) *YAHOO* - Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle.
3.) *WINDOW* - Wide Interactive Network Development for Office work Solution.
4.) *COMPUTER* - Common Oriented Machine Particularly United and used under Technical and Educational Research.
5.) *VIRUS* - Vital Information Resources Under Siege.
6.) *UMTS* - Universal Mobile Telecommunications System.
7.) *AMOLED* - Active-matrix organic light-emitting diode.
8.) *OLED* - Organic light-emitting diode.
9.) *IMEI* - International Mobile Equipment Identity.
10.) *ESN* - Electronic Serial Number.
11.) *UPS* - Uninterruptible power supply.
12. *HDMI* - High-Definition Multimedia Interface.
13.) *VPN* - Virtual private network.
14.) *APN* - Access Point Name.
15.) *SIM* - Subscriber Identity Module.
16.) *LED* - Light emitting diode.
17.) *DLNA* - Digital Living Network Alliance.
18.) *RAM* - Random access memory.
19.) *ROM* - Read only memory.
20.) *VGA* - Video Graphics Array.
21.) *QVGA* - Quarter Video Graphics Array.
22.) *WVGA* - Wide video graphics array.
23.) *WXGA* - Widescreen Extended Graphics Array.
24.) *USB* - Universal serial Bus.
25.) *WLAN* - Wireless Local Area Network.
26.) *PPI* - Pixels Per Inch.
27.) *LCD* - Liquid Crystal Display.
28.) *HSDPA* - High speed down-link packet access.
29.) *HSUPA* - High-Speed Uplink Packet Access.
30.) *HSPA* - High Speed Packet Access.
31.) *GPRS* - General Packet Radio Service.
32.) *EDGE* - Enhanced Data Rates for Globa Evolution.
33.) *NFC* - Near field communication.
34.) *OTG* - On-the-go.
35.) *S-LCD* - Super Liquid Crystal Display.
36.) *O.S* - Operating system.
37.) *SNS* - Social network service.
38.) *H.S* - HOTSPOT.
39.) *P.O.I* - Point of interest.
40.) *GPS* - Global Positioning System.
41.) *DVD* - Digital Video Disk.
42.) *DTP* - Desk top publishing.
43.) *DNSE* - Digital natural sound engine.
44.) *OVI* - Ohio Video Intranet.
45.) *CDMA* - Code Division Multiple Access.
46.) *WCDMA* - Wide-band Code Division Multiple Access.
47.) *GSM* - Global System for Mobile Communications.
48.) *WI-FI* - Wireless Fidelity.
49.) *DIVX* - Digital internet video access.
50.) *APK* - Authenticated public key.
51.) *J2ME* - Java 2 micro edition.
52.) *SIS* - Installation source.
53.) *DELL* - Digital electronic link library.
54.) *ACER* - Acquisition Collaboration Experimentation Reflection.
55.) *RSS* - Really simple syndication.
56.) *TFT* - Thin film transistor.
57.) *AMR*- Adaptive Multi-Rate.
58.) *MPEG* - moving pictures experts group.
59.) *IVRS* - Interactive Voice Response System.
60.) *HP* - Hewlett Packard.

19/07/2016

Na jealous go kill some women oooo.Wife came from night duty work early morning as police officer; she entered her husband room. She saw 4 legs crossing each other covering with blanket on her matrimonial bed. She quietly picked a big iron stick and started beating them till they both fainted. She rushed to the kitchen to carry water to wake them up. To her surprise, she met her husband in the kitchen cooking. Husband:- Honey, you are back. Welcome. Your mum and dad came last night but you didn't drop the guest room key, that's why l allowed them to use our room...😂Gud evening here...

09/07/2016

1st year(In university)

I was sitting in the lecture room, looking at that girl sitting next to me. She was my ‘best friend’. She had nice hair, humble and was very beautiful. I wish I could tell her that I loved her so much, but I didn’t want to break the bond. After lectures, she walked to me, borrowed some notes of the previous class hugged and pecked me goodbye.

