Welcome to B4U Swipe! In this podcast season, we explore the principles of Relationship Anarchy!
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Our next episode where we chat about the nine principles of Relationship Anarchy has launched! This episode is all about "Finding Your Core Relationship Values."
Highlights include us talking about proposing a K-12 s*x ed revolution; developing self-awareness of what matters inside and outside of relationships; and honoring that we deserve to seek out the kinds of relationships we want.
Check it out! Link in comments.
The Harvard Happiness results are out and the main finding is this: "Good relationships lead to health and happiness. The trick is that those relationships must be nurtured." If you're struggling with ways to think about how to nurture relationships -- ALL relationships -- follow our podcast! We don't just talk about s*xual and romantic relationship. We talk about friendships a LOT as well!
Episode 2: “Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique.” In this episode, Dr. Kris and Dr. Lauren review the first principle of Relationship Anarchy from Andie Nordgren.
We invite listeners to set down the fantasy of the one-stop-shop romantic, s*xual, activity-based, economic, emotional, etc relationship and imagine their richest, fullest life: what kinds of relationships do you imagine are part of that life? What relationships make you feel nourished, inspired, excited, and held? We hope listeners build and/or celebrate their own constellation of fabulous supportive ties.
Additional Episode Highlights include:
Cherishing friendships as sacred relationships, navigating love as pie and relationships as check boxes, letting go of “the one,” reconsidering relationship hierarchies.
Overall, we love this principle and everything it stands for. We encourage you to celebrate all the unique ways love shows up in your lives.
And while we don’t endorse ranking relationships, it’s okay to play favorites with your pies. Kris says, “F**k blueberry. Cooked blueberries make me sad.” Feel free to share your favorite pies in the comments!
Hello friends! After a hiatus, my podcast B4 U Swipe is back in action only with a twist. Instead of over-analyzing dating profiles, my co-host Dr. Lauren and I are discussing the 9 principles of Relationship Anarchy, something we both identify with. I am SO EXCITED about this change and upcoming season!!
Today we launched Episodes 1 & 2 -- first episode is a brief introduction to what the hell we are doing and why. In the second episode, we explore the first principle of Relationship Anarchy: Love is Abundant, and Every Relationship is Unique. Please join us!
Link to our podcast in Spotify in the comments since that's the way we need to do things now.
Hey all! Can you believe we just started our Season 2? Come listen to Dr. Kris and Dr. Lauren review the hookup app HUD to start off the season and learn all about Sexual Inventory Lists https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/b4u-swipe/id1555867410
Society & Culture · 2021
Q***r, Bi, Pan, Demi, Sapio- Oh my! Labels in the q***r community: The more you know!🌈✨
In the first episode of B4U Swipe, you heard us briefly discuss q***r, bis*xual, pans*xual, demis*xual, and sapios*xual orientations. Some people might wonder, why so many labels? That’s because s*xuality is diverse!
There’s not just one way to be q***r* (or straight!), and labels may help us find similar people.
However, labels aren’t universal or singular. Our quick description in the episode, even of identities we hold, are likely missing nuance or things that may be important to others who share the identities.
Some pro-tips around labels:
🌈If someone shares a label with you, ask them what it means to them! Ask about how people relate to s*xual attraction, romantic attraction, and relationship structures, among other things.
🌈No set of labels will cover all the beautiful variation we carry with us.
🌈And for the love of all that matters in this world, don’t ever try to argue with someone about their s*xuality.
🌈If you don’t get it, you don’t have to! It’s theirs.
🌈Ask questions to get to know someone not to decide whether who they are, what they feel, and what they want is valid.
Learn more about biphobia, heteronormativity, and check out Kim Tallbear’s reframe on labels as a tool of settler colonialism in Episode 1 Notes at our website: https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/episode-notes?authuser=0
Text reads: Oh hi, Facebook and IG.
We just wrapped Season 1. Consistent with our usual approach to life, we are doing things a wee bit out of order.
Please keep an eye on posts coming over the next couple weeks to catch up on the profiles reviewed , pro-tips offered, and vents vented.
Testing testing... IG to FB...
