Stutter with Confidence

26/04/2022

Stutter with Confidence #72 with Maya Chupkov

Opening Up to Become our Authentic Self

I thoroughly enjoyed this chat with Maya, who is the host of the Proud Stutter podcast. We discussed how she made the decision to start her podcast on stuttering; how positive and liberating the feedback was that she got when she started opening up to people about her stutter; how it became easier for her to build connections with people once she started being her authentic self; realizing that we don’t have to continue to live a lie and try to fool people that we do not have a stutter; realizing that people care far less about our stutter than we believed they did; the power of eye contact to help make it so that we are not alone in those stuttering moments; the feeling that our stutter makes us unlovable and ugly in the world of dating and Maya’s realization that that wasn’t true at all with her fiancé; the idea that once you melt the below the surface shame and embarrassment that it tends to be very sustainable because quality of life increases to such a great extent; and a ton more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/4AYYVPAxXjM

Stutter with Confidence #72 with Maya ChupkovOpening Up to Become our Authentic SelfI thoroughly enjoyed this chat with Maya, who is the host of the Proud St...

19/04/2022

Stutter With Confidence #71 with Alexander Burday

In Pursuit of Conscious, Grounded “Bodyfulness”

Alexander is an SLP who stutters and a coach who helps people “get out of their heads and into their bodies“.

In this really enjoyable conversation we discussed his preference for the term “bodyfulness” over “mindfulness” because of the benefits of a “conscious, grounded awareness” of one’s body; the destructive nature of negative thought patterns and the opposite effect of getting dialed into our body and surroundings; trying to force ourselves into being a projection of an idea in order to not be perceived by others as somehow unacceptable; the tendency that many of us have to constantly be trying to project the image of an optimal human being and the idea that it is a manifestation of not feeling safe in our own body to be ourself; the idea that feeling safe to stutter is about feeling fully present in the current moment no matter what is happening; bringing past negative experiences into the present and therefore seeing the present through that filter and constantly being in a physical state of hypervigilance (aka fight or flight); the importance of understanding how trauma impacts our nervous system and lives in our body and how it impacts our emotional intelligence and ability to connect with others; the benefits of voluntary stuttering and eye contact and deliberately choosing to experience sensations that have been very uncomfortable in our past; and a ton more.

Happy listening.

https://youtu.be/msaaBSzv8wE

Stutter With Confidence #71 with Alexander BurdayIn Pursuit of Conscious, Grounded “Bodyfulness”Alexander is an SLP who stutters and a coach who helps peopl...

11/04/2022

Stutter with Confidence #70 with Isabel Espinoza

Accepting Ourselves Begets Courage and Confidence

In this fun chat, Isabel and I discussed her experience of not being aware of her stutter for much of her childhood; the idea that we are supposed to stutter (especially in challenging situations) so we should stop beating ourselves up for doing so; the idea that, despite there being no cure for stuttering; we can definitely change the way that we stutter; how she was totally against using voluntary stuttering at first but that once she started using it in real world situations she found it very helpful in terms of reducing her anxiety and struggle; the idea that avoiding stuttering just tends to make it worse and the fact that you can’t let it control your life; her experience that finding acceptance of her stuttering changed her life in a powerful way; her desire to help others who stutter to find acceptance and more confidence in their life; the importance of realizing that our stutter is not everything that we are and that we are still worthy of respect; and a whole lot more.

Happy listening/watching.

https://youtu.be/eHJbvwW3gjo

Stutter with Confidence #70 with Isabel EspinozaAccepting Ourselves Begets Courage and ConfidenceIn this fun chat, Isabel and I discussed her experience of n...

02/04/2022

Stutter with Confidence #69 with Dr Rod Gabel

I Still Stutter…Now what?

Dr Gabel is an SLP who stutters, a professor, and the founder of the speech language pathology department at Binghamton University in upstate New York.

