Dallas Brisket

16/08/2016

We think we speak for all citizens of Dallas when we say, F**K YOU.

They voted to give themselves raises, and are using nearly all the extra tax revenue to give city employees raises- except cops. That's still TBD.

http://www.dallasnews.com/news/local-news/20160816-dallas-county-commissioners-approve-6-percent-raise-for-themselves-other-politicians.ece

Dallas County commissioners on Tuesday passed a 6 percent pay raise for themselves and the rest of the county's elected officials.

11/08/2016

https://twitter.com/Dallas_Brisket/status/763859374271967234

“Well dressed duck confused for elected District Attorney https://t.co/55pdCFPBwI”

11/08/2016

More proof preventive care, like a cootie shot or intelligent voting, is cheaper than treatment.

https://mobile.twitter.com/Dallas_Brisket/status/763723502645972992

“City blows $400k to prevent spread of cooties. I-35 still indistinguishable from post apocalyptic war zone. https://t.co/3dsrzHEDq6”

10/08/2016

https://twitter.com/Dallas_Brisket/status/763474818209570821

“J W Price demands raise to $157k for diligence and ethic in defrauding Dallas: "I work seven days a week" https://t.co/t7km03Yhh6”

16/07/2016

International businessman with private jet doesn't understand how people travel long distances.

http://www.politicususa.com/2016/07/14/trump-offers-jaw-droppingly-dumb-reason-sarah-palin-invited-gop-convention.html

Donald Trump is claiming that he didn't invite Sarah Palin to the Republican convention because Alaska is too far away from Cleveland, Ohio.

08/07/2016

https://twitter.com/Dallas_Brisket/status/751555765891018752

“Stupid satire website calls Dan Patrick a thoroughly embarrassing as***le. https://t.co/d5N3n8eKEo”

23/06/2016

https://twitter.com/Dallas_Brisket/status/745816521528619012

“Dallas DA still not sober enough to prosecute drug users. https://t.co/knu3p2xooR”

16/06/2016

https://twitter.com/Dallas_Brisket/status/743486026333593600

“Oh, let me try! White privilege is going to rehab after a relapse and keeping your job while your office puts drug users in prison.”

10/06/2016

http://dallasbrisket.com/uncategorized/dallas-hopefuls-pray-frisco-doesnt-know-about-us-75/

1 min ago June 10, 2016June 10, 2016Dallas Brisket Dallas Hopefuls Pray Frisco Doesn’t Know About US-75 Dallas residents are looking forward to a weekend free of middle aged divorcees attempting to look half their age thanks to a highway closure, at least partially insulating it from the northern su...

16/02/2016

Free medical care for the poor? Does this doctor know the City, in its efforts to do the most unconstitutional s**t ever, has already unsuccessfully tried to criminalize sleeping for the poor and feeding the poor?

https://twitter.com/Dallas_Brisket/status/699390522146750464

“Will Hunt get mad & force to ban this like when it tried to outlaw feeding the poor? https://t.co/Y6hH2gbYf5”

15/02/2016

https://twitter.com/Dallas_Brisket/status/699337988514275328

“They better hope Ray Hunt doesn't get turned on by this or might ban them next year. https://t.co/Xprtzq02Zg”

15/02/2016

Not sure which is the most obviously fake: the breasts, lips or the background. Perfect intro.

https://www.facebook.com/RealHousewivesofDallas/videos/558194941007133/

15/02/2016

https://twitter.com/Dallas_Brisket/status/699305556356390912

“Religion has ruined a lot more lives than po*******hy. https://t.co/KRlA9bgZe9”

12/02/2016

We're back! You didn't think we could just let this E###otica story slide by, did you?

http://dallasbrisket.com/uncategorized/eight-out-of-fifteen-dallas-city-officials-have-painfully-boring-sex-lives/

14 mins ago February 12, 2016February 12, 2016Dallas Brisket Eight out of Fifteen Dallas City Officials Have Painfully Boring S*x Lives Dallas City Officials Have Boring S*x Lives Editor’s Note: While we at the Brisket are generally not good for anything but wasting time at work, this time, we are f…

13/10/2015

Ellis County, this is what you get for electing a guy who watched too much WWF as a kid.

http://dallasbrisket.com/?p=242

3 mins ago October 13, 2015October 13, 2015Dallas Brisket Ellis County Constable Not Sure If He Publicly Supports Assassinating Innocent Children Holy s**t, for real? A gym selfie on government page?Ellis County Constable, Mike Jones, is not entirely sure where he stands on assassinating yo…

12/10/2015

So Governor Abbott just jinxed the Astros and possibly the Rangers, collaterally. Way to go.

http://blog.chron.com/ultimateastros/2015/10/12/governor-greg-abbott-tweets-congratulations-to-astros-before-the-game-is-over/

With the Astros leading 6-2 and just six outs away from advancing to the American League Championship Series, the office of Texas Governor Greg Abbott thought it would be a good idea to tweet out c...

10/10/2015

http://dallasbrisket.com/?p=274

(we have no idea why "Arlington" is misspelled in the heading. Facebook creates that automatically and it's correct on our website).

