08/02/2024
"So for me, the final step in this, the transmutation, is making it a practice. I am not without jealous voices in my brain, about all sorts of things. I get jealous all the time of people who I think have better bodies than me or sing better than me, or have better style or more friends or higher in their career. Or in, in romantic and s*xual relationships, you know, like more experienced or hotter or whatever. More desirable. I still have all of the thoughts, but when I have those thoughts, my practice is that I see the thought and I think. Oh, that's not how I wanna show up in the world. And I replace the thought. And actively, I go, mmm, okay. I'm feeling jealous of that person 'cause they're singing this song that I know that I can't sing that well, as well as them. And instead of indulging in that, that thought of like, let me be jealous of them. Let me be mad at them. Let me feel bad about myself now.
I'm gonna go, wow, that person has a beautiful voice. They sing the s**t outta that song. I bet if I worked at it, I could get somewhere with that song that I'd be happy with. This person did it. Why can't I?
And so I'll actively replace the thoughts and I will throw my heart behind the new thought that I wanna cultivate. The more you do that, the more the new thought becomes the thing that your mind goes to, uh, faster. Sometimes right away. The less you have to do the constant, like, identify the thought that doesn't align with my values, replace it with the thought that does. Because it starts to become habit, it starts to become automatic. So like I use the example of looking at people singing because singing, my singing voice has become just like this massive insecurity for me since the pandemic and not singing all the time. And my chops are not as refined as they've always been.
So that's like the thing that I've been struggling with recently, but it's the same process with anything. I want other people to have pleasure. I want other people to have joy. I want other people to have s*x and, and success and, and things that they want in their lives, whether they're my partners or my friends or just strangers. So I'm gonna choose to be happy for them when they get that. Even if my automatic emotional reaction isn't aligned with that choice, I can choose my actions in the world. I can't choose my thoughts and feelings that come up automatically. I can change my thoughts and I can choose my actions. So that's how I do it.
And if you keep this practice up over time, it's, it starts to get real easy. Like I don't, I, it's been years since I really felt jealous in a, in a romantic or s*xual relationship. Because it's just an automatic thought now to be like, Ooh, of course you want that hot little thing, why not? You know? Like if I was in your position, I would too! Enjoy my love. You know, that's, that's my automatic response now."
- Samia Mounts, who serves up a whole lotta wisdom in this jealousy episode
A podcast with Samia Mounts, one of my favorite humans and a complete sentence. In this case: Samia mounts jealousy.