Cassidy Quinn

23/09/2024

My bi-ness feels a lot like my grief. Let me explain.

When I came out as bi, in addition to a ton of support, I also started to get questions like, “What does it mean?” “What’s the point?” My partner is still a (wonderful) cishet man. So why do I want/need people to know that I’m bi?

Because it’s important to be SEEN. To me, that means that whether or not you can tell on the outside at any given moment, I’m still bi. No matter who I’m dating, what I’m wearing, or what I’m talking to you about, I’m still bi.

And that feels similar to my grief, because whether or not you can visibly see my grief on the outside, I’m still grieving. Whether I’m crying or smiling - I’m definitely still grieving, and always will be.

So happy to all my fellow bis - whether you’ve made yourself visible to the rest of the world or not, I see you.

🩷💜💙

28/06/2024

🌈Happy pride from your local bi girl🌈

I used to feel like things weren’t “real” until I announced them to the internet. With this, that’s not the case.

I’m bi, whether you can tell from the outside, or not.

It’s not something I need to prove to anyone (which is something I have to remind myself of often, tbh). But it is something I want to share, because I want my q***rness to be visible. It’s an important part of my identity that took me a long time to figure out, and I’m proud. I also want to be visible to others who might be asking themselves similar questions - so if that’s you, I’m here to listen, and share some of the resources and amazing q***r humans that have been helpful to me along the way.

🩷💜💙 Cheers to living life openly and authentically

21/06/2024

“Even the fastest race cars need a pit stop.”

𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒂 𝒎𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕

This sentence came from someone in one of the support groups I facilitate for NAMI Washington County Oregon recently, and it really resonated with me, as I had just gotten home from a weekend retreat at the Mt Adams Buddhist Temple.

When you watch car racing (which I don’t do often tbh, so don’t look too closely at my use of this metaphor), you’ll see every driver come in for a pitstop; to change the tires, add fuel, make a repair or an adjustment - whatever needs to be done. I can imagine that for the drivers, it might sometimes feel like a waste of time, a few extra seconds they could be out on the track gaining momentum. But if they don’t come in for a pitstop, they might regret it later when something goes wrong - like, they didn’t switch to wet tires to account for the rainy weather, and now they’ve crashed. Now they don’t just need a 20 second pitstop, they need a whole new car.

Sometimes I’m that driver - the one who doesn’t want to stop, just keeps going, pushes past my limit, and then crashes. But lately, I’ve been trying to incorporate more pauses and rest time into my life so that I DON’T end up crashing and burning out.

And yet, a couple of days before this meditation retreat I’d signed up for months in advance, my race car crashed. I was just a mushy ball of anxiety and self-doubt, every tiny little challenge hitting my system like a ton of bricks.

When I get to that point, I don’t always go, “you know what? I think I need a pitstop.” My brain usually jumps to trying to figure out how to “fix” whatever I’m feeling anxious about. But, as usual, what I really needed was A DANG BREAK from it all.

So this weekend mindfulness retreat was exactly what I needed. A pause, some reflection, reframing, changing perspective, being present in my body, and being in community with others searching for something similar.

Of course, life doesn’t always have room for multi-day pit stops… but even just taking a few minutes to meditate each day helps me check in with my “car” and see what it needs.

And now, back to the race… 🏎️

01/06/2024

'Twas the end of ... so I wrote a poem.

To remind you of a couple things, and announce one too:
1. You are not alone. It might feel like it sometimes, but I swear, there is SOMEONE out there who gets what you're going through.
2. Never give up hope, and do what you can to not let those around you give it up either. Not in a toxic positivity way, but in a, "yep this sucks, and it won't always feel like this" kind of way.
3. I'm going back to school this fall to pursue my Master's in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Seattle University! My therapist has changed my life these past few years, and I can't wait to combine my passion and advocacy with real knowledge and tools to support others 💜

13/05/2024

It's weird how time passes. How life changes. Grief changes.

This was the third Mother's Day since we lost Mom. And this one does feel different. Which feels both good and crappy to realize.

