BootStrap Journey

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BootStrap Journey A podcast/blog focused on healing from trauma by sharing my personal experiences and insights.

You can't fix what you won't face. I come from a long line of toxic family situations. That stops with me! I choose to h...
26/03/2023

You can't fix what you won't face. I come from a long line of toxic family situations. That stops with me! I choose to heal, grow and change. Those who oppose healthy interactions need to step aside because I don't have time for Tom Foolery.

We see throughout the Bible that abuse and toxic dynamics continue through family lines until it is addressed. The strong hold of the enemy will continue to thrive until someone steps up with the sword of the spirit to cut the family loose.

Some people do not want to be free. All we can do is provide them with the Truth and allow them to make their own choice. But bounce will remain present.


For many people this takes practice. We have carved out negative neuro pathways in our brain from years of negative thin...
23/03/2023

For many people this takes practice. We have carved out negative neuro pathways in our brain from years of negative thinking. Once we become aware of our thoughts we can begin to retrain our brains to reframe ideas, situations and experiences in a positive way.

My story is my healing and the actions I have taken in my life. For far too long I linked my identity with my pain. I am...
20/03/2023

My story is my healing and the actions I have taken in my life. For far too long I linked my identity with my pain. I am slowly disconnecting from that in order to fully embrace how God has identified me.

My abusers are not qualified to label me. My abusers cannot dictate my identity. I am who God says I am.

There seems to no longer be a dating pool. It is now a dating swamp. Far too many people are in committed relationships ...
18/03/2023

There seems to no longer be a dating pool. It is now a dating swamp. Far too many people are in committed relationships and engaging with another person on the side because they are unhappy with their relationship. There is no integrity in this behavior.

Years ago when I was still in a very healed stage of my life I would often engage with men who were in relationships. Initially I was completely unaware. Once I became attached the guy and found out about their main relationship I felt the need to prove my worth so that he would choose me.

Do not be fooled by this mindset. There is no such thing as proving your worth and cheaters rarely leave the person they are with for their side piece. Yes I said piece because they are not viewing or treating you as an individual worthy of love and respect. They are treating you like a thing to be used for their entertainment. You are simply a means of temporarily filling the void within them.

Focus on healing and loving who you are. I know my worth and will not now or ever again allow anyone to treat me as a convenience or a piece to plug their void.

Dating someone who doesn't understand or even try to understand your hurts and struggles can actually cause more trauma...
16/02/2023

Dating someone who doesn't understand or even try to understand your hurts and struggles can actually cause more trauma and make us feel like we are not good enough.

The truth is, they are just not the right person for you and that's ok. The right person will accept you as you are and make an effort to understand and support you.

In the mean time, keep working on you. Keep healing.

When you have experienced years of abuse you are terrorized for years after by memories, feelings, nightmares and trigge...
09/02/2023

When you have experienced years of abuse you are terrorized for years after by memories, feelings, nightmares and triggers. Our lives feel like they don't even belong to us at times.

We spend so much time running from the aftermath. We just want to have peace. We just want to feel normal, stable and balanced. Sometimes in that process of trying to feel better We end up doing things that actually sabatoge us. They may bring short term relief but those tactics often further exacerbate the very issues we are seeking relief from.

The only way to find true freedom from trauma is through therapy, a strong support system, processing through the pain in a healthy way, prayer and self care. However, if you fall back into those wild approaches, give yourself some grace. Be aware of your actions and mental state and make better choices.

When a relationship ends and that person moves on quickly, it becomes a double hurt. A deeper wound that impacts our sel...
08/02/2023

When a relationship ends and that person moves on quickly, it becomes a double hurt. A deeper wound that impacts our self esteem. We question ourselves as to why we were not good enough.

The truth is, if they were able to move on so quickly, it was never about you. Relationships are meant to be 2 sided. In toxic paradigms 1 person is a tool and the other is a user.

If you genuinely had your heart involved in the relationship and sincerely cared about the person and wanted a strong relationship, then you were not the manipulator. Someone took advantage of your heart. That was an awful thing for them to do. You ARE worthy of true love.

