The Neo Times

  • Home
  • The Neo Times

The Neo Times The Neo Times is a satire news, parody and humor website. Created for the audiences in Asia, The Neo Times is the world’s first AI news platform.
(2)

COVID-19 – From now on, anyone refusing to wear a mask will be deported to Woodlands
20/08/2020

COVID-19 – From now on, anyone refusing to wear a mask will be deported to Woodlands

The government passed an emergency bill overnight. The bill stipulates that any person refusing to wear a mask in public places will be immediately deported to Woodlands. The bill follows an incident where a man taunted a mall employee, asking him to remove his face mask to speak to him.  Sembawang...

Myth debunked: Nasi Lemak does not contain squid p***s nor increase libido
19/08/2020

Myth debunked: Nasi Lemak does not contain squid p***s nor increase libido

Nasi Lemak is the de facto national dish of Malaysia and maybe also Singapore. A fragrant and easy go-to meal, but what follows will be hearing our mans’ voices in our heads about how long it could help us last in the bed. There have also been claims circulating on the internet stating that Nasi [...

Your Horoscope — Week of August 17th – August 23th
17/08/2020

Your Horoscope — Week of August 17th – August 23th

Your Horoscope — Week of August 17th – August 23thHoroscope AriesA man from Malaysia called Jho L will ask you to carry a suitcase full of cash and bring it to a friend of him. It will be the start of a thrilling journey that will end very badly (in jail). TaurusYou will return to the wild for 4...

Vietnam Prime Minister to buy 1 million Russian Matryoshkas and receive free Covid-19 vaccine nobody wants
15/08/2020

Vietnam Prime Minister to buy 1 million Russian Matryoshkas and receive free Covid-19 vaccine nobody wants

HANOI – Vietnam’s Prime Minister ordered 1 million nesting dolls and will receive free vaccine, in a deal worth $10 million, state television reported on Friday (Aug 14). Nguyễn Xuân Phúc, the Prime Minister of Vietnam announced that “While ordering the Matryoshkas on Amazon, my friend Vla...

5 questions to ask before you start living a double life
13/08/2020

5 questions to ask before you start living a double life

Are you ready to have a second girlfriend/wife? Planning a double life requires thinking. It also involves a great deal of self-reflection to see if you are ready to take on the additional duties that come with having more than one partner. Here are five questions you should ask before you start liv...

What to say to friend who got dumped
12/08/2020

What to say to friend who got dumped

The emotional recovery from a break-up is painful. If you know someone who broke up, skip jolly statements like: “You’re not too ugly, you can always find someone else”, Dr Cornelius Choo, head and senior consultant of Psychological Medicine at National University Hospital advises. Don’t try...

COVID-19: Compulsory to wear mask during in*******se
11/08/2020

COVID-19: Compulsory to wear mask during in*******se

It is now mandatory to wear a mask during in*******se announced Minister of Health.   Individuals who are caught refusing to wear a mask will be fined S$300 on their first offence, while those who flout the rule a second time will be fined S$1,000. Egregious cases will be prosecuted in court, he a...

Your Horoscope — Week of August 10th – August 16th
10/08/2020

Your Horoscope — Week of August 10th – August 16th

Your Horoscope — Week of August 10th – August 16thHoroscope AriesSomeone will try to poison you with quinoa. Watch out! TaurusA private driving instructor will become your worst enemy. Her name is Shivanghi. GeminiFrom Tuesday to Saturday, a vegan YouTuber will follow you everywhere and criticis...

Pre-school teacher who allegedly made child eat own vomit will be punished with eating baby p**p
09/08/2020

Pre-school teacher who allegedly made child eat own vomit will be punished with eating baby p**p

Revealed on confession site Storience last month, a teacher force-fed and made a child eat her vomit. The same person is also accused of taping the mouths of noisy children. The allegations have been removed after the writer had requested for them to be taken down. Responding to queries from The Neo...