I wish I told her, I wish she knew
That I wanted us to be more than just friends
I loved her, but I was shy
I didn’t know why.



2nd year

My phone rang, it was her; she called me to tell me how much she was hurt. Her boyfriend just broke her heart. She asked me to go keep her company. I went to see her; coz she was my best friend. As I sat next to her, I looked her in the eye, wishing she was mine. After two hours of having fun and hanging out, she was okay; so I left her to go to bed. Before I left, she looked me in the eye with a beautiful smile, hugged me goodbye.

I wish I told her, I wish she knew
That I wanted us to be more than just friends
I loved her, but I was shy
I didn’t know why.

3rd year

One day, before the grand school end year party, she asked me to accompany her to the school dance. I was very happy, because every moment with her was special. But we went to the party ‘as just friends’. After the party, I sat at the door. I looked at her, as she chatted with her friends. She happened to look at me, and then gave me that killer smile.



I wish I told her, I wish she knew
That I wanted us to be more than just friends
I loved her, but I was shy
I didn’t know why.



Graduation day


Days, weeks, months passed. It was the graduation day, so happy and excited we had completed our studies. She stood up, to go pick her certificate. As she walked elegantly, I couldn’t stop staring at her. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t notice me like that. Before she left, she came with her graduation gown, looked at me, gave me a smile and told me, ‘your forever my best friend’



I wish I told her, I wish she knew
That I wanted us to be more than just friends
I loved her, but I was shy
I didn’t know why.



Wedding day

3 years down the line, in the church, she walks down the aisle, with her parents on her side.

It really hurts me, since my chance is now gone. I love her too much, but I got to let her go. She is being married with another man.

I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t see me like that. But as she walked she looked at me and gave me that killer smile. Whispered to me “BEST FRIEND EVER”



I wish I told her, I wish she knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved her, but I was shy
I didn't know why




Burial day

Days, months, years passed.5 years later, I went to mourn the love of my life. The love I was afraid to tell. As I viewed her lain body, it hurt me that she left without knowing I loved her.

During the service, they read her diary. The mc began

‘I stare at him; I would love to have him in my life. I try to simulate situations, but he doesn’t seem to notice
me.’ I love him, I wish he knew. I would really want us to be more than just friends. I love him but am shy to say. I don’t know why.



My strength was over, I Knelt before the crowd, as tears dropped down my chicks. Those words touched me deeply. I wish I told her. But its now too late, she is gone.


I wish I told her, I wish she knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved her, but I was shy

I didn’t know why.



BREAK THE SILENCE> IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE; FIND THE COURAGE TO TELL THEM.

*SHARE TO ENCOURAGE MEN THAT ARE STILL boys!!*

03/07/2016

Funny but true.
🇳🇬 IN NIGERIA
✳ President -North.
✳ Senate President -North
✳ Speaker House of Reps - North.
✳ PDP National Chairman - North.
✳ Head of Service - North.
✳ INEC Chairman - North.
✳ Inspector General of Police - North.
✳ Chief Justice of federation - North.
✳ President Court of Appeal - North.
✳ EFCC Chairman - North.
✳ President Federal high court - North.
✳ National Security Adviser - North.
✳ Chief of Defense Staff - North.
✳ Chief of Naval Staff - North.
✳ Controller, Customs
Service - North.
✳ Defence Minister-North.
✳ MD Port Authority- North.
✳ MD NDIC - North
✳ Controller Prison Services - North.
✳ Richest man in Africa - North.
✳ 85% of Petroleum Marketers in Nigeria - Northerners.
✳ 80% of Oil Block Owners in Nigeria - Northerners.
✳ 99% of beggars in Nigeria - Northerners
✳ Boko Haram - North.

Yet, the Poorest states in Nigeria and Educationally
backward areas in Nigeria are in the North. Now, ask yourself, what is the problem of the Northerners? Keep forwarding till it get to all their leaders may be they will have to re-think....
CAN YOU IMAGINE? ?

