The B-Side of Marriage

19/08/2024

Every week we want to de-mystify a common myth about marriage!

MYTH: Emotional triggers can wreck your marriage.

FACT: It may seem that you and your spouse are having the same arguments or complaints over and over again, but these recurring conflicts do not need to destroy your relationship, as long as you understand your triggers.

By us understanding our own triggers, we can better communicate our feelings and behaviors associated with those emotional events, to our spouses. This prevents us from pushing those buttons in a disagreement, just to "win" it. It's better, during those times, to express more empathy, grace, and comfort, to promote a deeper connection within your relationship.

Keep in mind that everyone has triggers, and that they vary in intensity, depending on the person. Typically, it's the spouse, or partner, who is better at identifying each other's emotional traumatic triggers than you can be.

Not sure how to successfully navigate emotional triggers? DM "TRIGGERS" to schedule a consult with us today!

16/08/2024

to 2016. Jay would come in clutch when we had 3 little ones under the age of 5. As soon as he came into the house, I immediately handed him his kids so I could try and find a portion of my sanity!

Although, it may not seem like much, it is those small things that made a significant impact on my well-being.

Big gestures are good, but doing small things well, can lead to consistency.

15/08/2024

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13/08/2024

MYTH: Every conflict is solvable.

FACT: You can still have a healthy, strong marriage even if there are challenges within your relationship.

There are bound to be someone in the relationship who loves to be early while the other one tends to run behind schedule, one is more organized than the other, or one spouse wants more "me time" instead of quality time with their spouse.

According to Gottman's Research, only 31% of conflicts are actually solvable. In a marriage, perpetual problems will occur because of the different personalities and lifestyles you and your spouse have. It is more important on how you navigate those differences, so that they do not create any barriers within your marriage.

Accept those differences so that you are able to maintain and increase your emotional connection and satisfaction within your relationship.

Ready to perform your relationship checkup? Comment "NOW" and we will send you the link!

09/08/2024

Do you remember where or what you did for your first date with your spouse/partner? Was it magical where you immediately get butterflies in your stomach? Or was it hysterical and puts a smile on your face every time you think about it?

Well, ours was hysterical! I was wined and dined at the local Applebee's and it was definitely an entertaining night!

This weekend why don't you try re-create your first date by going back to the same restaurant or do the activity that you guys did. Relive the nostalgia of that initial date.

And if it was a disaster, this is you all's opportunity for a re-do!

Comment below where your first date was or what you did. Sharing your memories can help give others some ideas!

08/08/2024

We all know that physical characteristics are passed down from generation to generation, but who knew that it also included preferences in women 😆?

But seriously, we learn a lot from our family, friends, and the environments that we grow up in. This often includes learning how to treat others and how to behave in relationships. For example, having a mindset that "all guys cheat" because you were raised by a single parent. Or that a "woman's place is in the kitchen" because you grew up where your mom always cooked the meals and cleaned the kitchen? These types of beliefs influence your satisfaction and perception of relationships.

I know those are strong examples, but it provides a great opportunity to analyze the core beliefs about he relationship that you are currently in and what defines a HEALTHY relationship.

Our relationship check-up allows you to identify your relationship expectations of your partner and your current satisfaction of your relationship. Comment "Beliefs" and we will get you scheduled for your check-up today!

05/08/2024

MYTH: It’s not okay to say “no” to your partner.

FACT: Although, we may hate hearing the word "no" and it may be uncomfortable to tell your partner that, but saying "no" helps create boundaries in your relationship!

Boundaries are an essential component of a healthy relationship because it helps each of you understand their needs and responses, leading to a more intimate connection.

Saying "no" allows you to stand up for your own needs while also allowing the space for your partner to do the same. Boundaries reinforces respect within the relationship and creates an environment for love, care, and empathy to flourish.

DM us "Boundaries" to schedule a relationship check-up today!

21/07/2024

Rest is defined as to cease from work or movement, refrain from labor or exertion, and to be free from anxiety or disturbance. Rest allows a person to recover strength.