I really enjoyed our conversation, in which Rod and I discussed his research focus on the psychosocial aspects of stuttering, people’s personal experiences of living with stuttering, and the the outcomes of various programs for people who stutter; different types of “health and wellness” type of things that PWS do to empower themselves and increase their confidence (I.E. sports, yoga, meditation, etc) which can help empower them to live better lives; the tricks that are helpful for a little while but then stop being helpful and turn into secondary unhelpful habits (like tapping the hand, eye blinking, filler words, etc); the power of getting together with others who stutter; the power of discontinuing the practice of trying to hide our stutter from the world; how chasing fluency can be disempowering; how facing fears and avoidance behaviors over the long run often can help increase fluency as a byproduct; how insurance companies in the USA often don’t pay for speech therapy services and the resultant necessity of a private pay model; the effectiveness of teletherapy; Rod’s perspective that working with people who stutter in a group setting may be the most effective approach; and much more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/vytdgMmzOug

Stutter with Confidence #69 with Dr Rod GabelI Still Stutter…Now what?Dr Gabel is an SLP who stutters, a professor, and the founder of the speech language pa...

17/03/2022

Stutter With Confidence #68 with Lani Roy

Overcoming the Feeling of Inferiority

In this highly enjoyable conversation, Lani and I discussed her experience as a child of first becoming aware of her stutter and her subsequent efforts to hide that part of her identity; Dr Courtney Byrd and her work to get to Children before the shame and embarrassment set in so the kids are prepared to deal with the social and emotional challenges that will come later in childhood for those who do not outgrow their stutter; she describes how her deepest fear (that a teacher or professor would single her out and ask her to say her name in front of the class) came true in her third year of university and how that became the pivotal moment of her life; her journey of growing beyond her belief that being a person who stuttered made her inferior; using the challenge of being a person who stutters as an opportunity to build character; and a ton more.

Happy listening.

https://youtu.be/Yn9Nq8ABQ90

Stutter With Confidence #68 with Lani Roy Overcoming the Feeling of InferiorityIn this highly enjoyable conversation, Lani and I discussed her experience as...

08/03/2022

I have a bunch of good Stutter with Confidence conversations that need to be released. To expedite the process I will start to sometimes release multiple episodes at once.

The first of these group releases is today and it includes:

Episode #65 with stutter coach Chase Gillis - Open Stuttering Leads to Overcoming Fear and Panic

Episode #66 with Peter Loew, the admin of the “Stuttering as a Mindbody Disorder”Facebook group with - Is Stuttering Neurological, Psychological, or Both?

Episode #67 with Canadian financial regulator Obim Okongwu - Breaking the Addiction of Chasing Fluency

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/5fvoBY9U9ZE

https://youtu.be/0bgRsrRGlIY

https://youtu.be/deC0Td8mw0s

Stutter with Confidence #67 with Obim OkongwuBreaking the Addiction of Chasing FluencyI really enjoyed this conversation with Canadian financial regulator Ob...

20/02/2022

Stutter with Confidence #64 with Dori Holte

Inside the Mission to Unearth more Stuttering Voices

I really enjoyed this conversation with Dori Holte, who runs the Voice Unearthed Facebook support group for parents of kids who stutter and the author of the book by the same name.

We discussed the FRIENDS support organization and how welcoming and open-minded to different perspectives that it is for kids and adults who stutter; we discussed the fact that speech therapy techniques for controlling stuttering tend to fall apart as soon as the person leave the clinical setting; Dori’s story as a mother of a person who stutters and her decades long mission to improve the experience and change the status quo for kids who stutter and their parents; Dori’s frustration and disillusionment with the quality of several fluency based speech therapists that her son saw in childhood; the quality speech therapy he finally received which focused on getting him talking again and enjoying it; how he eventually turned into the extrovert that he naturally is; her concern that the shortcomings of therapy focused on “fixing” the stutter is often not discussed with parents; we discussed the new book on stuttering that she’s working on and the several dozen interviews with people who stutter and parents that she has conducted; and a ton more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/ayc1lDV1W2A

Stutter with Confidence #65 with Dori HolteInside the Mission to Unearth more Stuttering Voices I really enjoyed this conversation with Dori Holte, who runs ...