18/05/2016

♻Welcome to Africa where typing Amen to a
Pastor's prayers on Facebook will save you from
your village witches and make you a billionaire...
♻Welcome to Africa where Jesus Christ sends
you a Whatsapp message and threatens to kill
you if you do not send it to 20 people...
♻The most Annoying thing in all is that
Graduates and supposedly learned people send
these ''miracle messages'' to their friends every
day...
▪ These messages carry lots of threats; some of
the messages say you will suffer or go broke for
a week if you don't send them...
▪ As Christians, we Need to keep an open mind
and be discerning and also open our hearts and
minds to healthy discussions...
WE NEED TO THINK...
✅Do you believe God will punish you if you
refuse to send those messages?
✅Do you think your destiny is tied to a message
on social media?
✅Do you genuinely believe you will receive
instant miracles after you type ''Amen'' on that
post?
⭕ We claim to be Children of God but we are
scared of the future, scared of little things...
⭕ You relay a message to 20 people on social
media and believe in your heart that you will wake
up tomorrow a billionaire...
��What is wrong with us? Like SERIOUSLY,
what is really wrong with us?
��Without Prayers, Hard work, Abiding in the
word of God in our everyday life, Determination
and Purpose, ''miracle messages'' on social media
are not invisible hands that can instantly make us
rich...
��Stop spreading your fears on social media
because we are not that gullible... Our God is too
big to send threats to make people obey Him. Our
God will never do that...
��We need messages that will transform souls
and not messages that will threaten
Copied Panic...
Know your God!

11/04/2016

BABY ARRIVAL:-

Information reaching me says that a woman has been delivered of a baby boy while on queue to buy fuel.

The baby boy has been named Epolabi.

Mother and child are doing just fine. �� �� ��.
Other suggestions :

Epodunni, Epolayo, Epotunde, Abisagip, Olamobil, Epokitan,Epokunle, Epolanwa, Epodipupo, Epoofe, Epodele, Epotomi, Epoyimika, Epofarahan, Epobamidele, Oandoayo,
Epolanwa ,Epodiwura, Epolari, Epokari, Epotide, Epowunmi, Epogbemidele!!!
How many likes (Y) for Sanctus Comedy

18/05/2015

1. Ugly girls are getting married every Saturday,
the
pretty ones will be buying A*O EBI, looking
glamorous
in the wedding pictures,...who
are you
waiting for, Dangote's son?
2. Shout out to all the girls who feel they need to
wash noodles before cooking it. I respect your
Hygiene.
3. I bet Messages from mobile operators in 2050
will
say "DEAR CUSTOMER, GET YOUR WIFE
PREGNANT
TODAY WITHOUT STRUGGLE, SMS "CHILD" TO
12126"
4. You are 20 years old and dating a 52year old
man
andyou call him your baby, is he your baby or
ancestor? Somehow, your matter dey Shiloh.
5. One good thing about been ugly. At least you
would
be least considered for rituals. Dem no dey use
JUJU
do JUJU na!
6. You dey snap Facebook pictures for another
person
Hummer; don't worry Honey, when thieves go
find you come, dem go nack you Hammer.
7. At the age of 40, you still dey your Mama House
dey
drag Head of fish with your siblings....Cha
i! The
witch
wey dey your village carry your picture dey fan
herself,
Abi na dey dance "SHOKI" with your destiny??
8. You be housemaid and you dey\sing "I'M THE
BOSS" BY RICK ROSS Mehn you get case for Cele
church
9. Bossy girls be like '' before i think of dating him,
he
must TOAST me for at least 6month. Dont worry,
25yrs
from now.. You will be in Shiloh for miracle
marriages.
10. You are a first class graduate at 40years
without any job and you dey follow Lil Wayne dey
sing "I AIN'T
GOT NO WORRIES". My Dear, even the devil is
weeping
for you.
11. Opportunity knocks but once, my brother/
sister, If
you hear a 2nd knock, My Brother/My Sister,
check
well, na Jehovah witness.

