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The Freecap

A satirical recap of world events, pop culture, politics and all the other s**t happening in 2016. Also it's free!

06/11/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/11/04/students-to-automatically-pass-exams-if-trump-wins-us-election/ -245

With exams due to commence shortly, students who have failed to study, sometimes known as university students, are frantically looking for ways to achieve passing grades. In the past, students ofte…

03/11/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/11/03/bob-day-files-for-moral-bankruptcy-resigns-from-senate/

The infamous Family First Senator Bob Day today admitted that while he had successfully managed his moral bankruptcy for many decades, his pending fiscal bankruptcy, which completes the rather unde…

01/11/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/11/01/melbourne-cup-punter-turns-piece-of-lint-into-three-trillion-dollars/ -233

A Perth punter has incredibly turned an initial outlay of a bit of lint into over three trillion dollars with a successful Melbourne Cup bet. The Perth man explained, ‘yeah, I found this bit …

10/10/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/10/10/trump-apologises-for-making-sexist-comments-while-wearing-a-microphone/ -208

In the face of this criticism, Trump delivered one of the most god-awful apologies of all time, in which, he claimed he ‘never would have made such comments had he remembered he was wearing a microphone.’

08/10/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/10/06/young-people-look-optimistically-to-catastrophic-global-warming-events-for-jobs-in-the-future/ -166

Australian youth have had a tough time in recent years, substantially due to rising unemployment rates. Luckily, young people may have a win heading their way as drastic temperature changes and dev…

30/09/2016

'I distinctly remember Steve talking the Hawks up for the premiership this year but now that I know he’s a lifelong Bulldog’s fan… well, I must have imagined it.'

Melbourne resident, Steve Taylem, has recently revealed that he has, in fact, supported the Western Bulldogs since he was able to kick a footy.

28/09/2016

Breaking News - Adelaideans prepare for impact of first interesting thing to happen in 50 years

The biggest storm to hit South Australia in 50 years is expected to strike this evening. The sole Adelaide weatherman, David Pratler, who is believed to possibly have a degree in meteorology, is pr…

27/09/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/09/26/trump-promises-to-make-the-simpsons-great-again/ -123

In his latest rally, Presidential Nominee, Donald Trump pledged to make The Simpsons great again. Political analysts believe this is an attempt to appeal to a new demographic of voters, nostalgic n…

26/09/2016

"After weeks of fake modesty, Patrick Dangerfield has finally accepted the inevitability of his 2016 Brownlow Medal win."

After weeks of fake modesty, Patrick Dangerfield has finally accepted the inevitability of his 2016 Brownlow Medal win. Over the last 24 hours, Dangerfield has stopped feigning uncertainty with the…

24/09/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/09/24/australian-unis-to-get-rid-of-all-students-in-latest-budget-cuts/ -117

Rumours are spreading that several prominent Australian universities are considering removing all of their students in the latest in a series of budget cuts. Many Australian universities continue t…

22/09/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/09/22/poll-says-51-of-australians-support-banning-pauline-hanson-immigrating-to-australia/

A recent poll has revealed 49% of Australians support banning Pauline Hanson immigrating to Australia. Unfortunately, Pauline (or Senator Hanson as her friends call her) is already an Australian ci…

21/09/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/09/21/woman-definitively-determines-that-her-dog-is-the-cutest-in-the-world/ -106

Jess Polsen, an inner city Melbourne woman, has objectively determined that her dog is, in fact, the cutest in the world, ending a prolonged and global debate between millions of dog owners. Jess e…

19/09/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/09/19/game-of-thrones-creators-melt-down-emmys-and-turn-them-into-an-uncomfortable-chair/ -99

Firstly, we apologise for making you cry with a picture of Ned Stark, may he rest peacefully in the crypts of his forefathers and it seems all his children too. In more upbeat news, Game of Thrones…

18/09/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/09/18/global-chocolate-shortage-eight-simple-solutions-for-the-chocoholic/ -94

In case you haven’t heard global demand for chocolate has begun to exceed supply so we’ve put together a list of eight simple solutions to this impending shortage for the average chocoh…

17/09/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/09/17/five-tips-to-climb-the-corporate-ladder-if-youre-a-psychopath-even-faster/ -83

A recent study found that one in five CEOs are psychopaths so if you feel nothing for your fellow man then you already have an edge on your coworkers (hereon…

16/09/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/09/16/turnbull-suggests-plebiscite-to-decide-whether-to-have-gay-marriage-plebiscite/ -79

In an address to Parliament, Turnbull stressed that 'two wrongs do make a right! Also, jobs and growth!'

16/09/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/08/01/dinosaur-quotes-part-1-barney-or-trump/ -7

We took a selection of Barney the Dinosaur quotes and blended them with some surprisingly controversial quotes from our favourite orator of 2016, Donald Trump. See if you can guess which quote belo…

15/09/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/09/15/first-time-home-buyers-selfishly-pushing-property-investors-out-of-market/ -65

David and Margaret Tannum, a married couple in their late fifties, had found their dream property in outer Sydney or their fourth dream property anyway. It was to be their newest negatively-geared …

15/09/2016

http://thefreecap.com/2016/08/12/co2-emissions-increase-as-people-forget-leos-oscar-speech/ -26

On the 28th of February 2016, Leonardo DiCaprio claimed the Best Actor Oscar for his lead role in the Revenant in which he brilliantly portrays a guy in the wilderness who fights a bear or somethin…

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06/11/2016

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