Having to always be "on", or on the grind, leads to burn or the deterioration of the connection within your relationship. When you're burnt out you neglect your spouse and yourself. You cannot pour into anyone if your cup is empty.

Take some time to plan a get away together. It's always good if your getaway is out of the country, but even a short 2 or 3 day staycation or in-state vacation will still do the trick!

Or re-evaluate your life and see if there are areas or responsibilities that you can outsource to make room to slow down.

Are you making time to rest together? Is life keeping you from getting the rest you both need? If so, make a plan today on how to prioritize your relationship and rest!

DM us "REST" so that you can begin your relationship check-in today!

19/07/2024

I don't know about anyone else, but this "summer" is FLYING by! So before it completely disappears, we suggest taking a staycation away from children and other responsibilities.

There is something special about staying in town and having a couples staycation. You don't have to deal with the stresses that come with traveling and you are able have a quicker turnaround of relaxing and enjoying quality time with your partner.

So take a minute to plan a staycation for you and your partner at a hotel in another part of the city or in a different part of your city (especially if you live in a big city). Explore that area, try new restaurants/cuisines, splurge on couple massages, or dress up to have a night out on the town.

Also, it doesn't have to be too long. Even a night or two away will do wonders for you all's connection and intimacy.

Use this as an opportunity to create new memories, enjoy some romance, and have fun together!

16/07/2024

MYTH: If they change, things will get better.

FACTS: Forcibly trying to change your spouse can do more damage than good – for both of you! This actually can make the situation worst!

Instead of focusing on changing your spouse/partner, try and focus on what you can control....and that means becoming a better person for yourself. You deserve to grow and be a better person for you and that will automatically cause you to show up differently in your relationship.

You can win a person over with compliments and rather than with critiques and nagging. Instead, explain how the change, or the lack of change, makes you feel. Speaking from the heart creates an opportunity for a non-confrontational conversation to be had!

Not sure where to start? DM us CHANGE and we will have a free consultation to develop a plan specifically for you and your relationship!

12/07/2024

With all of the things going on in the Houston area in the aftermath of Hurricane Beryl, tonight may be a good time to stay in for a night of board games and back rubs!

Haven't heard of that one?

Well, it's when you pick your favorite, 2-person board (or card) game, and play each other. Whoever wins the game gets a massage from the loser.

Not only will it spice up your game night, but it will also help in relieving tension in this very stressful situation.

Our prayers are going out to all of the people in (or waiting to begin) the recovery process of the natural disaster.

11/07/2024

Y'all why did I think that going to Essence Festival being 9 months pregnant was a good idea?!?!?!

Well, I did it in 2011! Adams had never been to Essence so I wanted to allow him the opportunity to experience that before we became a party of 3.

We had a good time!!! My feet were swollen (even in flats) and Jay was super protective during his crowd control (which was EVERYWHERE), he rubbed my feet at night, allowed me to eat real good, and kept me hydrated.

I have a tendency of doing big things at the very end of my pregnancies and I don't regret a single minute! Now we need to go back and enjoy it fully embracing our uncle/auntie seasons😆.

Have y'all been to Essence Fest? If so, when and who was the performance that you're glad you didn't miss?

10/07/2024

Because we live in the Houston area, stress is currently at the forefront of our mind because our city is still dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Beryl. No power, no internet, no gas, trees down everywhere, and a heat advisory. That is a lot to deal with!

Natural disasters and adverse life events can be very stressful and can often compound within a relationship. Some partners may respond positively to a highly stressful situation, and sometimes life can seem to keep throwing things at you to the point where feelings of hopelessness may start to creep in.

This week, talk with your partner to get an understanding of if they feel that you guys are able to work together, effectively, to adversity. Or do you both tackle the situation, from your independent perspectives, and hope that you make it out still together?

Listen! We get it! Trying to work together during extreme distress can feel counterintuitive, but remember that this event is just for a defined time. It may feel like it will always be this way, but that is not a fact. It will eventually be "old news".

