The Crumpled Papers Podcast

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09/07/2024

This is it. The FINAL episode of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast” is now live, and I couldn’t have asked for a better guest to bring it to a close.

On the finale episode of the podcast, we have a supersized episode, and I am joined by my longtime childhood friend Ana Hill who I grew up with in church, to talk about the multitude of ways in which the toxic and destructive teachings and ideas we came up against growing up resulted in a warped and distorted view of God and ourselves.

Ana and I get in to SO MANY topics and experiences of our childhood in the church, and have fantastic discussions about ideas such as the pressure to always be happy and never show your negative emotions, the insane measures taken in regards to our purity and relationships with the opposite gender (surprise surprise), and how the Bible was used as a weapon against us, and how that impacted our dynamic with it now.

We also talk about our learned dependence on the church, and how our church’s teachings on the dangers of the “outside world” resulted in a fear of ever doing things outside the church, as well as an unpreparedness to do life on our own once we left.

I also may or may not have brought up the crush I had on Ana in middle school, and how our church environment influenced how that affected our relationship. 👀😆

And this is just scratching the surface. Honestly, it was hard to write this summary because of how many topics and ideas we dove into!

This conversation was everything I could’ve wished for and more, and it is the PERFECT episode to bring everything to a close.

What are you waiting for?? The link to listen is down in the comments 👇🏻

25/06/2024

Season 3 Episode 10, the THIRD TO LAST episode of the podcast, is now live, and this week I am joined by Christy Lynne Wood, author of the book “Religious Rebels”, to talk about her experiences growing up in Bill Gothard’s IBLP cult, her journey out of this controlling church ecosystem, and her path to discovering the REAL Jesus in the face of so much false religion.

Our conversation also delves into some great perspectives on Christy’s confrontations with both spiritual abuse and spiritual exploitation, and the detrimental effects they can have on people, especially young people.

So much great stuff in this episode centered around the freedom that comes when we are able to see discern who God really is amidst so much that tries to pass as true and right when in reality it is the exact opposite.

Go listen now! The link is down in the description 👇🏻

18/06/2024

This week’s episode is now LIVE, and it’s a good one!

This week I am joined by Andres Landaverde, a childhood friend from my former church organization, and we have a FANTASTIC conversation about faith, more specifically taking a faith that was handed to us on a silver platter (and in some cases shoved down our throat 😳), full of ideas and beliefs that we never had to actually discover ourselves, and doing the work to make it our own, in the process exchanging some damaging and toxic ideas for ones that we know are healthy.

Andres gives us a great look into his time as a church kid, finding himself in contention with a lot of rules that were placed over us which we were encouraged to adhere to blindly without contention, and how that type of culture resulted in a faith that wasn’t personal nor authentic. It was simply a collection of ideas and standards that he was told were 100% true, and to disagree meant to be weak in his faith.

Growing up in a spiritual environment where we feel we were spoonfed straightforward answers and encouraged to accept them blindly, Andres and I discuss the ways in which we are learning to intentionally engage with our faith, constantly asking questions, wrestling with our beliefs (and God), and applying critical thinking to determine for ourselves what we believe and what we don’t.

This was such a great conversation, and we talk about SO MUCH 😮 The link to listen is down in the comments 👇🏻

11/06/2024

Season 3 Episode 8 of The Crumpled Papers Podcast is NOW LIVE, and it’s a crazy one 😱

This week I am joined by my friend Rachel Schober who shares her experiences growing up in a charismatic/Pentecostal church that pushed a heavy emphasis on unquestioning obedience and blind certainty.

Then we dive into the bombshell that led her to leave her church organization just last year… one of her church’s most esteemed individuals got convicted of being a pedophile… and it turns out, several of the church’s leaders had known for years and covered it up!

Rachel and I talk all about this shocking, yet unfortunately unsurprising, situation that is plaguing so many toxic churches (believe me, I had a TON of questions), and then Rachel discusses her own personal journey through the emotional and spiritual processing of such a realization, and the resulting unraveling of her own faith and beliefs as she continues to seek to reconstruct a healthy perception of what faith, God, and church is supposed to be.

This was an incredible conversation! As always, the link to listen is down in the comments 👇🏻

04/06/2024

Season 3 Episode 7 of The Crumpled Papers Podcast is NOW LIVE, with the newest entry in the “When A Church Kid…” series!