10/02/2022

Stutter with Confidence #63 with Gina Corley

Just Bring It, Stutter or No Stutter

I had a lot of fun speaking with pharmacist Gina Corley from West Virginia. We discussed how she was a confident kid in part because her parents never made her feel like her stutter was a bad thing and how she actually enjoyed getting up and speaking in front of people in those years; how she developed her Stuttering Iceberg (shame, embarrassment, etc) more when she got into pharmacy school and a couple of professors started docking points on her presentations because of her stutter; her feeling in her body that she doesn’t take in enough air when she speaks and her related sense that the longer she talks the more dysfluent she gets; the adverse effect that Gina feels like wearing a mask has had on her breathing and her speech; Mike demonstrates the costal breathing style that he uses and how it differs from the typical “belly“ breathing that has been taught to many people who stutter over the generations; the mindfulness benefit that comes from monitoring our breathing throughout much of the day; the idea that befriending our stutter can be of great benefit (and then remembering that if we had a friend who stuttered we wouldn’t get mad at them every time they stutter so why do we get mad at ourself); Mike’s peer mentorship program and how everybody who joins goes out(together as a group over Zoom) to talk to random strangers and tell them that we stutter; the lack of stuttering awareness in the general population and the idea that a lot of non-stuttering people mistakenly seem to think that they understand stuttering because they think it is similar to their disfluent moments; how to advocate for ourselves and simultaneously be an advocate for stuttering education; and a whole lot more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/JcQ1HVxv9p8

Stutter with Confidence #63 with Gina CorleyJust Bring It, Stutter or No StutterI had a lot of fun speaking with pharmacist Gina Corley from West Virginia. ...

10/02/2022

Stutter With Confidence #62 with Voon Pang

Shattering the Myth that it’s not OK to Stutter

We discussed the question of whether early intervention for young children is actually increasing the likelihood of them “recovering“ from stuttering; Dr Courtney Byrd’s work and the immense value brought to PWS’s lives if you can help prevent their childhood iceberg (shame, embarrassment, feelings of inferiority) from forming in the first place; the importance of using the identity and social model to help those who stutter rather than just trying to pursue fluency; the idea that courage and honesty are respected in every culture and that our stutter gives us an opportunity to display both characteristics if we face those stuttering moments head on; Bill Murphy and the idea of having empathy for the listeners due to the fact that they often times are confused when we start stuttering; Voon’s experience of “coming out of the closet“ to disclose that he was gay and the possible similarities to coming out as a person who stutters; the concept of “minority stress“ and how it applies to groups who are different than the mainstream “norm”; Mike’s internal self talk to choose courage over cowardice when the urge comes up to not say something in order to avoid a stuttering moment; and a lot more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/pI0gxxvzCHw

Stutter With Confidence #62 with Voon PangShattering the Myth that it’s Not OK to Stutter New Zealand SLP and stuttering advocate Voon and I discussed the qu...

10/02/2022

Stutter with Confidence #61 with Anita Blom

Becoming Our Own Best Advocate

I really enjoyed this conversation with Swedish support group leader Anita.
We discussed her life-changing discovery when she was 27 years old that there were support groups with other people who stutter; the idea that some portion of speech therapists have become much more effective in recent decades as they shift their focus away from fluency and towards acceptance; how things have been changing in the stuttering therapy world from just seeing the stutter to seeing one’s entire being; how Anita and I got the impression from many of our past speech therapists that if we weren’t making a ton of progress on our stuttering that it was our own fault because we supposedly were not working hard enough to implement the techniques they were teaching; the desperation/obsession that many of us have felt to be perceived as “normal” fluent speakers; using the world’s sometimes lowered expectations of us as motivation to achieve things; the vast improvement in quality of life when we divorce our stutter from our happiness; our experience that the world was much more excepting of our stutter than we thought it would be when we were younger; her experience of speaking in front of the European Parliament; and a lot more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/eyrmUkkI2xc

Stutter with Confidence #61 with Anita BlomBecoming Our Own Best AdvocateI really enjoyed this conversation with Swedish support group leader Anita. We dis...