She consented, says nutritionist who made his client eat broccoli and celery
06/08/2020

She consented, says nutritionist who made his client eat broccoli and celery

In the wake of viral photo of a consultation that prompted the Singapore Nutrition and Dietetics Association to ban him. The nutritionist accused of making his client eat broccoli and celery once a day for one week told The Neo Times on Thursday that he would be filing a police report against the .....

New Miss Universe national costume inspired by Singapore’s national uniform of shorts, t-shirts and slippers
05/08/2020

New Miss Universe national costume inspired by Singapore’s national uniform of shorts, t-shirts and slippers

Fairly or unfairly, the Miss Universe Singapore national costume almost invariably draws criticism. But it is different this year! Supportive netizens are joining to say that while the slippers worn by Miss Laranya Kumar is pretty, it also represents Singapore. One user, simplybry13, said: “The in...

Your Horoscope — Week of August 3rd – August 9th
03/08/2020

Your Horoscope — Week of August 3rd – August 9th

Your Horoscope — Week of August 3rd – August 9thHoroscope AriesYou will have Bak K*t Teh on Monday for lunch, on Tuesday for dinner, on Wednesday for breakfast, on Thursday for lunch, Friday for lunch and Sunday for dinner. TaurusYou will bump into Albert, your first love who loves to read girly...

We’re just going to go ahead and report that Kim Jong Un is dead because it’ll be true soon enough anyway
02/08/2020

We’re just going to go ahead and report that Kim Jong Un is dead because it’ll be true soon enough anyway

Kim Jong Un, Young Master, Marshal, Brilliant Comrade, Genius Among Others or Yongmyong-Han Tongji, North Korean leader has passed away this morning at age 36. And if he hasn’t, that’ll be true soon enough anyway, so just bookmark this page and pull it back up when that happens. Kim reportedly s...

Study reveals people with COVID-19 more likely to get infected with COVID-19
01/08/2020

Study reveals people with COVID-19 more likely to get infected with COVID-19

A University of Tokyo study has found that people infected with COVID-19 are significantly more likely to be tested postive for COVID-19 than other members of the population. The research, ‘Prevalence of COVID-19 in COVID-infected individuals’, highlighted the importance of not being infected by...

Trump says U.S. recognizes Singapore as China’s capital
30/07/2020

Trump says U.S. recognizes Singapore as China’s capital

WASHINGTON—The U.S. Embassy in China will move to Singapore by the end of 2020 President Donald Trump said in a speech on Monday that highlighted a policy shift that has stoked international concern. President Donald Trump recognized Singapore as the capital of China and said he would move the U.S...

Is your girlfriend cheating on you with your best friend? Spot these 5 signs
29/07/2020

Is your girlfriend cheating on you with your best friend? Spot these 5 signs

Although it is normal among women, cheating can be more serious when couples are engaged or even married. Every woman reacts differently when they are caught, but here are some give-away signs that might reveal to you she is hiding her affair: Wait! First, set out the rules It’s better to discoura...

5 reasons why your husband should help with household chores
28/07/2020

5 reasons why your husband should help with household chores

Because your husband/boyfriend should love you, you can reasonably ask him to assume responsibility for some basic household chores. He might not be happy about it, but he should learn to complete simple housework. Point out to him that doing so goes beyond helping you out – there are important va...

Your Horoscope — Week of July 27th – August 2nd
27/07/2020

Your Horoscope — Week of July 27th – August 2nd

Your Horoscope — Week of July 27th – August 2ndHoroscope AriesYou’ll get some me-time. This will last forever. TaurusSee Leo’s horoscope. GeminiYou’ll be able to rest for the next six months, because you’re fired. CancerYou’ll find a way to improve the atmosphere in the office, by not ...

