Witticism Magz

09/04/2016

29/10/2015

He is always watching..

11/01/2013

That look you give your friends when someone attractive walks in the room.

10/01/2013

You're the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the glitter to my sushi, and the ketchup to my icecream. My point is, you're worthless.

10/01/2013

"No offense" = "I'm about to insult you, but you can't get mad."

09/01/2013

Does anyone ever see things in their dreams and then later in life see the exact same thing and freak out for a couple seconds?

07/01/2013

Have you ever wanted to meet yourself and see yourself from someone else's point of view?

07/01/2013

Slapping your best friend when you get excited about something.

07/01/2013

I delete my entire password if I think I typed one letter wrong.

06/01/2013

I wish people were like money so you could hold them up to the light to see which ones are real and which ones are fake.

02/01/2013

What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life And you are starting back off at your last checkpoint

02/01/2013

That embarrassing moment when you realize that person wasn't waving at you :P

02/01/2013

My Heart: "I like you... I want you... I want us..." My Mind: "It will never happen."

02/01/2013

I gotta carry my phone around with me 24/7 just in case nobody texts me.

01/01/2013

Person: "Hey are you okay?" Me: "Yeah, just having a bad day..week..month..year..life..existence."

01/01/2013

Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there's an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH."

31/12/2012

That moment when you have so many things to do so you decide to take a nap instead.

29/12/2012

I believe in hate at first sight.

29/12/2012

I hate that one s*x scene that only comes on when your parents walk in the room....AWKWARD

29/12/2012

Don't grow up. Its a trap

29/12/2012

That f**k yea moment when the teacher calls on you because they don't think you were paying attention, and you get the answer right

29/12/2012

Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah, me neither.

29/12/2012

*When my name's is in a Math problem* Class: *Stares at me* Me: That's right B*tches. I bought 60 watermelons.

28/12/2012

We can now put the movie 2012 in the comedy section.

28/12/2012

Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.

28/12/2012

I don't always study. But when I do, I make sure my parents notice.

28/12/2012

I wonder how long it would take a giraffe to throw up.

28/12/2012

Things I'm bad at: singing. Things I do a lot: sing.

28/12/2012

Teacher: "Why are you late?" Me: "Why does it matter. You still get paid, right?"

28/12/2012

Low battery! Low battery! Low battery! Well apparently, you have enough battery to remind me every 2 seconds.

28/12/2012

Me: I'm going out. Parents: With friends? Me: Nope, with Pokemon.

27/12/2012

My bed is more comfortable in the morning than it is at night.

27/12/2012

When you're at someone's house? Normal people: "What a lovely house!" Me: "What's your wifi password?"

27/12/2012

I really miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like bitch whatever.

27/12/2012

Every teacher before they draw on the board: "I'm not an artist."