This week I am joined by Aleah Policar, a fellow church kid who grew up in my childhood church organization, and we have a FANTASTIC conversation about the many different areas of her experiences growing up where she was confronted with emotional and spiritual manipulation by her church and it’s leaders, often as a response to the fact that she was never truly “bought in” to the church system and teachings.

We cover so many intriguing and resonant aspects of our childhood experiences in a church that placed an extremely heavy emphasis on its youth becoming Christians and fitting the “perfect Christian” mold, which inevitably resulted in some toxic and damaging reactions when a church kid didn’t seem as interested as their leaders needed them to be.

Don’t miss this awesome conversation! As always, the link to listen is down in the comments 👇🏻

28/05/2024

Oooh baby, we’ve got a treat for ya’ll today!

Season 3 Episode 6 of the podcast is now LIVE, and this week I am joined by the one and only Joshua Harris, author of the notorious book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”.

If that name sounds familiar, you may have a wide variety of reactions to hearing it. Despite whether you read this book growing up or not, the odds are, it influenced your church’s culture in some way, especially when it came to purity and relationships.

Josh and I have a FANTASTIC conversation talking about so many different aspects of how his book not only affected a generation of young people’s approach to relationships, but also Josh’s own journey of recognizing the ideas he presented in the book that he no longer believed in and realized were affecting others in negative ways.

We also touch on the idea of intention vs impact, rediscovering our identity and purpose after having it so clearly defined in one specific way for so long, and the vital importance of allowing and expecting our beliefs and mindsets to change as we grow as individuals and believers.

Trust me when I say, you definitely want to hear this conversation. As always, the link to listen is down in the comments 👇🏻

26/05/2024

A thought from my conversation with Shannon Leyko on this week’s episode.

Check out our full conversation about how unhealthy churches influence and affect our perception and navigation of relationships in Season 3, Episode 5 of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast”. The link is down in the comments 👇🏻

21/05/2024

Episode 5 of Season 3 is HERE, and this week the conversation is all about RELATIONSHIPS… or more specifically, the ways in which unhealthy churches can ruin good relationships, and distort the foundational aspects and understanding of what it means to develop a healthy relationship, be it platonic or romantic.

My guest this week is Shannon Leyko, a former member of my childhood church organization, and we have a FANTASTIC discussion about her experiences growing up in a toxic faith environment where she quickly learned that, although unconditional love was preached from the stage, oftentimes the affection shown by others was highly the opposite, plagued by contingencies and stipulations.

We also get into the all too common dynamic of separation and alienation between guys and girls, and how cultures of extreme legalism and suppression often lead to a shame-inducing proclivity for secrecy.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of everything we talk about! Go check out the episode now at the link down in the comments 👇🏻

14/05/2024

Season 3, Episode 4 of the podcast is now live, and believe me when I tell you that this episode hits the ground running and doesn’t slow down for a minute!

This week I am joined by author Tiffany Yecke Brooks to talk about her new book “Holy Ghosted”, which is centered around unmasking and identifying the roots of spiritual anxiety, as well as understanding the various methods of control abusive churches and leaders will use that often play into a culture of spiritually anxious church goers.

This conversation has SO MUCH GOOD STUFF in it, from delving into the connection between spiritual anxiety and religious trauma, to the innumerable ways that legalism can feed into our reliance on fear-based and incentive-based faith structures, to the necessity of knowing that our intuition and discernment are GOOD, despite what toxic religious systems often want us to believe. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Do yourself a favor, and go listen to this episode! Trust me, you’ll be glad you did. The link is down in the comments 👇🏻

12/05/2024

A thought from this week’s conversation with Aldo B. Martin.

Our history is what makes us who we are. As individuals, and as groups, so much of our understanding of ourselves comes from our understanding of where we have come from, both who we have been and what we have done. And without acknowledging these aspects of our past, there is no plausible way we can ever effectively correct course to avoid making the same mistakes.

Too many churches and religious systems continue to commit the same offenses and deal the same damage, month after month, years after year, decade after decade, simply because they refuse to learn from their past.

If we want to become better, if we want to fix the wrongs we have committed, if we want to successfully avoid falling into the same patterns of harm, abuse, and toxic ideologies that have stained our past, we MUST start by acknowledging that these things happened in the first place, and earnestly commit ourselves to using that history as a tool to assist us in directing our steps in a new direction.

For more of this conversation, check out Season 3, Episode 3 of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast”. The link to listen is down in the comments 👇🏻

07/05/2024

Did someone say crossover???

