Love lust and longing

20/12/2022

4 years ago

30/10/2022

Ponder what it is you wish to say find the words and contemplate their purpose.

For some words ripen with age while others wither and rot.

-Luvsik

21/10/2022

Some days there are no words

20/08/2022

I was no longer a suitable narcissistic supply

So she replaced me with some other guy

A crush and twinkle in his eye

Four and a half years gone

And I feel like I could die

I guess this is really goodbye

- Luvsik

20/08/2022

She's definitely yours and the 'y' is definitely silent.

-Kill me now

17/08/2022

No explanation could ever suffice

No conversation would ever quell

I often I wish I could just get over it

If only it were possible not to care

Our reasons might differ but the more we try to forget

To run from it

The stronger those feelings become

The more the hellos and goodbyes in the background of our minds create an unexplainable longing

Even so we carry on with this burden

Regret and doubt leave us unable to rest in peace

A high price for our severance for our betrayal to the love born between us

We carry on bravely and the thoughts dwindle over time

We refuse to throw away those momentos and keep them tucked away but the feelings remain in plain sight

Im afraid this will stay with us forever

After everything my love did for me and everything I did for my love

How could we ever ignore this feeling

How could we ever deny that wandering spirit we gave birth too

How could we deny it a space within our heart

The more we struggle the more we get tangled in those thoughts

With time those feelings become so powerful and unbearable that they follow us around like a curse

Felt, unseen but clouding everything

It’s completely heart breaking

The only solace there is, is knowing that the one who waits for me will never let me feel alone

Will never discard me

Will never leave me with no choice but to walk away

Will never hide me or their feelings for me

That she will cling to me the way we once clung to each other

That she will mean everything to me and I will mean everything to her

-Luvsik

07/07/2022

You are a fu**ed off, selfish and cruel

Narcissistic fool

I feel sick and it's your fault

I haven't slept since I woke up to you beating me in the face mother fu**er

You’re as shallow as skin

You paint with pain

mark me with your disdain

You’ve been exactly the same or worse

I loved you now I hate

Forced me to suffer at the hands of the one I adored

Fix your problems with blame

While you start your cycle up again

You’re the worst thing that happened to me today

I really shouldn’t care anymore

My loves the only thing left that's pure

But I don’t think it will endure

It can't really live

can't really take anymore

So in it’s place I’ll hate you forever more

Everything I see reminds me of her and everything she did before

God I wish I’d never met her

The more I live the less I feel

I remind myself that her care wasn’t real

I lied to myself through her betrayal

I knew when she’d disappear

But still I wanted to believe it was real

Why is it even such a big deal

The truth can’t hidden or denied anymore

What the hell did I do this for

the last four years that you did steal

Is there anyone left in my life that’s real

What the f**k was I thinking holding on to her

I might as well have been carving myself with a knife

Anybody else want to say I’ll be fine?

Do I need any more reason to make this the last time

To sleep all day

To give up on that life

So you think I’m cute?

So you’re endeared to my strife?

So you’re trying to feed me a line?

Sure I really don’t care anymore

Tell me I’m adored

Tell me I’m all yours

But honestly f**k words

F**k good intentions

F**k actions or time

I’ll never believe it again

Never put down this wall of mine

I’ll pretend to turn a blind eye

I’ll be out to get what’s mine

because in the end you’re all the same

I am only betrayed

I am only left to die

I am only fed bu****it lies

I am only utilized

I am only slandered

I am only reaped of my time

You are all wrong, fu**ed and condemned to hell

I know My heart is sick and it's your fault

You are the end of everything I once was
And I could careless if you die mother fu**er

This is the end of my kindness and my trust

I haven't slept since I woke up
And found out your love was a lie

You narcissistic monster

-Luvsik

07/07/2022

I’ve lost my will to fight and my dreams

The only thing left is the core of my being

A heart that beats for someone else

If this is where we part

Know I gave what I had to give

That I lost myself focusing on you

That I put myself aside and allowed insult

So that I could be of service to you

So that I could to hold on a little longer

Because nothing was more important to me

Nothing mattered more then you my love

- Luvsik

07/07/2022

Just another day,
That it’s hard to breathe.

Not having you here -
It’s slowly killing me.

They say I have to,
But I don’t want to grieve...
Knowing that means you won’t rest here with me.

I wish you had control and didn’t build a bridge with us as the undeniable toll.