I would not call this the final stage. I would call it a level of maturity. I endured abuse for my entire childhood and ...
29/10/2022

I would not call this the final stage. I would call it a level of maturity. I endured abuse for my entire childhood and teenage years and was stuck in a traumatic toxic situation until I was in my 30s.

That level of trauma and mental conditioning takes an extensive amount of time to heal and recover from. I am still healing but I am also committed to helping others.



When you realize that your family has a toxic dynamic, it is up to you to make a change, bring healing and rewrite the f...
27/10/2022

When you realize that your family has a toxic dynamic, it is up to you to make a change, bring healing and rewrite the future. Heal those generational wounds. Set boundaries and undo distorted thoughts and beliefs.

If you need help on where to start or how to navugate the process, my Patreon platform will be live on Oct 31, 2022.

Repressing the hurt actually makes things worse. Unprocessed pain will reveal itself in very ugly ways. It will destroy ...
26/10/2022

Repressing the hurt actually makes things worse. Unprocessed pain will reveal itself in very ugly ways. It will destroy relationships, finances, hopes and dreams. Facing the hurt inflicted on you by others allows to break the bonds that have kept you shackeled for far too long.

Focus on your past long enough to process through it, then close that door. You deserve to be free.

When we are hurting it is easy to feel that we have been forgotten or abandoned by God. It can feel that we are alone an...
25/10/2022

When we are hurting it is easy to feel that we have been forgotten or abandoned by God. It can feel that we are alone and He doesn't care. That is not the truth! God is close to us when we are hurting.

Our pain often takes our focus off of the present moment and we can become so comsumed by hurt that we lose connection with everyone and everything, including God. Breath through this moment of stress, chaos, and pain. God is with you and He loves you fiercly!
Psalm 147:3, Isaiah 61:3

For many years I thought that toxic behavior was love. The criticisms, lies, manipulation, the extreme fights with all t...
24/10/2022

For many years I thought that toxic behavior was love. The criticisms, lies, manipulation, the extreme fights with all the screaming and throwing things. Yes, I thought that was love.

That was how I was raised. If someone screamed at you then that meant they were passionate and proved that they cared about me. If they bought me gifts after screaming at me, hitting me or disappearing over an extended period of time, then that meant they felt badly and wanted to maintain our relationship.

I could go on but you get the point and probably can relate. Now that I have been in the healing process for many years not only do I refuse to tolerate such treatment but I also now have strong boundaries for far less. I know my worth and I refuse to allow anyone to disrupt my peace with toxic behavior.

For many years I was so miserable and angry. I was overwhelmed by pain and had no idea how to navigate it. I honestly di...
23/10/2022

For many years I was so miserable and angry. I was overwhelmed by pain and had no idea how to navigate it. I honestly did not know that consistent peace and joy were an option.

After years of healing I now have consecutive good days!! This was unheard of in my family. I have more peace than I ever realized was possible. Life isn't perfect but man it's amazingly different.

The good news is that the same contentment is available to you as well. It takes work, but anger and misery are draining your energy... Why not invest in long term, sustainable effort that makes life good for you?

Allow yourself to feel. Suppressing your emotions does not allow you to avoid them. It simply causes them to come out in...
13/10/2022

Allow yourself to feel. Suppressing your emotions does not allow you to avoid them. It simply causes them to come out in a myriad of unwanted ways.

God gave us emotions to point to specific things. Fear points out the possibility of danger. Guilt shows us something needs to change and possibly be repented of. Each emotion points to something specific. All of them point us to God!

12/10/2022

So many people have been hurt by the church. There are far too many people in leadership that were not called by or are not led by God and they cause wounds in the body of Christ.

On behalf of the church, I apologize if this has happened to you. I also want you to know that healing and restoration are available if you are open and willing. 🙏🏼💛🦋

Those of us who have been conditioned by toxic situations often feel like there isn't a space for self care or the thing...
11/10/2022

Those of us who have been conditioned by toxic situations often feel like there isn't a space for self care or the things we need. We don't want to speak up because it feels selfish.

That is not part of God's design. He intended for us to love and support one another, not for one person to shoulder everything for everyone.