Season 3, Episode 3 of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast” is now live, and this week I am joined by my friend Aldo B. Martin, host of “The Reclamation” Podcast (among several other shows), to talk all about the inherent power of our stories.

With the shared theme of our two shows, we had a fantastic conversation about our appreciation and understanding of the value of both sharing our stories and hearing the stories of others, as well as give our two cents about the occasional comment that “what happens in the past should stay in the past” (spoiler alert. We disagree).

We also dive into the topic of “history”, including how difficult and daunting it can be to come to terms with one’s involvement in a cult or high control religious environment after leaving, as well as how both acknowledging and owning our past is essential to find true healing and, perhaps even more importantly, NOT REPEAT IT!

This was a fun one, and is chock-full of poignant and valuable bits of wisdom! Go give it a listen! The link is down in the comments 👇🏻

04/05/2024

I think it is a universally accepted truth that every person has a deep, soul level desire to feel wanted. And sometimes, we can find ourselves getting fulfillment of that desire from unhealthy places or in unhealthy ways.

One thing that toxic and legalistic religious environments often excel at is making their members feel VALUABLE. With so much to do at all times, each person is made to feel like they are an integral piece of the puzzle, a small but extremely necessary and admired part of the larger whole of the church, whose mission and directive has been appointed by God himself.

So, when someone might begin recognizing that the environment they are in is in fact detrimental to their mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, that feeling of importance and desirability can often override the voice in their head telling them they shouldn’t be there.

Our need to be known, to be wanted, and to belong are three of the strongest forces and motivators in our lives… and it is not uncommon for toxic spiritual environments to satisfy all three of them. Thus, it can take an incredible amount of strength and courage to give that up in order to separate yourself from a system or environment that is harming you. Doing so comes at an incredible loss, and it’s understandable why many never do.

But ask yourself… In my current environment, is my value to those around me being derived from WHAT I am, and what I can do for or offer the larger whole, or WHO I am, as an intrinsically valuable human being, DESPITE what I can do for them?

Listen to my full conversation with Mei Luo in Season 3, Episode 2 of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast”. The link to the episode is down in the comments 👇🏻

02/05/2024

Just wanted to let everyone know, the second episode of “Austin’s Afterthoughts” is now up on the Crumpled Papers Podcast’s Patreon page!

Each week, I record a 15-20 minute “after show” giving some extra thoughts on some of the ideas or topics of that week’s episode.

This week I really hone in on the unhealthy ways forgiveness is approached in many churches.

Check it out if you’re interested! I’ll put the link down in the comments.

30/04/2024

Episode 2 of Season 3 is NOW LIVE!

This week I am joined by Mei Luo, a church kid who grew up in my former church organization, who shares about the dynamic during her high school years when she was made the “poster child” of her youth ministry, despite the fact that she really didn’t buy into much of what the church preached. And all the while, while her leaders were attempting to groom her to become the next up and comer in the church and presenting her family as a model Christian example, they were actively brushing aside and downplaying the toxic and even abusive family dynamic that was taking place in her home.

We cover SO MUCH in this conversation, and there’s bound to be something in it for everyone, so go give it a listen! The link is down in the comments 👇🏻

28/04/2024

One of the greatest crimes committed by a purity culture mindset is the damage and disservice it does to our humanity.

When we are taught that the most important and prominent element of another person is their sexuality, it reduces them to little more than an object. And when we are taught to view someone else through the lens of objectification… well, it’s really no surprise why so many churches are plagued by sexual abuse and misconduct.

This week’s guest Rachel Joy Welcher put it best when she said, “The solution to selfish lust is to look someone in the eye.”

The solution to the problems aided by purity culture is by promoting the counter narrative to what purity culture preaches; by instilling in people a deep awareness of each other’s humanity, and recognizing that, while our sexuality should be valued and acknowledged, it is only one small aspect of our human complexity.

Listen to my full conversation with Rachel Joy Welcher in Season 3, Episode 1 of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast”. Link down in the comments 👇🏻

23/04/2024

Season 3 is officially here! And we’re starting off with an episode that you’ve been asking for for a while!

In this premiere episode of the season, I am joined by Rachel Joy Welcher, author of the book, “Talking Back to Purity Culture”, to discuss all things PURITY CULTURE, including its underlying roots and origins, and the harmful, sometimes even devastating effects of a fear and shame based approach to sexuality.

In our conversation we talk about the damage purity culture causes when it reduces complex human beings into solely sexual entities, the false guilt and shame purity culture places upon survivors of sexual abuse, and ways that adults, leaders, and parents can encourage and foster a shame-free approach and understanding of a young person’s sexual nature.

