26/02/2021
I don't actually do it (as far as I know, but I might just black out), but I often think about ranting to people when they get offended by being called an animal.
Not in the "you were an animal in the sack" kind of way, but in a "you're a primate, jeremy" kind.
What the f**k did you think you were? You sure as f**k ain't a fungi.
(I have given myself permission for one pun per post. This is necessary.)
You're a human, so you're an animal. The classification itself is in the jurisdiction of taxonomy, so go take it up with them. The point is, the meat-stuff you are is part of a bigger group of meat-stuff because us meat-stuffs are pretty similar - in ways you wouldn't believe! No, seriously, you wouldn't believe them because you were told what they were and you didn't believe them.
And listen, whether you eat them or not is a conversation for another day. I'm not one to mock you from my high horse.
Regarding eating meat, I mean, since I'm not innocent here either. I'm still perfectly willing to do it for some other things, but that's beside the point.
We treat the animals in our care the way we do because they are not baby's first toys, they are living, breathing, feeling animals. Like you. You are a living, breathing, feeling animal. Also an as***le.
They're closer and more useful to me than you are, Jeremy. I wish you all the best, but you're some rando as***le, while my dog and I live in a symbiotic relationship. Yeah, sure, she's not herding sheep or fending off wolves, but that's because she doesn't need to. She's got other things to do.
Also, she's a bonsai dog. While she's all heart, she couldn't do much against a wolf. She'd give it her all, but I'd prefer she'd exit stage left right next to me.
She's there for emotional support and outside-roamin', because we live in a hellhole and I need all the help I can get.
We're whistlin' past the graveyard about how, as Croatian poet laureate Miroslav Krleža would say:
"Nigdar ni tak bilo
da ni nekak bilo."*
Things will turn out *somehow*.
Yeah, they will: badly.
We're hurtling towards a terrible point in our history, one that - gods willing! - is talked about in the future because there's still someone left to talk about it and go: "What the hell where they thinking? Also, what's for dinner?"
Yeah, we could always turn it around. There could be a plot twist. You just keep hoping, and I'll keep hoping you're right.
In the meantime, my dog will help me concentrate on the important things: continuing to live my life, trying to survive, and working to help us get out of this mess.
That third thing is pretty darn difficult when the first two are shaky.
-Padbun
*****
This turned out way darker than intended. Quick, look at a meme!
(*Translator's note: "It was never so, that it wouldn't be somehow.")
(**Translator's note: I'm not a translator.)