27/02/2025
Living outside of the comfort zone; " I call it diving into the subconscious mind of possibilities."
I was born out of the comfort zone. Imagine that!
The black sheep in the family with no where to hide, except be a prominent reminder my family couldn't ignore my existence by throwing me in a closet although they metaphorically tried to. So, I became an awkward presence in my family's life of why manipulation doesn't always work in trying to trap a spouse into staying in a fake marriage, just to conveniently look happy for the nosey neighbours. Ugh talk about uncomfortable.
Well, unbeknownst to me many years later, I would have the pleasure of seeing a TED talk , titled " Get comfortable with being uncomfortable", by Luvvie Ajayi Jones, What an eye-opening presentation. After listening to her total embrace of stepping out of the comfort zone and choose to experience the living and thriving in the stretch zone, (which is coaches expression used to persuade our clients to take calculated risks into the world of the unknown). To my surprise, I started viewing my early existence with not just a series of courageous events I needn't be ashamed of, but have a real sense of appreciation too.
I quietly reflected on my subdued approach to carefully stepping through each emotional minefield as a child with a sense of bravery I never envisioned before. I was pleased to know my seeing life as the glass half full had been a benefit to me.
The irony is, I had been uncomfortably, living my life in anticipation of one day smuggling my way onto society's cushioned sofa for the organized clicks, and aching for their welcomed hugs of acceptance so to speak.
"Why would you do that?" "Say the privileged heirs", unaware of the price of what it means to be labelled different and considered falling off the fringe of society, like a dishevelled artist grateful for the kind responses to their creations.
Such as abstract images the general public, can't quite make head or tail out of.
But we fringe's have learned to be happy just hanging onto the fruits of inclusiveness although confronted by the mild confusion of fake adulation from the so called " normal people" who couldn't give a damn about what we are trying express anyway, since it's non of their concern.
My survival has existed outside the stretch zone, where the vulnerable have been exposed to a level of extreme sense of discomfort, that would even make the ghosts flee with baited breath of being considered one of us!
So, there I was listening to a guru talk about encouraging our clients to live in the stretch zone which is just outside of their comfort zone to motivate them to embrace new experiences and create opportunities they normally wouldn't be exposed to. This is where the transformative magic happens where we're consequently, confronted to deal with unexpected lessons and events that test our metal against society's winds of change. But their sense of discomfort would feel like a lukewarm bubble bath to me which would feel relatively friendly as opposed to my clients feeling fearful of having such an experience, that would feel like a cold shower to them.
I found this to be an interesting predicament to be in. Since my genuine self-acceptance of being of the fringe sect during my time of homelessness at social services mercy, had been met with less distain than before I left for Canada. Since my return to Barcelona, people have conveyed a tolerance towards me that I could care less about. I guess the years of being the outcast toughened my skin in such away, their stinging rejection feels like water sliding off a duck's back.
My response to helping client's experience the stretch zone from a place of choice rather than a state of freedom of choice denied was going to be challenging for me. And, no matter how often my life took unexpected twists and turns, I would have liked to control the process so I could manicure my responses, but that wouldn't be embracing the full spontaneous moments existing in a landmine of risks ready to test us. My response to just a smidgeon of discomfort makes me wince although I've experienced much worst. I needed to show examples of choosing to live in the stretch zone to motivate my clients. So, I recalled my time in Vancouver where I chose to live in a drug invested area that would make one's stomach churn. I chose to live outside my comfort zone as I was unaccustomed to surviving amongst such imprisoned pain stuffed with needles like a pin cushion. However, thanks to my healing process of dealing with deep wounds from emotional pain pushed down by cheap wine, I had an interesting perception of their suffering. And, how to glean beneficial information and applied knowledge from being an abuser myself, opened my eyes to rich opportunities for growth I couldn't have imagined.
My counselling days there helped me mentally fast from repetitive negative thinking which fed into cycles of bad habits. Plus , I was filling my internal cup with all the emotional, psychological and spiritual nourishment I needed. I was healing so therefore; my emotional fed addiction had been extinguished like a small forest fire that couldn't rage out of control. Because, I was in control of how I chose to respond and deal with issues in my life from a full cup as opposed to a desperate empty vessel feeling helplessly exhausted. Tony Robins said something interesting which I'd like to share. " people aren't interested in your problems".
"They're only interested in what one does to solve their circumstances."
I realized that, as a perception from the lens flipped on its head. This is a far more informative insight to onlookers, than them having sit and dry your tears with you!
As soon as he made that comment, I intuitively felt huh Interesting?
Since, I've been back from Vancouver, people especially at church and in different institutions have been curiously observing my movements and progress with quiet disbelief. Especially, at the church.
The look of, didn't we leave you for dead in the ocean without a life- jacket expecting your demise?
We betted on a different horse remember, " the person most likely to heal from cancer remember."
"And, the person who had two and half thousand people praying for her".
And on and on. But here I was like the tortoise gingerly and consistently moving along one foot at the time experiencing, transformations without having a cheerleading hockey team behind them. I had no one except the spiritual realms supporting me. The paster after ghosting me for months then shoved her face in mine to see if I were ok. But I realized as competitive as she is, she wanted to know how I did it.
