19/06/2022
When you live in a patriarchal household and society, you naturally begin to do things your own way because you are so done with the existing culture. I too want to break stereotypes and norms, basically deviate from the normal culture. The system we live in is toxic, demeaning, destructive and poisonous.
On my nikah day, I wanted to set a precedent (which I did) for the upcoming brides. The kind of backlash I faced during and after this incident was enormous. I did not want to unthinkingly sign this piece of paper without reading it. I knew my rights. I knew the clauses in nikahnama (thanks to the Islamic law module of my LLB degree). I researched how the clauses are filled, what kind of language is used, what did the law say about nikahnama. I saw some sample nikahnamas on the internet and in the family.
Unsurprisingly, some important areas of the paper are crossed out without asking the groom or bride. The couple is not asked about nikahnama as to whether they want to insert any term or not. I refused to bow down to this culture. I refused to be sitting on the sofa with a red dupatta on my head while the males did all the work.
I filled my nikahnama myself, wrote all the details of gawahs myself. I wanted to own that piece of paper, like it was MY life contract, it was MY right to write whatever I wanted in that paper, it was MY discretion that would be exercised, it was ME who was the concerned party regarding terms of the nikahnama. Each clause of that legally binding contract was filled, by no third person, but by one of the concerning parties with the consent of the other party.
I signed away my life and my soul to this very person who was my constant support throughout the process and still wants to break every stereotype with me. While signing, tears trickled down my cheeks, ruining my mascara. But it was all worth it! My heart had swollen with immense happiness and gratitude. I was not sad because I would be leaving my parents house soon, I had no thought of that kind. There was just a lot of love for my husband and gratitude to my Allah. The love and gratitude made my cry, no other feeling. Inner me was screaming ‘it's finally happening oh my god!’ haha khair.
I got to hear words like ‘aj tak kisi larki ne nikahnama khud se fill kia hai?’, ‘aj tak kisi larki ne itni besharmi dikhai hai?’, ‘tumhain masla kya tha? Kar leta na qari nikah nama fill’,
I had to do what I did, I do what I have to do, all by the help of Allah.
Reading your nikahnama is besharmi, but filling your nikahnama is mega-besharmi. But to all the women out there: Muslim Family Laws Ordinance 1961 tells you about your rights and obligations, you must read it. We have to promote a culture where the bride and groom mutually decide the terms of contract without any interference.
Here's to breaking stereotypes
Here's to owning every part of your life as your own
Here's to taking charge of your life in a patriarchal household
Here's to signing nikah with your liberty and discretion
Here's to setting an example for the upcoming generation
Here's to speaking up for yourself.
(Originally posted on 10 June 2020 on my personal profile)
