Things We Don't Discuss

24/05/2020

Dear ,

It's been a while, I know. After a hiatus, I am reaching out to touch base, to take a collective breath, to share a little bit of what I am learning through moments of .

I have been reminded and want to remind you, too, that this moment is revealing our fault lines. It is reflecting who we are, what we value, how we work and what doesn't work—what likely hasn’t worked-- for us in some time. This moment is holding a mirror up to us and giving us a chance to rethink and reframe our lives, our relationships, our work and the interconnectedness and intensity with which we’ve braided them together.

On my end, I was explicitly reminded by my husband, after several mini-breakdowns,that Burnout is Not a Badge of Honor (). Since then, I have been thinking about what it looks like, feels like, to strive for a life that truly prioritizes what matters most to me. I know, these are Things We Don’t Discuss out loud or with each other, right?
Well, I’m working on replacing meaningless practices with mindful, productive breakthroughs….one less email, project, Zoom meeting at a time.

Make no mistake. My work matters. I am committed to it. But I am more committed to living in purpose on purpose and with better equilibrium. My family deserves that. I deserve that. So do you. And, honestly, our collective work will benefit more when we can be fully present wherever our feet are.

Enjoy the long weekend!

-Uva

 Burnout is not a badge of honor. This week, several colleagues shared they were trying to show up BIG for their organizations while also showing up ... 20 comments on LinkedIn

23/07/2019

Hi ! I’m writing a piece on surviving the job transition. If you have secured a new role through promotion, demotion and everything in between, what did you learn? And, of equal importance, what would you like to discuss that might help ease this professional pivot?

13/03/2019

In an earlier season of my career, I was considering participating in a new leadership program. It required pairing with an established leader-mentor. When I saw her name, I knew two things—she had vision and voice.

First, when she entered a room, she didn’t focus on being seen. She focused on giving her full attention to others. On listening. On seeing what felt like just you--whomever you might be.

Second, her voice mattered. When she spoke, she had an innate ability to quiet the room. To encourage others to lean into her words. And if an inclusive conversation was required (and it seldom isn’t), she masterfully introduced it, set it on the table, prioritized it.

That season, she became my mentor. And nearly a decade later, I am a better person and professional for her presence in my life—for her mentorship, sponsorship, friendship.

In this season, I am grateful for her willingness to share some of the leadership gems she’s cultivated in so many of us over the course of her well established career. I am grateful for her willingness to share, with candor, the Things We Don’t Discuss. You will be too.

Sharmain Matlock-Turner (uac.org) is sharing. . And, hopefully, you’re listening to episode #2 at uvacoles.com.

12/03/2019

“You ultimately have to create enough of a combustion to try to open things up…”

-Sharmain Matlock-Turner, President and CEO of the Urban Affairs Coalition.

As one of Philadelphia’s most dynamic and sought out thought leaders, Sharmain stands firmly at the intersection of race, identity, gender, and leadership.

On this episode of Things We Don’t Discuss (uvacoles.com), she shows us how to be productively disruptive, politically galvanizing, and combustible enough to stand in our identity and catalyze change.

Ours is a courageous conversation that touches on everything from code switching (or not), to invisibility, to board participation and well beyond.

Sharmain’s sharing, , and we are strongly encouraging you to tune in to our time together.


uvacoles.com

inaugural episode! Things We Don’t Discuss Podcast Candid conversations about the things we’re told we can’t talk about in business. Join us for insightful interviews that validate that what Black women in the workplace often feel, sense, and experience is real. Armed with these success storie...

08/03/2019

On this , I am in Costa Rica —where my grandmother was born. I came here intent on connecting not just with the work but also with community and with ancestry.

Yesterday, while at a school where our amazing students were engaged in a sustainable service project, we had the chance to chat with the women who are a part of the support staff. After they shared insights about their work with the school and community, one woman said, “Tu sabes….las mujeres somos fuertes. No hay nada que no podemos hacer!”
“You know..women are strong. There’s nothing we can’t do!”

Her words were those of my mother’s. And of her mother’s. They reminded me of how, no matter our station, our paths are inextricably interconnected. How our time-tested struggles and triumphs are a global language (and we are all fluent!).

This Women’s History Month, I am celebrating women who are across the globe. Women like my great-grandmother. Women like the Ticas who welcomed us into their community and reminded us that our gender, if we fight for it, is not marginalizing but muscle-building, binding, universally strengthening—the marrow of excellence!

Pura Vida!

Things We Don’t Discuss !

07/03/2019

Today is Thank a Thursday!

But instead of high-fiving the usuals—our peers, managers, friends—let’s notice those who often go unseen, unheard, unnoticed.

Those who rise earlier on snowy days to make sure our sidewalks are “magically” clear. Those who stand in the crosswalks-- sunshine, snow, or thundering rain--- ensuring our children’s school arrival is safe.

Let’s thank those who risk their lives while hanging in harnesses so that our view from top floors can arrest our visitors’ breath. Those who quietly prepare and deliver our meals and become the silent backdrop to our meetings. Who silently vacuum our floors and dutifully dust our desks.

Let’s take stock of how we can, through practice, policy or basic humanity, ensure our workforce spaces are truly welcoming, inclusive, accommodating of all who enter--no matter their position, seniority, or title.

Today, let’s thank our sometimes invisible, inaudible, but critically important .

PS – Not too long ago, my grandma was one. She paved the way so that I could be seen, heard, and valued.

