The Zamboni

05/09/2024

Be there or be square.

27/02/2021

Are you interested in creating digital art, but not super sure how to do so? Do you create digital art and are interested in learning how to use new software?
One of the Zamboni's art directors, Spyri Potamopoulou, will be running a free workshop in Medibang Paint, Firealpaca, Clip Studio and Photoshop NEXT FRIDAY, MARCH 5 at 8 PM. Scan the QR code or follow the zoom ID/password below to join - the workshop is open to all Tufts students, whether you're Zamboni staff, a casual reader, or (especially) you don't know what I mean when I refer to the Zamboni.

28/01/2021

Well folks, it's once again the start of the spring semester, meaning it's once again time for Zamboni to have our spring GIM. Come by to have some fun, choose the theme for our next issue, and vote on which board member gets sacrificed in the middle of academic quad at sundown of the spring equinox!

12/12/2020

The time has come. Find your spouse (or just someone of your preferred gender you’ll think is funny lol) now at https://forms.gle/YHuAg5ShHYQGobQs7

Email [email protected] with any questions.

Disappointed in your Marriage Pact match (or were one of the straight women who didn't get one)? Regret not filling out the form? Looking for somebody to laugh with for the rest of your days? Fill out this form accurately, completely, and honestly, and the Zamboni GUARANTEES that you will find someo...

11/12/2020

Disappointed in your Marriage Pact match (or were one of the straight women who didn't get one)? Regret not filling out the form? Looking for somebody to laugh with for the rest of your days? The Zamboni has the solution for you! We got all our humor minds together to come up with an elite set of questions that covers all the bases of a sense of humor and got our computer science slaves to come up with an algorithm that will get the absolute best matches out of it.

Fill out this form accurately, completely, and honestly, and the Zamboni GUARANTEES that you will find someone who you will at the very least have some comedic chemistry with. Our proprietary algorithm uses vectorization technology (woah vectors :0) to scientifically optimize matches via sense of humor. Make sure your ball and chain at least has a laughing face on it by taking our survey, opening TOMORROW 12/12 at 12 noon https://forms.gle/YHuAg5ShHYQGobQs7

23/11/2020

The Time Has Come.
Here are some highlights from This Issue Is Being Recorded. It was a lot of fun to make and is a lot of fun to read, for way more content, higher res, and the issue in its full glory visit tuftszamboni.com

22/11/2020

New Issue. Zoom Theme. Monday.
Released here and at tuftszamboni.com (print later).

16/09/2020

Hello fans and friends of the Zamboni! As you may know, at the start of each school year we release a Reorientation issue to get the kids "hype" and "excited" about our magazine. This year it's not a physical issue, but here it is, in its full digital glory.

08/09/2019

10/04/2018

Toto's Africa: All Signs Point to Bust | The Zamboni

It's a bust :/ Thanks, Luke Greabe

The song “Africa” by Toto is a seminal part of the “zeitgeist” of the nineteen-eighties. Nobody, or at least nobody with any sort of claim to an awareness of culture, would or could dispute this. From tune to tone, notes to chords, sounds to instruments, this track is “prime ‘hit’ mate...

09/04/2018

Toto's Africa: Boom, or Bust? | The Zamboni

What'll it be? Jonathan Minoff keeps us

Toto’s hit song “Africa” is easily one of the greatest works of art of the last century. Its influence is palpable , even gaining popularity in the Americas (both South and North). However, despite its monolithic presence in contemporary society, I have recently discovered a critical flaw in T...

09/04/2018

Things I Could Have Done to Have Received The Same (or better) Test Grade | The Zamboni

Sunday night grind.

We've all done badly on a test. Here are some ways you could've gotten a better test grade than pretending you knew the material.

08/04/2018

Frindle: An Academic Review of the Classic Novel | The Zamboni

Readers r leaders.

An esteemed online scholar (who is not the author credited in our print edition) takes on the classic children's novel Frindle and its ridiculous premise.