If you are struggling with finding a common ground in the midst of a "storm", let us help you! You provide practical tips and tools to help you navigate the complexities of day-to-day life.

DM us "stress-less" and we will send you a link to schedule your free consultation.

NOTE: Every Tuesday we will share with you some maintenance relationship check questions so that you can identify any early symptoms that may determine if a tune up is needed for your marriage.

08/07/2024

Hurricane Beryl has devastated the Texan coast and have left many without power!

Praying for those to be safe! For those in need, please visit https://tdem.texas.gov/disasters/beryl for support resources.

06/07/2024

We are about to show our age, but how many remember having to listen to the radio all day in order to record your song in order to create your playlist?

Those were the days, but thank goodness for technology! Studies show that show that there is a direct correlation between certain songs and your memory. So compile all the songs that have a significant meaning for your relationship on a private playlist and share with your spouse.

Rekindle moments of your first date, your wedding song, and another songs that bring back wonderful memories! Listen to those songs and take a trip down memory lane.

It would be interesting to see if you both remember the same events the same way....I know we don't☺️!

04/07/2024

04/07/2024

There's no better way to kick off Minority Mental Health month than by announcing that I have started my own private practice!!!
I'm passionate about helping people and couples move past their traumas, family of origin, and other learned behaviors to have healthy and successful relationships and boundaries!
Check out my website at www.aimforhealingtherapy.com and schedule your free consultation today!

01/07/2024

MYTH: Scheduling, in a relationship, is unsexy and unromantic.

FACT: We currently use a variety of devices and tools to maximize our productivity within our lives. So if we are already scheduling everything else, why not use it for one of the most influential parts of our lives?

As The Candidly Team states, "consciously setting aside time for the people we are involved with, results in couples feeling loved, fulfilled, and connected."

Did you know that research shows that it only takes 6 hours of intentional activities a week to help a couple stay happy and have a better relationship?

Mindful connection creates a solid foundation for your relationship and scheduling (or visual reminders) helps reinforce those behaviors.

Reach out to us were we use decades of research to help you have a healthier and happy relationship. Click the link in the bio to setup your consultation today!

28/06/2024

It is hot here in Texas and it seems like it is just getting hotter! So having ice cream just makes sense!

Tonight, visit a local ice cream shop and order a couple of ice cream cones. Go on a walk (or sit in the shade), holding hands, or gaze into each other eyes, while enjoying your sweet treat!

(For those wanting a healthier alternative, try frozen yogurt or splurge for this one treat...everything is fine in moderation, right? It is more important to connect in the name of love!)

There's a new spot near us that I can't wait to check out. I'll let y'all know in the comments how it goes 😉!

28/06/2024

to the community luau. Consider this your sign to take a couples only vacation!

24/06/2024

MYTH: Good healthy marriages come naturally.

I believe this might be one of the most unbelievable myths there is!

FACT: Good healthy marriages definitely do not come naturally, or easily!

When 2 people (who have lived totally separate lives) decide to come together, there are many adjustments and changes that need to be made. And that process will be bumpy and consist of trials and errors.

In a healthy marriage, you have to be intentional about fulfilling your partner's needs, while informing them about yours. It's a delicate balance!

I graduated from college the definition of Ms I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T! I wasn't looking for a man, or anyone to take care of me, or affirm me. I was out there living my best life, but then came along .

No more just doing whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it. Understanding how my partner needs to be loved and loving him in that way does not come naturally! When opposites attract, relational needs are usually different as well.

So give yourself a little grace and know that the work is well worth the results in your connection and health of your relationship.

Let us help you discover how to build a healthy, sustainable relationship! Click the link in the bio!

20/06/2024

Happy day after - Juneteenth!

We were too busy celebrating Freedom day that we didn't have time to post so here's a throwback to 2020 when we were fully representing!

Saying NO to hate and YES to a love for everyone!
#1865

14/06/2024

Date nights are very important to maintaining connection within a relationship!

This week why not spoil yourselves and take a break from the kitchen and cooking and let someone else pamper you instead!