✿ This year, I wasn't as bitter seeing other people out celebrating with their moms.
✿ This year, the 5 million Mother's Day promo emails in my inbox made me laugh more than scream.
✿ This year, my "likes" on other people's posts were actually me feeling genuine happiness for them.
✿ This year, I spent more time smiling about memories of Mom than I did crying.

So overall, I felt less crappy than I had the past two Mom's Days. But the weird thing about grief (one of many...) is, that realization isn't all wonderful thoughts - it hurts too. Because the fact that my grief is changing is a sign that time is passing. Proof that years are going by, and that I am gaining more and more life experiences - without my mom to share them with. I got some exciting news this week, and she's still the first one I wanted to call.

That's why I like talking about my grief, letting it be witnessed and shared with others - because while sometimes parts of it do get easier, and I am finding plenty of joy and meaning in my life, I will still always be grieving. And I like that. I get to keep grieving Mom because of how amazing she was, and how much I love her. I'm grateful for that.

So to my fellow grievers, just out here trying your best to make it through - I see you. If you're early on in this crappy situation, know that your grief will change, but it doesn't have to go away. And it's not necessarily a linear process either - just because I feel this way this year (/today), it doesn't mean next year (/tomorrow) won't suck. But it also doesn't mean that tomorrow won't be amazing.

And to Mom - I love you. I miss you. I wish I could wrote you a sappy card and give you a huge hug and play Bananagrams with you, but instead I took myself for a spa day, ate a lunch you would LOVE, and recorded a voice memo talking to you. I'm sorry I talked for so long, but I know you're used to it... so thanks for listening, as always 💜🐸💜

30/03/2024

Happy birthday, Mom 🥳

You'd be 70 today. I wish we could celebrate with you, but since we can't, we'll have to do it in our own way.

One of my favorite ways to celebrate you is by wearing your clothes. I kind of do it a lot... And my favorite is when someone compliments my outfit, and I get to say it was yours. It's the one benefit of going through your closet and clearing it out... which I definitely was not ready for when we did it, but I don't know if I would ever feel ready for that.

So now my closet gets to be full of parts of yours. I get to bring some of you on vacation, out skiing, hanging at home - even to other people's celebrations of life.

It makes you feel close, even when you feel so so far away.

If you were here, I know you wouldn't want to make a big deal out of this milestone birthday. You'd probably leave town so we couldn't throw you a big party. But maybe we'd go to yoga, do a craft, get Greek food, and go see a movie. Just the small stuff I always loved to do with you.

My therapist likes to remind me that multiple things can be true. Like today, I can be heartbroken and mad at the world, and at the same time, so grateful that 70 years ago, you were born, and that for more than 30 years, I got to have you.

It's hard to feel both, but it's real.

I hope wherever you are, you can read this, and know how much you are loved and missed, today and every day 💜

20/03/2024

My favorite thing about meditating is that every moment is a chance to start over.

Random thought pops up? Start again. Stress pops up? Start again. Dog barks and needs to go outside? Ok, let him out and start again.

It's one of the things sitting on the mat teaches me over and over again; we can always start over.

Crappy day? Start over. Crappy year? Start fresh.

I've been training to teach Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction for almost 2 years now, and yet I still forget this sometimes. Lately I've been off my game, too busy and stressed and not taking the time to do these practices that I know really support me, help me find joy, be nice to myself, and combat the stress of the world.

So this week, I'm starting over. Going to slow down, breathe, move my body, and then go from there.

I'm sharing this not to try to get you to meditate (but I am going to start teaching MBSR soon and would LOVE for you to join me, if you're interested... but I'm not ready yet, so don't worry), but to remind myself that I can always start fresh. And to remind myself why I love these practices so much, and am so excited to get to share them with more humans soon. Like the last video, which I took right after finishing a week-long silent retreat, and the joy was overwhelming 🤣

Oh, and this also includes starting over on social media, and wanting to actually get back to posting... HI EVERYONE!!!

29/12/2023

Change is weird.