08/04/2018

Nasty, Nasty Aquarium Prom | The Zamboni

Under the Sea!

Poggy shakes her head. “Let’s just leave early. Why would they choose this venue for prom if we’re barred from seeing the fish anyway?”

07/04/2018

Twenty-First Century Catfishing | The Zamboni

Twenty-First Century Catfishing | The Zamboni

Catfishing but you are too dumb for it.

07/04/2018

Tinder | The Zamboni

Modern love! *swoon*

It was a Thursday night in the fabled hall of Harleston My upstairs neighbors partied away, stomping the Charleston

06/04/2018

Would Anyone Like to Talk About My Fantasy Baseball League with Me | The Zamboni

Would Anyone Like to Talk About My Fantasy Baseball League with Me | The Zamboni

Hello. I’ve been having a lot of fun with my fantasy baseball league and I think that other people would enjoy it as well. I’d love to talk about it with someone.

06/04/2018

Carrie Cat Fisher | The Zamboni

Carrie Cat Fisher | The Zamboni

In this small article, I shall explain the major clues proving that Carrie Fisher is very much alive.

05/04/2018

Let Treedom Ring | The Zamboni

🇺🇲️🇺🇲️🇺🇲️

My country 'tis of tree

05/04/2018

Gefilte Fish | The Zamboni

Swipe right!

Met him on j-swipe

04/04/2018

Elderly Woman Catfishes Man to Make Sure He’s Eating Enough | The Zamboni

Elderly Woman Catfishes Man to Make Sure He’s Eating Enough | The Zamboni

JEFFERSONTOWN, MISS: Albert Smith is a 31-year-old bachelor looking for love, whose interests include stamp-collecting, skin- collecting, and Neopets. Lying …

04/04/2018

Sargasso Police Blotter, Week of 1/21 | The Zamboni

Be careful out there.

This week's police blotter highlights the wacky high-jinks they get up to in Sargasso!

03/04/2018

Marriage Announcement: Plenty of Fish in the Sea | The Zamboni

Congrats to Gilda and Shaun!! 🎊

Gilda Templeton and Shaun Lowry were married at Paradise Miniature Golf Course in Middleton on February 24th, 2018.

02/04/2018

Man Catfished by Flattering Photo | The Zamboni

Lighting is everything.

MEDFORD, MASS: On January 25th, 2018, 21-year-old Chad Parker thought he was going on a date with Katie Roberts, a woman he had met on Tinder, but was unpleasantly surprised at the appearance of who showed up at the restaurant. “She didn’t look like her picture at all!” he exclaimed. After som...

02/04/2018

Check out the Obzerver's new issue today👀👀👀

08/12/2017

The Tufts Daily

Thank you to The Tufts Daily for reaching out to us!

The Zamboni, a student-run satirical magazine, published an issue on Nov. 29 titled, “No One Expects The Spanish Inquisissue” that contained several articles focusing on themes related to Catholicism. Members of the Catholic community at Tufts have expressed concern over the inclusion of these articles.

07/12/2017

The Tufts Daily

Our editors in chief comment on the most recent issue of The Zamboni

Jess Silverman and Craig Drennan: Our goal as a comedy magazine is to provide absurd humor to the Tufts community, and as is the nature of comedy, we never expect our content to amuse everyone.

04/12/2017

Horoscopes - The Signs as Torture | The Zamboni

Happy Monday! Astrologists Elaine Harris and Jess Silverman have you covered this moon!

Here's some astrology for you to consider.

04/12/2017

Midnight Musings | The Zamboni

dEEp thots.

Now, at last in bed Embarking on a journey Expressed in haiku form   Printer light: bright blue As Picasso’s …

03/12/2017

Space Facts | The Zamboni

Have you ever thought about ~*space*~ ?

Alright look here’s the first thing you need to know about space. It Is Huge. Monster big. Nobody even knows how tall it is. Like it won’t stay the same size. Number two. So dark. Except for the stars. Don’t stare! Be careful where you’re looking because in some spots you’ll need to use yo...