The Wingecarribee Whinge (2024)

09/01/2024

CHRISTMAS FINERY…..AT LOWES!

Younger members of a local family have been out priced from the southern highlands real estate, but at Christmas time they can once more congregate and get nostalgic as they gather at Grandma’s house.

Everyone in their Christmas finery gathered for a family photo, and one thing was clear. Locals were missing out on the institution that is Lowes clothing stores. These versatile fashion outlets are run by genuine women and men who know that practicality is the priority.

Looking back at Christmas photos, the out of towners were displaying their festive shirts and matching shorts, while locals had to make do with just a linen shirt and jazzy hat.
We caught up with a wandering relative for their take on this revelation.

"The fact that they have Gazman, while other towns have Lowes says it all doesn’t it? I work in a dentist up the coast and a group message came through saying “Christmas scrubs!”. When I asked them where, I got back the classic answer, “At Lowes!”. A few lads wanted to dress up like Peaky Blinders for the Christmas party. They rocked up with their donegals, and when I asked where they would find a hat like that on the coast they responded with “At Lowes”.
‘“At Gazman” just doesn’t have the same ring to it…’

05/11/2023

DOES BOWRAL TAKE ITSELF TOO SERIOUSLY?

In a show of respect to the elite podcasters Tom and Eddy of Hello Sport fame, a dedicated individual has taken it upon themselves to build and cement a sign at the birthplaces of the duo.

First we see the sign go up at Dubbo, next to the rainbow rhino, welcoming people to their town and the home of one Edward Simpson. Shortly afterwards, Bowral was blessed with the equivalent for their favourite son, Tom Birmingham.

Birmingham’s generation grew up with Mums and Dads fangirling over the 12th man himself at Saturday morning netball. But these people now in their 30s are finding themselves realising that Son Of Billy Birmingham may just have a bit about him.
Of course, nothing happens in the Southern Highlands without several opinions and lots of push back. While we have heard nothing of the sort from Dubbo, Bowral has cracked open a can of worms calling for community consultation, to see if perhaps, we do want to have a sense of humour. This comes as no surprise as the central town to the Southern Highlands has struggled with change in the past. Who can forget the discussion about whether the town actually needs traffic lights, or the outcry for new fences to be painted black and not left as raw steel along the trainline, or when Vinnies had the gall to want to move up into the fancy part of town.

Perhaps this sign would have suited the northern end of town better so that it would distract from the derelict patch of land (that no one questions) that has finally found a purpose to house bees, but the synergy in this being at the Burradoo entrance to Bowral is worth noting as it sounds as though the Birmingham household was in Burradoo, actually. Evident from his lack of knowledge on cob loaves. This is unfortunate because if it was a Moss Vale or Mittagong favourite son, there would be none of this controversy and it wouldn’t have taken so long.

As marathon men, soon to be surfers on the WQS, but more importantly moving and shaking hard working and entertaining individuals, these lads deserve all the recognition that can be bestowed upon them and their household names.

04/11/2023

LOCAL GIRL WONDERS IF TRIP WAS WORTH IT

Local girl Mary cashed in her long service and went on the trip of a lifetime. After visiting family in South Australia, her and her partner followed the boring straight road north to Uluru. It was at the moment that Mary saw the giant rock emerge from the horizon that she understood the appeal. The silence, the beauty, the distinctive landscape. This was what it was all about.
Mary has returned home with nothing but lasting memories and enriching experiences. Much to her dismay, the long straight roads of the NT just don’t cut it on Instagram and she has to deal with just remembering her once in a lifetime trip. It’s as though that part of the world was built to enhance cultural understanding and not build envy of wanderlust from friends with the perfect photos of freedom.
Back at work she sits at her desk in a fluro lit office, scrolling through her tiles of bright photos of black tar stretches wondering, was it worth it?

22/10/2023

TREE CHANGE FAMILY DOESN’T REALISE THE ACTUAL APPEAL OF COUNTRY LIFESTYLE

The Pass family made a tree change in the great real estate price hike of 2020, with an aim to live a country lifestyle. They moved from their suburban block in Paramatta to a half acre block in Bowral’s east; somewhere to keep chickens and have that picture perfect poodle cross.

