Bible Stories for Heathen Children - Podcast

13/04/2021

There will be no new episode this week, due to various health issues ruining my ability to concentrate, but I hope to be back in action soon and we'll be working on a fun 50th episode to be done asap :)
I'll keep you updated!

One of the issues is I had a couple days worth of side effects from my covid vaccine! So that's good news! Another is I can't get one of my medicines refilled yet, and ran out, because of weird insurance difficulties, so that's frustrating.

This, by the way, is just one of the many reasons I wish we had single payer healthcare.

01/04/2021

In honor of the holiday today, here's a special episode!

In this special episode, Robbie tells the chilling story of an undead demigod with an insatiable thirst for souls & the power to raise an army of the dead. Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron ...

28/03/2021

Some of you may be interested to know that my family, aka Team LARK, are doing a video game podcast!
There's only a few episodes and no formal schedule yet, but we'll be getting more up soon.

You can find the Lark Secret Club family video game podcast here!
https://larksecretclub.buzzsprout.com/

My 11 yo also really wants to do some livestreaming, so in just a minute he and I will be over at twitch with a stream of Pikmin 3 in a couple minutes:

Watch TeamLARK with me on Twitch! https://www.twitch.tv/teamlark?sr=a

If you see this too late; the stream *should* automatically upload to youtube when we finish, and I'll get the link to you then.

But Robbie, you may ask, how do you have TIME to do a NEW podcast? Tbh it doesn't take much of my time; my spouse does most of the actual work, I just show up to talk about video games and play video games, which I'd be doing anyways :)

A video game podcast for the whole family, FROM our whole family. A secret club that anyone can listen to. Luke, Aiden, Robbie, and Kieron (Team LARK) discuss video games new and old, with topics ranging from couch co-op, to accessibility in games...

26/03/2021

I've taken a bit of a break; it's allergy season; there's still a pandemic, and virtual school is stressing everyone out.
The good news: I got my first dose of the new vaccine!
The bad news, my body kinda freaked out, because of course it did. But I'm ok now and next week I'll have a special episode, out Thursday for the public, and Patrons at certain tiers get early access on Tuesday! (Barring further technical difficulties 🤞)

The next episode will be:
"a myth, passed along since the ancient days of the earth, told in whispers, in darkened rooms, of a powerful and dangerous man who once roamed the earth. According to legend, he was half human, half deity; half love, half vengeance."

10/03/2021

We finally got the story about Nehemiah uploaded last night - it's available to the public tomorrow and already up (though not as early as it should be) for Patrons on Patreon.
We had some intense computer trouble this week, and it just so happened to be on a week I was busy during the weekend and didn't have the whole thing uploaded and ready to go several days in advance like usual.

What was I doing? Well, we went to the nearest national park on Saturday!
And guess what! Fourth graders and their families can get free entrance to any national park in America if they print out the voucher before going - it's a yearly program! AND, this year due to the pandemic closing things last summer, fifth graders can get it as well! It's valid through August.

It was nice to get out into nature. We even stayed out past dark to see the stars away from the city lights. The night sky was breathtakingly beautiful.

https://www.nationalparks.org/our-work/campaigns-initiatives/every-kid-outdoors

A federal public lands youth initiative to get all 4th graders and their families to experience the places that are home to our country’s natural treasures, rich history, and vibrant culture.

07/02/2021

Hey y'all, I'm not gonna be able to get the new episode ready in time next week like I was hoping - I ran out of spell slots!* I should generate more spell slots after a long rest and I hope to get back on track then!

I'm working on a few stories I like a LOT more than I like Paul and I want to get them right!

*Spell slots is my favorite chronic illness metaphor explaining why I run out of energy sometimes.

Podcasting is probably a level 3 spell slot, and I usually have enough of that level because most things I do don't require a level three slot. I usually have enough level one and two slots to cover my daily requirements. But lately everything is harder, plus I ran out of lower level spell slots. I had to cast basic spells like "take shower" and "cook dinner" with my last level three spell slots.

Do you ever run out of spell slots?

If you play D&D or other games with magic, what kind of spell do you think storytelling is?
Maybe conjuration, perhaps enchantment or illusion. Lol, maybe necromancy 🤔

12/01/2021

"weak, like a normal guy" - a reference my 9yo is constantly making that y'all will all understand once you listen to the new episode about Samson, up for all listeners on Thursday

27/12/2020

Honey lemon tea saves the day again! Look for another episode on Thursday, Tuesdays for patrons!
Although, please note that patron perks will be changing for anyone who becomes a patreon supporter after I make changes on the last day of this year
https://www.patreon.com/posts/44793719

Official Post from Bible Stories for Heathen Children

26/12/2020

I got my Christmas cold and sore throat, again (it's basically every year, why is that?) so I'm making lemon & honey water in hopes I get my voice back soon. The next episode may be not be until next year after all 😅

I hope everyone is having a good winter break!

Despite having gotten my traditional cold, I'm having a good time with my kids and spouse - we've been playing a lot of Nintendo games!
Do you celebrate any holidays this time of year? Which ones, and what are your favorite traditions?