It's weird looking back at holiday pictures from childhood, and seeing how different life feels now.

But it's also weird just looking back at last year, or the year before, and seeing how different life feels now.

I'm still getting comfortable with the fact that change is inevitable. That whether a holiday was amazing or miserable, it will be different next year. That we'll never get to do Christmas with Mom again, and that every year without her will feel different.

This year, my brain got pretty stuck on the fact that we can't go back in time and do the holidays like we used to. I didn't want to make new memories or traditions. So I basically just avoided thinking about any holiday plans until 4 days before Christmas, and even then, I still didn't know what would feel good for me. I had too many conflicting feelings that didn't leave any room for decision making - classic ADHD overwhelm.

And part of that is because I didn't know how I would feel on Christmas. What would feel good? What would hurt? How would my grief show up?

I guess that's the point - we can never know. I can't predict the future, and I can't go back in time (but someone will invent a time machine eventually, right??). All we can know is what is happening right NOW, and that is kind of terrifying, but also kind of takes some pressure off of my brain trying to think 10 steps ahead, or replay something dumb I did in the past.

So cheers to all of us for making it through another holiday season, however joyful, merry, sad, painful, or weird it was. We did it. And we won't have to do it again next year, because the only thing we can know for sure is that things will change, whether we like it or not.

Sending love to you and all of your conflicting feelings 💜 Turns out, we can hold them all at the same time, even when it feels impossible.

15/12/2023

I've gotten bad at actually posting about the things I'm doing in life. And by "bad" at that, I guess I mean I've gotten better at actually enjoying life in the moment?? (At least that's what I tell myself...)

But in an effort to prove to my own brain that I am doing things and maybe even doing a good job sometimes, posting about some things before the year ends sounds like a good idea.

A couple weeks ago, I took a whirlwind trip to Vegas (see last photo for me wheeling my suitcase out of the convention center) for AWS Re:invent with GeekWire Studios !

I got to work with Steph Stricklen and Brian M. Westbrook again (if you followed me during my KGW-TV days, those are familiar faces!!) for the first time in years, which was so fun. We interviewed various tech companies about AI and cloud networking and WOW is that different from my day-to-day life talking about mental health these days, but it felt really good.

It also felt WILD leaving my new house in a small town (oh yeah, something else I haven't posted about LOL) and landing in VEGAS of all places. So many humans. So many flashing lights. So different from home... But switching locations and putting myself in a totally different zone for a few days was awesome and challenging and great practice for the ol' social anxiety... 😜

I don't miss being on TV every day, but I love getting to do things like this - interviewing awesome humans about fascinating things that they're passionate about. And learning a lot along the way.

Thank you to GeekWire for having me!!

03/11/2023

See you this weekend?? I'll be getting stoked for snowboard (and ski, I guess) season at Snowvana!

01/10/2023

Listen, I hate talking about su***de as much as you do. I waited until the literal last hour of ***dePreventionAwarenessMonth (on the west coast) to post about it LOL that's how uncomfortable it makes me!

But we gotta do it.

So here are 3 things you should know when it comes to talking about su***de:

1. Just TALK about it. Asking someone if they're thinking about su***de is NOT going to put the idea into their head. So just ask - and then be there, whatever their answer is.

2. Language matters. Say, "died by su***de" or "took their life," instead of, "committed su***de." It's less stigmatizing.

3. 988 is the number for the Su***de Prevention Lifeline. A trained crisis counselor will answer, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 988 Su***de & Crisis Lifeline

Of course, there's no "perfect" way to talk about su***de, no magical thing you can say to make 100% sure that the person you love won't take their life. So to all my fellow su***de loss survivors, sending you extra love as September ends - phew, we made it through this month.

You are not alone.

💜

01/06/2023

Andddd cue the vulnerability hangover...

Some things are just really hard to talk about. Su***de is one of those things.