Unfortunately for the Pass’s, they didn’t realise that the great appeal of the country lifestyle is also the community spirit. This is something that they have not yet adopted.

While at the kids tennis lessons today, we witnessed this in full flight. The Pass’s strolled in for their daughter’s lesson and stood at the main vantage point. The son of the Pass’s, Macquarie, was sitting by his parents sucking on a popper and laughing and pointing when kids missed the ball, despite him not even having a go.

During the lesson a kid was running at full stretch to reach the ball and fell down, taking a little roll on the court resulting in gravel rashed legs. Macquarie said in a loud voice “he’s pretty bad a tennis”.

In a casual chat with the local born and bred parents, one mother said “if I could punch anyone without consequences, it would be that child”. Another adult said “I’ve never wanted to slap a kid until today”. The parents and carers of the other children in the lesson were all in agreeance, proving that born and bred community blood runs deep. The carer of the kid with skinned knees also spoke up. “It’s obvious they aren’t from here, neither am I, but at least I’m respectful of these people who are now my friends. And if my kids treated other kids like that, they wouldn’t be appeased, they’d be shunned, for days.”

Sidenote: The chickens lasted one day thanks to the poodle cross which has been banned from every groomer in the area, and now gets a general anaesthetic for the upkeep the high maintenance coat.

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18/05/2023

WOMAN FULL OF IDEAS FOR VISITING FAMILY

A born and bred Southern Highlands woman was sitting in the car twitching as she listened to her Western Sydney husband chat to his mate about activities for a young family visiting the Southern Highlands from interstate.

“I don’t know” The husband turned to his wife. “You grew up there, got any ideas?”

The young woman jumped in and started to expel all her ideas about the myriad of activities for young families visiting the Southern Highlands.

“There’s the RSL club which has a kids room so you can ditch your kids for a while and have a normal conversation. Or the lake with a very busy kids playground, and a few bush tracks behind it. Fitzroy Falls is nice….”

She then stopped and wondered.

Cafes with her children are a nightmare so that rules that one out. It’s too cold to swim so there goes the pool and the local creeks. Wandering the shops is a favourite pastime of tourists, but who wants to do that with kids.

“Pack a picnic for one of the parks or Bradman Oval…?”

19/03/2023

TEA CUPS’ ANNUAL REMINDER OF THE CONSTANT TICKING OF TIME

A young father has been brought to his knees by carnies once more.

After agreeing with his 5 year old daughter that the tea cup ride at the Moss Vale Show looked like a fun way to spend a few minutes, Ben accompanied his daughter into their allotted tea cup.

But when the speed picked up, he had regrets. The spinning was too much. He was feeling queasy. It was at this moment that he became acutely aware of his own mortality. He was no longer young. At 35, his body couldn’t handle it.

As the ride slowed down, Ben continued to swallow hard.

We caught up with him as he disembarked the kids ride, and asked how it was.

“I feel like I have had a boozy dinner last night with a side of food poisoning. Look at my daughter, just bouncing around, running back to her mum. If I had eaten all the fairy floss, hot chips, and lollies she has eaten today, that Tea Cup would be more of a Spew Cup. Aging is fun isn’t it?”

05/02/2023

SWIMMING INSTRUCTOR NOT INTERESTED IN WORKING MIRACLES

In the lead up to school swimming carnival season, local swimming legend and highly sought after swimming instructor, Sandi always has a laugh to herself.

Sandi works in administration at the accountants in Clarence House . However her passion is teaching kids to swim and her love of the water sees her head straight down to Moss Vale War Memorial Aquatic Centre as a swimming instructor 4 afternoons a week. She loves her students, loves teaching, and she is good at it.

