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CHANGING THE LANGUAGE
renault advertise a new car with 2 different pronunciations of the word hybrid
as expected the word is pronounced with emphasis on the first syllable as in *hy*brid. but more inexplicably it is also pronounced with emphasis on the second syllable as in hy*brid*
what is the reason for this? is it just a way of making the product sound unique? it's mysterious. or perhaps mysteri*ous*. and definitely pretentious
PATRONISING GUFF OF THE WEEK
'we all breakfast differently because we *are* different' - alpro
NATURAL
'we start with nature's pick n mix' - jordans
'by Garnier - naturally' - garnier
'natural food that wont break the bank' - harringtons
'you are powered by nature... naturally healthy' - james wellbeloved
FREEDOM
' true freedom is an all-electric SUV' - toyota
'born free, free as the wind blows, free as the grass grows...' - dacia duster
'set them free with dairylee'
freedom huh?
TWADDLE AND GUFF
'we are the music makers, the dreamers of dreams
we are the tastemakers of the world it seems
we imagine what a can can't
don't limit yr sparkling water
if you can dream it, you can stream it
soda stream
push for better'
GIBBERISH
sometimes only the advertising agency knows what they mean -
PANDORA jewellery - 'life is always in the making. life is always the best story'
MCCAIN REGENERATIVE FARMING
some just-perceptible dubbing going on with down to earth imogen, the potato farmer. perhaps she sounded too down to earth in real life for mccain to show faith in her own voice or maybe her rendering of the script needed more than one audio take to get the right amount of cheeriness. in either event, it looks like she's speaking german and been dubbed into english. far better we'd heard the real imogen
regenerative agriculture is well and good but organic regenerative agriculture wd seem to be better. perhaps it cant be done on a massive scale but the idea of all imogen's spuds soaking up chemical pesticides and fertilizers is not a happy one
Iain Stirling visits Imogen Stanley, a McCain grower, at her farm to find out about McCains commitments to regenerative farming.
NATIONAL RAIL
'nothing beats getting lost' - clearly scripted by someone who has never felt the fear of being lost
TURKISH RIVIERA
an advert aimed at getting uk people to book holidays in turkey, featuring an alpha family and their pet dog. since when have uk families started taking their dogs on holiday with them to turkey?
CITROEN
'if you're the type that loves space, calm and comfort...' since when have car manufacturers been able to sell calm on car journeys?
ASSEMBLE-ING
it may just be one voice artist who does both adverts or it may be a contagious thing, but people are now saying 'assemble-ing' instead of 'assem-bling' and 'puzzle-ing' instead of 'puzz-ling'. it's cosiness, cloying, honeyed, affected
IDEAL BOILERS
attractive young woman (dreaming) sits at a potters wheel making a vase. she acts some kind of sexual experience with the wet spinning clay, an embracing man and a rapturous face. cut back to the kitchen where she is sat on the worktop daydreaming this dream. her kids sit at the table.
so young mums enjoy protracted sexual fantasies whilst looking after their pre teen kids. sick
WARNER BROS STUDIO TOUR
Enter Gringotts Wizarding Bank
NARRATION -
'take heed
what awaits the sinner's greed
for those who take but do not earn
must pay most dearly in their turn'
it's an interesting concept of greed that relates it to 'not earning'. by this definition all benefits claimants are greedy and billionaire author JK Rowling, isnt.
BURGER KING
rebel whopper
'100% whopper NO BEEF'
'due to shared cooking equipment it may not be suitable for vegetarians'
the possibility of plant based burger being contaminated with animal products is built in to the production process at BK. if your rebel whopper is made in the same environment as a beef whopper, there is a good chance yr rebel whopper will have beef in it. claiming the rebel whopper is '(100%) NO BEEF' is therefore a lie as it cannot be reasonably guaranteed whereas if rebel whoppers were made in a meat free environment they cd reasonably be guaranteed 'NO BEEF'
CADBURYS DAIRY MILK
'there's a glass and a half in everyone'
no. no there isnt
and what does this even mean? maybe it started out as 'there's a glass and a half in *every one* (two words, not one) meaning in every bar of chocolate there's a glass and a half of milk and that over time it's morphed into the bizarre and meaningless 'glass and a half in *everyone*'. who knows what this mess means. very unlikely that anyone at cadbury does.
MCDONALDS
the chicken wrap advert - 'everyone will want some'
no. everyone doesnt want some
THE CRUISE ADVERT
with only 1 person in the swimming pool
EBAY
2 kids showing how they can sell to buy. one, a black boy being sporty, the other a girl in glasses being geeky.
stereotying. black people are sporty, glasses mean clever / geeky
ASDA
'plant based' range.
the way the word vegan, with it's challenging anti establishment animal welfare connotations is being brushed under the carpet by supermarkets and other food corporations with split interests
NOW TV
family on the sofa talk to their 'tv' - a man sat on a tv cabinet holding an aerial. they say how disappointing he is sometimes and that to improve things they should get NOW tv. it only requires the insertion of a gadget which looks like a memory stick. the tv man is taken aback.
a**l pe*******on played for laughs by NOW TV, before and after the watershed, anytime of the day
MALTESERS 1
deaf woman signs to friend telling how man friend's dog ate her hearing aid and how she'll get it back in the morning (mime's holding up faeces covered hearing aid).
so maltesers are selling their chocolate balls by associating them with dog s**t
MALTESERS 2
3 young women sit at a table. one tells the others about her date saying her and her male friend got 'a bit frisky' before she deliberately shakes the packet of maltesers which spill all over the table. it's a sexual mime.
i dont get it. are kids supposed to see this?
PEDIGREE DENTASTIX
claim -
"dogs have hands too. clean them every day with pedigree dentastix to help keep their teeth and gums healthy"
observation -
what does this even mean?
cleaning hands keeps teeth clean?? what?
a personal page documenting the false claims and sometimes bizarre behaviour of uk tv adverts.
unfortunately, the advertising standards agency explains that 'puffery' (exaggeration / embellishment) is allowed in tv adverts. so lying is legal. and that's official.
ENERGIZER AA BATTERIES
claim -
'he's mr energizer, he never stops'.
observation -
just a downright lie
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