22/01/2022

Stutter with Confidence #60 with Andrey Denisenko

Learning to become Open, Active, and Positive about our Speech and our Life

Andrey is a lawyer who stutters, and he has a great take on stuttering and what types of things we can do to grow beyond the ashamed, fearful existence that so often accompanies the stuttering life. We discussed his isolation and introversion that quickly developed around 10 years old in response to his becoming aware of his stutter; how as a child he started talking less and less around his parents so that he would not disappoint them after hearing their (well intentioned) suggestions for how he could stop stuttering; how both of us felt severely limited in our youth when it came to talking to girls that we were interested in; the immense power of getting out of the clinic environment to speak to strangers on the streets; the fact that it is often difficult to face our fears of speaking because human beings are not wired to create scary situations for ourselves; his perspective that the most important metric of progress or success for a PWS is to what extent did he or she create speaking situations; the value of becoming desensitized to rejection; Andrey’s coaching approach to help people gradually learn to enjoy and crave the uncomfortable feelings that often accompany those stuttering moments; the idea that true confidence is about becoming fully comfortable being ourself; and a whole lot more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/7dSkkh1BowA

Stutter with Confidence #60 with Andrey DenisenkoBecoming Open, Active, and Positive about SpeakingAndrey is a lawyer who stutters, and he has a great take o...

06/01/2022

Stutter with Confidence #58 with Geoff Johnston

It’s about Quality of Life, not Fluency

In this super engaging conversation, stuttering support group leader from Australia Geoff Johnston shares how playing sports as a child helped to fill the confidence void that being a kid who stuttered brought to his life; how he would not stutter with his grandkids up until they were about the age of five or six but then would start once he thought they were old enough to judge him; the common reality that speech therapy techniques seem to hold up in the speech clinic but then fall apart when the person steps out of the therapy session into the real world; the assertive self acceptance of the stutter pride movement;
the idea that we can actually gain some things from the presence of our stutter that non-stutterers do not have, like humanizing ourselves in the eyes of others; the Power of desensitizing ourselves by going out and speaking with a ton of strangers; and a whole lot more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/KF-BFBBkW7U

Stutter with Confidence #58 with Geoff JohnstonIt’s about Quality of Life, not FluencyIn this super engaging conversation, stuttering support group leader/co...

29/12/2021

Stutter with Confidence #57 with Cookie Green

Respect and Love Yourself, and Others Will Follow Suit

For those who haven’t met stuttering support group leader Cookie Green, she’s a total joy of a human being.

In this fantastic chat, we discussed her successful career at Toyota and her journey from sheer terror to stepping out of her comfort zone to become a person who takes the mic assertively and says what she wants to say; how divine inspiration influenced her founding of the “From Stuttering To Confidence” Facebook and WhatsApp groups and the huge success of those groups in terms of people using their voices to practice and share their perspectives; the deep sense of inferiority that develops in childhood for so many of us who stutter; how the action of facing one’s fears typically precedes the fearless mentality; the super useful activity of getting together with others who stutter; how communication is at the center of human existence and the idea that the more we do it the better we will get at it; and a whole lot more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/HDgm4TRf9O8

Stutter with Confidence #57 with Cookie GreenRespect and Love Yourself, and Others Will Follow SuitFor those who haven’t met stuttering support group leader ...

17/12/2021

Stutter with Confidence #56 with Emily Anderson

Stepping Out Of That Box

This was a really fun conversation.

Emily and I discussed the explosion of support options for people who stutter since the pandemic started; the fact that none of us are mind readers and the fact that we never know for sure how other people are seeing us; the fact that the vast majority of people in the world know virtually nothing about stuttering; the related psychological benefit for us to forgive people for their ignorance; her perspective that she cares much more about her stutter historically than other people care about it; her pronouncing her name as “Omily” in order to not stutter on it; how emotionally difficult it can be to feel like you are incapable of proclaiming who you are (saying your name); her observation from her own life that the more she makes herself start conversations with strangers the easier it becomes; Mike’s peer mentorship program and it’s focus on non-avoidance and desensitization and facing the fear head on of talking to other human beings; the power of developing the skill of eye contact as a shamebusting action; her opinion that the speech therapy she received as a child and as an adult did her more harm than good as it focused on fluency techniques and not the stuttering iceberg; and a whole lot more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/B2r6dBEd8MY

08/12/2021

Face. Your. Fears.