It doesn't always feel like we are healing. In fact, it often feels like we are either falling apart or going backwards....
10/10/2022

It doesn't always feel like we are healing. In fact, it often feels like we are either falling apart or going backwards. The truth is, healing isn't linear, nor is life.

Be aware of these things showing up in your life. Give yourself some credit for the progress you have made.

09/10/2022

So many people around us want to slap a label on us. They want to tell us who we are. Unfortunately we often accept the narrative unconsciously. How we view ourselves affects every aspect of our lives.

The Bible says that we were knitted together in our mother's womb by God Himself. He chose us. He made provision for us to be adopted into His family and be called children of God. I can't think of a more solid identity than that!

I left home as a teenager thinking that I found my knight in shining armor to rescue me from the absolute hell I endured...
26/09/2022

I left home as a teenager thinking that I found my knight in shining armor to rescue me from the absolute hell I endured at home. I found out too late that he was just as damaged as I was and just as abusive as my home life.

I landed in quite a few toxic relationships after that. It wasn't until I began the healing journey and learned how to love myself that I was able to start setting boundaries and breaking patterns. I can now see red flags before a 2nd date can even happen.

Yes it gets very lonely at times but I would rather experience loneliness than abuse or mental torment ANY DAY!!! Now that I love myself I am quite comfortable in my own company. No matter how long it takes to find someone emotionally healthy enough for me with a heart for God, I will continue to wait. Even if I never find them. God and I are just fine....

25/09/2022

I am back and I will try to find a rhythm again with my posts.

Please understand that even though I am trusting God, it has still been a struggle. Don't allow the enemy to condemn you for feeling fear. There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. God doesn't look down on you for having feelings.

He gave us emotions. Take those heavy feelings to Him.

A toxic person will leave you with layers of Shame. One thing that most people fail to talk about is the Shame of believ...
22/08/2022

A toxic person will leave you with layers of Shame. One thing that most people fail to talk about is the Shame of believing all the lies. When we initially become enmeshed with a narcissist, we vehemently believe everything they tell us.

I was in a ridiculously toxic relationship for several years that damaged many of my other relationships. I believed that person so fiercely that I turned on others to protect them. I also believed the lies that were told to me about the people I cared for most. This was an isolation tactic.

Once the relationship ended I felt so foolish. I was shocked at the lies and manipulation that I allowed myself to be tangled up in. I was ashamed that I turned on people I cared for so easily in the name of "love".

Check out my video on this on YouTube. The link is in bio.


They knew what they knew! And now we know what we know. Just because they are family does not mean we owe them our sanit...
20/08/2022

They knew what they knew! And now we know what we know. Just because they are family does not mean we owe them our sanity.

The majority of my life has been spent in survival mode. I realize that many times I slip back into that space. I have a...
19/08/2022

The majority of my life has been spent in survival mode. I realize that many times I slip back into that space. I have always believed that I am the only one who will protect me.

The moment someone shows me a red flag, hurts me or uses me in any way I go straight back into survival mode. I go on high alert. I start analyzing everything.

There is no life in survival mode. There is no joy or peace. This was not God's plan for our lives. We live in a sin filled broken world. God has a plan for us to come to Him for shelter from the storm. He wants to give us love, joy and peace that surpasses all understanding. We just have to remember to go to Him for it.

I have been collateral damage multiple times. Unfortunately I have also been at war with myself for most of my life. It ...
18/08/2022

I have been collateral damage multiple times. Unfortunately I have also been at war with myself for most of my life. It is a sick cycle that can only be halted by being intentional in the healing process.

Grief is such a tricky thing to navigate. It does not go away or diminish. It remains with us for the rest of our lives....
11/08/2022

Grief is such a tricky thing to navigate. It does not go away or diminish. It remains with us for the rest of our lives. We never know what will engage it in a moment.

My boss asked me to take on a new task and I started sobbing like she had beaten me up. I am not sure why it chose that moment to unleash. It isn't always quite that dramatic or overwhelming.

As we grow, we learn to process in a different way. We can allow the grief to flow through us and remember the love we have for that person.

Don't give up. When it feels overwhelming to think about all you have endured, just remember that you are still here. Th...
09/08/2022

Don't give up. When it feels overwhelming to think about all you have endured, just remember that you are still here. They were not able to take you out!