12/05/2015

Various ways to catch a Thief, Nigeria way is so special...
The American police style:
Investigate he's a thief till you find an evidence to catch him.
The China police style:
Chase the thief till he gets tired, then you catch him.
The Arab police style:
Kidnap the thief's wife and threaten the thief to surrender.
The Indian police style:
Allow a pretty damsel sing for him to lure him closer, then you catch him
The Nigerian police style:
Catch any person on the street, beat him until he agrees he is a Thief. Lmao

10/03/2015

2015 JAMB CBT ANSWERS
ENGLISH
1-wole
2-before assembly started
3-Efua's mum
4-useless girl
5-Muscular,athletic,tall dimpled sprouting
bearded boy
6-moin moin with brown pap
7-seyi
8-Beautiful
11-resources
12-expulsion
13-scanner
14-wood
15-cuisine
16-wanted/had been
17-to and fro
18-against
19-absorbing
20-have been
21-flowers of ours
23-forte
24-concurrent
25-very
26-of
27-struck
28-verdict on
29-revived
30-look
31-by
32-luke
33-should
34-ranch
35-enclosure
36-new
37-fan
38-never
39-reap
40-lacks
41-valeDICtory
42-congratuLAtion
43-conspiraCY
44-what did my mother buy yesterdaywho went
to abuja by air
45-is musa passing through enugu
46-polite
47-lasting
48-cordial
49-indelible
50-initially
51-elite
52-pleasant
53-kind
54-decreasing
55-indifferent
56-a passionate
57-monument
58-discouragement
59-leading position
60-brink
61-constant
62-useless
63-wailed
64-display
65-an instinct
66-to
67-to
68-to helping
69-but
70-march pass
71-waiting
72-saturated
73-out of
74-coalition
75-to
76-with
77-theirs
78-bye-laws
79-neither have i
80-if he had run faster
81-whoever offers
82-matricide
83-about
84-patriach
85-the less fortunat
86-flat
87-this less fortunate
88-come
89-rogue
90-sell
91-close
92-wright
93-boys
94-wall
95-international
96-interNAtional
97-inforMAtion
98-what is adamu leaving behind
99-what did lambusa
100-where is the bed

For all The same type
USE OF ENGLISH
1.adcccbdcad
11.dacadacada
21.bcbbcaddeb
31.ddddcbdccd
41.acddcdaddd
51.abcadccba
61.bdcddcba
71.ccdcbabcd
81.ddcdacdac
91.aadcdadcd
futher details will be given

10/03/2015

A wife suspected d husband of having s*x wit their maid,then she set a trap for d husband by sending d maid 2 d village for d wkend witout teling d husband. At night, the husband told his usual story "darling i want to go n wtch wrestling in d sitting room" he left.
The wife silently went 2 d maid's room lying down on d bed naked without any light, he open d door and join her on d bed without wasting time n without a word, he had s*x with her.
After d fifth round she said, it's enough, i have caught u, so this is how u use to have s*x with her, u will do two round n u wil tel me u are tired; fifth round now n u are still demanding for more...
The gateman replied"AM SORI MADAM I DIDNT KNW U WERE D ONE" EWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! She shouted,then d husband rushed in n caught them, if u are d man or woman, what wil u do?..

01/02/2015

Akpos was
asked to complete the following:
1. He who fights and run away?
Akpos: E don surrender be dat na, na
fear catch am
2. A rolling stone? Akpos: No fit just
dey roll, na person push am
3. He who lives in a glass house?
Akpors: Na rich politician e go be.
4. A stitch in time? Akpors: Dey
prevent further tear tear.
5. Birds of the same feather?
Akpors: Na the same mama born
them.
6. One good turn? Akpors: Na correct
power steering fit do am.
7. A bird in hand? Akpors: Wetin e
wan be again if no be barbeque. Dem
plenty
for chicken republic.
8. Half bread is better than?
Akpors: Puff puff, buns or garri
without sugar.
9. A journey of a thousand miles?
Akpors: Na d person wahala be dat
na, Why e no enter car or aeroplane
jeje?
10. He who laughs last?
Akpors: Get brain problem. Make dem
examine am, becos
na begining of madness be dat.
11. A patient dog?
Akpors: Na hunger go kill am.
12. All work and no play?
Akpors: Na bank job be dat bros.
13. Once beaten?
Akpors: Na revenge go follow be dat