We’re starting this season off with a bang! What are you waiting for?? Go listen now at the link down in the comments!👇🏻

22/04/2024

Forgot to set a reminder? Don’t worry, I got you!

Season 3 of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast” starts TOMORROW, April 23rd!

20/04/2024

Season 3 kicks off in FOUR days. Are you ready? 👀

Episode 1 releasing this Tuesday, April 23rd.

16/04/2024

Twelve weeks. Twelve episodes. Twelve incredible conversations. Season 3 of The Crumpled Papers Podcast begins in exactly ONE WEEK on Tuesday, April 23!

Who’s ready? 🙋🏼‍♂️ What are you most hoping to hear talked about this season??

(And who enjoyed that second A.I. created song at the end of the video? 😆)

02/04/2024

BONUS EPISODE NOW LIVE!

The bonus episode of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast”, featuring the podcast’s FIRST returning guest Lian Mitchell and I discussing the similarities between abusive churches and the dark side of the children’s entertainment industry, is NOW LIVE!

The conversation is inspired by the new docu-series “Quiet On Set: The Dark Side of Children’s TV”, which gives a behind the scenes look into the abusive, toxic, and sometimes even heinous experiences of child actors on the sets of some of Nickelodeon’s most popular tv shows in the 90s/2000s

Whether you’ve seen the series or not, you’ll definitely want to tune in to hear this fascinating and poignant conversation. Seriously, we cover so many things in this episode that there’s bound to be something in it for everyone.

The link to listen is down in the comments 👇🏻

30/03/2024

BONUS EPISODE ALERT! Releasing Tuesday, April 2!

Season 3 of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast” is coming soon (REAL soon), but in the meantime, to help soothe the pain of waiting, here’s a great conversation between me and the podcast’s FIRST returning guest Lian Mitchell discussing the similarities between abusive churches and the dark side of the children’s entertainment industry, as showcased in the new docu-series “Quiet On Set”. The series gives a behind the scenes look into the gross, toxic, and sometimes even heinous experiences of child actors on set of some of Nickelodeon’s most popular tv shows in the 90s/2000s

As soon as I watched the series I knew I had to have a conversation about it, as it was quickly made apparent how many characteristics and roots were near identical between the toxic side of kids TV and toxic churches.

If you haven’t seen the 4-part series, go give it a watch and get ready to hear this fantastic conversation, coming out this Tuesday, April 2!

30/01/2024

The season 2 FINALE episode of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast” is NOW LIVE!

For the final episode of the season, I am joined by Liz Mall, host of the Deconstructing the Myth podcast, to talk all about deconstruction, including the ways in which we believe the term has be misused and misunderstood, as well as the inherent value in taking an honest look at our beliefs and questioning the things that simply don’t add up.

We also have a great discussion about what it means to have a “responsible faith”, one that is wary of blind certainty and embraces intellectual questioning, and spending some time the considering the question, “If Christianity was proven to be 100% false, would we be able to walk away?”

This was the PERFECT conversation to round out the season. Go listen now at the link down in the comments 👇🏻

28/01/2024

Season 2 has FLOWN BY, and it amazes me that we are already arriving at the end, with episode 10, the FINALE episode of the second season, releasing this Tuesday, January 30!

For the final episode of the season, I am joined by Liz Mall, host of the Deconstructing the Myth podcast, to talk all about… you guessed it… deconstruction, and the role it plays in our faith journeys.

Deconstruction has become a loaded term in more recent years, and is full of preconceived notions and labels, which Liz and I dive into, discussing the value we see in taking time to intentionally question and analyze our beliefs. What is the value in deconstructing our beliefs, and are there any inherent risks or downsides to the potential outcomes of doing so?

We also have a great conversation about what it looks like to have a “responsible faith”, and the tenets we believe are foundational to a faith that is not simply one dimensional, but tried and tested to allow for us to be confident in what we believe.

This was a GREAT conversation, and the perfect way to round out this season. Listen in this TUESDAY, JANUARY 30!

28/01/2024

The value in beauty is not derived from what it can do for us, but simply what, or who, that beauty reflects.

Listen to my full conversation on beauty with Mary Jo Sharp / Confident Christianity in season 2, episode 9 of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast”. the link is down in the comments 👇🏻

23/01/2024

Season 2, Episode 9 of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast” is NOW LIVE!

