19/08/2022
Anyone up for some crudités and covfefe?
Dr. Mehmet Oz, the famous Dr. Oz thanks to Oprah, is running for office in his home state of New Jersey. Oh wait, no. He’s running in Pennsylvania. Right? He seems confused about it as well. But I digress. Dr. Oz made a video way back in April about shopping at the non existent Regmans. Or was it Wegners? It was Wegners. Oz got that one messed up, as well- neither store exists. Redner's exists, as does Wegmans, but Regmans and Wegners are as made up as Dr. Oz's miracle cures and status as a Pennsylvanian. But back to the video in question. In the video, Oz goes to a grocery store (probably Redners) to buy crudités. I had to Google crudités.
A crudité is apparently a rich people's veggie tray (can we just pause to say "what the actual f**k, rich people? Just call it a veggie tray!"), but Oz was throwing some asparagus and pre-made guac (what even is that?) and salsa on his crudité tray and honestly, he deserves to lose his election for trying to dip asparagus in salsa. But it gets worse. In his video, he proceeded to balk at the prices of the ingredients of his homemade crudités- getting the prices wrong- and then blamed President Biden for the price of his twenty dollar crudités- and that was “before the tequila”. Grocery stores in Pennsylvania, btw, don’t sell tequila; they do in Jersey.
The gaf cost a pretty penny: about half a mil in donations were made to his Democratic opponent after a tweet calling the celebrity out for the ridiculous video appeared.
Let’s talk about those files found at Mar-A-Lago. Trump told writer John Solomon that the documents found at Mar-A-Lago were just work stuff he took home at the end of the day to prep for his work day the next day, just like every other businessman, and that as soon as they left the Oval Office they were declassified on a standing order from Trump. There are a s**t tonne of issues with this idea, so we’ll walk through that s**t tonne in my s**t kicker boots. Yes, I realize I used “s**t” a whole s**t tonne in the previous sentence. It’s because the claim just has that much s**t floating around in it.
For starters, in order to declassify something, an actual process has to be followed. If I say “every morning I have a venti iced caramel macchiato with a quad shot from my local Starbucks while I work on the day’s Foley Update” I still have to put in an order for said venti iced caramel macchiato with a quad shot at said local Starbucks and then I also have to pay for it, drive there, pick it up, ask for a straw, find a comfortable table preferably under a speaker blasting Goo Goo Dolls so I can wail along with the baristas (looking at you, Starbucks Fallbrook), and then whether or not I actually work is up to me but the rest of the process has to be followed before that statement can even be remotely accurate.
There is a process to having a covfefe. There is a process to declassifying documents. According to people who would know this s**t, that process was not followed.
But the bigger point is: it doesn’t matter if it was classified or not. The laws that Trump broke by taking the documents out of the Oval Office don’t actually say classified or unclassified or not classified or Classless-as-Ivanka. The law simply said he couldn’t take the files he took.
Perhaps the biggest piece of information here is that Trump is not denying taking the files. He is not denying that he knew he took the files. He is not denying being aware of the files. He is simply saying he declassified them and now they belong to him. I cannot stress this enough, the fact that he told the public that he did take the files is an admission of guilt. Remains to be seen how this will play out.
Speaking of sleazy criminals, Matt Gaetz is being investigated by the House Ethics committee for being a sleazeball. Also for s*xual misconduct, illicit drug use, sharing inappropriate pictures on the House floor, misuse of state records, misuse of campaign funds, accepting a bribe, and a bunch of other things that are against the rules. The First District in Florida could have literally chosen anyone in the district over Gaetz in 2016 and been way better off, but Gaetz had daddy money for his campaign. Daddy money/position likely won’t keep him out of jail like it did the time he got arrested for drunk driving.
And finally, please make sure you’re registered to vote. The recent Dobbs case has classified me and every uterus having person in the United States as second class citizens, and it’s time to show these f**kers who they work for.