29/12/2014

NAWA 4 SOME GIRLS oooH !!!
As I Was Gisting With My Friends
Outside, One Tall, Black, Pretty,
Coca Cola Bottled Girl Came Out
From Her Friend's Compound. I
Approached Her.
ME: Hello...Helloo o
GIRL: What! Why Are You
Purchasing Me?
ME: (Shocked) It Seems You're
Very New In This Area
GIRL: Yes Yes Yes.. I'm A Nuisance
In This Area So??!
ME: (Scratches Head) Okay Why
Don't You Come And Say Hello To
My Friends (She Greets Them And
Tries Walking Away)
ME: Come On.. Are We Quarreling?
GIRL: Oh My gods!! (Sighs) Look
Am Tired Okay
ME: Oh!! Can Really See Fatigue
Written All Over Your Face
GIRL: Really?? I Just Rub It This
Morning.
ME: Since You're Tired, Why Don't
You Come And Sit With Us For A
While (She Agrees)
FRIEND 1: Seriously Do You Care
For Shawarma?
GIRL: NO! I Don't Take Alcohol
FRIEND 2: Do You Prefer Snacks?
GIRL: NO! It's Too Sugary
FRIEND 3: How About Ice Cream?
GIRL: It's Too Hot For My Liking
ME: (Stands) Alright Can You
Follow Us On Twitter?
GIRL: Mehn! I Hate That
Restaurant.
(We Ran Away

12/12/2014

A Man Had 2 sons, Okon and Akpos, who
just finished their exams. Here's the
dialogue btw them
Father: Okon, am so Proud of You, you
made A's in all your Papers.
Okon: Yes Dad, i made A's cos i want to
study in America.
Father: Akpos, can you explain why you got
all F's?
Akpos: Haba Papa, because i want to Study
in France..
Comment if you agree with Akpos, Like if
you don't..
lol. One name for Akpos

08/12/2014

America NO PASS 9ja JOOR!!!
Everything
they get we get am too;
They get Mohammed Alli, we get
Bash Alli.
They get T. pain, we get T.maya.
They get T.I, we get M.I.
They get 2-pac, we get 2-face.
They get Beyonce, we get Tiwa savage.
They get Lil wayne, We get Terry G.
They get Timberland, We get DON
JAZZY!
They get wiz khalifa, we get wiz kid.
They get Hollywood,we get nollywood
They get Silicon valley, we get
Computer
village.
They get Mac Donnalds, we get Mr.
Biggs.
They get Las Vegas, we get Lasgidi.
They get Miami Beach, we get Lekki
Beach.
They get Al Paccino, we get Peter
Edochie.
They get Pirate of d Caribbean, we
get
Pirate of Aba.
They get beauty and the beast we get
Bianca
and Ojukwu,
They get Mr Bean, we get Mr Ibu,
They get American Lotto, we get Baba
Ijebu.
They fear Al Qaeda, we fear Boko
Haram
abi na lieeeeee????

07/12/2014

Akpors the bad teacher
Akpors: Who is the minister of education? Children: Mrs Dame Patience Jonathan
Akpors: Correct! Who is CBN governor?”
Children: Aliko Dangote
Akpors: Correct! Who is the minister for sports. Children: Stephen keshi
Akpors: Correct! Who
composed the national anthem of Nigeria
Children: Wizkid Akpors: Correct! What is 2 + 5?
Children: 25
Akpors:- Correct! What is the capital of Nigeria?
Children: Aba
Akpors:. Correct! Who
stopped the killing of twins?
Children: Psquare Akpors: Correct! Who is the minister for women affairs? Children: Genevieve Nnaji
Akpors: Correct! Who is d governor of Anambra state? Children. “Baba Tunde Fashola”
Akpors: Correct! Good
children! Clap for yourselves (children claps)
Akpors: Everything will
remain like this until
government increases my salary!!!
One word for Akpors this
time around?