6 Virtual Travel Ideas to Get Your Holiday Fix From Home
25/07/2020

6 Virtual Travel Ideas to Get Your Holiday Fix From Home

From watching combats in the Middle East and climbing garbage in Naples, to experiencing the smog of Beijing, here’s how you can globe-trot without leaving the comfort of your living room. Itching to satisfy your wanderlust but can barely leave home, let alone the country? Here are five ways you c...

6 ways to stop your partner holding on to old battered underwear
24/07/2020

6 ways to stop your partner holding on to old battered underwear

Most women are unhappy to see their husband walking around with their battered old briefs. And some hang on to the same old briefs for more than 20 years. There are plenty of good reasons to discourage the habit. Here are six ways to help your husband break the habit. Avoid battles The more his […...

10 breathtaking photos that perfectly capture the iconic spirit of stools
22/07/2020

10 breathtaking photos that perfectly capture the iconic spirit of stools

Three-legged. Well-balanced. Breathtaking. This incredible picture depicts the contemporary and elegant stool through its sculptural lines. Stool, bangku, tabouret, 粪便, Schemel, sgabello, BELLISIMO! A bar stool and a beer to quench my first. Gaze upon this aesthetically pleasing. Witness how nob...

4 unforgettable places in Singapore to propose
21/07/2020

4 unforgettable places in Singapore to propose

With a combination of multicultural influences, wonderful places, and welcoming people, it’s no secret that Singapore is a preferred destination for lovers. A romantic dinner followed by a proposal is classic for a reason, but these out-of-the-box proposal ideas that can be done in Singapore may b...

Your Horoscope — Week of July 20th – July 26th
20/07/2020

Your Horoscope — Week of July 20th – July 26th

Your Horoscope — Week of July 20th – July 26thHoroscope AriesYou should not ask more than you deserve. Don’t ask anything. TaurusIf she says no, she means no. GeminiThere’s nothing like waking up next to the love of your life, a cheeseburger. CancerWe don’t always need the stars to guess y...

AirAsia offers a 50% discount if you book the entire plane
19/07/2020

AirAsia offers a 50% discount if you book the entire plane

As flights gradually resume, budget carrier AirAsia is offering a 50% discount on all its airfares for travellers booking the entire plane. The 50% off on the flights are available for booking through airasia.com or the AirAsia mobile app until August 12, 2020 for travel between September 1, 2020 an...

Jeanette Aw explains to fans why she’s keeping her flatulence so low key
18/07/2020

Jeanette Aw explains to fans why she’s keeping her flatulence so low key

Today, the actress and producer took to social media opened up about how her digestive system has been going and how she’s navigated everything while in the public eye. When fans wrote into the Instagram Live session asking Jeanette Aw about how she was feeling, she assured them that all is well a...

White people wearing a face mask appear to even more look alike, research finds
17/07/2020

White people wearing a face mask appear to even more look alike, research finds

One often-heard phrase connected when seeing a group westerners is “they all look the same to me,” a phrase usually perceived as racist. It implies that we have difficulty discerning the facial characteristics of white people. And it is even more harder to tell if they are wearing a face mask. T...

Wolf of Wall Street star Leonardo Dicaprio to thank Malaysian taxpayers with free autographs
16/07/2020

Wolf of Wall Street star Leonardo Dicaprio to thank Malaysian taxpayers with free autographs

1MDB scandal: To celebrate the drop of charges of Wolf of Wall Street producer Riza Aziz will organise an autograph signing with Leonardo Dicaprio.  1MDB was established to raise funds for Malaysia’s development and help some of the country’s poorest people. Co-founded by ex-PM Najib, more than...

Predictions for the year 3000
14/07/2020

Predictions for the year 3000

Humans will grow to an average of three metres, live to the age of 250 and all have 3 ni***es, an evolutionary expert says. Racial differences would become less pronounced, gingers will still exist. Technology will even turn some people into trans-human cyborgs. We’ll be fat and anti-socials becau...

