19/06/2020
Man Washes Dishes, Dishes Wash Man
The Hidden Risks in Washing Dishes
By Roger L. Forsythe
Mr. Forsythe is the style and social media critic for First World Problem News
June 19, 2020
Nobody likes washing dishes, I think we can all agree that’s an established fact.
Dishwashers have made things much easier in the modern age, and I’m of course referring to both the appliance, and the people you hire to do it for you.
But there are times, say, when it’s later at night, and your Maid has either gone home, or is out sick for a day or so, when the task falls to you and you alone. It’s rare, but it happens.
The other night, after enjoying a light snack of warm cookies with milk and brandy (if you haven’t tried that combination, trust me, it’s delightful), I approached the sink with some degree of trepidation. There were already some utensils in there, as well as plates and a pan.
I stood at the center of the sink, looking down at what seemed an insurmountable task, took a deep breath, and turned on the faucet. As I reached for a sponge and detergent, I suddenly felt a rush of warm water on my belly, splashing downwards onto my pants and pooling at my feet like a torrent straight out of Niagara Falls. What could be happening!? Why was this happening? I had only turned on the water, and now, the water was on me!
To my horror and surprise, I looked down at the sink and saw the culprit. A simple large spoon was sitting upright, perfectly centered with the stream of water, causing it to redirect in the most unbelievable way— cupping upwards and out of the sink and directly towards me!
Frozen for a moment, because I couldn’t believe what was happening, I quickly lurched forward to turn off the faucet, which I imagined was mocking me for my folly, for not checking where the water would strike before turning it on full blast.
I stood there, half-soaked, in shame and embarrassment. Luckily no one was around to witness the humiliation. I cleaned up the excess water on the floor but left the dishes for another day, for when the maid returned, and things could return to normal and the world made sense again.