07/12/2014

Boy: I Love u too but i don't think our
relationship can
work out.
Girl: Why?
Boy: Your dad hates me because i'm from a
poor family.
Girl: I know, but if u truly loves me, don't
leave me.
Boy: I'm afraid, last time your dad nearly shot
me dead. He threatened us because my family
is poor.
Girl: Pls, don't leave me....I'm
begging you.
Boy: I Love you, but your dad is the Obstacle
between us.
Girl: Baby, if u break up with me, i will kill
myself.
Boy : WHAT !!! Please don't do that, it's over
because i can't risk my life.
(The boy left with tears
on his eyes)
After some minutes, the girl went away
and killed herself.
The boy heard the news and he ran mad by
losing his mind .
Please
Be sincere....
Who Is at Fault or who should be blamed for
this???
A. THE GIRL
B. THE BOY
C. THE GIRL'S DAD

07/12/2014

A Drunk Man Akpos was staggering home one night and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery and got shocked to see the place looking like a market with dead people buying and selling.
He ran as fast as he could to a house close to the cemetry and started banging on the door.
A guy opened the door. Akpos breathing heavily said; Please give me water.
Give me water please. I am just coming from the cemetry where i saw dead people buying and selling.
The guy said; You passed through the cemetry at this night.
Don't you know that in the night nobody in this town passes through the cemetry.
Even when i was alive i didn't pass through the cemetry this time of the night.
If you were akpos what will u do??

05/12/2014

A man and his wife quarrelled,
After the fight, the wife went into the bedroom.
A few minutes later, the husband also trooped into the bedroom only to find the wife busy packing her suitcase!
He asked "You are packing! Where are you going" ?
She answered "To my mother".
The man also started packing his clothes.
Angrily, wife said "You are packing!
Where are you going ?"
He replied "Oh. I"m going to my mother!"
The wife replied, "To your mother ???!!
And what about our 6 children ?! Who is going to look after them ?"
The man replied, "You are going to your mother! I'm going to my mother.
The 6 children should go to their mother too.
Who win???
The man or the woman ?.

05/12/2014

Akpos went to American Embassy for a
student visa, and the process of his
interview with the white lady went this
way;
WHITE LADY: what are you going to the
USA for?
AKPORS: to study.
WHITE LADY: which city, school and course
do you wish to study?
AKPORS: Chicago, Economics and Statistics
maths are my admission documents.
WHITE LADY: but there are many
Universities in Nigeria that offer this
course and you still want to travel as far as
USA to study the same course why? I
doubt your genuine intention and
therefore can’t give you the entry visa that
you have applied for.
AKPORS: (in anger) please give me back my
passport let me get out of this place, what
do you think that is in USA that is not in
Nigeria, what do you think that I will see in
USA that we don’t have in Nigeria here? Do
you think that USA is in any way better
than this country and if you think that USA
is better than Nigeria, then why have you
chosen to stay in Nigeria instead of your
country America?
WHITE LADY: (with serious anger and love
for her dear country stood up and said to
him) look am gonna give you entry visa to
USA so that you gonna travel to America
and see what is in USA. The different
between America and Nigeria. (out off
anger, she stamped the visa for Akpos).
May the anger of ur enemy be the
promotion to ur next level!
Can I hear AMEN.

04/12/2014

INSPECTOR: Good afternoon sir, may I see your TV licence?
AKPOS: I do not have a TV, that means I do not have a licence.
INSPECTOR: But I saw an aerial on top of your rooftop?
AKPOS: Inspector please come in.
(Akpos opens the fridge and points to the jar of milk)
AKPOS: Inspector, what is this?
INSPECTOR: How can you ask me such a silly question, it's a jar of milk.
AKPOS: Does that mean I have cows in my yard?!
Lol
one word for AKPOS

04/12/2014