- Bbs

07/07/2022

Every day I make the same wish

I seal it with a kiss

A life with someone I love

Someone I don’t want to miss

- Luvsik

29/06/2022

Wait

You’re pushing me away

You do it everyday

In your own damaged special way

You don’t mean it but it hurts like hell

My brains receiving pain an emotional drain

I find it hard to get enough oxygen

Is she my life support or my bane

My loves to cynical to speak

To tired much too weak

We are losing it I can tell

You scratch your internal itch

Ghost me and expect me to deal with it

Myself I have to stitch

knowing this isn’t the last glitch

She’s a typical 20th century bitch

We are grateful for our other half

The slack comes from the fabric around my neck

The fabric of which I’m cut the collection of the good and every f**k up

I am greatful of who ive become

but these threads are starting to suffocate the neck on which they run

Contracting inch by inch and I’m on my last one

Meanwhile she’s sucking on a thumb playing dumb

When this finally goes we’ll just hum

Distress rejection of a home

This this is all you’ve sown

Destruction to my mind

Just like the one before

A total waste of time and a little fun

You went and you did everything wrong

You want more but I’m done

You’d kill if you could and I’m walking away as I should

you can try to put me down but it’s all good

My hands my love my fun

They’re still with me when you’re gone

Despite everything you’ve done

You want to blame me for everything

You’re worst than you were then

Worse than anything and I let you in

Because I truly believed you were the one

-Luvsik

23/06/2022

My friend died in an accident that night and I find it ironic that his life went as I felt I was losing mine.

It’s a cruel reminder that in the end we are alone and that I should keep fighting for my own life.

I hope you Rest In Peace. You were a true friend. Thank you for the reminder. I’ll make sure not to squander it.

-Luvsik

23/06/2022

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tm1sKABBoto

Pulp - like a friend

Don't bother saying you're sorry.
Why don't you come in?
Smoke all my ci******es, again.
Every time I get no further.
How long has it been?
Come on in now,
Wipe your feet on my dreams.

You take up my time,
Like some cheap magazine,
When I could have been learning something.
Oh well, you know what I mean.

I've done this before.
And I will do it again.
Come on and kill me baby,
While you smile like a friend.
And I'll come running,
Just to do it again.

You are the last drink I never should drunk.
You are the body hidden in the trunk.
You are the habit I can't seem to kick.
You are my secrets on the front page every week.
You are the car I never should have bought.
You are the train I never should have caught.
You are the cut that makes me hide my face.
You are the party that makes me feel my age.

Like a car crash I can see but I just can't avoid.
Like a plane I've been told I never should board.
Like a film that's so bad but I've gotta stay til the end.
Let me tell you now,
It's lucky for you that we're friends.

Like a car crash I can see but I just can't avoid.
Like a plane I've been told I never should board.
Like a film that's so bad but I've gotta stay til the end.
Let me tell you now,
It's lucky for you that we're friends.

Comments:

Unrequited love is horrible, especially when it's for someone who is just a friend. Ever have someone you love ditch or flake out on you as a friend and then come back, and your love overrides common sense and you take them back, only to have them crush you again? Yeah, that's beyond horrible. But what's worse is when there's an element of exploitation. You love her, she's your world, but, alas, you're just friends...only not. She's only a friend because she needs your love, adoration, affection, attention, money, friendship, support, whatever. But if you need her she's not there. And when your services are no longer needed, she's gone forever. Despite all this, if she came back, you'd be dumb enough to let the cycle continue. Why not? There were probably warning signs at the beginning, but you ignored them, and you were dumb enough to put up with it before and you'll do it again.

"You've got nowhere to go but down. And you know why? Because you are a bad person. You don't know the first thing about duty, or honor, or friendship. You're just a cold-hearted, mercenary BITCH!"- Brock Samson.

First time I heard this I never payed attention to the lyrics as Brock is running like everybody’s lives depended on it (in this case it definitely is.) but as I’m listening to the song and reading the lyrics I realized this very song is dedicated to Samson’s off-the-band aid-for-good-relationship with Molotov.

"Like a film that's so bad but I've got to stay till the end. Let me tell you now: it's lucky for you that we are friends". This lyric explains that the victim is dependent of the toxic abuser, and that the abuser takes adventage of that to still hurt the victim and enjoy from his suffering.

My ex sent me this song after we broke up.

