The Tug

12/10/2023

Our first-ever excursion into “necro-journalism” landed us an interview with none other than Mary and Josie Prescott, the famous founders of Prescott Park. The following is a transcript of our seance with the ghosts of these seacoast legends.

An interview with none other than Mary and Josie Prescott, the famous founders of Prescott Park.

25/08/2023

And we'll kindly ask you to keep the "this sucks" puns to yourselves, thank you very much.

PORTSMOUTH, NH—If you’ve noticed a lack of ticks this year, recent studies show that they, too, are abandoning the City of the Open Door due to skyrocketing housing prices. "Ticks have been a part of the New Hampshire ecosystem for centuries," said entomologist Dr. Timothy Legman. "But it seems ...

18/08/2023

The 900 lobsters could not be reached for comment.

Portsmouth's elite closed down the city streets for the 400th anniversary "street.life" dinner.

25/04/2023

No longer sporting his laser eye, the former Assistant Mayor and superspy shares his vision for Portsmouth's future.

No longer sporting his laser eye, former Assistant Mayor and superspy Jim Splaine shares his vision for Portsmouth's future

18/04/2023

It's currently unknown whether "10 Rod Todd" lives up to his name in all aspects.

"10 Rod Todd" was exposed as running his business only as a front for the controversial Free State Project's libertarian activism.

05/04/2023

Dubbed the "Central Avenue Park and Buy," the market will feature a wide array of vendors selling everything from artisanal jams to live chickens, all conveniently located within shouting distance of stranded drivers.

Officials will launch a craft fair and farmers market to serve drivers stuck from the Chestnut Street bridge closure.

29/03/2023

The deputizing will begin

27/03/2023

Also dashed to bits was our dream of filming a New England version of "Blazing Saddles."

It has been discovered that the historic brick buildings lining the streets are, in fact, not just elaborate sets constructed for tourists.

20/03/2023

We think we should take the Mayor of Dover's suggestion and have a qualifying round, too.

Portsmouth and Dover 400 organizers have made plans to decide the region's fate with a battle royale between the champions of the area.

14/03/2023

Alright, everyone calm down; we're excited to see you too. After much internal reflection and a lot of checkers, our visions of conquest have expanded. Welcome to The Tug Seacoast.

After checking themselves into a voluntary rehabilitation hospital last July, Tug staff have been successfully treated for their addiction to writing about Portsmouth's notable Esther Kennedy. All three to seventeen of the Tug Portsmouth journalist and editorial crew have been discharged and promise...

16/03/2022

Relevance - it comes in waves, like so much disturbed latte foam. http://www.thetugportsmouth.com/breaking-new-grounds-sold-after-owner-gets-an-offer-he-couldnt-refuse/

Facebook Twitter Google+ reddit Tumblr An historic building at 14 Market Square, home of the only Portsmouth public bathrooms (with attached coffee shop), has been transferred in an hostile takeover from the Govoni family to Southern New Hampshire’s powerful Faro syndicate. “We’ve been eyeing ...

05/11/2021

No actual cartoons or copyrights were harmed during the interview.

“I was so close,” said the not-at-all-mouselike Brighton, clenching his fist in a villainous manner. “The plan was simple. I had believed that Portsmouth voters were some of the dumbest people on Earth, and it would be the perfect place to begin my plan to take over the world.”

27/04/2021

You ask: TheTug, is it tough being able to see the future?
We answer: It's not difficult when you are from the future.

Following a long and grueling process involving city officials, city council, the Historic District Commission, and the National Parks Service, the master plan for the redevelopment of the McIntyre building on Daniel Street was finally settled Monday night to become a twenty-four hour public comment...

07/10/2020

City to counteract graffiti artists by just drawing dicks on everything | The Tug

Well, sounds like we need another round.

City to counteract graffiti artists by just drawing dicks on everything by TheTug | Jul 9, 2019 | Arts & Culture, Crime | 0 comments Facebook Twitter Google+ reddit Tumblr After a pervasive wave of mediocre graffiti, the DPW and PPD have teamed up on a counter-graffiti task force to dissuade the van...

