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The Human Zoo Blog

This is a blog about weirdos, degenerates, and na'er-do-wells. Also weird news and bizarre phenomena affecting my daily life. Read at your own risk

02/06/2017

Memorial Day Gropefest

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/06/02/memorial-day-gropefest/

Well gang my Memorial Day was rather interesting. I spent my holiday covering big events at Arlington National Cemetery. First thing that morning I was at JFK’s grave site to photograph a wreath la…

19/05/2017

Weird S*x

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/05/18/weird-s*x/

OK gang the other day I wrote about weird news and today I’m doing it again. Also, just like last time this piece also has a theme…weird s*x! 1. Our first story comes to us from York, Pennsylvania …

13/05/2017

P***s News

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/05/12/pen*s-news/

Remember that scene from Anchorman when Christina Applegate was pi**ed she had to cover a cat fashion show? I never understood her character’s frustration because I would be over the moon if that w…

12/05/2017

My brief career as a cop killer

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/05/11/my-brief-career-as-a-cop-killer/

Well gang Facebook was nice enough to remind me that a year ago I was briefly the subject of a police manhunt in my hometown of Rockford, Illinois. Yessir, I’ll never forget that day. I was in bas…

10/05/2017

Charm City Weekend

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/05/10/charm-city-weekend/

Well gang I spent my weekend in Baltimore watching baseball. My beloved Chicago White Sox played a three game series against the hometown O’s and I figured I might as well stay for the duration. It…

25/04/2017

March for science

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/04/24/march-for-science/

Hey gang. My girlfriend and I spent our Earth Day in downtown Washington D.C. at the March For Science. � Our foray into activism did not get off to an auspicious start. Getting to the march meant…

20/04/2017

Eels

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/04/20/eels/

Hey gang did you hear about this guy in China who had a bit of trouble with an eel? Apparently he inserted one into his a**s as a folk remedy for constipation. The eel burrowed its way through his …

12/04/2017

The Eiger Sanction

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/04/12/the-eiger-sanction/

The other day I was riding the train home. As usual I was reading a book, and the guy standing next to me got excited when he noticed it was The Eiger Sanction by Trevanian. “Hey what do you think…

07/04/2017

The John Glenn Boondoggle

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/04/07/the-john-glenn-boondoggle/

I had to be at work at 5am today. Why? I was assigned to photograph the motorcade escorting the body of former Ohio senator, U.S. Marine Corps aviator and astronaut John Glenn to its final resting …

05/04/2017

Baltimore

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/04/05/baltimore/

Had an exciting weekend gang. The gf’s parents were in town and we took a trip to Charm City aka Baltimore, Md. Home of Babe Ruth, Edgar Allan Poe, and the Star Spangled Banner! Don’t let reruns of…

27/03/2017

Arlington National Cemetery

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/03/26/arlington-national-cemetery/

Well gang I worked this weekend. I didn’t have to but I decided since I now have a big boy job maybe I should show some ambition for the first time in my life and go above and beyond what& #82…

20/03/2017

Spider-Man and the Sinister 6

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/03/20/spider-man-and-the-sinister-6/

Hey gang. I’ve been going through a renaissance of sorts recently. I’ve gotten back into reading comic books and graphic novels. The other day I finished off a Spider-Man collection Return of the S…

16/03/2017

Sh*tty Sports Fans

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/03/16/sh*tty-sports-fans/

Last night my gal and I were fortunate enough to luck in to some hockey tickets. Friends of ours had extra tickets and invited us to watch the Washington Capitals battle it out with the Minnesota W…

07/03/2017

Beauty and the Beast

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/03/07/beauty-and-the-beast/

Ok so have you guys heard the controversy about the live action Beauty and the Beast film? Apparently Gaston’s sidekick LeFou will be openly gay and people are PI**ED. Now when I say people I…

06/03/2017

Victoria’s Secret

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/03/06/victorias-secret/

Over the weekend the girlfriend and I went un**es shopping, and to the best of my memory it was my first time in a Victoria’s Secret. I’ve had this thought before but yesterday solidifi…

02/03/2017

State Street Station

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/03/02/state-street-station/

Hey gang. This is a little piece about my hometown, the dystopian hellscape that is Rockford, Illinois. Its the end of an era as local landmark, the State Street Station, has closed their doors aft…

24/02/2017

Norse Mythology

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/23/norse-mythology/

Hey gang. I finished Neil Gaiman’s Norse Mythology the other day and there is much to discuss. I’ve read Norse mythology before but this was a nice refresher and great reminder that Norse myths are…

21/02/2017

President’s Day

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/21/presidents-day/

Well gang today was President’s Day. I don’t know how you guys spent yours but much of mine was spent at George Washington’s palatial Mount Vernon estate. I wasn’t there to …

20/02/2017

The Kayaker

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/20/the-kayaker/

Anyone who has met my dad knows he’s…interesting. Yes, that’s the word I’ll use to describe him. I could tell many a story about his eccentricities for but now I am going to…

14/02/2017

Old Timey Prospector

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/14/old-timey-prospector/

Hey gang. Here’s another fun story about my Navy daze. Once upon a time there was a scrawny little weirdo who was on the same ship as myself. This guy had the physique of an o***m addict, and norma…

11/02/2017

Photographing the President

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/11/photographing-the-president/

I hadn’t been to the White House since I was a kid but today I was was on the grounds covering Japan’s Prime Minister Shinzo Abe arriving to meet with our beloved god king. I was pretty…

10/02/2017

A hodgepodge of weirdos, the internet and conspiracy

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/10/a-hodgepodge-of-weirdos-the-internet-and-conspiracy/

How do you do? This post is about strange/annoying people I encountered on the train today, internet weirdos, and conspiracies. If none of that appeals to you I offer you two choices: 1. stab your …

06/02/2017

Lady Gaga’s Superbowl Show

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/06/lady-gagas-superbowl-show/

OK gang this is the second of a two part series about the Super Bowl that has nothing to do with football. Today’s installment focuses on the halftime show and its sinister message. I don’t n…

06/02/2017

Eunuchs and the Super Bowl

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/06/eunuchs-and-the-super-bowl/

Well today is the Superbowl so I should probably write something about that. Before I do though I wanted to mention the book I started reading this morning, The Dragon Syndicate: The Global Phenome…

03/02/2017

Work Field Trip

https://thehumanzooblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/03/work-field-trip/

A few weeks back there was a forecast of snow and I got my hopes up way too high about the prospect of missing work. I’ve gone on the record saying snow days never lose their novelty and prob…

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02/06/2017

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