22/09/2022
Watery death and hydration devastation strike Parma in a co-ordinated eco attack!
So various groups are being blamed for the four water main breaks that happened in concert in Parma.
So far the Pro-Biden members of the city have taken to finger pointing at the Trump supporters who still fly the flag now years later after he had Jumped the Shark as they put it and lost the election. Apparently they state that a ”Trumper” was heard saying ”If I can’t have my president, then you don’t deserve to drink water!” shortly before all the water mains broke, this is an unsubstantiated rumor as of now, but since it went past my desk I figured I’d write about it as outlandish as it seems.
The next group to claim knowledge of it was the Flat Earthers. They claim this just proves the world is flat and that we are really sailing on a wet disk floating through the cosmos. Apparently water doesn’t like to be contained and every few hundred years a balance must be made, and what happened here is apparently just maturing trying to right the world and get the water it needs. If this is to be believed than thankfully it’s only going to get better from here on out reader.
And finally and probably the most concerning if it’s true is a complaint from a concerned citizen who goes by Steve Bayt or someone possibly posing as him.
This entity alleges that it was the combined and coordinated effort of hundreds of cats that congregated in the sewers and caused some type of disruption to the flow of water that caused these seemingly intelligently designed failures to occur.
Strangest thing about this theory isn’t that cats don’t possess this level of intellect but apparently the only way to stop it is to give this fellow some land he called Parmadale and allow him to film television commercials so that the angst of the angry feral cat population will be sated.
I don’t know reader but it looks like dark and wet times may be among us, be careful out there!
