Ambivalence - isn’t it strange how two opposites can exist at the same time?
I had not looked at these photos in a long while. These memories have been locked away in an old hard drive in the back of the closet for several years now.
I’d be lying if I said I could look back at them without invoking some emotion.
Happy for the part of me that got to experience such young love, passion, lust and romance. Yet Sadness still for the heartache, longing, and empty promises.
I’m far from the 17 year old version of me who fell madly in love with the boy everyone told her not to. It makes me laugh and a little nauseous to look back at her now. The girl would do anything for love, who just desperately wanted to be choosen.
But the thing is, I needed to be her. I needed to fall deeply in love, and get my heart broken, to learn about what love and partnership is (and isn’t). I needed to build a life with someone and then watch it crumble so I could intentionally choose to pick up the pieces of the life I wanted for myself instead, taking the lessons I learned along the way with me.
I’m so glad it’s over, but also very very happy it happened 💕
Ambivalence 🫶
When you’re banking on a lifetime , you dont expect there to be an “After” …
At the same time the world was ending in 2020 (at least it felt like it) the only reality I had known was crumbling down. When the relationship ended, so did I. Since I had built myself around him, I didn’t know how to get back up on my own and so staying down felt easier.
But sometimes better things are born after breakups, so if it feels like it’s the end of you right now - It is, but only so that a new version of you can bloom instead 🦋