This week I am joined by Mary Jo Sharp (Mary Jo Sharp / Confident Christianity), professor of apologetics and author of the book, “Why I Still Believe: A Former Athiest’s Reckoning With The Bad Reputation Christians Give A Good God”.

We have an insightful and revealing conversation about how the hypocrisy so rampant in many churches warps and misrepresents God’s character, as well as the objective beauty of God, and how Christians seem to have lost sight of the essence and appreciation of beauty, not for some utilitarian purpose, but simply because it is a reflection of the beauty of the Creator.

It was so interesting and valuable getting to hear from someone who has such an educational background and intellectual take on many of the issues I have witnessed in my own church experience, and hearing from her will surely offer some truly valuable and eye-opening perspectives and insight!

Listen now at the link down in the comments 👇🏻

21/01/2024

Season 2 Episode 9 of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast” releases THIS TUESDAY, January 23, and this week I am joined by Mary Jo Sharp (Mary Jo Sharp / Confident Christianity), author of the book “Why I Still Believe” to discuss the many ways that modern day Christians and churches are misconstruing and misrepresenting who God is.

We have a great conversation about the rampant hypocrisy that is all too prevalent in many Christian churches, including the unhealthy practices and ideologies that churches can take on that have nothing to do with Christ, and we even touch on the often overlooked idea of beauty, and how many churches have lost sight of beauty’s vital role in being a mirror to God himself.

Don’t miss this fascinating and insightful conversation on Tuesday, January 23!

19/01/2024

When we make a relationship with God something to be earned, worked up to, or achieved, the image of God we are presenting is one that doesn’t accept us for who we are now, but only the best, or at least greatly improved, version of ourselves in the future.

Too often, people are imbued with the idea that they are too imperfect, sinful, or broken for God, and in order to be able to get the opportunity to have a relationship with him, they must first fix the parts of them that God finds unacceptable. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

God loves us, and WANTS us, just as we are, right at this very moment, no matter where we fall short or what we do wrong. God is never disappointed in us, because he knows us fully and is already aware of our imperfections.

One of the greatest obstacles to our relationship with God is not our faults, but rather the belief that those faults make us invalid and unworthy of knowing Him.

Listen to my full conversation with Mason Thomas about the ways this mentality influenced the way he approached his relationship to God in season 2 episode 8 of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast”. The link is down in the comments 👇🏻

16/01/2024

Season 2 Episode 8 of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast” is now LIVE!

This week, I am joined by my longtime childhood friend Mason Thomas to talk about our time growing up together in the same church, specifically the unhealthy dynamic between those who decided to become a “true Christian” (aka get baptized) and those who didn’t.

In our conversation, Mason shares his experiences being one of the only people in our group of peers that didn’t become a baptized Christian, and the repercussions, both intentional and unintentional, that came as a result, including how he was perceived and treated by church leaders and members, his exclusion from many groups and events with his baptized peers, and his relationships with his friends.

What happens when someone doesn’t decide to get baptized, in a church culture that highly values those who do? Listen to our conversation to find out! The link is down in the comments 👇🏻

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SUCH an important message from this week’s guest, Tiffany Yecke Brooks, author of the book, “Holy Ghosted”.IT IS OKAY TO TRUST AND LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION! Better yet, it’s what we are SUPPOSED to do! God did not give us intuition for the purpose of it being ignored. Listen to my full conversation with Tiffany about spiritual anxiety, religious trauma, and authoritarian control in Season 3 Episode 4 of “The Crumpled Papers Podcast”. Link down in the comments 👇🏻#spiritualabuse #religioustrauma #religiousabuse #trauma #churchhurt #deconstruction #churchabuse #purityculture #churchpodcast #crumpledpaperspodcast #spiritualanxiety

Season 3 Is (Almost) Here!

Twelve weeks. Twelve episodes. Twelve incredible conversations. Season 3 of The Crumpled Papers Podcast begins in exactly ONE WEEK on Tuesday, April 23! Who’s ready? 🙋🏼‍♂️ What are you most hoping to hear talked about this season?? (And who enjoyed that second A.I. created song at the end of the video? 😆) #newpodcastepisode #christianpodcast #deconstructingfaith #spiritualabuse #religioustrauma

Get those crumpled papers ready! The first episode of Season 2 of The Crumpled Papers Podcast releases on Tuesday, November 28th! See ya there!

Who’s ready for more crumpled papers???

Season 2 of The Crumpled Papers Podcast is coming soon.

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09/07/2024

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