Why americans refuse to wear face masks: IQ appears to play a role, scientists say
12/07/2020

Why americans refuse to wear face masks: IQ appears to play a role, scientists say

Americans are defying orders despite evidence that suggests that widespread use of face masks can greatly limit the transmission of the coronavirus.  IQ appears to play a role when it comes to wearing a mask or not. Indeed, a precaution as simple as wearing a face mask in public is not as simple as...

SMU launches a new programme: How to file for unemployment
10/07/2020

SMU launches a new programme: How to file for unemployment

A new course has been developed by Singapore Management University which aims to enhance the learning experience of students facing unemployment. The MSc in Unemployment Insurance (UI) will train individuals in how to qualify for unemployment benefits, register and apply for unemployment, certify th...

5 Kid influencers You Should Be Following
09/07/2020

5 Kid influencers You Should Be Following

Kid influencers are becoming more and more popular and for good reason – they have such an amazing life, it’ll put ours to shame. These kids have a long an exciting social media life ahead of them.Here are 5 kid influencers you should definitely have on your following list today! Wendy Feng YouT...

Survey: 90% of people claim to be stranded in a whatsapp coworkers group
08/07/2020

Survey: 90% of people claim to be stranded in a whatsapp coworkers group

In today’s online-driven world, where we’re constantly connected to colleagues through smartphones and social media, it can be hard to keep your home and work life separate. According to a survey released by The Neo Times, an overwhelming majority of people are trapped in a whatsapp coworkers gr...

Why does your face mask smell bad? Oh wait, that’s your breath!
07/07/2020

Why does your face mask smell bad? Oh wait, that’s your breath!

When you started to wear a face mask, you quickly noticed that your mask smells funky. The unpleasant odor is hard to ignore. You’ve tried different masks but it still hits you. Surprise! That’s your bad breath. Wearing a mask just made you more aware about the fact that you have bad breath. You...

Your Horoscope — Week of July 5th – July 11th
06/07/2020

Your Horoscope — Week of July 5th – July 11th

Your Horoscope — Week of July 5th – July 11thHoroscope AriesWe watch you closely. We don’t trust you. We are everywhere. Be careful! TaurusThere are times to make changes in your life. Start with a shower. GeminiAfter ten years of relationship, s*x is getting boring. You and your s*x doll are ...

Police Bust Underground Preaching Ring
04/07/2020

Police Bust Underground Preaching Ring

A raid by police has resulted in the dismantling of the largest illegal preaching ring and the seizure of $15,000 worth of candles, bibles and dozens of holy water bottles. The calm of the weekly service was punctured by the armed response unit shouting ‘cease the sermon and prayers or we’ll sho...

Candidates to have empathy injected into their brain before GE2020
03/07/2020

Candidates to have empathy injected into their brain before GE2020

Among the 192 candidates to the general election, more than half of them are to undergo a state of the art procedure to have some form of empathy and sensivity injected directly into their brain. The medical treatment is the latest trend amongst politcians, who sadly may be devoid of any form of emp...

02/07/2020

How to monetize your video by making it a video explaining how to monetize videos

Two wild species from China compete to start the next global pandemic
01/07/2020

Two wild species from China compete to start the next global pandemic

Bamboo rats and civet cats are preparing to go head to head. Chinese researchers are confident wildlife species such as bamboo rats and civet cats may be the perfect intermediate hosts for a new novel coronavirus before it infects humans and trigger a global outbreak. “Right now we are distracted ...

COVID-19 travel restriction: Fridges maker sells units with souvenir magnets
30/06/2020

COVID-19 travel restriction: Fridges maker sells units with souvenir magnets

The fridge ushers in a new era of travel restrictions. This new products line underlines Samsung’s dedication to creating products that truly reflect evolving consumer lifestyles. Samsung Electronics today announces the launch of “Samsung Souvenirs” with magnets for people enable to travel. Cu...

Address


Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when The Neo Times posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Videos

Shortcuts

  • Address
  • Alerts
  • Videos
  • Claim ownership or report listing
  • Want your business to be the top-listed Media Company?

Share