The New Ark

The New Ark It's the next best thing since snakes on a plane, so jump on board! Each week Elliot & Saf boil the

This is a sheal. Because crossing snakes, frogs and fungi was too much work. Yet it is precisely this blend of animal sh...
07/06/2022

This is a sheal. Because crossing snakes, frogs and fungi was too much work. Yet it is precisely this blend of animal sh*t which hits the fan in The New Ark Series 1’s final episode.

Listen in to hear us talk pizza, hallucinogens and breaking the podcast. Leave any suggestions re. animals you’d like to hear about next series below…

DYK: Jaguars are fond of perfume, specifically Calvin Klein’s Obsession. So if ur sweet-smelling, watch out. A jag in th...
31/05/2022

DYK: Jaguars are fond of perfume, specifically Calvin Klein’s Obsession. So if ur sweet-smelling, watch out. A jag in the back is a bad way to go.

Check out the penultimate episode of The New Ark for more nice-smelling knowledge. Vote below if jaguars are sweet or sour pusses…

This is a jaguar. It evolved to hunt giant armadillos the size of cars. For safety, it’s best to approach with a slow ru...
31/05/2022

This is a jaguar. It evolved to hunt giant armadillos the size of cars. For safety, it’s best to approach with a slow runner next to you.

Listen in to TNA Ep. 29 for more wise survival tips. Vote below if jags are Ark-worthy or no…

This is a meerkat. Most murderous animal in the kingdom. I blame it on the annoying voice. Perhaps the bad mascara too. ...
27/05/2022

This is a meerkat. Most murderous animal in the kingdom. I blame it on the annoying voice. Perhaps the bad mascara too. But are they evil?

Tune thy ears to TNA Ep. 28 and all shall be revealed. Leave thine thoughts below in the mere cats’ sentencing…

DYK: earthworms grow up to 7m. That’s nigh on four Attenboroughs or a 300 ants standing on the back of a really tall ele...
27/05/2022

DYK: earthworms grow up to 7m. That’s nigh on four Attenboroughs or a 300 ants standing on the back of a really tall elephant. Assuming they can balance.

This and more in TNA Ep. 27: Earthworms. Ark-worthy or no? Vote below…

This is an earthworm. Maybe more than one. Collective noun: a can. To be opened in Ep. 27 of The New Ark. They’ve got fi...
27/05/2022

This is an earthworm. Maybe more than one. Collective noun: a can. To be opened in Ep. 27 of The New Ark. They’ve got five hearts (and a transient a**s) so show them some love.

Do worms deserve a spot on the ark? Listen in and vote below 👇

DYK: the world’s smallest reptile is a chameleon the size of an ant. It does not, however, have the world’s smallest ego...
25/05/2022

DYK: the world’s smallest reptile is a chameleon the size of an ant. It does not, however, have the world’s smallest ego as well. After all, chameleon does mean ‘ground lion.’

Pride before the fall. But do chameleons deserve a ticket off our post-apocalyptic Earth? Listen to Ep. 26 and vote below.

This is a chameleon. It’s superbly adapted for French kissing- tongue twice as long as it’s body. It changes colour when...
25/05/2022

This is a chameleon. It’s superbly adapted for French kissing- tongue twice as long as it’s body. It changes colour when aroused: like a more advanced form of the old college party traffic light system. The expression says it all 👈.

Listen to Ep. 26 for more colourful facts. Vote below if chameleons are fab or crap 💩 ?

You know, polar bears have transparent fur and cover their noses to blend into the snow. Guess some critters take this c...
24/05/2022

You know, polar bears have transparent fur and cover their noses to blend into the snow. Guess some critters take this camouflage s**t more seriously than others (*cough cough* flamingoes).

