Laugh a Minute

15/04/2019

3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"😂

03/12/2018

SEE LEGAL LEGALITY

Mr. Oko bought a well from Alhaji Adongo, and paid in full.
The next day, Adongo came to meet Mr. Oko at his shop.

OKO: Ah, Alhaji, welcome. I hope no problem o.

ALHAJI: There is no problem, Mr. Oko. I just came to tell you that I sold you the well, but not the water inside the well. If you fetch water from the well, you will pay me.

OKO: Ah, Alhaji, I am very happy you came. In fact, I was just about to come and meet you. I don't need the water in the well, I want to use the well to store some of my goods. So, I want you to come and carry all your water from the well so that water will not spoil my goods.. If you don't carry your water by tomorrow, I will start charging you rent for using my well to store your water...

Neighbours are still trying to revive Alhaji Adongo..😅😅😅

26/02/2017

Timeline Photos

24/07/2016

Patient: Dr pls am I ugly?
Doctor :“ you're not ugly”
Patient : But everybody says I'm
ugly !”
Doctor : “Listen , you are not ugly"
Patient :“ I know I'm ugly ”
Doctor : “You are a fine, strong
looking man ”
Patient : “ I'm a woman ”
Doctor : Eiiiii, saaaa? KAAFRA..😂😂😂😂

01/04/2016

Teacher: Write an eassay about the sport you like best.

Student: The game i like best is table tennis. One man stand here, one man stand here then what you hear is koka...koka...koka...koka 😂😂😂😂

11/01/2016

It's in the family...lol

12/11/2015

Agric Science class"
Teacher, asked: "what are some of the benefits we derive from poultry production ?

Bright : The birds are sold to generate income (money).

Teacher: Brilliant ... Who else can give us another benefit?

Oheneba Appiah: The meat of the birds serve as food....

Teacher: Very good, yees...another benefit?

Kofi : Sir, wo bεtumi de ne kosua no abɔdua.

Teacher: Aboafunu' wobεtumi de abɔ dadeε; get out of my class and join your father at the shrine.. Foool..!!
😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃

18/07/2015

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:
"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.

While I was driving along the highway, I saw this young girl here, looking tired and bedraggled,
So I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten in the refrigerator.

She had only some worn-out sandals on her feet, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discarded because they had gone out of style.

She was cold, so I gave her the sweater I bought you for your birthday that you never wore because the colors didn't suit you.

Her slacks were worn out, so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good but too small for you now.

Then, as the young girl was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, "Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?"

23/01/2014

A woman was nearly knocked.down by a vehicle this morning.
Woman: ah driver, cant you see it is a zebra crossing.
Driver: fa wo nkwaseasem fri ho. wo y3 zebra?...

14/09/2013

A pastor had a poultry farm at the church premises, one evening his biggest c**k went missing.
In church da next day
Pastor asked-"who has the big c**k?"all da men stood up?.
He said -" no, I meant who has seen the big c**k?" all da women got up,
Pastor -"no, no I mean who has seen a c**k that isn't theirs?" half of the women got up.
He said -"oh for goodness sake I mean who has seen my big c**k?"
All da choir girls got up...... lol

18/07/2013

In a court trial, a lawyer called his first witness who happens to an elderly grandmother, to the stand,
he went to her and ask,
"Mama akpors" do you know me?
She responded; yes, i do know you Mr pollus. I've known you since you were a young boy, and to be frank, you have been a disapointment to your parents and to the society,you are a liar, you cheat people including your wife.you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs, you think you are a big man when you don't even have brain and manners,
yes' i know u!..
The lawyer was stunned, not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and ask again;
Mama akpors" do you know the defence lawyer?
She replied; yes i do, i've known Mr Gideon since he was a young boy too, he has been your verygood friend because the two of you have desame character. He has also been a very lazy man and he has a drinking problem. Infact he is a criminal, he can't even build a normal relationship with anyone, his law pratice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention, he cheated on his wife with more than 3 different women, one of them was your wife,
yes, i know him.
The defence lawyer almost fainted..

The judge called the both lawyers to his table
and in a very quiet voice,said, if any of you idiots ask her if she knows me, i will make sure you lose your license!.

10/07/2013

A couple received a letter from
their daughter who went to study
modern physics overseas. ~SHE WROTE~
My beloved Parents, I miss u so
much & it breaks my heart to think
that by d time i get back, you will
be too old.
So, enclosed you will find a bottle of a red portion i have invented. It
will make u young, so when i
return, you will be the same age as
i left u.
NOTE: "Pls, take only a drop."
GoodBye i love u! So they opened the envelope & in
it, is a bottle with a red portion.
The man looked at his wife & says
"U go first". So d wife takes a
drop, thereafter the husband
follows. Indeed d wife turns 5yrs younger.
Years later, d daughter returns
home 2 to find her mother young
& pretty, carrying a baby on her
back. The mother proceeds to tell
her daughter how d portion worked
& made her look young. D
daughter was happy & asks
after her father. "Your Father?
Hmmmmm, my child, ur father was
so jealous dat i was so young and beautiful, so he drank d whole
bottle.
"Whaaaat? So where is he?"
replied her daughter.
Hmmmm na him dey my back.