1 min ago October 10, 2015October 10, 2015Dallas Brisket Arlintgon & Rangers Shocked to Learn Arlington Sucks Texas Rangers officials are surprised to learn no one wants to go to the used car lot formally referred to as Arlington to watch baseball while sitting in hundred degree heat. Despite winnin…

09/10/2015

Lol, what? The city passed a law prohibiting carrying fake guns (but real ones are 100% okay) because people might mistake the fake gun for a real gun (which, again, is perfectly legal)?

In Dallas, where people are free to walk into fast-food restaurants and down neighborhood streets toting rifles, it's against the law to carry a fake gun. It has been since…

06/10/2015

http://dallasbrisket.com/?p=232

11 hours ago October 6, 2015October 6, 2015Dallas Brisket District Attorney, Susan Hawk, Returns to Office After Voodoo Curse is Lifted After a decade of absolutely perpetual failure, it appears the District Attorney’s office may be able to return to normal levels of Dallas incompetence. Just short…

30/09/2015

Great, now the New York Times is doing satire? Oh, wait...

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/30/us/county-clerk-kim-davis-who-denied-gay-couples-visited-pope.html?partner=rss&emc=rss&smid=tw-nytimes&smtyp=cur&referer=http:/t.co/oKwN0Iswj3&_r=0

Her lawyer said the meeting took place in secret, but the Vatican would neither confirm nor deny the encounter.

30/09/2015

Philip Kingston talks about Dallas' natural resources, Jazzercise and speaks up against building a wall in his exclusive interview with the Dallas Brisket!

http://dallasbrisket.com/?p=217

1 min ago September 30, 2015September 30, 2015Dallas Brisket Dallas Brisket’s Interview with Philip Kingston!!! For some reason, Melissa Kingston wastes her time following the Dallas Brisket on Facebook. We reached out to her, asking her to hook us up with her husband, City Councilman Philip Kingsto…

30/09/2015

Sign this so our flag doesn't suck anymore. Share it too.

Flags, by their very nature, have the ability to stir emotions like few things can. A crowd sourcing effort has already taken place on many Dallas Community pages to design a flag that could serve a positive and unifying effect the citizens of Dallas. The above flag quickly rose the to top…

23/09/2015

http://dallasbrisket.com/sports/cowboys-reluctantly-find-their-backups-backup/

8 mins ago September 23, 2015Dallas Brisket Cowboys Reluctantly Find Their Backup’s Backup IRVING, Texas ­– Dallas Cowboys starting quarterback, Tony Romo, left Sunday’s game against the Eagles with a broken clavicle. Filling in for Romo for the next eight weeks will be no-so-fame…

22/09/2015

http://dallasbrisket.com/uncategorized/six-city-council-members-have-never-heard-of-the-internet/

1 min ago September 22, 2015September 22, 2015Dallas Brisket Six City Council Members Have Never Heard of the Internet. Early this morning, six city council members showed their constituents crack is not an acceptable substitute for coffee after voting to spend one hundred and eighty God damn thousa…

20/09/2015

18/09/2015

This explains a lot...

http://dallasbrisket.com/uncategorized/irving-police-credit-use-of-die-hard-movies-for-training-videos-for-teen-not-being-shot/

1 min ago September 18, 2015September 18, 2015Dallas Brisket Irving Police Credit Use of Die Hard Movies for Training Videos for Teen Not Being Shot Irving Police Chief Larry Boyd held a press conference to praise his officers for not shooting the kid with a homemade clock, despite his da…

15/09/2015

Not shocking development as predictable as yesterdays weather: Video evidence of goal posts not growing legs and not running themselves into the river!

Thanks, Dallas Observer

http://www.dallasobserver.com/news/see-more-video-of-dallas-worker-suspected-of-trashing-soccer-goals-at-park-7580039

On August 10, a soccer mom and dad say, a Dallas parks employee destroyed their league's goal posts and then threw them into a creek that feeds into White Rock Lake. Members of the Dallas Park Board, meanwhile, maintained last week that they don't know whether that's true. In the meantime,...

14/09/2015

We only needed 336 to call him out and reach the same conclusion. K.I.S.S. principal, baby! We didn't waste a collective 4 semesters in Comm101 for nothing.

http://dallasbrisket.com/uncategorized/local-journalist-needs-884-words-to-say-applebees-burgers-suck/

1 min ago September 14, 2015September 14, 2015Dallas Brisket Local Journalist needs 884 words to say AppleBee’s burgers suck Nick Rallo does something rare in Dallas news; he actually does a solid job reviewing burgers in Dallas. After giving Dallas with the rare treat of proving some editorial valu…

11/09/2015

Holy s**t, we should have started in Kentucky!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/anti-government-group-vows-to-keep-kim-davis-out-of-jail_55f1d06be4b03784e2786c51?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000050

Kentucky clerk Kim Davis will return to work next week after having been jailed for contempt of court, and one anti-government group wants to make sure she never winds up behind bars again. The Oath

11/09/2015

Over 500 likes in just a week with over 13,000 unique viewers at our God-awful website. Thanks for sharing our page and our posts!
..Now if someone could just start a legal fund for us, that would be great (just kidding, her attorneys never emailed us).

10/09/2015

http://dallasbrisket.com/?p=145

Dallas Police Accused Of Murder Demand To Be Treated Like Victims of R**e Posted on September 10, 2015 by Dallas Brisket For the Dallas Police Department’s union, the Dallas Police Association, keeping incompetent police on the streets and saving them from being fired repeatedly is not enough. The…