And here are the notes for Episode 2, A World Traveling Burner and Baffling Bad Carpet:
Kris and Lauren discuss a world traveling burner and bad carpet that pretty much matches the drapes.
Kris’ profile highlights include: Introverts, soul patches, living bear skin rugs, s*xting, and the merits of headless torso shots. Overall, the profile delivers, even if we don’t love all choices.
Lauren’s profile highlights include: Baby s**t brown carpet, mismatched “passions” and images, theorizing why some people create profiles not designed for matching, and the story of WizardCat (oh, WizardCat - if you see this, find meeee!). This profile left us laughing and wondering, why?
The More you Know
Today’s Topic: Safe(r), Consensual Sexting
Sexting, or sending s*xually explicit images, videos, or messages, can be a great tool for foreplay, full play, or just a way to kill time. Like all forms of s*xual expression, it isn’t for everyone and that’s okay! Some s*xting guidelines to live by:
1) You don’t owe anyone images of you or your body.
2) ALWAYS GET CONSENT BEFORE SENDING (images, fantasies or anything else).
3) Someone not wanting to s*xt doesn’t mean they don’t want you. Putting things in writing or sending photos just isn’t for everyone.
4) Never pressure someone to play, and avoid personalizing another person’s preferences.
5) Ways to say no: “Sexting isn’t my thing, but I look forward to playing in person.” This establishes a clear boundary while also affirming interest in the person.
6) Ways to accept a no: “Thanks for letting me know! Should we set up our next date?” This respects their boundary, moving the connection forward.
7) If you’re disappointed by receiving a no, that’s okay! However, try not to talk to the person who said no about your feelings. That can feel like pressure to participate. Process those valid feels on your own, with a friend, or with a therapist.
8) Do not share photos you receive with anyone else (unless you have permission).
9) Assume someone might be an as***le and show other people your photos.
10) Consider how identifiable you are in your image - background, body art, etc. Only you can decide what you’re comfortable sharing.
Hi all! Especially for those of you listening on iTunes, I will post show notes here until we get our website up and running. So, without further ado, here are the show notes for Episode 1!!
Hear some first episode jitters as we review profiles without photos. Kris and Lauren discuss a questionably positive gentleman and a q***r woman who really wants to get to know you. Both profiles also want you to know, they work out.
Kris’ profile highlights include: Egregious capitalization (and a wish for secret decoder messages), a fixation on “good manners” (and why only dudes seem to comment on this), lurking subtext, weird repetition and considering how you elaborate, and Portland’s love of the outdoors. Overall, Kris and Lauren were pretty unimpressed.
Lauren’s profile highlights include: Q***rness, labels, and choices with acronyms; judgmental working out; healing journeys, disclosure, emotional bandwidth, and setting boundaries. Also, emojis as profile summary and/ or generational difference (plus a Lucky Lager story!). This profile left us feeling like this person may aggressively judge us, cross boundaries, and wouldn’t be great at affirming their playmate, but we liked that they created a clear 3-part essay and job ad. And, always, Black Lives f*cking Matter.
The More you Know
Today’s Topic: Heteronormativity and labels in the q***r community.
In this episode you hear us briefly discuss q***r, bis*xual, pans*xual, demis*xual, and sapios*xual orientations. Some people might wonder, why so many labels? That’s because s*xuality is diverse! There’s not just one way to be q***r* (or straight!), and labels may help us find similar people.
However, labels aren’t universal or singular. Our quick description in the episode, even of identities we hold, are likely missing nuance or things that may be important to others who share the identities. If someone shares a label with you, ask them what it means to them! Ask about how people relate to s*xual attraction, romantic attraction, and relationship structures, among other things. No set of labels will cover all the beautiful variation we carry with us.
And for the love of all that matters in this world, don’t ever try to argue with someone about their s*xuality. If you don’t get it, you don’t have to! It’s theirs. Ask questions to get to know someone not to decide whether who they are, what they feel, and what they want is valid.
You heard us bump against the difference between bis*xuality and pans*xuality. While some link bis*xuality to the gender binary (and by association, transphobia), the bis*xual community has been fighting this stereotype for decades. We encourage people to check out the Bis*xual Manifesto (https://bialogue-group.tumblr.com/post/17532147836/atm1990-bis*xualmanifesto) from the 1990s for some resistance and the Bis*xual Resource Center (https://biresource.org/) for more info. It’s important to acknowledge that even within the q***r community, some identities get put down or misunderstood.