03/12/2020

In this episode, the miracle cure for a skin disease isn't what the rich & successful aramean commander Naaman expects
http://bsfhc.buzzsprout.com/596905/6610825-42-elisha-makes-naaman-take-a-bath

In this episode, commander Naaman from Aram goes to his enemy country in search of a miracle cure for his sickness, and the great prophet Elisha magically captures an entire army. King Joram provides comedic relief. Free text version is available ...

01/12/2020

It's funny to me that the Christians I grew up with were really big on martyrs when I consider the Naaman story. And sure, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego stood for their beliefs against Nebuchadnezzar and got thrown into a fiery furnace (they were fine though!). But Naaman, who decided to worship only the Lord God after being cured of leprosy, told Elisha he was just gonna have to bow to the other gods while going about his job with the king, and Elisha was just like yeah that's cool, don't worry about it.
.. Although, the way I understand it, the stories in Daniel are more about exiles fighting for respect against an oppressive religious hegemony seeking to wipe out their culture and something very different is going on with the Naaman story in 2 Kings, which probably matters 🤔

But also... I don't think those Daniel stories were writren to be prescriptive the way evangelicals typically understand them. Probably most Bible stories weren't.

(The story of Naaman coming on Thursday, up today for Patrons!)

30/11/2020

My kids have been playing so much Among Us, and one of our MANY 😉 conversations about it reminded me that I should tell the story of the shibboleth on the podcast 🤔

I will try get to that after the Christmas episode.

28/11/2020

The story of Naaman and the not particularly heroic miracle cure - coming to the podcast next week!

22/11/2020

I forgot to share this to fb and twitter! You've probably seen it but just in case, here's the tower of babel episode, in which I also indulge in my impulses to talk about the history of the English language.
http://bsfhc.buzzsprout.com/596905/6385237-41-the-tower-of-babel-where-languages-come-from

This week we tell the story of a group of people who got along so well and worked together so well that God decided they had to be stopped. Before that, we revisit the stories of God creating the world, Adam and Eve, and Noah’s Ark, so we can bett...

15/11/2020

Tower of Babel - coming up on Thursday (Tuesday for Patrons!)
I could have restrained myself from talking about the history of the English language at the end, I simply did not want too, lol.
I mean, did you know Vikings helped shape the English language? Vikings!

05/11/2020

Daniel and I are both kinda done with babylonian kings for now 😅
http://bsfhc.buzzsprout.com/596905/6175300-40-daniel-part-three-the-writing-on-the-wall-and-the-lions-den

In this episode, Daniel interprets an ominous message for Nebuchadnezzar's heir. Later he must survive threats caused by the jealousy of the other wise men, as well as the hubris of a new king. Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. ...

27/10/2020

I've thought about redoing some of the stories I've done before, taking out some of the contextualization I've done, so the stories are more condensed and better for quick listens, for people who've already listened to the other episodes. so I'd cut out all the little segues about history, culture, ethics, character backstories, whatever. It would be intended as maybe a bedtime story or storytime style, made for repeat listening.

Is that something you all/your kids would be interested in having?

Or perhaps the little interruptions in the story are not too distracting for repeat listening as is and (or people aren't interested in repeat listens) And nobody really would want a "bedtime story' version.

Please let me know your thoughts!

22/10/2020

In the latest episode, I am interrupted by King Nebuchadnezzar, who wishes to make a special announcement to all the peoples of the world
(This episode was a lot of fun to make!)
http://bsfhc.buzzsprout.com/596905/5948944-39-daniel-part-two-nebuchadnezzar-s-announcement

A sequel to the last episode from the book of Daniel. In this episode Robbie is interrupted by an important stranger from another time, King Nebuchadnezzar, here to tell a story to the world about his thrilling adventure in which God does bad thin...

17/10/2020

Did you catch the latest episode yet?

Join us for some stories from the book of Daniel, which tell the adventures of a boy named Daniel and his three friends living in exile in Babylon. Babylon is ruled by King Nebuchadnezzar, who thinks very highly of his own leadership skills and who will kill anyone he needs to in his attempts to seek wisdom and to unify his vast conquered lands.

Will Daniel and his three friends stand up for what they believe is right, even despite threats and punishment from the Babylonian ruler? Will they survive King Nebuchadnezzar's idea of justice?

http://bsfhc.buzzsprout.com/596905/5737657-38-daniel-part-one

24/09/2020

Today I give you: JOSHUA AND THE BATTLE OF JERICHO!
It is a fun one (if you don't take the entire bible as literal historical fact!)

I hope you enjoy it :)

I wish it had more Rahab in it. I remember Rahab as a far more significant character than she apparently is.
Like in my head basically the book of joshua was mostly about Rahab.
I didn't include the "David and Jesus are descended from Rahab" bits because as far as I know that's all a weird christian retcon and if I was gonna really tell the Fundamentalist Christian version of this story it'd be horrifying because the message then becomes "genocide is good!" And like.... Nah man, I think we all know by now that that version of christianity feeds fascism. Just for today, let's have some fun with a wall falling down after people shout 🤷

http://bsfhc.buzzsprout.com/596905/5523859-37-joshua-and-the-battle-of-jericho

This week we tell the story of the Israelites entering the Promised Land, 40 years after their exodus from Egypt. With Moses gone, his assistant, Joshua, steps up to lead the people. It’s a story about spying, subterfuge, and another one of God's ...

