15/02/2020
SKETCHBOOK DIARY
[February, 15 2020]
“I wanted to chase you right after I said goodbye. I wanted to run to you and tell you I was wrong, and that I changed my mind. That I regret hurting you. That that wasn’t what I truly wanted. That you were still the one. But I felt so crushed for breaking you, my person. I already caused you so much pain that you didn’t deserve more of me. That was why I stopped myself from pulling you back even when I wanted to hug you, to never let you go again. I wanted to save you from myself. I didn’t want to hurt anymore, so I didn’t look and back and just left all at once.”
“Didn’t you know that the aching of all those wounds would go away if you stayed and chose me? Didn’t you know that you were capable of my breaking and unbreaking? But you left me bleeding and I had to let it subside because I knew then that you were no longer coming back. I had to be my own person because if not, I would have lost myself too. It was not about the amount of pain you have cause me, because no matter how deep the cut was, you had the capacity to mend me in an instant. You were the healing that I wanted but didn’t get back. Your leaving broke me more than if you just stayed by my side.”
—Shi Collantes, Conversations We Never Had