US culture treats heteros*xuality and the gender binary as normal. It also presumes all people are s*xual and interested in romantic partnerships. While straight cis binary people interested in s*xual and romantic relationships may be most common, that doesn’t make them more right or valid than people with other identities, interests, or experiences. This is called heteronormativity and it is rooted in oppressive power structures.
Heteronormativity has caused a lot of harm, isolation, and erasure among q***r people. Members of the LGBTQIA2S+ community and s*xuality scholars continue to create more nuanced labels that disrupt this limited view of s*xuality, reflect the beauty of human s*xual variation, and support people self-defining and finding community.
To learn more about some of the labels that came up in the episode and others, we recommend checking out the INQUEERY series by them. https://www.them.us/video/series/inq***ry In the age of youtube and TikTok, there are lots of videos out there on any number of identities and labels. Seek information from multiple people who are members of the community and be cautious of anyone who says there is only one way to “do” or embody the label. If someone is peddling shame, don’t buy it! Just like there’s many ways to be a woman, there’s many ways to be q***r!
*Lauren and Kris use q***r as an all encompassing term for the LGBTQIA2S+ community. This term doesn’t feel right for everyone, but it feels right to them.
Also, Kris references her Science on Tap talk about online dating profiles. Check it out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4nlCTVQVK8&t
Bonus Discovery!
Upon further reflection, we have come to the conclusion that the mysterious “CMN” discussed in this episode, alas, does not refer to the Canadian Media Network, but quite possibly was a typo for “CNM” which we believe was meant to stand for “consensual non-monogamy.” This is similar to the term “ethical non-monogamy” (see more in “The Ethical Slut” by Hardy and Easton). Since we believe everything in dating and hooking up should be consensual, and we prefer the term “ethical non-monogamy” and will discuss more, Stay tuned!
Even during times of social distancing, the desire to meet and connect with new potential partners can be strong. Since in-person activities to meet new peop...
And just like that, B4U Swipe is also available on iTunes!! Woot! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/b4u-swipe/id1555867410
Relationships · 2021
We have liftoff! The podcast is officially up on Spotify (Apple coming soon!). Check out our first episode which features a questionably positive gentleman and a q***r woman who really wants to get to know you, along with other bonus content! https://open.spotify.com/show/0UE6t6FHse0fYZB8xqBbft
Listen to B4USwipe on Spotify. Where two middle-aged s*xperts read between the pickup lines as they navigate online dating. Enjoy our snarky and sincere tips and traps (and a little adult s*x ed) as we review dating profiles.
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Queer, Bi, Pan, Demi, Sapio- Oh my! Labels in the queer community: The more you know!🌈✨ In the first episode of B4U Swipe, you heard us briefly discuss queer, bisexual, pansexual, demisexual, and sapiosexual orientations. Some people might wonder, why so many labels? That’s because sexuality is diverse! There’s not just one way to be queer* (or straight!), and labels may help us find similar people. However, labels aren’t universal or singular. Our quick description in the episode, even of identities we hold, are likely missing nuance or things that may be important to others who share the identities. Some pro-tips around labels: 🌈If someone shares a label with you, ask them what it means to them! Ask about how people relate to sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and relationship structures, among other things. 🌈No set of labels will cover all the beautiful variation we carry with us. 🌈And for the love of all that matters in this world, don’t ever try to argue with someone about their sexuality. 🌈If you don’t get it, you don’t have to! It’s theirs. 🌈Ask questions to get to know someone not to decide whether who they are, what they feel, and what they want is valid. Learn more about biphobia, heteronormativity, and check out Kim Tallbear’s reframe on labels as a tool of settler colonialism in Episode 1 Notes at our website: https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/episode-notes?authuser=0
Text reads: Oh hi, Facebook and IG. We just wrapped Season 1. Consistent with our usual approach to life, we are doing things a wee bit out of order. Please keep an eye on posts coming over the next couple weeks to catch up on the profiles reviewed , pro-tips offered, and vents vented.
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