ROFL Diaries

18/11/2013

09/11/2013

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

07/11/2013

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally... a smart blonde joke.

06/11/2013

A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the plane and sat down in first class. A few minutes later, a flight attendant came up to her and told her that her ticket was for coach and she had to move from the seat. She refused. The flight attendant was persistent, but the blonde replied, "No, I want to sit here, I've always wanted to see what it is like in first class." The flight attendant was getting frustrated. Finally, after quite some time, she convinced her to move. Another passenger who overheard the conversation asked the attendant, "How did you get her to move?" The flight attendant replied, "I told her that first class doesn't stop in Detroit."

04/11/2013

From everyone at ROFL Diaries we wish you a very very Happy Diwali and a prosperous New Year. :)

10/10/2013

Indian Mathematics

SSC + HSC + BE + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT

4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand = 4 minute song in Bollywood

Rona Dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials

Star Movies - Rerun + Good Movies = HBO

Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan - Talent

1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

One engineer + No work = Many FB admins

08/10/2013

Q: Why do men prefer intelligent women?

A: Opposites attract.

07/10/2013

-- Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

-- Oral s*x makes one's day. A**l s*x makes one's hole weak.

-- S*x is like bridge game: don't need partner if you have good hand.

07/10/2013

Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other?

A: Together, we can stop this sh*t.

02/10/2013

How many male chauvinists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. Let the bitch cook in the dark!

02/10/2013

"My uncle ran for Senate last year."

"Really? What does he do now?"

"Nothing. He got elected."

30/09/2013

A cop drives up to lovers lane and sees a car there. So he walks up to the car, and there's a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book.
The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book and I'm 20."
Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how oldshe is. The boy replies, "She's knitting and she'll be 18 in about five minutes."

30/09/2013

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

30/09/2013

You know you're having a bad day when your twin sister forgets your birthday!

26/09/2013

Inspirational quote of the day.

25/09/2013

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild s*x, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having s*x all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

17/09/2013

Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?

A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock.

13/09/2013

A shipment of Vi**ra was hijacked on the way to the depot.

The police have warned the public to be on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.

13/09/2013

A doctor from France says: "In France, the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's Liver; we put it into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."

The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

The Indian doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us....in India, few years back, we grabbed a person with head covered with a PUGREE with no brains, no heart we made him the Prime Minister of India , and now....... the whole damn country is looking for work.

13/09/2013

A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?"
A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

12/09/2013

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"

"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.

"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.

The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"

"I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"

11/09/2013

Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside.

"Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."

"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."

11/09/2013

A blonde gets her haircut while wearing a pair of headphones. The hairdresser asks her to take them off, but she protests that she'll die without them.

The hairdresser sighs, and starts cutting the hair around the headphones. Soon, the blonde falls asleep, and the hairdresser removes the headphones. A few minutes later, the blonde collapses, dead on the floor. Alarmed, the hairdresser puts the headphones to his ear and hears, "Breathe in. Breathe out."