Bad music reviews

05/04/2024

15$ is too much for your sh*tty local show. 10$ is too much too but round numbers look nice.

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01/04/2024

March 30, 2024
Café La ligne Verte

Radium Moon put on their final set. (Thank fu***ng God). I don't know how much more raw energy I could handle.

They started out playing doom and quickly shifted to the softest most beautiful vocal harmonies that made me sick and also a little hard. Just when I was feeling woo'd they turned into a grunge powerhouse to put me in my place.

The band has three vocalists but only two of them sang this night cause they hadn't rehearsed in months. Friggen amateurs.

To top it all off they ended the gig with 2 cover songs instead of actually playing anything that they've released....oh wait....they played "wake up". Talk about a one hit wonder.

Next up was The Maximum Chill. Just when I thought I never had to see another member of radium moon again, their drummer took the center stage. He also took up the majority of the airspace standing at 7'5". It sucked cause he's really handsome and it made my neck hurt.

These guys played what I can only describe as what Frank Zappa might play if he had done drugs. Drugs like bath salts. Cause their zany antics made me want to eat my face. Especially when they started playing All Star by Smash Mouth. The guitar playing was a solid 9.5 but it was played on a Gibson so thats like a 2.7 realistically. Im also pretty sure their drummer is a robot cause no human can play that well. I have my suspicions.

The best part of their set was watching the one N**i audience member leave in anger when he found out their song "Great White Woman" was actually about a Shark/Human hybrid that eats a frisky fisherman.

Overall the night was at least worth the free entry. So I got what I paid for.

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19/03/2024

Monday March 18, 2024
Open Mic Comedy hour 6p-7p at Barfly

Some punk held the door for me as I was going inside but I was quite far so I was forced to do the awkward jog in appreciation. Jerk.

I arrived 10 minutes after 6p so I was a bit surprised to see that no one was on stage yet, cause ya know, most barfly events start exactly when they say they will.

After I finished my pint I realized that there were no comics going up that night. I should have realized that sooner as I was the only one there aside from the 4 locals bar flies (ha ha see what i did there?) that were trash talking Donald Trump, points to them!

As I was walking out, one of the patrons made a comment about me leaving so soon, so me being the sarcastic as***le that I am, addressed the fact that I came for the comedy and clearly there was no comedy happening.

I was met with, "if you came for jokes, ill tell ya a joke." "Where do boats go when theyre sick" "They go to the Doc(k)"

10/10 delivery - Thanks orange coat guy - I laughed - It rained on the way home -

best open mic stand up ive ever attended.

15/03/2024

Now that it's warm enough to miss that last metro, we will be frequenting more shows to take massive dumbps on your music!

Want a free satirical review? Just send us a DM and we'll be there! We'll also take really mediocre pictures that you can show to your butthurt uncle that says "pUnk iS dEad". That'll show'em.

18/02/2024

The TraXide Feb 18,2024

I had to bus my ass an hour across town to that awesome sh****le.

Dying of Thirst was the worst. They played 4 or 5 of the sickest dirtiest hardcore songs I’ve ever heard and I’m so mad they only exist now that I’m too old to handle a mosh pit. 10/10 would not recommend to anyone who loves nickelback.

Leveling out the night was LE REVENANT with their mix of boomer alt metal and oh boy does their singer sweat a lot. The worst part about their set was that they’re so fu***ng heavy Pats mic spontaneously combusted. The crowd was jumping around and fighting each other so it’s obvious everyone was trying to escape.

To top it all off Xpo Decay made the crowd even more angry. Nu metal….more like booooo metal. I can’t enjoy Korn anymore cause all I can think of is xpo decay. It didn’t help that their singer showed us his ni***es. 🥵.

All in all it was a terrible night. Just as expected. And I can’t wait to see these sh*tty bands again.

21/10/2023

There is never any reason for a cis male to be performing topless. Put your shirt back on. Please.

07/10/2023

I’ve been thinking about how I want to go about this without insulting anyone. And before we post our first reviews I just want everyone to know that this page will be 100% satire. While highlights may be true, this is to point the finger and make light of the things that are common and comical in the music scene. Nothing will ever be posted to insult. a bad review here..and all will be.. does not mean I think your band sucks. Even though it does. But you know that already. It means I took the time to watch and appreciate your set , and then make light of what I see as funny. That is all.

Music is opinionated and this page is purely for fun. If you happen to be included, don’t take it personally. This is satire. This is fun. And all publicity is good publicity. Lol.