Currently, Sandi is facing the yearly barrage of emails and texts from frantic parents who are trying to book in last minute private swimming lessons. This is despite the fact they haven't brought their kids along to their lessons since term 3 last year and declined the offer of intensive lessons during the Christmas holidays because it would disrupt their holiday to Noosa or Byron Bay. Sandi can't help but have a little chuckle to herself.

"I don't really understand the logic of these parents. Even when they do turn up Harrison spends half the lesson sitting out of the pool because he is grabbing at other kids in the water, or isn't holding the wall when waiting for his turn, or he is bobbing around with his head under the water when he should be paying attention. I don't tolerate kids who can't follow the rules. Water safety is my first priority, and teaching kids to swim is a huge part if that, but not if it's going to put the kids who want to learn at risk. Now I've got Harrison's mother sending constant texts asking for private lessons because Tudor House has their swimming carnival in 2 weeks. I can't work miracles. Surely she realises her kid isn't Ian Thorpe. How did she even get my number?"

02/02/2023

NON-COFFEE DRINKER MANAGES TO BUDGET CHARITABLE DONATIONS

Local lad Ben watched in horror as a malnourished child was presented across his television screen.
“For less than a cup of coffee each day, you could save a life…” He considered this for a moment then realised that the ad wasn’t targeting him as he doesn’t drink coffee.

Yesterday he received an email from the charity We Are Mobilise because he donated to the organisation Nedd Brockmann destroyed his body for. Apparently, the price of a cup of coffee a week will make a difference to homelessness across the country. It really didn’t hit home to Ben who thought of the entitled people at work who couldn’t possibly start their day at work without their coffee. He was really hoping they would step up to donate. As someone who hits the sack early and starts the day with some exercise, he never joined the cult of coffee drinkers.

When questioned what motivates him to donate if not equating funds to a cup of coffee, Ben said he has a soft spot Wildlife Rescue South Coast. “I’ve called them a few times for injured animals I’ve found out at the Berrima walk. Anyone rehabilitating wildlife deserves the world because they are helping to save it... They’re volunteers too. It requires so much time and hard work. Now they deserve a coffee! I just donate when I can if my bank balance is sitting pretty, by saving $4 a day without drinking coffee.”

“I am glad that these charities are guilting the coffee drinkers though. Although they would raise a lot more money if the currency was cigarettes…”

24/01/2023

THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE PUBLIC HOLIDAY

Australia Day causes identity crisis throughout the nation and hits hard in the monocultural Southern Highlands.

A day off work is always enjoyable but taking it to celebrate trauma brought to an entire race of people has it sitting a bit uncomfortably. It’s impossible to even imagine anything worse than what First Nations people have endured. But when we are offered a day off work to pretend everything is fine, we’ll still take it.

While we can’t rewrite history, perhaps we can rewrite the way we celebrate our nation and embrace some (or all) of the culture that was here before a boat rocked up on Dharawal country.

Hopefully the day off work will be a chance to learn some of the traditions of the Gundungarra people who successfully looked after the land we call home for thousands of years.

Failing that, the National Day of Mourning for the passing of the Queen in 2022 taught us that it’s ok to have a day off to be sad.

30/12/2022

A MIRIAD OF OPTIONS FOR N.Y.E.

New Years in the Southern Highlands brings with it many choices to consider.

Perhaps winding back the clock like it’s 2007 for a boogie down at the Bowral seems a good idea. Then you remember that it’s not open for the biggest party of the year.

Thinking of other options, you fantasise sitting in the beer garden of the Grand and having a good time with a few mates late into the evening. Then you remember that it’s not open for the biggest party of the year.

Perhaps a nice little social night out at the Imperial would be dandy. Then you remember that it’s not open for the biggest party of the year.

Sutton Forest it is. Old fashioned family entertainment with a live band. Doesn’t get much better. Perfect way to beat the non- existent competition and of course bring in 2023

Looks like long taxi fares ahead. Does that one Uber still exist in Moss Vale?

27/12/2022

MUM PULLS THE ULTIMATE MUM MOVE

Young local, Mary, is a young professional who still lives with her parents. Unlike the stereotype though, Mary pulls her weight; buying groceries and helping out around the house, while also keeping the peace between her tense mother and easy-going father.