The world would have us believe that biting our tongue is keeping the peace. That is simply not true. When we let people...
04/08/2022

The world would have us believe that biting our tongue is keeping the peace. That is simply not true. When we let people treat us badly without speaking against it, we allow bitterness and Resentment to take root in us.

Even if you catch that seed and sn**ch it out. You are still failing to be authentic with that person. Tell them how their actions or words make you feel. Otherwise you are building a false connection built on fear. The fear of being rejected.

Is being rejected, so much worse than setting a boundary in truth? Do you prefer being treated badly over having one less person in your life? Is it a true relationship if they are not aware of how you really feel?

Many of us try to stay busy so that certain memories or emotions don't arise. If we work ourselves into exhaustion then ...
03/08/2022

Many of us try to stay busy so that certain memories or emotions don't arise. If we work ourselves into exhaustion then we can avoid the pain.

God calls us to be still. Jesus offered us His peace. There is no greater peace on this earth. Yet we allow the enemy to deceive us with fear and keep us from reaching out for that perfect gift.

Choosing to be still with heart posture towards God is an act of trust. An intimate relationship does not develop through isolation or busyness. You must actively reach out to the one you love.

Give Him your hurt and your fear. Be still.

29/07/2022

There is absolutely nothing wrong with emotions. God gave us feelings for very specific reasons. However, we must learn to process our feeling in a healthy way. Feel those emotions fully without suppressing them and without getting stuck there.

I found out on Monday that my brother passed away. I was so deeply saddened. I was not able to sleep much that night. The next morning I woke up very early with dark thoughts in my head. The sadness rolled over me and threatened to become something much worse.

I chose to get up, pray and then go for a walk. It was exactly what I needed to pull me out of the spiral. When you notice that you are about to decline, put fail safes in place to pull yourself back.

I tell my team all the time, "it's OK to feel, just don't unpack and live there!" I am allowing myself to grieve but not in a way that takes over my whole life.

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Come join the healing group for interaction and healing tip/tools. A set program to come soon. https://www.facebook.com/groups/455148753267733/?ref=share_group_link

So many people have been hurt by the church. There are far too many people in leadership that were not called by or are not led by God and they cause wounds in the body of Christ. On behalf of the church, I apologize if this has happened to you. I also want you to know that healing and restoration are available if you are open and willing. 🙏🏼💛🦋 #healingfromtrauma #godisgood #godisincontrol #victory #thereishope #grace #improvement #peaceofmind #hope #renewyourmind #prayerworks #faithoverfear #serenityprayer #believe #selfcare #peaceofgod #truth #resilience #godheals #takeeverythoughtcaptive #prayer #alanon

So many people around us want to slap a label on us. They want to tell us who we are. Unfortunately we often accept the narrative unconsciously. How we view ourselves affects every aspect of our lives. The Bible says that we were knitted together in our mother's womb by God Himself. He chose us. He made provision for us to be adopted into His family and be called children of God. I can't think of a more solid identity than that! #codependent #wedorecover #wholeness #dontgiveup #toxicrelationships #dothework #healing #abusesurvivor #codependency #celebraterecovery #selflove #renewyourmind #serenityprayer #selfcare #keepmovingforward #alanon #Godlovesyou

I am back and I will try to find a rhythm again with my posts. Please understand that even though I am trusting God, it has still been a struggle. Don't allow the enemy to condemn you for feeling fear. There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. God doesn't look down on you for having feelings. He gave us emotions. Take those heavy feelings to Him. #codependent #wedorecover #wholeness #dontgiveup #toxicrelationships #dothework #healing #abusesurvivor #codependency #celebraterecovery #selflove #renewyourmind #serenityprayer #selfcare #keepmovingforward #alanon #depressionhelp #anxiety #hurtquotes