Check out TNA Episode 25 then leave ur vote whether bears deserve a spot on our space cruise below…

This is a Bear. Unlike a certain human bearing that name, it is not fool enough to drink its own p**s. Unfortunately, th...
24/05/2022

This is a Bear. Unlike a certain human bearing that name, it is not fool enough to drink its own p**s. Unfortunately, the offspring of grizzly and polar varieties is still called a pizzly bear.

Listen in to TNA Ep. 25 for more beary interesting info. Are they ark-worthy? Drop ur vote below…

DYK: Bees can recognise ur face?! So don’t p**s them off. Known triggers include fake flowers, frisbees, O-bee Wan Kenob...
23/05/2022

DYK: Bees can recognise ur face?! So don’t p**s them off. Known triggers include fake flowers, frisbees, O-bee Wan Kenobi and songs by the Bee Gees. Seriously, what’s with all the name stealing?!

More such nonsense on Ep. 24 of The New Ark. Enjoy!!

This is a bee. It’s been to space and occasionally produces rainbow honey. Now why does that remind me of one of my drea...
23/05/2022

This is a bee. It’s been to space and occasionally produces rainbow honey. Now why does that remind me of one of my dreams?

Listen in to Ep. 24 of The New Ark for more un-beelievable trips and traipses. Vote below if bees deserve are good or beevil…

Gone from the UK. Moved to a super-volcano. That’s wolves. Whereas crocs drown you and lions snap your neck, wolves eat ...
20/05/2022

Gone from the UK. Moved to a super-volcano. That’s wolves. Whereas crocs drown you and lions snap your neck, wolves eat their prey alive giving you a slow and painful death :)

But do they deserve a spot on the ark? Listen to TNA Ep. 23 and leave ur thoughts below…

This is a wolf. To catch it, stick hand down throat. Yep. Steve Irwin can go 🖕🤬🍆💀🦨 himself because we’ve got Catch ‘Em A...
20/05/2022

This is a wolf. To catch it, stick hand down throat. Yep. Steve Irwin can go 🖕🤬🍆💀🦨 himself because we’ve got Catch ‘Em Alive Jack with his insane wolf-wrangling skills.

Check out TNA Ep. 23 to hear how it’s done. Vote below if wolves are Go(o)dmother(f**ker)s or fairy tale villains…

Ever heard of the Wood Wide Web? It’s like the internet except with less p**n and more hard wood- a map of roots joined ...
19/05/2022

Ever heard of the Wood Wide Web? It’s like the internet except with less p**n and more hard wood- a map of roots joined by fungi, allowing trees to talk?

Listen in to Ep. 22 of The New Ark for more wooden conversation and tree-rific facts. Is fungi worthy of a spot on our space cruise? Vote below…

This is a fungi. Like Johnny Depp but less legally contentious. Or like me on a stag night- lemonade for the win!! But i...
19/05/2022

This is a fungi. Like Johnny Depp but less legally contentious. Or like me on a stag night- lemonade for the win!!

But is it a goodie or a baddie, serial killer or life bringer? Listen in to Ep. 22 to find out and cast ur vote below…

Each time a bat flaps, it closes its ears so it’s echolocation calls don’t shatter it’s eardrums. Human children are hal...
18/05/2022

Each time a bat flaps, it closes its ears so it’s echolocation calls don’t shatter it’s eardrums. Human children are halfway to learning this trick. The screaming is in the bag…

Check out TNA Ep. 21 for more anti-human sentiment. Vote below if bats are better than people and merit a spot on our fictional space cruise…

Anyone know how to pick locks? Raccoons do. Their name in many languages means ‘magic fingers.’ That’s my nickname too.C...
17/05/2022

Anyone know how to pick locks? Raccoons do. Their name in many languages means ‘magic fingers.’ That’s my nickname too.

Check out The New Ark Ep. 20 for more break-out facts and leave ur thoughts below if they deserve a ticket on our little space cruise…

Fun fact: anglerfish are the most beautiful animals. After all, they say it’s what’s on the inside that counts, and insi...
16/05/2022

Fun fact: anglerfish are the most beautiful animals. After all, they say it’s what’s on the inside that counts, and inside anglerfish are glowing… radiant.