Due to her disposable income, she often treats herself and her family to the finer things. This Christmas she purchased some cherries from a roadside stand on the Hume south of Sutton Forest. Buying enough to take along to the extended family Christmas, Mary was determined to not turn up to lunch empty handed, especially to her mother’s side of the family who are sticklers for etiquette. Etiquette and politeness were very different things in this family, with Mary asking if her outfit for lunch looked OK and her mum telling her she’s seen her wear way uglier clothes than that.. Mary took it as a win.

When Mary arrived to lunch her aunt thanked her for the cherries and placed them in the fridge as there was already a bowl of them on the table. After having a glass of wine to settle the nerves, Mary fell into place chatting to cousins about the year that was. She was then suddenly je**ed out of the moment.

“Mary! These cherries are so much better than the ones you bought us!” her ungrateful mother bellowed from the other end of the table.

Mary nodded politely and turned back to her cousin. Despite her age, or perhaps because of her age, Mary’s mother has reached the point in her life where she can take down anyone with one small remark. Christmas 2022 with the family was no exception.

19/11/2022

PLASREFINE NOT WELCOME IN THIS REFINED COMMUNITY

A young local checked the mailbox last year to find a delightful surprise. Plasrefine had placed a mailer in Moss Vale letterboxes stating they were looking at moving into the Moss Vale Industrial Park.

“Brilliant” she told her housemate. “Our local council area is taking the initiative to do something about the world drowning in preventable waste! I knew separating all our plastics wasn’t for nothing! Now I know it doesn’t have to travel so far to be sorted”.

Since discovering that developments have to complete an Environmental Impact Statement to ensure it won’t cause any harm, this young resident loves progress, especially improvements that provide solutions to our huge problem with consumerism.

A month later, she was scrolling on Facebook and was surprised to see locals upset by the proposal. They were arguing that this is the wrong location for such a facility.

While it may make sense to provide a plastic recycling service within 150km of the most densely populated area in Australia, it has ruffled some feathers. She was shocked to see many people arguing that the Southern Highlands is the incorrect location.

These residents against Plasrefine also appreciate the convenience of living close to the biggest city, but not at the cost of a spoiled country lifestyle.

“I love the concept of recycling what we have, but why here? I paid a premium for this location. I want to enjoy the country lifestyle, while still being commutable to Sydney when I want to get some culture, and within hours of my South Coast house. I don’t want for much. This recycling plant is really going to destroy the image of the Southern Highlands. We’re going to be known as the area with the recycling plant! Urgh! Can you imagine. How am I going to sell that to my friends in Sydney who just want to hear about my horses and livestock.
“Plastic is a huge problem; we throw out so much of it. Everything I buy comes wrapped in plastic; we can barely fit it all in our 240 Litre bin each week. Honestly, we need a solution so we can get rid of it easier, but not in my backyard.”

We left the conversation disheartened that the world is being ruined by selfish attitudes once more. With Redcycle pulling their collection points this week, we will be watching closely to see if attitudes in the Highlands change.

26/10/2022

PART OF THE NETBALL PRIDE

If the Southern Highlands was a sport, it would be netball. Not very culturally diverse, a bit cliquey, pushing on like they aren’t heading towards the red, regulation clothing, with strong expectations of etiquette on and off the court.

So when local Mittagong Wildcat netballer, Bec, heard that her heroes, the Australian Diamonds, were causing a fuss, she wanted to learn more.

As she read about the history of Reinhardt’s relationship with Australia’s First Nations people Bec was shocked.

Growing up in a community which was far from culturally diverse, this netballer has found other cultures intriguing and she sought diverse trips to be less ignorant.

Trips to Indigenous communities in remote Australia really stood out, mostly because she was surprised how little this amazing heritage is celebrated by the rest of Australia.

Bec knows netball is a sport which needs more diversity and she wishes there was more Indigenous representation, but, progress is still progress!

