21/11/2025
Something I teach in my classes and use as an assessment tool for someone who is declining from age or illness, is the significance of the five senses and how they can help us honor the care and wishes of the person in the bed.
I always think about what they can see from their bed, such as photos, artwork, flowers, or outside a window... or are they staring at a blank wall? What if you moved their bed so they can see out the window, or made sure fresh flowers were in a vase and all their favorite people were in frames next to their bed, imagine the difference that could make.
I think about their pillows, their blankets, and their clothing... is it soft, is it scratchy, is it cozy? How can you change that for them? Are they ticklish? Maybe you could put a sign up that reminds people not to touch their feet. Maybe they don't want to be touched at all. Have you asked them? Find out what is most important to them.
What do they hear as they lay in that bed, day after day? Do they hear someone else talking, or whispering (which is worse), someone else's music choices, or the tapping of fingers on a cell phone? What if you simply put on music they enjoyed, or opened a window so they can hear birds, or even children playing? What if they prefer it quiet? Have you asked them?
If they like music, it might be fun to sit down with them and help create a musical playlist of all their favorites. Maybe you can do that for yourself as well. This way you can all be assured that you will hear what you want to hear.
What are they tasting? Is their mouth dry? Because if so, it would make everything else bitter and not very enjoyable. What if you moistened their mouth and offered strawberries or watermelon? Would they like that?
What do they smell? Did you light your favorite candle or put your oil diffuser on blast? Do they like that? Did they ask for that? What if they have a hard time with smells and are silently struggling and unable to tell you? Be mindful of your shampoo, lotions, perfume, fabric softeners, and even body odors. Find out what they want to smell, if anything at all.
And a special reminder… if you bring flowers remember that after a few days a beautiful bouquet turns into wilting flowers, with murky water, and petals and leaves that drop to the table. This is very hard to look at day after day. Be the person who is mindful of this and keeps the water clean, the petals and leaves cleaned up, and the vase removed when it is time.
If someone is lying in a bed, whether they are sick or it is the end of their life, tap into their five senses to help make them a little more comfortable. While they still have a voice, ask them what they want and need, and also ask what they do not like, or what bothers them. The more we know about their wants and wishes the better we can honor them.
xo
Gabby
This is from my book "The Conversation" which offers tips, tools, and advice for helping to get the conversation started so that you can honor someone else's wishes, and they can honor yours.
You can find it here: https://a.co/d/5IJNKj5
