From Crystal Meth To Spirit Crystals

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From Crystal Meth To Spirit Crystals my journey through homelessness, m**h addiction and finding myself again in the aftermath.
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31/07/2023

I've gotten so busy with day t9 day life, I've neglected this page and my podcast. It's so important for me to be another reminder to anyone struggling with addiction, that they can make it out. Healing isn't linear, sobriety isn't either. It's a long and sometimes lonely journey, but it's so worth it. If you're struggling with feeling alone and defeated, it's okay. You got this. Don't give up. I love you. I believe in you. You deserve a new life. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to heal and grow and shed everything that doesn't serve you.

If you need an ear, message me. Leave comments and connect with eachother. You don't have to survive everything alone. ❤️

06/01/2023

Officially 4 years off of the streets and clean from m**h.

I never could have believed that life would ever find me homeless and addicted to m**h and at the same time, it honestly seemed inevitable.

I was born to a mother who began her battle with m**h addiction at the young age of 12 (she has been clean for almost 40 years now 💓) and a father who shared the same addiction.
I was born into a severely abusive (all forms) home with a psychopath who I addressed as dad.
I was born into extreme poverty and struggled through poverty my entire life.

I railed against these things in my childhood but I honestly gave up by 7th grade.

I was such an intelligent child. I got every award in school including principals honor roll. My mom had a giant 3 ring binder with all of my awards and achievements...

I even won a district wide DARE competition, and read my essay (which was about my moms struggle through m**h and my vow to never touch it 🥴🤣) in front of the entire school.

I was on a path to better.. Because it felt like my only way out...

School was the safest place I could be.

But as 6th grade progressed my grades began to completely decline. My home life was more violent than ever and I had no guidance.

By my 7th grade year we left my abusive stepfather just to end up with my abusive aunt. I spent my teen years in mental hospitals and group homes because my family couldn't be bothered with me anymore.

I was drinking, smoking w**d and ci******es by the age of 13, dropped out of school by 16, and a teen mom by 18 in a very toxic and abusive relationship that I stayed in for almost 9 years.

I guess homelessness and m**h was just the last thing on my bingo card 🤷‍♀️

It wasn't all bad, there was a point when I moved to San Diego with one of the best partners I've had and while I was trying to grow spiritually and emotionally, it just wasn't enough.

4 to 5 years into our relationship, my partner terminated our lease without telling me and for the first time ever. I was completely alone raising my 3 girls. It was a struggle but we were surviving... and then I snapped my leg in half, lost everything and before I knew it i was homeless with a m**h addiction...

And I stayed on the streets for 3 years struggling with it..

I don't have any real great success story.. i still struggle through borderline poverty, but all my bills stay paid and that's all that matters... All i know for sure, is I will never go back. That's all I really know for sure. Will I make it out of poverty? Will I ever fully heal from all of my life's trauma?

Stay tuned. 🤷‍♀️

You guys want to see what ppl really don't show you about their drxg use?This was Dec 11 2017, I was a couple of weeks i...
07/06/2022

You guys want to see what ppl really don't show you about their drxg use?

This was Dec 11 2017, I was a couple of weeks into like sleeping on the sidewalks homeless and decided to try to do enough drxgs to end my existence. I was on a few day bender. When I ended up in the hospital with m**h, Xanax, and ghb... Yep, the date rxpe drxg.

Turns out I had scabies and they were reacting to the drxgs in my system... It was so painful and horrible. I was literally discharged from one hospital and had to go to another to get help bc the first one just treated me like an addict whose life had no value.. the second one gave me a scabies treatment and kicked me out, despite me begging them to send a social worker in so I could get help. 🥴🥴

3 and a half years off the streets. These are the little reminders to never go back.

04/10/2021

I look at pictures of myself from when I was using and miss how small I was getting, but then I remember everything else that came with it. I'll pass.

04/10/2021

It's been a crazy busy year, but I promise to make this podcast a priority and drop it soon.

10/03/2021

I've spent my life suicidal, used drugs as my bible, they call me a mother but its only a title, I fu**ed it all up choosing drugs for survival

10/03/2021

A little Dr. Seuss remake of my time on the streets.

Dark declarations.
Today is the day!
You're off to the streets to become homeless prey.
With just the brains in your head and your old worn out shoes.
Please be ever so cautious of the direction you choose.
You're all alone now, with nowhere to go.
Most of the people around you, you won't want to know.
You'll sleep on the streets, sometimes sleep you won't dare.
And soon you will realize most people don't care.
Your mind is exhausted, your body is beat.
You start to give in to the fear and defeat.

You may find a dark Street you decide to go down
Be aware that path may just leave you dead in the ground.
It's dangerous there, in the cold midnight air.
In this place bad things happen and
frequently too, even to people as brainy as you.
And when things start to happen, you'll worry, you'll stew..
You might start selling drugs, committing other felonies too

OH! THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll start using drugs to survive through the night.
Sometimes it will feel like everyone's looking to fight.

You wont lag behind, because you'll be using speed
Until sleep deprivation has become your new creed.
Most every person you meet will act like your friend,
While plotting against you til the bitter end.

Except when they don't.
Because sometimes they won't.

It's so hard to face it, but sadly it's true
Ending up in the streets could happen to you.
You'll lose all of your possessions, your sanity, as well.
Your gang will fly on, leave you falling through hell.

You'll hit your rock bottom with an unpleasant bump
And you'll have to work hard to get out of the slump
Don't get lost in the drugs, you're not in for much fun.
While dependent on drugs, unslumping yourself isn't easily done.
You will get to the place where decisions are made
It will not be easy as all your hope starts to fade.
A place you're trying to escape, while also diving right in.
Do you dare to make it out as you decide where to begin?
How much have you lost, aren't you ready to win?

If you try to escape, should you turn left or right? Maybe look for the path out of sight?
No time to freeze, time to choose fight or flight.
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find, restoring your body, your soul, and your mind.

You can feel such despair that you'll start in to race
Down any open path at a neck breaking pace
And grind on for miles through trauma and pain
Headed, I fear, for more storm clouds and rain.

Fairytales are lies
03/08/2020

Fairytales are lies

I wrote this one somewhere in the beginning of my addiction.
03/08/2020

I wrote this one somewhere in the beginning of my addiction.

Save yourself. No one else is coming.
02/08/2020

Save yourself. No one else is coming.

30/07/2020

Its weird bc its been over a year, but I still have clothes from when I was homeless.

Talk about sisterhood of the traveling pants. I pull those pants out of my drawer and im transported back to those moments.

Stuck out on the streets, hustling for food and motel money, in a sea of people askin where the dope is.

I started asking too.

It seemed like a good way to avoid feeling hopeless.

It wasn't.

Plus it fu**ed up my whole focus.

Hocus Pocus

Back to the present

over one year clean

Turns out focus is where the hope is

_VisceralNoise

30/07/2020

Ever wonder what its like to pick up a hard core drug addiction in your 30s? Gather around & let me tell you a little story...

You know the ppl in my life werent s**t during my m**h phase... bc no one bothered to tell me that even my hairline was ...
30/07/2020

You know the ppl in my life werent s**t during my m**h phase... bc no one bothered to tell me that even my hairline was running from my drug addiction🤣🤣🤣🤣🤧🤧🤧

Yes. My m**h phase. 🤣🤣🤣

26/07/2020

Im creating a podcast about my journey through homelessness, m**h addiction, and finding myself again.

26/07/2020

Join me on my journey through spirituality & healing.

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