My mom died by su***de. And that's something I haven't yet shared on here - not because I'm ashamed of it, or because I don't think breaking down the stigma around su***de is extremely important, but just because, I don't know, at the beginning I wasn't ready to form the words. And then it became this thing I hadn't said and I didn't want it to become this big thing (obviously my mom being dead is a VERY big thing, but I didn't want the fact that she took her life to be some big reveal or something - it's just the reality), and ahhh then somehow almost 2 years passed.

I work in the mental health world now, and so I feel like I should know how to talk about it, what to say, I should be the one breaking down the stigma around it, yada yada...

But I needed time.

Today, I put out a new episode of with Ivan Maisel, an author, college football reporter, and fellow su***de loss survivor. He lost his son, Max, to su***de 8 years ago. And hearing Ivan talk about Max in such a beautiful, open, honest way, made me think maybe I could do the same about my mom.

Talking about it is hard, but I also know that for me, it's healing. So thanks for listening ❤️

Listen to the pod here if ya feel like it: pod.link/mentallytogether

11/05/2023

What do I wish I could do this weekend?? Celebrate Mother's Day with my mom.

But since I can't do that, I'm excited and honored to get to honor my mom, and the lost loved ones of SO many others, by emceeing the Dougy Center Reflection Benefit & Auction!

My favorite kind of room to be in: one full of people who understand that grief is real, it matters, and that our world will be a better place the more we can acknowledge that and stop ignoring it.

Last year, I picked my outfit, only to realize later that it was the same outfit I wore to a wedding with my mom before the pandemic (➡️ for pics). This year, maybe I'll wear something of Mom's ❤️

Sending a little extra love this week to anyone who's lost your mom, has a strained relationship with your mom, or anything else that makes this week suck a little extra.

(PS if you want to support Dougy Center, they have a lot of awesome online auction items too!!)

05/05/2023

HIIIIIIII!!!!!

Tldr; sorry, I took a break from podcasting to prioritize my own mental health.

It's Mental Health Awaress Month, and I'm finally ready to get back to the podcast world. New episode just went out, talking about why I haven't put out an episode in so long.

Basically, here's why:
• Lots has been going on
• The grief never ends
• I got a new job
• I've been training to become a certified Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction teacher
• I needed a break
• I've been trying to enjoy life! What a concept!!?!

If you feel like it, click the link below to listen! Thank you ❤️

LISTEN: https://pod.link/mentallytogether

22/02/2023

I love talking about mental health ❤️

It was so fun getting to be back in the KGW-TV studio, but this time on the other side of the interview (which for the record, makes me WAY more nervous than being the interviewer!), representing NAMI Washington County Oregon!

We have a FREE event coming up on Saturday in Sherwood! See you there??

16/02/2023

Here's to doing more of who - I mean, WHAT - you love, on Valentine's Day, and every other day of the year.

💕💕💕

(Yes I know I'm a day late but I posted it on IG yesterday and then forgot about everywhere else... sorryyyy love youuuu)

29/01/2023

Just got out of a week long silent meditation retreat - it was virtual, so I was at home with my buddy! But on Zoom with people from all around the world, meditating together. It was WONDERFUL. And challenging, and emotional, and all the things... I will be processing it all for a while (and will definitely talk more about it at some point, whether or not anyone wants to listen! 🤣)

I had most apps blocked on my phone all week, and honestly... I'm not super excited to jump right back on 'em all. So I'm going to take my time, and do my best not to get sucked right back into the scroll.

But I just wanted to say hi and I hope you're having a nice Sunday ❤️

12/01/2023

Feeling a lil' sad and unmotivated today (today marks 1 year and 5 months without Mom... and my body always knows), but also have had some extra anxious energy this week sooooo the doggo got me out on a rainy run this morning...

Also did a little yoga, some meditating (may have fallen asleep mid-meditation OOPS, but that just means that's what my body needed!), and made myself my favorite hot tea.

Now we shall let ourselves have a cozy work day and just sit here on the floor by the fire 🔥

I hope you get to have some cozy moments today too ❤️

P.S. Not sharing any of this as a "you need to do this! This will make you feel better!" Just sharing what's bringing me a little comfort and joy on the tougher days. Would love to hear what you do on these days, if you'd like to share.