Look into hiring a private chef to create a personalized, romantic dining experience for you and your partner. A quick Google or social media search can help you find some local talent.

12/06/2024

I know the most common advice to engaged couples or couples with relationships on the rocks is to "communicate, communicate, communicate." But we are always communicating whether it is verbally (with our words) or non-verbally (our body language).

I have always been a person that would show what I'm really thinking or feeling on my face. And that didn't change immediately just because I got married. So if my husband did something that I didn't like or if he didn't meet an expectation I had, I would often give him the silent treatment and walk around the house with a face and showing "attitude" in the way that I moved around him.

My husband did not know exactly what was going on, but he knew that something was wrong. Since I was not talking with him directly (so that he can understand my heart and expectations), he was left to make assumptions on what he did wrong or how he could "fix" the issue. This always resulted in him doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing, creating more frustration for both of us.

Once I swallowed my pride and actually had a conversation with my husband, we were able to reconcile and come to a place of understanding.

Let your communication create clarity in your marriage, so that you are able to stay connected and love each other well.

Note - Every Tuesday we share some maintenance relationship check-in questions to help you maintain connection and vulnerability within your relationship.

10/06/2024

MYTH: Many couples struggle with the idea that they are responsible for their partner's feelings.

FACT: When each person has courageous love, and security within the relationship, allows for each person to be accountable for controlling their feelings.

You are not responsible for controlling your partner's feelings, emotions, and outbursts. They are the captain of their own journey.

Our jobs as partners are to accept every part of our partners (their insecurities, vulnerabilities, and strengths) and support them in those moments when they are overwhelmed or exhausted.

This can be very difficult to navigate especially if you are trying to regulate your own emotions at the same time! Take a breath and hit us up, where we can help you develop the language in those situations and increase moments of vulnerability between the two of you!

Link in the bio!

07/06/2024

Are you guys high school sweethearts or even college sweethearts? Well, either way, I know when Jay and I started dating, we really weren't trying to spend a lot of money on each other at first. So this week, let's romance our partners on college budgets lol.

Since inflation is a serous thing these days, things may be more than a dollar, so keep that in mind before having this date experience!

1. Start off by buying a gift for each other from the dollar store and wrap it.

2. Then pick up dinner from a fast food restaurant's value menu.

3. Find a secluded, romantic place to eat, unwrap your gifts, and explain why you selected the gift for the other person.

This is a gratitude exercise!
Be thankful of where you are now versus where you have come from!

Enjoy the great time you are having together as well as the money you have saved!

25/10/2023

In a healthy marriage, spouses will grow and mature together, naturally allowing each person to lead in the roles/areas that they are stronger in. This is not necessarily along gender lines, but rather in our differences as individuals.

Jay and I often say that we don't compete, we complete because we allow our personalities, our strengths, and our thinking styles to complement each other - maximizing our effectiveness as a couple.

This week, ask your spouse how well are you all complementing each other? Are you respecting each others strengths and skills in the relationship?

Don't allow your differences to create friction in your marriage! Instead allows them to strengthen your relationship and create a stronger connection.

Note - Every Tuesday we will share with you some maintenance relationship check questions so that you can identify any early symptoms that may determine if a tune up is needed for your marriage.

25/10/2023

MYTH: Being married should be convenient for each spouse.

FACT: Convenient marriages are based on selfish reasons. It's not about what you can give but rather what you can get out of the relationship and from the partner.

It is more important to be in a committed marriage rather than a convenient one!

Committed marriages require both spouses to be dedicated to being self-less to one another, in agreement to the goals and purpose of the marriage, and can love each other unconditionally even when they do not like each other.

Convenient marriages are birthed out of infatuation and lust while committed marriages emerge from love, dedication, honesty, and loyalty.

Check out our new podcast episode on Wednesday where we talk more about convenience vs. commitment!

29/09/2023

Happy to our two princes! Y’all are growing up to be fine gentlemen and I’m not ready 🥲🥲