Gumf Magazine

30/12/2023

High street vehicle boffins, Halfords, have a lot to answer for! Loyal Reader, Laura Brady, brings the latest in very important news.

Submit your very own written silliness to [email protected] and the odds are we'll publish it online or in our next printed bit of shelf clutter.

Laura Brady reporting from Fowl-under-Wear, UK Phillip Lumpson, 49, took his vehicle to Halfords garage in Fowl-under-Wear, only for it to be overlooked in favour of his own body.  Upon arrival, Mr Lumpson was lead to a car lift and surrounded by several mechanics who seemed, in his

24/11/2023

'Retro' is cool nowadays, and what's more retro than living like it's 1962 and buying a 32-page newspaper for a thrupenny bit? 32 pages of gently amusing codswallop for just one thruppence!

Wait! There's more! It's actually free this weekend, simply add it to your basket and the discount will apply automatically! Happy Cack Friday!

Link in bio.

24/11/2023

(NEARLY) A 100% DISCOUNT ON ISSUE 3 AT https://gumf-magazine.square.site/product/issuethree/2?cp=true&sa=true&sbp=false&q=false

It looks like it's £4.0s.0d on the site but if you add it to your basket it is actually zero quid (zilch).

19/11/2023

Choppy waters and tasty maggots lie ahead for the Gumf Corporation.

Gumf’s fearless and fear inspiring leader is headed down under!

14/06/2023

Gumf Issue 3 has 32 pages, which is a number you might be familiar with from the game of DARTS (double 18). Fun fact: 🎾 There is no darts emoji. Oh wait, yes there is: 🥌. S**t, hold on, I pressed the one next to it 🎯. There we go: Darts. Catch the PDC World Cup of Darts, starting tomorrow on Sky Sports. And buy a Gumf Magazine at https://gumf-magazine.square.site/

14/06/2023

BUY GUMF ISSUE. 3: https://gumf-magazine.square.site/product/issuethree/2?fbclid=IwAR3lWli-HQJ3pL5oB8dCDpr6OSpd3HPWeNIUgSq45Z_GAQ21InDULKxw5Oc

People are calling it "Moderately priced" and "Still not got round to it." And that's just our family and friends!

Bag your copy now and join the literal DOZENS of fans who will get round to reading it soon!

The world's leading source of nonsense nobody asked for and codswallop, all wrapped in a trendy shade of yellow.

19/05/2023

Make sure your child grows up to be like us (uncomfortable but ultimately harmless) by reading them Gumf Magazine Issue 3 at bedtimes, skipping over the naughty swearing (or maybe not, since Matt Hancock is an ar****le and the sooner they learn, the better).

Teach them maths by counting the pages (32) of this newspaper, a concept that will soon be totally antiquated, so they are also learning history, and, erm, I don't know...PSHE.

GET IT HERE: gumf-magazine.square.site/product/issuethree/2

14/05/2023

READ ALL ABOUT THIS:
E.T.'s real name.
Yoda's real dad (and neighbour).
Damn, Daniel!
Mr Business
Wooden Snungotts...
..in Gumf Magazine issue 3, which you can buy as a print newspaper here: https://gumf-magazine.square.site

12/05/2023

Gumf Issue 3 is here! The newspaper that never gets old is finally available to hold in your actual hands. Get your copy at www.GumfMag.com

After being purchased by cursed, sentient marionette Daniel O'Day, Gumf Magazine sees a radical shift in Issue Three. A paper chock full of useless, unreliable news and a host of bizarre pieces. A radical cowboy, a looney righty (if you can imagine) and an interview with god's grandson are just the tip of the iceberg.

Order your copy today! Or tomorrow. Next week, even. Whenever you get a chance.

06/05/2023

Whoops! Yet another hamfisted article about the monarchy from this 'news' outlet!

We said, ‘coronation’ you dafties! Now he looks like a crinkle cut chip!

17/09/2022

The country’s loss does not cease to mount, as beloved Prince Paddington Bear, Duke of Islington has died just days after his wife, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

Prince Paddington Bear, Duke of Islington is dead.

26/06/2022

🥳🥳🥳🎂We are ecstatic to celebrate Connor Fenton's 25th birthday by sacking him from the magazine's editorial board and deleting all of his articles. More info on the site:

We wish him a very unhappy birthday today.

10/06/2022

Gumf Magazine is now sponsored by Lee Cooper Clothing. This is a minor, tragic setback that we WILL recover from.

Use code GUMF10 for 10% off all of your knock-off Converse and rubbish jeans on the Lee Cooper website.

Things go from bad to worse for Gumf when even Typhoo won’t sponsor them, but unfortunately Lee Cooper will.

05/06/2022

Grovelling Serf Rushes Into Petrol Station For Flowers And 'Sorry I Forgot Your Platinum Jubilee' Card

England, 2022 AD: A snivelling little peasant wearing clogs was seen bursting into a 24-hour petrol station today to buy a bouquet of flowers and a 'sorey I doth forgote yor platinum jubilee, yor royel highness' card this afternoon.

23/09/2021

Gumf is coming back with the big Gumf Annual 2022 but we need your help!

This is an open call to any writers, illustrators or general artistic layabouts to submit their work for Gumf's next release. Whether it's a daft rant about 2021, a silly cartoon about a time you called your co-worker 'daddy' or any other creative junk we want to see it.

Get your garbage sent to us at [email protected] by November 20th or be square!

25/06/2021

We're saddened and disgusted to hear of Ian Hislop's sabotage of today's most honoured tradition.

Read the full scoop here.

www.gumfmag.com/features/national-gumf-day-celebrations-cut-short-by-bomb-threats

Nationally celebrated Gumf Day is brought to an abrupt end this year due to bomb threats from Ian Hislop’s ‘Private Eye’ magazine.

13/06/2021

Ahead of England's first loss at Euro 2020, former Prime Minister David Cameron, a man who loves football so much he supports TWO different teams in the same league, wishes West Ham United or Aston Villa, or England good luck in the tournament.

www.gumfmag.com/features/my-good-luck-in-the-euros-message-for-west-ham-or-aston-villa-or-england-david-cameron

David Cameron, a man who loves football so much he supports West Ham AND Aston Villa, wishes the Hammers, the Villa, and the Three Lions good luck in Euro 2020.

06/06/2021

⚽️Are you football crazy? Perhaps you'd consider yourself football mad? Maybe you're just a bit of a soccer eccentric. Whatever your level of soccer lunacy, join Gumf's Euro 2020 Fantasy Football & Predictor leagues to be in with a chance of winning* £599.28!

FF: https://gaming.uefa.com/en/uefaeuro2020fantasyfootball/leagues/70V5MTAO01/00470075006D00660020004500750072006F00200032003000320030002000280069006E002000320030003200310029/Gumf

Predictor: https://gaming.uefa.com/en/uefaeuro2020matchpredictor/groupjoin/8S1U5RVQWP

*A debt of...

24/05/2021

Some things are inherently true. Here is a short list of these things.

Often in life we forget to take stock of the things we know to be true.

30/04/2021

Too little, too late from the 132-year-old celeb?

"Hi**er, now going by the name ‘Martin Filchard’ due to the acrimony surrounding his birth name, was also keen to stress that he didn’t harbour any ill will towards the rest of the world, he just 'wished that people had been honest with how they were feeling about his behaviour at the time' and that he was still feeling 'pretty crummy about it'."

Too little, too late from the 132-year-old celeb?

23/04/2021

Yet again, we see the true price of celebrity.

What ever happened to The Crazy Frog? He's been deemed too crazy for the safety of himself and others.

21/04/2021

Stop the presses! Gumf Issue Two: Gumf Sells Out is available in print for only £2.99?! Start the presses again!

Find the UKs newest bit of yellow comedy, packed to the rafters with silly reviews, terrible ideas and copious amounts of advertising at https://gumf-magazine.square.site/

16/04/2021

📰 NEWS: Cadbury Removes All Mention Of Flying Ant Day From Its Chocolate Egg Packaging.

The culture wars rage on, and this time the battleground is Britain's most sacrosanct public holiday, Flying Ant Day. Ben Cotton writes for Gumf Magazine.

Britain's best loved holiday, Flying Ant Day, gets another kicking from the corporate do-gooders.

09/04/2021

Early reports suggest a fracas between the immortal son of God (Jesus) and the mortal spirit of the Duke of Edinburgh (Philip).

Early reports from the Christian afterlife indicate an altercation between the son of God and the recently deceased Prince Philip, the son of a man who was somehow Prince of Greece and Denmark at the same time. Though there has been no confirmation, it is currently alleged that The Redeemer himself

20/03/2021

A Search Engine Optimisation masterclass. Take a peek behind the curtain and see how the sausage (our inane comedy content) is made (receives almost no traffic).

https://www.gumfmag.com/features/4nlp1xf4kxpvxq5v1f72s3xo1edu51

The simplest way to increase site traffic is to lie about the content you're producing. Homemade Cappuccino Tutorial.

12/03/2021

BREAKING: Turns out, Nigel Farage is Justin Bieber's dad.

Read FREE in Gumf Magazine.

Gumf Magazine makes a startling discovery about Farage and his son Justin Bieber.

05/03/2021

They've done it! The Conservatives have set up plans to save our country's imperilled freedom of speech! Find out how they pulled it off

https://www.gumfmag.com/features/conservatives-save-free-speech

With the Conservative Party soon to appoint a 'Free Speech Champion' we're set to see speech freer than ever! Right?

27/02/2021

Sir Keir Starmer (but obviously not the real one) has submitted an opinion piece with a scathing regard to history's most notorious naughties.

Parody: Leader of the Opposition and MP for Holborn and St Pancras, Keir Rodney Starmer lists the biggest wazzocks and berks throughout history.

23/02/2021

Our very understanding of music is being shaken to its core by Connor Fenton and his theory that all music is about either politics, religion or love.

That's it, that's the theory.

Irregular content posted regularly at Gumf Mag

Connor Fenton is blasting our understanding of music into the stratosphere in this Gumf original feature

22/01/2021

Here it is! The long awaited second issue of Gumf Magazine, Gumf Sells Out!

Find it free at www.gumfmag.com

It's spilling from the brim with senseless idiocy, confusing lists and some inspired creativity. All washed down with a healthy dose of tasteless advertising.

Thanks to any and all who endure the full extent of this increasingly off-the-rails testament to twaddle.

A brand new magazine that can be rolled up and used to fend off assailants, and those people who watch pimple-popping videos on the Internet. Also contains semi-amusing articles and comics.