10/01/2023

Oh no! We're 10 days into the new year and I haven't posted a beautiful recap of 2022. I suck. I'm a failure. I am not doing a good job.

Oh wait... WE'RE NOT DOING THE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK THING THIS YEAR!! Or at least, we're trying our best not to... because not-fun fact: the things we tell ourselves actually matter and actually impact our mental health.

Anyway, I have a million things from 2022 I'd still like to post. I think I posted less on social media in 2022 than I have in years. Why? Because I decided I wanted to try to enjoy my life and myself without worrying how it would look on the internet... (not saying that posting it all on here is bad, I still love that, just had to try something a lil different for my brain last year)

So that's what we did the first week of the year. Our annual Idaho ski trip, where we got to visit some wonderful humans, explore some beautiful mountains, catch up on sleep, and play in the snow ❄️

So, our 2023 is off to a nice, gentle start. I hope yours is too ❤️

05/01/2023

Coming to you live from a hotel room in Idaho - in my sweatpants!

I'm going on KOIN News AM Extra to talk about mental health new years resolutions with NAMI Washington County Oregon! I'll be on at around 7:35am PT.

(PS don't tell my wonderful friend Emily Burris I'm wearing sweatpants on her show... hopefully you only see my sweater on TV 😜)

Do you have any mental health resolutions of your own you're working on this year?? I'd love to hear them!

UPDATE: Here's the segment if you missed it and want to watch! https://youtu.be/tTDZNLyWSDE

01/01/2023

Happy new year from these kids who got in bed before midnight!

Goodbye, 2022... you were... a year!!

I hope you all had a great end to the year - wishing you a joyful and gentle 2023!

I've been wanting to do some 2022 year in review posts, but I'm gonna go enjoy a nice ski day and get around to that at some point... 🤣

25/12/2022

Merry Christmas!! And happy last day of Hanukkah 😊

No, I haven't gotten out of bed yet. When you can't leave town to see your family, and your partner is working Ski Patrol at Mt. Hood Meadows, you don't have to get out of bed all day! I don't make the rules!

I hope wherever this post finds you, you are having a gentle day, your brain is saying nice things to you, and you're feeling loved ❤️

We're having a nice relaxing day over here. Had a good "missing Mom on Christmas" cry, a nice long phone call with my family, and some good dog cuddles. So, we'll make it through!

16/12/2022

How the HECK are we supposed to get through this season without being totally anxious and sad and all the other feelings??

Honestly, I don't know... but here are the things I'm reminding myself of this year, to make it all a little more gentle ♥️

How are you feeling this time of year? If you're not feeling super festive, you are not alone - in fact, no matter what you're feeling, you are not alone! AND I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL SO DON'T FORGET THAT, OK???!?!

Hiiiiii! Oh gosh, it's been a while. I want to get back to regularly posting episodes in the new year, but in the meantime, I wanted to talk about this - how...

29/11/2022

It's Giving Tuesday!

Not sure if I've shared this on here, but for the past 6 months (ish?) I've taken on the role of Community Outreach Coordinator at NAMI Washington County Oregon. It feels really good to work with a group of people who really get it when it comes to mental health.

Our job at NAMI is to support people who are struggling with their own mental health and/or the mental health of a loved one, and to give HOPE. Because there is always hope - sometimes it's just REALLY hard to see...

So I put together this social post, a blog post, and a newsletter that went out this morning, all about the ways you can give HOPE today, on Giving Tuesday, through NAMI Washington County.

Whether you want to become a NAMI member (only $40!), donate any amount, volunteer, or just click "like" on our page, we appreciate it!

26/11/2022

Who needs to go Black Friday shopping at the mall, when you can just go shopping through your mom's old clothes??

Thanks for the clothes, Mom. I miss you, and seeing myself in your clothes just makes me miss you more. But I'm grateful that they at least mostly fit me, so I can have you with me in this way.

I hope everyone had a nice holiday, and that you have a nice relaxing weekend ❤️