When she signs up to wear the green and gold of the Mittagong Wildcats for 2023, she’ll be thinking of the green and gold national team who knew that money couldn’t buy their morals

15/10/2022

BOWRAL CLASSIC- SO CLASSICALLY BOWRAL

As if it wasn't already hard enough to navigate the unkempt "country" roads in a densely populated suburban area, local Bowral resident and long time dodger of potholes, Katie, also now has to contend with lycra wearing 2 wheel bandits who refuse to obey road rules but insist they have just as much right to be on the road as operators of motorised vehicles.

The annual Bowral Classic event is this weekend and Katie is already dreading the road closures and delays as she navigates taking her kids to visit her elderly parents in their original home in Old Bowral, following an exhausting first week back at school.

“Have you seen that bloke running across Australia at the moment? Nedd Brockmann? What a feat. He’s due to pass through this area today if his body can keep at it. Now THAT is worth a road closure!

"At least the coffee line might be a bit shorter if all the cyclists are still riding at 8am!" Katie explained.

Always one to look on the bright side, she went on.

“This is an organised event we’re all aware of; I won’t be tootling along and have to slam on the brakes when driving over a rise because I’d otherwise skittle middle aged men.

“I appreciate the tourism it brings to the area. Maybe I should take up cycling myself. It would probably be a more timely mode of transport given how slow everyone moves around here.”

03/10/2022

LOCAL DOESN’T HATE TULIP TIME

Local lad Ben has made the record books by going all of the September school holidays without whinging about Tulip Time.

In possibly the busiest time of year for Bowral, the town welcomes thousands of tourists to come and look at blooms. People line up outside the garden in order to get closer to the flowers which are plenty visible over the small white picket fence.

For many locals, the inconvenience of extra people in the town causes them to complain to anyone who mentions Bowral this time of year. But for Ben, he sees other opportunities.

“It brings so many people to this area that survives on tourism. I’m constantly amazed how the Southern Highlands keeps finding people willing to spend their hard earned on high priced experiences and food. $12 to capture a selfie with some flowers.. good on the organisers!

“It’s an annual event which has happened for decades. It’s not like the crowds are a surprise. I just allow ten extra minutes to get through Bowral; some don’t. But if you have time to spare it’s quite entertaining witnessing incompetent drivers. It’s not all bad!”

02/10/2022

SPORTS FAN JUSTIFIES YEAR OF ENJOYING SPORTS

It’s become an annual event. Every year, local girl, Millie, spends September bringing her circle of friends up to speed on the rules, customs, and personal stories of two codes of football.

She’s realised that her friends only pay attention to sport when the finals roll around because that’s when it gets the most media coverage, and her woke friends are forced into caring about the sports.

“They asked me why everyone hates Collingwood the other day, can you believe it? I just said it’s ironic they have black and white as their club colours because it seems they would just rather white…”

“It can be frustrating. But nothing like the upcoming season of teaching the rules and strange scoring system during the summer of tennis”

18/09/2022

SECOND CHILD GETS CALLED THEIR ACTUAL NAME

A young woman has today told our reporters that she has been referred to as her own name.

Since young Annabelle has existed, she has had to determine who people are talking to when they call her by her sisters name.

But today that changed, as she started dance classes and the teacher referred to her as Annabelle, and no variation of that name.

“I was shocked. It took me a while to register she was actually talking to me. Usually I answer to Ebony, or Eb-abelle, or Eeennabelle when people think they are hiding that they got me confused with my older sister. She must have made an impression through school, then at the netball club, and at our after school job at McDonalds, so to start dance classes has been refreshing. Its uncharted territory though, I’ve never been in a position to create my own identity. I’m just ‘Ebony’s sister’…

“I wonder if she was this nervous every time she was breaking ground for me to follow. I guess getting called the wrong name isn’t such a big deal compared to all the brand new experiences Ebony has faced on her own”

We left the interview when Annabelle answered a call from her grandma, repeating her own name and asking her grandma who she was trying to contact.

The Wingecarribee Whinge