When we started dating, I was in a very bad state. Our relationship lasted for only a few days but it hurt both of us. I want to mend things again but I know that we’ll fall into a spiral of a toxic relationship.

Dear Nick if you even can read this,
I finally listened to this song. I finally did. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings when I was broken. I’m not mature enough to love, I need to fix myself before I can love others. I do care for you, I really do. What little we had of our relationship were moments that I treasured even though I was numb. You said I love you to me when I couldn’t, you let me open up to you about a lot of personal things, and although we’re polar opposites, I know we could never date and I broke a lot of promises, I’m sorry, Nick. Please, don’t harm yourself because of me. it’s me that should take the blame.
-your first love that was sh*tty.

"Wipe your feet on my dreams" ugh, it's so accurate if you're going through a heart break but still hoping to get back together with someone.... Great lyrics!

For people hunting the meaning of the song it can be either a friend that drags you down or a girl that you really love that doesn't have feelings for u yet you still try

This song makes me cry😭 sometimes people are sh*tty! it's better to be alone.

Who else hears ' I am not afraid to keep on living. Im not afraid to walk this world alone' ?

I brought me here
Kicking and screaming

This song makes me cry happy tears however. I want to play this for my girl at our wedding. She is my friend. My best friend.

It's a commemoration of all friendships. Real friendship has costs, and they're worth it.

You can only truly hate the ones you love.

From Great Expectations.I don't own the song or lyrics.

09/06/2022

I know how too love

I know how I want to be loved

I know what it looks like

I know how it feels

I know I will find it again

If not with you then with somebody new

-Luvsik

09/06/2022

What are you here todo?

Do it!

-Luvsik

09/06/2022

Give up to let go

- Luvsik

26/05/2022

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3DZO1oiiLcE

The cigarette with the words “never knows best” against the beautiful soundscape of traffic and melancholic atmosphere feels very personal to me, as I often criticize myself for stumbling despite my best efforts. The accidental self deprecation often leaves me with that same glazed stare.

Mamimi’s broken poem responding to Naota’s question on how much she likes his brother is so dreamlike and points so vividly towards Mamimi’s fragile mental state that it makes my emotions swell up immediately.

I feel as if I’m both Naota and Mamimi. Going back n fourth between questioning and answering. Between the reality infront of me and the intangible reality that exists between my ears.

Her response ironically paints this person who clearly means a lot to her as someone she barely likes more than hard bread. I feel it perfectly paints the disillusion of losing a lover. That desperate it’s whatever we all tell ourselves as we try to let go.

While she’s saying all of this, Naota sighing and slumping over the bridge rail as if this isn’t the first time she’s disconnected from reality into some kind of speech that is too difficult or sad for him to comprehend reminds me of my own disassociated states. It resembles the moments where I realize I’ve reached the same conclusions before and recognize there’s nothing left to do. It’s something like a hamster on a wheel tapping out from exhaustion.

All this capped off with a kiss before she’s ripped to shreds by the reality that he’s moved on is absolutely breath taking to me.

Every moment of this is perfect through my tourist gaze and it only seems to get better with age.

[Mamimi is clutching a bag of old bread]
Naota : My brother, I mean - how much do you like him?
Mamimi : It's hard.
Naota : You saw the sign at our bakery, that bread's old.
Mamimi : ...Watermelon.
Naota : Huh?
Mamimi : Or like a panda with a mean face, or like sandals with pressure points drawn on them, or the smell of a blackboard eraser, or a Sunday morning where you wake up and it's raining. Well, I like him more than hard bread.
[Mamimi kisses and nuzzles Naota]
Naota : Why don’t you stop then.

FLCL Clip! - All rights for this video goes to Funimation Entertainment

26/05/2022

A house on fire

A burning bridge

A flaming pyre

A warm goodbye

-Luvsik

25/05/2022

I feel like cracked styrofoam

The kind they attracts dust

Unable to stay clean

Because of its static cling

I can’t help but feel it

Because gravity always wins

With nowhere to run

It breaks me down

But you could say I never frown

Even if it’s all up in smoke

I still laugh at a good joke

Still think that a kiss is sweet

I’m still happy to get some sleep

I feel light on my feet

And I’m still in love with life

Even if it is bitter sweet

However cracked or dirty

I’m still whole and sturdy

-Luvsik

25/05/2022

Took a photograph but even that didn’t last

I’m left standing in broken glass

I felt you drop the knife in my back

But theres no point in fighting

I’m closing the door

Because it was true when I said

That it was you that I adore

-Luvsik

25/05/2022

What we had was a dream but then you pinched me

-Luvsik

25/05/2022

Overcome and completely silent now

With heavens help you could cast your demons out

But you’d have to make amends with those left for dead

And not to pull you down but I recall the deeds done

It feels as if they're someone else's atrocious stories

You stand as if absolved before us all

I’m glad to see you well

And not to pull you off your cloud

But the truth will bring your halo down

Around your neck and choke you out

So I’m more then just a little curious how you’re going to end up making your amends