There is absolutely nothing wrong with emotions. God gave us feelings for very specific reasons. However, we must learn to process our feeling in a healthy way. Feel those emotions fully without suppressing them and without getting stuck there. I found out on Monday that my brother passed away. I was so deeply saddened. I was not able to sleep much that night. The next morning I woke up very early with dark thoughts in my head. The sadness rolled over me and threatened to become something much worse. I chose to get up, pray and then go for a walk. It was exactly what I needed to pull me out of the spiral. When you notice that you are about to decline, put fail safes in place to pull yourself back. I tell my team all the time, "it's OK to feel, just don't unpack and live there!" I am allowing myself to grieve but not in a way that takes over my whole life. #codependent #wedorecover #wholeness #dontgiveup #toxicrelationships #dothework #healing #abusesurvivor #codependency #celebraterecovery #selflove #renewyourmind #serenityprayer #selfcare #keepmovingforward #alanon #grief #griefjourney #sadness #feelings

What would your response be? How many times do you allow someone to hurt you before you say enough?! As Christians we are told to forgive our enemies and those who hurt us. Forgiveness does not mean the person wasn't wrong. Forgiveness frees your heart and mind from replaying what they did. When we forgive we do not have to maintain a connection with the offender. We can and should set boundaries. Jesus did! #paranoia #sociopath #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissist #ptsd #traumaresponse #toxicrelationships #healing #survivor #traumatherapy #narcissisticabuse #complexptsd #control #endthestigma #complextrauma #gaslighting #manipulation #traumasurvivor #traumabond #abandoned #healthyrelationshipsmatter #healthyboundaries #healingfromtrauma #victory #alanon

Sorry not sorry! Of course the unhealthy person always acts like they are the victim. They tend to portray shock when you are done with their mess and start setting boundaries. I stopped trying to repaint a person's colors after they show me what they are. 1000 apologies does not compensate for a lack of changed behavior. I no longer have the time or the energy for foolishness. #paranoia #sociopath #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissist #ptsd #traumaresponse #toxicrelationships #healing #survivor #traumatherapy #narcissisticabuse #complexptsd #control #endthestigma #complextrauma #gaslighting #manipulation #traumasurvivor #traumabond #childhoodtrauma #trustissues #abandonmentissues #traumahealing #abuserecovery

People with good intentions will tell you to date someone new so that you can forget the hurt of the last person you were with. This is not solid advice. Don't keep the cycle going. Since being single, I have encountered so many people that just bleed all over everyone with their open wounds. It's sad, frustrating and disappointing. I certainly not saying that I am perfect but I have been doing the work to heal emotionally for years and will continue to. My desire is that all of my relationships, even the platonic ones, will be healthy. 😊❤️. . . . . . #codependent #wedorecover #wholeness #dontgiveup #toxicrelationships #dothework #healing #abusesurvivor #codependency #celebraterecovery #selflove #renewyourmind #serenityprayer #selfcare #keepmovingforward #alanon

Sometimes we forget the basics. It's the simple things that keep us grounded and healthy. Self care doesn't need to be complex. Focus on you, even in the small ways. Drink your water. Take deep breaths, go for a walk, get some sunshine. . . . . . . #healthymindset #therapy #depressionawareness #ADHDlife #cptsd #dontgiveup #healingjourney #dothework #healing #depressionhelp #healthymindandbody #depressionisreal #cptsdsurvivor #triggered #eft #stressmanagement #efttapping #adhdawareness #mentalillnessisreal #anxiety #anxietysupport #keepitsimple

My heart is heavy for those who are hurting as a result of church folks. I hate that you experienced these awful things. This was never God's intention for the church. I have experienced spiritual abuse and church hurt. It is an awful weight to carry and difficult to navigate without the right person guiding you. I am so grateful that God put amazing people in my path that gave me the grace and space I needed to be angry at God and people and also to heal from those things so I could move on. Many people who experience church hurt aren't able to move on. You hurt so badly that you turn against God with no chance of reconciliation. Some of you desperately want to understand and heal. You want that spiritual connection but it is currently wrapped in fear. Reach out to me. Let's talk through this. You don't have to do this alone. . . . . . #healingfromtrauma #complextrauma #victory #thereishope #grace #improvement #peaceofmind #hope #renewyourmind #faithoverfear #serenityprayer #believe #selfcare #peaceofgod #truth #resilience #godheals #takeeverythoughtcaptive #prayer #alanon #churchhurt #churchhurtisreal #healing #anger #depressionn #anxiety

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