The more we run from our fears the more they will chase us.

02/12/2021

Stutter with Confidence #55 with Gareth Walkom

The Value of Stamily

We discussed how the company Gareth founded, called “withVR”, gives people who stutter virtual reality opportunities to practice their speech; several details about how this virtual reality world works; The challenging memories from his childhood Stuttering experience and his “escape route” to say as little as possible; The group speech therapy approach that helped him realize that it is OK to stutter and that the most important thing is to say what you want to say; the idea that many of us have had historically that what we have to say is not important enough to say if it means we have to stutter our way through it; his experience that the more people he meets who stutter the better he feels about his stuttering; his participation and leadership in the new, member run stamily.org stuttering support
organization; and more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/V7JMygyhBTs

Stutter with Confidence #55 with Gareth WalkomThe Value of StamilyWe discussed how the company Gareth founded, called “withVR”, gives people who stutter virt...

24/11/2021

Stutter with Confidence #54 with Lindsey Lambert

Realizing that it Truly is Okay To Be Me

We discussed the fact that she became an introvert from the fifth grade on once she became self-conscious about her stutter; how difficult it was on her when she moved to a new town in middle school where she didn’t know anybody; Mike’s similar experience of moving somewhere new in middle school; how sports gave her an outlet to build her confidence to some extent in high school; the intense sense of isolation that we both felt as kids when it came to our stuttering/social experience; Mike’s example of an eye surgeon friend who harbored deep fears that his patients would think he was incompetent as a doctor when he stuttered, but that none of those patients actually left him as a result of his stuttering; how the SWC group mentorship program gave Lindsey the strength and support to move forward, find her confidence, and face her fears of speaking (22:45-26:04); the importance of choosing forgiveness over anger when it comes to other people not being very educated on stuttering; learning to play and love the sport of Wolf Hunting (hunting the Stuttering Wolf); the idea that stuttering is fundamentally an issue of holding back (both ourself overall and our speech); the idea that trying to hide our stutter makes it so much more difficult to speak; the idea that feeling time pressure makes it much more difficult to speak; her smashing of the myth that everybody would look down on her for her stuttering; and a whole more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/fWrSYDn85EQ

Stutter with Confidence #54 with Lindsey Lambert - Realizing that it Truly is Okay To Be MeWe discussed the fact that she became an introvert from the fift...

19/11/2021

Stutter with Confidence #53 with Dr Bob “the expert” Quesal

Competence vs Credentials in those who help PWS

Bob has appeared on MANY episodes of the popular and long running StutterTalk podcast and was always introduced as “the expert” by its host/founder Peter Reitzes. 🙂

Two popular series of episodes on that podcast were:
1. “Should SLPs Treat Stuttering?” (Here’s the episode with Bob and Peter in 2017.) https://stuttertalk.com/tag/should-slps-treat-stuttering/

2. The Costal Breathing series. (Here is that episode with Bob and Peter in 2011.) https://stuttertalk.com/piecing-apart-costal-breathing-with-dr-bob-quesal-episode-254/

Both of the above subjects were revisited and discussed in some depth by Bob and Mike in this latest SWC podcast episode. The “should SLPs treating stuttering” question was discussed from 1:00:40 to 1:19:27. Costal breathing was discussed from 1:24:44 to 1:52:00.