-Luvsik

20/05/2022

I looked away

As you pulled off your wings

You set us on fire

but we couldn’t die

The demon inside

His influence is nigh

But I won’t let it pry

I thought I saw a change in you

but you never had wings

And your halo was pyrite

Did it make you feel alive

I looked at the time

Then I looked your way

Realizing the sands run dry

Held my hand out

But you’re still trapped in a lie

And this is goodbye

I wish I could have helped you out

I wish the good part of you is able to survive

I wish you luck

You’ll need it if you ever wake up

-Luvsik

16/05/2022

If you see my mate

Tell her it’ll be okay

Tell her that it’s not too late

Tell her that I’m on my way

Tell her that once I’m there I’ll stay

Tell her that we’ll grow old and grey

Tell her that we’ll have a family

Tell her that peace will be our reward

Tell that she’ll forever be my ward

Tell her that I’ll fight for her to sit beside me

Tell her not to worry because we have eternity

If you see my mate

Tell her I waited patiently

Tell her that I held out hope

If you see my mate

Tell her that I didn’t want to let go

If you see my mate

Tell her I am happy

Tell her I will always strive to be more

If you see my mate

Tell her she was my everything but not anymore

If you see my mate

Tell her a part of me died when I closed that door

-Luvsik

16/05/2022

I am the light at the end of the tunnel

You are the darkness enveloping

Every forsaken soul

You were my everything

But you were reduced to a meaning less hole

-Luvsik

16/05/2022

Griffin what have you done
It’s quite the web that you’ve spun
I struggle on despite what you’ve become

-Luvsik

16/05/2022

If only you knew what it meant to me

when I was with you..

You were my pride and joy

But it appears I was a game to you

A tool for you to use

A person to abuse

-Luvsik

16/05/2022

When I could feel you without hurting

When I held you and felt complete

When I belonged to you

Did you see what you were doing to me

Did you see when we fell in love

Did you care that this would happen eventually

-Luvsik

16/05/2022

If you wonder how I did it

How I moved on so easily

Well I avoid all of your breadcrumbs

I silence the whispers and the thoughts

I dare not look at the wreckage

I put what words remain on paper hearts

I bleed the feelings on to pages

Until I’m a cold and lifeless husk

The kind that no one notices or can see

That thing you dared call love

That tiny piece of treasure meant for me

I keep it where no light will travel

Some where I will never see

And If I ever start to miss you

If I start think of those low lit nights

I think of how they must have kissed you

Under the blue glow of refracting light

I think of how you said you missed them

I think of you sleeping with someone else every other night

How you reveled in it thinking you were so bright

How it made you feel clever knowing it wasn’t right

How you kept them on a tether

How you said the same things to me

It repulses any pleasure any love any chance any good memories

You’re ill intent your lies so intertwined

So believe me when I say

I don’t want your time

time... is what I gave you

And it’s you I prayed for

I’m... everything you wanted

And Im so done with you babe

Mine... you declared daily

mine you were never

And you never cared so

I don’t seek any part of you

I don’t glean any post apocalyptic transcriptions

I hold on to no promises

No previous sense of care

And letting goes is easy because

You were never there

You’re nothing more than a bad dream

A ghost trying to take a swing at me

You can’t mean something to me because

you never were...everything

you never were...anything

Im fine and you’ll never hurt me

So go ahead and try

I don’t need to stoop to where you are

Because I’m just so far above you

That you could never hope too reach

So hide from yourself and others

But it’s obvious to me

you’re blind a total loss

and it’s you they pray for

-Luvsik

14/05/2022

I know what she is and isn’t

unfortunately no one can make a wife out of that

But it was a good run

I had my fun and then some

Too bad she was incredibly dumb

So I’m on to the next one

Because it’s a bit too ran through

For me to want too walk that back for you

-GG

14/05/2022

I’ve been hurt by those who claim to love me most and I’m tired of being the gracious host

If you do right by me then we can be but you keep those hands where I can see and you’d better not expect a thing from me

I don’t give a f*k if you worship me because what you say when I’m not around I cannot see and faith has been ripped out of me

Am I the bad am I good those words lost there meaning to me all I know is I was given eyes to see and I’ll never let another snake sneak up on me

I’ll do right by me and everyone else can go get f*kd because of how much people have sucked.