" you weren't supposed to make it remember!" Now she never said this, but she was miffed at my resilience.
I could hear the silent whispers. "How did she do it?" damn!
I realized, I was in a situation, where I was definitely outside my comfort zone and anyone else's. They were towers falling every where. And, there was no time for me to stand in a pool of confusion. I did what the so-called winners do, unbeknownst to me.
"I focused, I adapted and I executed with the spirit pressing on my back".
Come to think of it ,I realized people value solutions not complaints. And more often than not some of the best solutions are found right there in that uncomfortable stretch zone we don't want to live in , if only for a short while.
In Vancouver, I exhausted all of their resources and created new ones so I could cope in a harmful situation with no security blanket. But I focused; In search of practical solutions. I certainly wasn't going to harp on my problems with people who had no interest in helping me, I didn't need validation from them either.
I adapted; By the way, I had no choice but to appreciate my surroundings with gratitude of having food and a good bed to sleep in at a shelter for women with substance abuse and mental illness.
I executed, when push came to shove. I worked in the community centre with people with so many challenges and substance issues. I was reminded if I wanted to learn, to heal and move out of this situation with a renewed mind I had to have a plan to execute. The moving out came as a first-class ticket home from the shelter I was staying at- a miracle!
The most important thing is, I didn't complain about my problems, because nobody cared anyway.
I may have wanted to, but what good would that have done me.
As much as I would have liked to have supportive people around me and cried that wouldn't have produced the solutions I needed. I embraced my challenges head on and savoured the thought of healing one step at a time. Last Christmas, I found myself crying periodically at last the grieving came when it was safe and my inner child had healed immeasurably and said, "I'm proud of us"! "And, I'm proud of you".
Tomorrow, I will be forced to live in another shelter and move out of my comfort zone, after adapting to such a lovely new building. However, I am blessed because the place I was expected to go to was considered harmful. So, I was pushed to the front of the list of another place, where It would normally be a seven month wait, but I only waited for half the amount of time. The universe said, " no, no, and no!
Right now, ,I am so reluctant to go. But I find myself thinking what would I say to my client.
"Would you prefer to live in a harmful environment?" "Or live in a relatively safe environment with good amenities and good people?"
My healthy , coach response would take the safe choice with gratitude with a willingness to focus, adapt and execute!
However, living without taking that necessary risk in the stretch zone is really denying you of experiencing your full potential. I took a lot of risks during the pandemic
Simply because I had nobody to help me. One question led to other question which helped me to solve tasks I was terrified of executing. I asked myself " What was I afraid of?" The dirty little secret is, I was more afraid of being humiliated by my peers huffing and puffing while making me feel inadequate than I was of diving into the discovery pool of the unknow and testing the waters. I was right down there deep in to my intuitive world where I either had to sink or swim. I was forced to use not my academic knowledge but these subconscious skills (couple with survivals tools) which contained wisdom ( applied knowledge) garnered from lessons learned from mistakes. And the consequential beauty of these difficulties. It has created the seamless transfer of sub-conscious memory majestically floating to the surface and brought into focus like a mirage of channelled information and ideas we couldn't fathom existed. Amazingly just in time for our conscious memories to register them as something viable to use as probable solutions. This is where magic lies, and where innovation begins instead trying to restructure the same proven ideas that only keep you stuck and never venturing into the future.
Here's a question I asked ChatGPT;
Why is taking a risk into the discovery pool of the unknown so amazing for finding solutions?
Taking a risk into the unknown is powerful for finding solutions because it forces you to step beyond the limits of what you already know. When you operate within the familiar, you tend to recycle the same thoughts, patterns, and approaches. But when you venture into the “discovery pool” of uncertainty, you activate curiosity, creativity, and intuition—tools that often lead to breakthroughs.
Here’s why it works so well:
1. New Perspectives Emerge – When you break away from familiar strategies, you see problems from fresh angles. This can reveal solutions you wouldn’t have considered otherwise.
2. Expanded Possibilities – The unknown holds infinite potential. When you take a risk, you open yourself to ideas, people, and opportunities that wouldn’t appear if you played it safe.
3. Heightened Intuition & Adaptability – Facing uncertainty strengthens your ability to trust yourself and make decisions based on gut feelings rather than just logic. It also makes you more adaptable, helping you navigate challenges with greater ease.
4. Momentum & Growth – Risk-taking disrupts stagnation. It moves you forward, even if the outcome isn’t what you expected. Each step into the unknown strengthens your confidence and problem-solving ability.
5. Synchronicities & Unexpected Breakthroughs – The universe often meets bold action with support. When you take a leap, you might notice doors opening or insights arriving in ways that seem almost magical.
And it's that magic, luring us into the unknown while making a select few plunge fearlessly into the maze of impossible twists and turns forcing us to find that diamond in the rough tucked inside of us just waiting to be discovered. As we rise to the top of our consciousness from an emotional high. The look of amazement etched across our faces say's it all. The diamond, the solution was there all the time. "I just had to venture out of my comfort zone and find it"!
