04/03/2025
This. This. This.
"“It took me 10 years to realize my husband was abusive. For me, it was just normal, because it was how my dad treated my mom and how my parents treated me.”
It’s the recurring theme I hear in the support group I run, from thousands of readers, and on my page. Authoritarian parenting is a vital ingredient in the recipe for patriarchal socialization because it sets girls up to actively seek out abuse, to perceive abusive behavior as loving, and to never fully trust themselves. It stunts the ability to develop a full self, thereby undermining a woman’s ability to make friends, live independently, and critically assess romantic partners.
We’re witnessing a huge backlash against gentle, empathic, emotionally intelligent parenting right now. Even those of us who know we’re doing the right thing are feeling the pressure. This is no accident. We’re also facing a massive feminist backlash. And if you want girls to grow up to be compliant, subservient, and unquestioning, authoritarian parenting is one of the best ways to stymie their independence and make them highly vulnerable to abusive men. Once a woman is under the control of an abusive man, patriarchy doesn’t have to do much else to control her.
No wonder so many of us feel judged and pressured to control our children. This is by design.
So how does authoritarian parenting set girls up for abusive relationships? And what can you do to reduce the risk to your own child?
This is the third installment in a new series, “High control parenting to high control marriages.”
https://zawn.substack.com/p/how-authoritarian-parents-set-their