Comment below whether they’re ark-worthy or not and which accessory oughta best pimp up their aesthetic.

This is an anglerfish. When it has s*x, it dissolves into its mate. Cute or creepy? You decide. But it sure as hell make...
16/05/2022

This is an anglerfish. When it has s*x, it dissolves into its mate. Cute or creepy? You decide. But it sure as hell makes one night stands more… permanent.

Listen in to The New Ark episode 19 for more dangling enlightenment. Leave ur thoughts below as to whether anglerfish are ark-worthy or no…

There are vegetarian sharks and vegetarian spiders, but no vegetarian snakes. So less meeting and greeting, more meating...
13/05/2022

There are vegetarian sharks and vegetarian spiders, but no vegetarian snakes. So less meeting and greeting, more meating and eating.

Incidentally, powerful stomach acids mean that if you feed a snake an antacid tablet, it’ll explode. Guess Samuel L. Jackson just wasn’t smart enough to think of that.

This is a snake. Charming creature but illegal in New Zealand, and the Kiwis are always right. Ergo snakes = slippery ba...
13/05/2022

This is a snake. Charming creature but illegal in New Zealand, and the Kiwis are always right. Ergo snakes = slippery bastards. I’m sssssssure of it.

Listen to The New Ark Episode 17 for more sssssensational trivia. Vote below whether snakes deserve a spot on board—

You know, the nine-banded armadillo gives birth to identical quadruplets every time. The parenting nightmare!! Bet you c...
12/05/2022

You know, the nine-banded armadillo gives birth to identical quadruplets every time. The parenting nightmare!! Bet you can’t guess how many bands it has…

The answer’s anywhere between 7 and 11. Same as the number of shots I can have before rolling up in a ball on the floor. Maybe I’m an armadillo? 🤔

Check out TNA Ep. 16 for more. Are armadillos cute or crap? Leave ur thoughts below…

This is an armadillo. It can walk underwater- so like Jesus, but soggier. It also has s*x running. Bible scholars have y...
12/05/2022

This is an armadillo. It can walk underwater- so like Jesus, but soggier. It also has s*x running. Bible scholars have yet to comment on whether the same is true of Our Lord.

Listen in to Episode 16 of The New Ark for this and other philandersophical matters. Head back here afterwards to vote on whether armoured di**os deserve a spot on the ark.

This is a butterfly 🦋 . It does not spread well on bread. Blame the Dutch scientists who named it. Listen in to The New ...
10/05/2022

This is a butterfly 🦋 . It does not spread well on bread. Blame the Dutch scientists who named it.

Listen in to The New Ark Ep. 15 for more fluttery futile facts and fables. Comment below whether butterflies are fab or foe.

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New ep. out today: Chimpanzees! 🦍 Listen in as I air our closest relatives’ dirty laundry 🧺… // The New Ark⚓️ (@newarkhives) is a comedy debate #podcast🎙 to teach people about animals🐸🐼. Listen in at 🔗pod.link/newarkhives.

Santa’s not real 😱. Dolphins are evil 😈. At least one of these statements will be proven this week on 🚢The New Ark ⚓️podcast🎙‼️ That’s right- in the spirit of Christmas 🎄 we’re asking whether our flippery friends 🐬are in fact naughty 👹or nice😇. Listen in at 🔗bit.ly/newarkhives to hear dolphins’ dreams crushed 🙀. And Merry Christmas🎅💀!

The New Ark Animal Podcast Has Launched!!
The New Ark Animal Podcast Has Launched!!

New Podcast Ahoy!! That's right- The New Ark has finally set sail. Each week Elliot Connor and Saf go head to head arguing for and against an animal's place on board. Listen in then check back here to cast your vote... Search for "The New Ark" wherever you find your podcasts- and enjoy!!

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