-Luvsik

I’m actually not that bitter at all its just good content 🤓

10/05/2022

We were singing along

How naive to think we could be

At ten before nine I refused her

As I swam for the shore

It felt like the oxygen was gone

I was under so much confusion

Questioning every last rapture

There was so much red in my skies

the world just kept churning on

Even though I was all gone

The whites of my eyes engulfed in what was wrong

Convinced myself that I’m fine again and again

I didn’t see the signs

So I hung on the line

Losing my spine

Reaching the end even more bitter then when I began

I just want to feel again and again

Recover what I gave them

To be able to mean it when I sing along

But this game never really ends

If I look then I find

If I find then I know it’s doomed to end

There’s no forever after

Only temporary rapture

-Luvsik

10/05/2022

She gave me a kiss I gave it back

I was shocked that we were gripping each other panting

The room felt like it was spinning

I don’t know if it was that she had wanted me before or if it was the lack of inhibitions but she began too touch me

I bit at her chest and gently pressed her with my fingers being carful not to pe*****te

I lowered myself and began to lick her

She let out a moan and put her hand on my head I looked up to see her with a finger in her mouth

So as I lay there with her in my mouth I reached up and put my fingers in her mouth

She laid down and pulled me up to her for a kiss

I grabbed her by the throat and proceeded to feed her my tongue

I could feel her need for me as I slowly pressed myself against her

We slid against each other

I could feel her pulse she could feel mine

She gasped and I pinned her down

As I parted her

She melted further as I sunk further with every return

A shock goes down my spine as she pulls me as deeply as she can

I hold her hands above her head as I bite her

She gives a shudder and a shake

I can feel her opening up

So I put her on her side and stretch her further

With one leg in the air she gives a yell And goes limp

She continues cry out for me and I ask her who she belongs to

She tells me she belongs to me

And begs me to fill her up

I feel her open up again

But this time I let go

The release is amazing and it feels like she’s drinking me as she pulses in our wake

-Luvsik

09/05/2022

I wish I meant something to you

I wanted time with you

I wanted to belong to you

To believe everything you said was true

That when you looked me in the eye

That when I laid next to you

That it was true

Me and you

Never to sever

To be kept close

To hold on through the morose

I wish you would submit to me

Be what you pretended to be

To truly love me

-Luvsik

09/05/2022

Baby invited me for a cup of tea

Claimed she didn’t do it intentionally

Poured gas all over me

Pressed herself on me

Burst in to fire “unintentionally”

Baby created quite the fight

trying to get at me but that’s all right

Looking for sympathy from those around me

But there’s no putting out the fire in me

Fates decide whether or not you’re mine

All I can do is put it all on the line

-Luvsik

09/05/2022

The excruciating pain of being betrayed and having your trust broken by the person you love and trust the most.

-Luvsik

09/05/2022

Freyja I know you seek your husband Óðr

You cry your tears of gold

You seek him under false names

But she had found hers

Was it jealousy that served yours

That I represented song and poetry like Óðr

But lived in peace

Or was it that you couldn’t stand

That she chose a master

and that she like he was not truly yours

Or that she had found one immune to wanderlust

Or any other lures

Either way it’s safe to say it not okay

To take young women and turn them into ..

-Luvsik

09/05/2022

Eye lash equivalent of googly eyes

Thick thighs but nothing behind those eyes

Kept me around while she fu**ed multiple guys

Taking there money in exchange for lies

Escorting on the sly

I was her ride or die

Too bad it was based on a lie

Not sure if her mother did die

one in the bunch while she tells me she’s mine

-Luvsik

09/05/2022

I can't even figure out how many people you're seeing... I ate your p***y babe.

What the f*ck.

-Luvsik

09/05/2022

I’ve been growing older

I’ve gotten so much colder

The rides left me worse for wear

I was so completely unaware

They didn’t care

-Luvsik