10/09/2020

I'm really excited to release this special bonus episode for all listeners to celebrate the one year anniversary of the podcast! (Technically, that's next week).
It was my 9yo's idea to do this story, and then he wrote most of it with some input from the 10yo and inspiration from the original David and Goliath episode. Then I worked with him to revise it so it worked as a script like he wanted.
I hope you all enjoy it; we had a lot of fun making it!
http://bsfhc.buzzsprout.com/596905/5341873-36-david-and-goliath-as-a-dungeons-dragons-campaign

The podcast's one-year anniversary is this month! To celebrate, we're releasing a special episode that was previously exclusive to our $5 Patrons. Robbie's younger child, K, liked the story of David and Goliath and wondered: What might it be like ...

13/08/2020

My spouse edited this episode and said that as the story progressed, it sounded like I was getting a bit irritated with the Lord God.

He is not wrong.

New episode!

http://bsfhc.buzzsprout.com/596905/4925489-34-the-story-of-exodus-part-three

The Israelites have finally made it out of Egypt and crossed the Red Sea! Now they journey to Mount Sinai, the “mountain of God,” where God had appeared to Moses in the burning bush. But God and the people have a lot of problems and challenges ahe...

12/08/2020

Tomorrow's episode (Exodus pt. 3) will be the last Exodus story for awhile, on account of I'm getting tired of the Lord God in those stories and I need a break 😅

01/08/2020

I just discovered that this week's episode never went live! I'm not entirely sure where we went wrong, but here it is!
I'm so sorry about the wait!
http://bsfhc.buzzsprout.com/596905/4724867-33-the-story-of-exodus-part-two

The Exodus story continues! "Let my people go," God says to Pharaoh through Moses and Aaron. But Pharaoh refuses, again and again, to free the Hebrews. And so begin the ten plagues, as the God of Israel takes on the gods of Egypt, culminating in t...

16/07/2020

I feel like the story of the exodus is a serious contender for "the greatest story ever told"
The story that is, not my episode - I'm only hoping I can do it justice!

"32 - The Story of Exodus, Part One" at http://bsfhc.buzzsprout.com/596905/4531385

This week we begin covering one of the most important stories in the Bible, the Exodus of the Hebrews from Egypt! It happens several hundred years after the story of Joseph, which we covered in episodes 19 and 20. This week we cover the early life...

06/07/2020

I never really noticed before but most of the action in the middle parts of exodus - at least up to the part where I'm working right now - is told by God telling Moses what to do and what's gonna happen after that.

For example, the narration doesn't describe the smell of the dead fish in the Nile river, instead God tells Moses to turn the Nile to blood and God tells Moses that the fish will die and it's going to stink.

It's such a fascinating story & it'd be interesting to study the narrative choices if I knew more about ancient literature and translation and stuff so I could make guesses as to the significance of that narrative style! ... It's an ancient story that's been retold and then later written and copied probably a kajillion times, there's gotta be a reason for making and keeping that way of telling the story.

But I'm not gonna replicate that choice in my podcast episodes, because I tried it and it drags the story momentum WAYYYYY down in my opinion.

Also, even if it wasn't ridiculously clunky to have all the action told through gods instructions - let's be honest, I'm not very good at doing character voices 😂 I don't want half the episode to be one-sided God dialogue 😅

03/07/2020

Ep 31, the second episode about Peter with stories from the book of Acts, is finally up today! http://bsfhc.buzzsprout.com/596905/4354850-31-peter-does-his-own-miracles

The podcast returns from hiatus! I'm glad to be back! Picking up from our last episode, we follow Peter and the other disciples, er, apostles, as they preach about Jesus, perform miracles, and clash with the religious leaders. I also talk a bit ab...

24/06/2020

I have a hunch that Moses' story could be interpreted to fit the Hero's Journey pattern 🤔
(New episode up next week, it's gonna be the next Peter story!)

17/06/2020

My younger kid has been working for awhile on turning the David and Goliath story into a script like it's a podcast of a Dungeons and Dragons game being played.

He's got a great off the wall sense of humor; I love it, it's hilarious!

He wanted me to sit down with him and help him finish it and edit it so it works as an audio script. I kinda hated meddling in his work but we did it together and we're both really pleased with what we've come up with so far!

Soon, barring unexpected sore throats (again), we'll record it and put it up as a bonus episode on Patreon!

15/06/2020

Hello, friends! I'm still alive and even feeling much better! 🎉
I have been thinking about this poem by Finn Butler a lot, and I thought I'd share a link to it so you could read it too. It's made the rounds on the internet a lot in the last few years, so you may have read it before.
It's obviously influenced how I think about people, and I always come back to it when the world feels fragile, or when I feel fragile.

https://www.philipcarr-gomm.com/saltwater/

Saltwater Everyone who terrifies you is sixty-five percent water and everyone you love is made of stardust, and I know sometimes you cannot even breathe deeply, and the night sky is no home, and yo…