Things We Don’t Discuss (uvacoles.com). New episode Monday!!!

04/03/2019

Dear ,

Take that baby step!

Today, do the thing you are meant to do. Step closer toward the thing that terrifies but delights. The thing you longed to do before you convinced yourself that it was too big, too lofty, too daring for a person “like you” to try.

Do the thing you often do AFTER. AFTER your 9 to 5. After your commute home. After homework, work emails, dishes, groceries, and laundry. After kissing your kids and partner goodnight. The thing you dedicate your last hour of the day to when you are both exhausted by the day's pressures and excited about your inevitable purpose. The thing that makes you feel alive!

Today, just TRY! And if you fall, if you stumble along the away, know that all bruises, nicks, scars, will eventually heal. Skin and spirt are sturdy that way.

Today, take that baby step forward....

Things We Don’t Discuss uvacoles.com

inaugural episode! Things We Don’t Discuss Podcast Candid conversations about the things we’re told we can’t talk about in business. Join us for insightful interviews that validate that what Black women in the workplace often feel, sense, and experience is real. Armed with these success storie...

25/02/2019

Lovelies! After 25 years of collecting our stories, we launch tomorrow—Feb. 25th!

Stay tuned for details tomorrow!

Things We Don’t Discuss. !

18/02/2019

There are women (and men) who can't. Women who can't speak. Can't push back. Can’t describe their experiences with inequities.

There are women (and men) who dust our desks. Who walk into restrooms before and after us --scrubbing toilets and bathroom floors so our experience may seem seamless. When it isn't.

There are women (and men too) who cook for us daily. Who cannot go to their children's one hour school play in the middle of the day. Women for whom doctors' appointments must be well calculated, well timed, sandwiched between late evenings and Saturdays because getting there on a workday will cost too much time, need for hierarchical approvals, scrutiny.

There are women (and men) who can't plan their lives because of unpredictable workplace schedules. Women who panic when their kids rise with fevers they can't afford to tend to in the way a mother (or father)may wish.

Today, let’s leverage our positional pulpit and give our hourly sisters (and brothers) the voice they deserve, need.

Let’s gift those rendered voiceless our agency.

Things We Don't Discuss.

15/02/2019

Having a Seat at Our Table

She stopped by the table. Put her laptop and padfolio down. We exchanged hellos. I moved my chair over a little more to create space for her.

She suddenly stopped, as if remembering something. The unspoken “rule”, I suppose. She surveyed the room, and our table. Took our faces in. Sighed. Smiled more broadly. Gathered her belongings and excused herself.

“I think we ought to spread out. You know how it is.”

Some women nodded. Acknowledged the “rule” we all knew well. Most of us, however, cocked our eyebrows. Pursed our lips in silent protest. Refused to bend into the will of this archaic, self-imposed “rule” that did not serve us well.

Later, another woman stopped by. Looked around at the world, at us. Sat. Smiled. Nodded. We nodded back.

That was another unspoken rule. One I could stand for, sit for, live for.

The knowing nod.

Things We Don’t Discuss.

15/02/2019

Welcome to the Things We Don't Discuss weekend, Everyone! And what a week it has been! We interviewed some incredible Workforce Warriors and heard stories that both challenged and inspired us. I can't wait to share.

While we curate these interviews for our Feb. 25th launch, let me know your interests. Is there a specific topic we should include? Are you dealing with a workplace issue we should explore? If you let me know what you want to hear or if you are willing to tell your own story, I'll set the stage for us and !

Happy Friday! And more importantly...though it sometimes takes courage, BE YOU!

14/02/2019

Welcome Lovely One!

With just a few days until the launch of our podcast, Things We Don't Discuss, you have been selected to join a private community that, simply put, is safe space designed with Black and Brown Women (and the men and women across races and cultures who care about our issues) in mind!

We've assembled an incredible roster of people—with experiences that range from the cubicle to the corner office-- who are trusting us with the stories we only tell behind closed office doors. You know…. THOSE conversations. The ones we only entrust to the people who understand the inherent delicateness of our emboldened workplace walk. What it feels like to be “the only one” in the room. How you sometimes speak, are ignored but minutes later your exact words are framed by someone else and are suddenly heard and heralded as brilliant. How disheartening (and maddening) it is when you give a seemingly kindred spirit “the nod” but they don’t give it back.

We will also talk about the upside of our intersectionality. Yes! Because we’ve perfected reading rooms and people out of necessity, that habit is now a competency we can leverage in business. Our resilience and grit are muscles so well exercised, we can now powerlift excellence like no one else. We are well built for it!

From paying the Black Tax to Code Switching to whether we weave or show up napturally to that office party, navigating business culture cloaked in the fullness of our identity requires a lot of energy, strategy, and resilience.

Good news? We don’t have to do it alone anymore.
After 25 years of navigating these waters and “making it” to higher ground, I want to share my learnings with you. To affirm you, to support you, and to provide you a community—safe space to come to for respite and renewal.

I can’t do this alone. my story but I need to hear yours. In this private group, tell me your story or the stories, topics, issues, you want to hear about. Things We Don’t Discuss will be interactive and some themes and interviews will be selected from our community.

I know this post is loooooonnnnnggggg. But building this safe space for us has been a long time coming.
We look forward to hearing from you.

By the way, if you choose to post about us beyond this page, remember to tag us and .
Love you, Lovely One!
Uva@ThingsWeDontDiscuss