In this nearly two hour great conversation, other things we discussed included his childhood experiences with stuttering; the good therapy he received and the not-so-good therapy he received; his multi-year mission to hide his stutter from the world; the fact that experience eventually led he and I to the realization that people cared much less about our stutter than we previously thought they did; Barry Guitar’s experience of receiving therapy from Charles Van Riper and the emphasis on building up his bravery; the value of building up our speech delivery and pausing skills rather than focusing on the goal of fluency and not stuttering; the idea that uncertainty is one of the big things that can potentially make stuttering such a difficult condition to live with; the power of meeting with others who stutter and having that “kindred spirit experience” and realizing that our shame and avoidance behaviors were actually a very normal/common way of initially dealing with stuttering; all the misinformation about stuttering on the Internet; Bob’s view that the ASHA certification doesn’t verify that someone is qualified to work with people who stutter; a fairly in-depth discussion of Mike’s SWC peer mentorship/coaching program; Bob’s opinion that either ASHA (American Speech-Language Hearing Association) will divorce stuttering or stuttering will divorce ASHA at some point; and a whole lot more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/V1JeF29YD0s

Stutter with Confidence #53 with Dr Bob “the expert” Quesal Competence vs Credentials in those who help PWSBob has appeared on MANY episodes of the popular a...

12/11/2021

Stutter with Confidence #52 with Jessica Deluce

The Superpower of Being Open and Honest

Really enjoyed this chat with Jessica. We discussed the fact that she empathizes and forgives the kids who made fun of her for stuttering as they were just kids themselves and probably had no idea how hurtful they were being; the idea that middle school age is probably the meanest stage for human beings and the intense challenges that presents for middle school kids who stutter; how her twin brother served as her protector during the school aged years; the strong sense of isolation that often comes with the experience of being a stutterer; Mike and Jessica’s experience of a rapid deterioration in their fluency once they started trying hard not to stutter in middle school; the fact that nothing gets communicated every time we avoid saying something that we want to say; she discusses how beneficial it was when she finally found a speech therapist who “vibed“ with her; the analogy between the situational nature of stuttering and the athlete who struggles to physically perform their sport when playing scared; the fact that there are no laws against Stuttering and that no one has to go to the hospital or face death as a direct result of Stuttering; Mike and Jessica‘s annoyance when people try to finish their sentence and Mike’s standard line in that situation that “it is fine if you try to finish my sentence… so long as you guess correctly”; her experience with Canadians asking her if she is cold when she is Stuttering; how powerful of an experience it was for her to totally leave her comfort zone at home and go away to a new school where she was forced to be way more independent; her experience of giving a big speech at her new high school where she was totally straightforward and honest about her stutter and the hugely positive response it received; and a whole lot more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/Z4GQG4fmEO0

Stutter with Confidence #52 with Jessica DuluceThe Superpower of Being Open and Honest Really enjoyed this chat with Jessica. We discussed the fact that she...

06/11/2021

Stutter with Confidence #51 with Derek Mitchell

No Longer Trying to be an Invisible Ghost

Great chat with the supercool Atlanta stuttering chapter leader, Derek Mitchell.

We discussed a particularly traumatic experience from his childhood where the entire class burst out into extended laughter over his stuttering while he was struggling to read aloud, and his ensuing social shutdown; his feeling that he wasn’t really a part of the world but rather a spectator; the fact that he spoke so little in school that people thought he was probably intellectually and emotionally disabled; Mike’s story of saying the filler phrase “you know” about 300 times in a 15 minute presentation in high school; the idea that people who stutter can develop a richer inner life and dialogue than neurotypical people out of necessity because of their social isolation; he discusses how stuttering has made him who he is in many ways; Mike discusses how he would not have become a dentist if he did not stutter and how his career may have very well ended up being far less successful as a result; the idea that openly stuttering humanizes us and increases our ability to connect with others on a deeper level; the idea that eye contact greatly enhances our courage, our communication skills, and it helps others to quickly realize that we stutter rather than letting confusion reign as to what’s going on with us; the idea that being a stutterer can really develop our sense of empathy for others who are different or struggling in one way or another; and a whole lot more.

Enjoy.

https://youtu.be/s4wOHZFmK2Y

Stutter with Confidence #51 with Derek MitchellNo Longer Trying to be an Invisible GhostGreat chat with the supercool Atlanta stuttering chapter leader, Dere...