03/07/2013

IT WAS CHEMISTRY CLASS AND THE TEACHER ASKED HIS STUDENT'S TO NAME THE ATMOSPHERIC GASES.
KWEKU: HYDROGEN GAS
TEACHER: GOOD
ESI: OXYGEN GAS
TEACHER: THAT'S MY GIRL
KWABENA: TEARGAS
TEACHER: HEY KWABENA YOU HAVE ONE MORE CHANCE OR ELSE I WILL DEAL WITH YOU
KWABENA THINKS VERY DEEP AND SAY'S: SIR FABRIGAS.
Lol

20/02/2013

INTERVIEWER:- What is your name?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
INTERVIEWER:- Tell me properly!
AKPORS:- Michael Pinkrah sir
INTERVIEWER:- Your father's name?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
INTERVIEWER:- What does that mean?
AKPORS:- Moses Pinkrah sir
INTERVIEWER:- Your native place?
AKPORS: M.P sir
INTERVIEWER:- And what's that?
AKPORS:-MamPong sir
INTERVIEWER:- What is your qualification?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
INTERVIEWER:- (Angry) what is it?!
AKPORS:- Master of Philosophy
INTERVIEWER:- So why do you need a job?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
INTERVIEWER: Meaning?
AKPORS:- Money Problem sir
INTERVIEWER:- What is your personality?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
INTERVIEWER:- Would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time?
AKPORS:- Monocratic Personality
INTERVIEWER:- I see... I will get back to you.
AKPORS:- Sir, how's M.P?
INTERVIEWER:- And what's that again?
AKPORS:- My Performance.
INTERVIEWER:- M.P !
AKPORS:- Meaning?
INTERVIEWER:- Mental Problem!!!

22/01/2013

Student: Are you the new English teacher?
Teacher: Yes, I are

10/01/2013

Teacher::Akpos finish this sentence.. Many are called but............ ............... Akpos :: But only few have credit to call back

10/01/2013

A husband buys a dozen panties of the same colour for his wife.
Wife protests: Why the same colour, people will think I don't change my panties.
Husband: uh? Which people???

Total silence!!!

15/09/2012

Two mad men organised to run away from a mental hospital. They started planning and agreed they will go to the gate, beat up the security guard, then open the gate and run away. When they reached the gate, the security guard wasn't around and the gate was wide open. They stood there for a while and said "S**t, our plan has failed, let's go back and try again tomorrow".

01/09/2012

A wife asked her husband to describe her.
Husband said, "you're A B C D E F G H I J K".
Wife asked, "what does that mean?"
The husband said," Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant,
Fairly Gorgeous and Hot."
She said, "oh, that's so lovely, what about I J K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding" ...

20/06/2012

The New Lawyer
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.

As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..

"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.."

"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.."

"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.."

This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.

What can I do for you?"

The man replied "I'm from the phone company..I came to hook up your phone."

18/06/2012

Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high.

Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.

The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps.

After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.

26/03/2012

A couple decided to go on vacation during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband flew out on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere else, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

22/03/2012

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small.

The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

The teacher reiterated a whale could not
swallow a human; it was impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

22/03/2012

A a painter called Jack was very interested in making extra money where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time. Eventually a church decided to do a big renovation job on one of their biggest churches.

Jack put in a painting bid, and because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he set to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks and buying the paint and thinning it down with the turpentine.

Well, Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened, and rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jack fair off the scaffold to land on the lawn.

Jack was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees and cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"

From the thunder, a mighty voice spoke: "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

17/03/2012

Laugh a Minute

Name them paa...

A rich man snatched the wife a poor young chap. When judgement day came, God placed the poor man at heaven's gate to question and give a second chance to sinners. While there he saw the rich man approaching and decided it was time for revenge. He began questioning:
Poor man: On which mountain did Noah's ark settle?
Rich man: Ararat
Poor Man: Who was the first blacksmith mentioned in the Bible
Rich man: Tubal-Cain

The rich man was answering correctly to all the man's questions without even thinking. Poor man was getting frustrated. He finally asks:

"How many people did Jesus feed with five loaves and two fish?"
"5000", the rich man said.
"Ok, name them..."

17/03/2012

A rich man snatched the wife a poor young chap. When judgement day came, God placed the poor man at heaven's gate to question and give a second chance to sinners. While there he saw the rich man approaching and decided it was time for revenge. He began questioning:
Poor man: On which mountain did Noah's ark settle?
Rich man: Ararat
Poor Man: Who was the first blacksmith mentioned in the Bible
Rich man: Tubal-Cain

The rich man was answering correctly to all the man's questions without even thinking. Poor man was getting frustrated. He finally asks:

"How many people did Jesus feed with five loaves and two fish?"
"5000", the rich man said.
"Ok, name them..."

09/02/2012

The Drunk Sermon
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:

Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
We do not refer to the cross as the big T!
When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say ,"Eat me."
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

05/12/2011

Angry Genie

One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.

Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."

So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.

For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss' house appeared two of each car.

Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully", and so the man replied... "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

03/12/2011

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

15/11/2011

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone maybe."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

13/11/2011

A Chinese guy calls to U.S.
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to me. Who is this?.. Caller : I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree
Caller: Oh God :)

13/08/2011

An atheist went to the governor's office to ask about holidays. His complaint was that why does everyone else have a holiday. For example, Christians have Easter and Christmas. The Jewish Have Yom Kippur, etc. The Governor replied "You really want a holiday just for atheists?", "Yes, absolutely!" was his answer. The Governor replies, "Ok, your holiday will be on April 1st".

06/08/2011

Too smart for first grade...

06/08/2011

A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?" The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine."