That Infernal Noise

03/06/2024

New episode out now "Graduation Time" That Infernal Noise or thatinfernalnpc where you get podcasts and YT. Neisha Young

03/02/2024

Hello smile my old friend, it is so good to see you again. Thank you to everyone that took the time to wish me a Happy Birthday today, I can't tell you all how much it means to me after the year I have had. 40 feels good to me and I think it looks pretty good too lol. Peace and love to all!

09/01/2024

08/01/2024

Getting back at it finally, new episode up wherever you get your podcasts from. We discuss the December break and what all we have been going through since the loss of my Mom. It is a real and honest look at how grief effects us.

10/12/2023

The past 2 days I have woke up expecting it to be a dream unfortunately this is the reality that I am based in now. I lost my s**t when I walked in the house and saw her laying there, I hit the wall screamed goddammit and threw her glider chair, but I am not ashamed of it, I am sorry some of my family had to see it but that was my honest reaction.

Time wise I had to be the last person she spoke to, she was worried about her blood sugar and felt like she was having a panic attack and was initially scared but we talked and by the end of the conversation she was laughing and we were cutting jokes like normal. As far as last memories go I think I am doing alright.

My reaction was such because I spent the first 37-38 years of my life angry at her wondering why I wasn't good enough to be kept and looked after, why I was so easily expendable. Around a year/year and a half ago she took it up on herself to ask me if we could talk and told me to tell her exactly how I felt, and anyone that knows me, knows once you say that you best be prepared for what is coming next. To her credit she was, and we spent close to 2 hours on the phone and everything was put on the table, lots of tears, lots of hurt on both sides but we left it with the best understanding of each other we have ever had. Things between us improved drastically from that point on and stayed that way, then on October 19th, something unlocked in my brain and I finally understood her because of my reflection on my relationship with my kids and i told her and I could feel the last bit of the weight lift off of our shoulders simultaneously and we only got to enjoy that complete freedom and peace for a little over a month, hence my viseral reaction when I saw her.

I had two options before me that day, 1: what I used to do, blame existence itself for taking something from me yet again just when things were getting good or 2: feel the sad, the anger and the hurt and use it as a motivator to appreciate the peace we did make, short lived as it may have been, and let it further motivate me to do the best I can every day for my wife, my kids and most importantly myself.

I have lost 2 moms in the span of a year and 2 days and my resolve while shaken slightly has never been stronger. Our entire family, though we may have our differences ideologically or whatever has a way of coming together in times of crisis to support each other and I wouldn't have made it through Friday without them and the macabre jokes that only our family truly seems to understand. I thank everyone that has called, messaged or text me to check on me, all of the thoughts and prayers are truly appreciated even by this heretic.

Tell the people you love you love them often, make it uncomfortable, because ultimately we don't know when the last heartbeat will happen. I love you all.

I love you Mom and I appreciate all the changes and progress you made, it was not lost on me in the slightest. I know you finally found the peace you were looking for your entire life, I can feel it. And I got the message yesterday I am done smoking hopefully for good.

30/10/2023

Today was a great day

25/10/2023

If I have learned anything in the last year it is that nothing is certain, I am glad I am able to make this post every year. My little Piggie is 13 today. My little He/Them is such a unique and special soul, unapologetically themself, with a giant heart and so damn funny.

Today is also a special day because it is their first UIL performance for theater and I know they are going to be amazing. No one ever has a bad thing to say about them and often people feel better having just been around them. Noey always checks on people at the exact right moment somehow and all of our lives are better with Noey in it.

So many things could have been different if any one thing changed and I would deal with it every single time if it meant Noey was still here.

Noey, you are one of the four best things to happen to me, you have shown me a better way so many times in the course of your life, you know when to do something goofy to make me laugh, or when I just need a big pig hug, you are an amazing human being and I am so proud of you. I love you dearly Nolynn Celeste and I hope you have the happiest birthday.

10/10/2023

Newest episode of the podcast out wherever you listen to them, check it out and let us know what you think!

In this episode, Neish and I talk about her struggle with accepting the things that she has experienced as well as her place in the world. As per usual we kinda go all over the place and talk about her upbringing and some of the inappropriate thin...

10/10/2023

Newest episode of the podcast out wherever you listen to them, check it out and let us know what you think!

In this episode, Neish and I talk about her struggle with accepting the things that she has experienced as well as her place in the world. As per usual we ki...

27/08/2023

Two of my favorites ever locking up at Wembley, today is a good day

23/08/2023

Some of y'all need to pull your heads from your asses. I would rather have rainbow s**t all over everything so Kaylee and Noey know it is okay for them to just exist as is and god forbid be out and proud. The hate and division has to stop at some point or we as a society aren't going to last much longer.

36.2K likes, 1889 comments. “ with ® yeaaah. I guess thanks for giving us all a giant list of homophobes to block… it is kind of helpful.”

22/08/2023

88.9K likes, 1150 comments. “Why Does The System Create Division? | feat. Richard Pryor |”

13/08/2023

Ready to see with my gorgeous date

25/07/2023

I don't always look Latino but when I do I look like my name should be Sleepy, not because that is my hood name just because I am. apparently

22/07/2023

New Insidious with my love. It's going to be a good day

18/07/2023

Today is the last day of my old life, whatever life has in store for me from here on out is exactly what is supposed to happen. Growth and change are HERE and I am ready for what is next. Abundance is upon us.

10/07/2023

243.6K likes, 990 comments. “Try this simple exercise to find out who you really are. — on with —”

06/07/2023

Check out thatinfernalnpc's video.

03/07/2023

with

07/05/2023

Watching the Mario movie finally for Logan's birthday

05/05/2023

In this episode I discuss my obsession with Star Wars and how it relates to my psyche and my mental health. It has become one of my biggest sources of strength and has helped me be more present in my normal life. May the force be with you all! Follow me on facebook, twitter, youtube, tiktok and Inst...

20/04/2023

In this episode I discuss the most prevalent thought in my mind for a while now, who deserves a seat at my table. Coming to realization and appreciation for what I have and the quality of people that I have around me instead of constantly wanting more or wanting to be liked etc. *If you are dealing....

06/04/2023

In this episode I discuss my struggle with the darkness and trying to get into the light and at times surviving on smoke and hate. I was addicted to my noise and in a lot of situations used it as my security blanket. *If you are dealing with suicidal thoughts and need help 988 has been designated as...

17/02/2023

Legit question, why haven't black people made Michael Jai White their Chuck Norris?

07/02/2023

In my return episode I discuss the passing of the woman that raised me, my grandmother Maria Pina. I talk about the struggles I have had since then and falling into a depression and lacking motivation to do basically anything. Don't let the noise make you, YOU make the noise. Follow me on facebook,....

28/11/2022

I would pay for every day of this show

05/11/2022

This is my Kaylee Bear she turned 17 today and I don't know where the time has gone. She is so intelligent and quick witted that her smart assery rivals my own. She is one of the coolest young women that I know and I am glad that we have the relationship we do, most teenage girls don't want anything to do with their Dad's but she talks to me so much now. She takes very little s**t and is quick to call someone out for B's like her father before her. We can joke and laugh about anything together and her comedic sensibility is just like mine; dark and warped. Somehow she has also passed me in maturity about 2 years ago. I say I don't need her judgement but I love it because I know she is just busting balls because of that smile on her face. I love you bear bear, I hope you had a good day and happy birthday!

04/11/2022

In this episode I discuss my personal mental health journey, where I am now and what I consider my rock bottom including my suicidal ideations and overcoming them. *If you are dealing with suicidal thoughts and need help 988 has been designated as the new three-digit dialing code that will route cal...