Twelve White Light

05/10/2023

I was watching youtube intensively lately and came across this video which was talking about one-ness and the world is just image from your heart. So it set me thinking if the world is virtual and i know i am in the virtual world. Everyone are like me, a being who wear in a VR goggle, coming in to this reality to play a game called life. Then what is my purpose in that reality that i was trying to achieve in this virtual world? The answer i gotten is “Just being here is the purpose”.

11/09/2023

I have this feeling of lost again and I was asking myself how I wanted my life to be. I was referring to my friend's life that is having a family of 3 and well to do living, and I was thinking of what would my sense of achievement be if I was in his shoes. Then I realised that I would also have this feeling of lost after I attained what his life was. So I was rather confused and wandering around until I asked my other friend about her plan she had for her life. Her answer was, "I don't have a plan." I had an ah-ha moment when I saw her answer!

The truth is, life happens with or without a plan, life happens just the right way as it happens. If you have a dream of what you want to achieve in life, great. If not, it is great too!

29/07/2023

I was relaxing and in my most comfortable zone of doing nothing, and my past habit came and knocked on my door unexpectedly. I thought I would have advanced, and my habits were no longer there. But it has been following behind me quietly. And it came up in front of me and said: "Hi! We were so enjoying each other company in the past, and should we do that again?" I resisted the temptation and reminded myself that my life are better now and I should not go back to my previous state.

There were times when I thought I had gotten past my lessons, habits or karmas, but just when I were enjoying the present moment, it came up and reminded me again whether I still wanted these things. Looking back at the journey I had went through and the effort I made to reach this present moment, it is not worth it to revert back to the past state again.

But there were also times when I could not resist the temptation, oh well, there must be sometime I have not learn. So, just enjoy the journey and I might get another enlightenment this time round.

07/07/2023

I felt frustrated, angry and irritated when things happened has not met my expectation. I was looking for a utensil holder recently and bought one online recently, but when I received the holder, I felt that it is so ugly. At that point in time, I was having thoughts of why it is not what I expected when there are many positive reviews and high ratings, am I just being unlucky? The frustration was not pleasure and It does not only happens for an object, it can be interacting with people or an outcome of an event. Like I received several queries which I feel that anyone with logical thinking will be able to get it and I do not understand why they are not bothered to think deeper.

After much thought, I realised that everyone has their own ruler. This ruler is used to judge, measure, or set expectations of the things that one is going to interact with. The unit of the ruler is specific to the person and it is determined by experience, teaching, family and friend influence. I think it would be difficult to find two identical rulers even if two people went through the same things.

So I have to accept that everyone's expectation and perspective is different, and have constant communication to bring both to a common ground without any compromising of anyone's stand. If that could not be done, then just move on and accept that the time has not arisen.

There would be times when it is super irritating and I just do not want to communicate, I would just do whatever I have to vent my feeling out alone and decide what is the best next course of action.

22/06/2023

I finds myself going to the same endless cycle at work. Whenever i solved an issue, another one will pop up. It was super draining and demotivating, especially when you are working with misaligned person. It sets me thinking whether I am doing the correct thing or i am trying to escape facing the person by quickly solving the issue.

Without finding out the root cause, you will be like a bird trying to escape the cage but realising it is still trapped in the house. And trapped by the forest if it escape the house. Pointless.

You must first understand the reason for escaping and once you solved it. Who knows, you will enjoying staying in the cage.

10/06/2023

I found out that I had made a mistake in communicating the required work to be completed and that there was a missing task. I was so sad with myself for not checking properly. My mind started to simulate many different outcomes similar to what Dr Strange did but none are positive. So I started to apologise and admit that it was my mistake. My sleep was also disrupted that night by my mind which was still thinking of the best remedy to take. In the end, the task was just trivial. Thankfully.

Most often, when we face with uncertainty and adversity, we will try to think of many different outcomes and force thing to happen based on the best outcome we come out with. But the universe don't work that way, whatever need to happen will happen. If you managed to escape this time, it will find you the next round.

So, breathe and be calm. Assess the situation and accept it. Let the story continue according to the universe's plan. Whatever happens will be the best outcome at that moment. And at least, I can get my sleep this way.

03/06/2023

This sentence is in my mind almost every hour.

For survival, we are trained to look out for dangers and we even have a risk registry for a project where we have to think out of many negative outcomes and counter them with remedies. Most often than not, when we come to our life, it had become a habit to think of negative outcomes inevitably. As so, we become worried, anxious, fear, and all the rubbish will come out for no meaning.

The thing is that, in this universe, it would not happen instantly. We need to train for weeks before we see our muscles shape. We need to keep giving what the plant needs before it can grow into a tree and it takes years. While something happened instantly, most are not.

This is what I am learning recently, and it is to do whatever I can. Then sit back and relax. Learn to trust the process, surely and slowly, the best outcome will happen. Have faith with the universe and your life journey. Have fun and take care.

30/05/2023

I felt overwhelming at work because there are many different tracks which I need to put my attention on. And as usual, I don’t know why everyone likes to be so active between 4pm to 6pm, my chat windows never stop pinging. I will always try to clear the messages asap because i feel uneasy seeing the number balloon on the apps and I will be trying to resolve everything by jumping around different tasks. My feeling was not great neither, i felt frustrated, irritated and angry easily. But today, i noticed that all these things are meant to trigger me. So, i decided to leave it aside and focus on doing one thing at a time.

Amazingly when I opened the chat after I had completed my work, none of the messages were for me!

26/05/2023

I was doing 3 days water fast to prepare my body for the class that i signed up. As always, I would start to vomit on day 2 onward. The vomitting was so bad that i vomitted every 2hrs. Everytime as i vomit, the question will pop up asking me why are you doing this? You can just give up and not going through all this suffering. But i said no everytime it appeared because i wanted to know what will happen after all these. And it went all the way to the very last minutes of my water fast. 😅

What kept me going was that I don’t want my effort to go to waste and i kept reminding myself of my original intention. I wanted to go throught all these experience so that i could share with others that crosses my life.

Having said that, waterfasting is also a dangerous activity if it is not manage carefully. Knowing when to stop is also important. And i had stopped it many times throughout the number of fasts i did.

19/05/2023

I was reading this book "The Surrender Experiment" by Michael A. Singer in which he shared his journey on letting go of his expectation and accepting whatever things that came and I could totally relate to it.

There were times where things did not meet your expectation and you had been resisting and demanding your expectaction to be met until the day you felt totally devastated and gave up. It was time that the universe finally took over and the flow continued naturally. As things happened and you looked back, it wasn't that bad afterall. It set me thinking why I had resisted at the first place.

While it is a timely reminder for ourselves that we could have our own expectation, we should also understand and accept the universe has its own plan. Either good or bad until you defined it.

19/05/2023

I was having lunch and someone asked me why did I choose to be a vegan. I didn't want to be treated eccentrically so I told him that it is stupid to kill a cow just to feed your cat which I really feel it. And who am I to decide the fate of the animals? While the act of eating meat is neutral, the intention of the eater actually decided whether it has a positive or negative outcome.

19/05/2023