01/10/2020

Portsmouth's Clipper Tavern shut down for breaching COVID-19 rules

Where is the council going to get drunk before making legislative decisions now?

PORTSMOUTH — A food service license, allowing Clipper Tavern to operate inside its 75 Pleasant St. restaurant, as well as on the city street, has

29/09/2020

The Shower-to-Table Movement Comes to Portsmouth | The Tug

An easy next step for pandemic safety.

The Shower-to-Table Movement Comes to Portsmouth by TheTug | Aug 27, 2016 | Dining | 0 comments Facebook Twitter Google+ reddit Tumblr In the fierce competition of being the first to copy national trends, local restaurant owner Matt Louis of Franklin Oyster House and Moxy, has won the race in jumpin...

25/09/2020

Councilor legally renames herself to the Seal of the City of Portsmouth | The Tug

Will it be too little, too late?

Councilor legally renames herself to the Seal of the City of Portsmouth by TheTug | Sep 25, 2020 | Crime, Government | 0 comments Facebook Twitter Google+ reddit Tumblr In a pre-emptive maneuver against the upcoming City Council vote on the results of her ethics committee hearing, the Councilor form...

17/08/2020

Keeping true to the original purpose of Prescott Park.

31/07/2020

I think it's time we clear this up. The Tug is an AI that was originally intended to fight Russians in space that was repurposed. We may be over-engineered to satirize a self-obsessed city full of fu***ng dorks but it's the work unless you see any Russians around, in space.

24/06/2020

Our experts have determined that this meme will get the zoomers involved in city politics while remaining relevant and sharable to expiring demographics.

01/04/2020

Plan to Partner With Vrunch/BT501 to Develop McIntyre Site as Shelter Where The Last Life May Have a Chance at Surviving The Hungry Shadows Draws Mixed Reviews | The Tug

As we stare apocalypse in the face, know what's coming down the road.

Plan to Partner With Vrunch/BT501 to Develop McIntyre Site as Shelter Where The Last Life May Have a Chance at Surviving The Hungry Shadows Draws Mixed Reviews by TheTug | Mar 11, 2019 | Arts & Culture, Government | 0 comments Facebook Twitter Google+ reddit Tumblr March 11th 2159 Portsmouth – A m...

18/02/2020

12/02/2020

McIntyre building to become 24/7 public comment space | The Tug

Lest we need to remind you that we are in fact prophets. http://thetugportsmouth.com/mcintyre-building-to-become-24-7-public-comment-space/

McIntyre building to become 24/7 public comment space by TheTug | Jan 8, 2019 | Arts & Culture, Government | 0 comments Facebook Twitter Google+ reddit Tumblr Following a long and grueling process involving city officials, city council, the Historic District Commission, and the National Parks Servic...

04/02/2020

City Council accepts nine rings of power from Michael Simchick

13/12/2019

Microsoft Unveils New 40-Story-Tall Brutalist Xbox Series X

We're not ones for ripping off the Onion, but we think we found the BEST plan for the McIntyre Building. It retains the historic architecture style.

The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.

06/11/2019

Christ, Portsmouth - we weren't serious about that Thanos thing that was a joke

04/11/2019

"It's a simple calculus. Portsmouth is finite, its resources, finite," said the Mad Titan. "Dread it. Run from it. Gentrification arrives all the same."

30/10/2019

28/10/2019

EXCLUSIVE: The Tug interview with the Prescott Sisters | The Tug

In a first of its kind "seance" session, we got an exclusive interview with Portsmouth's own ghosts with the mosts. Their answers may surprise you.

EXCLUSIVE: The Tug interview with the Prescott Sisters by TheTug | Oct 28, 2019 | Arts & Culture, Crime, Family | 0 comments Facebook Twitter Google+ reddit Tumblr As the city approaches the time of the year when the veil is thin and people are dusting off their best “sexy Mayor Foley” costume, ...