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09/07/2018

1. Show me a girl
with one boyfriend and I will show you a
long sleeve bra.
2. Seriously, if you are short, please marry a
tall person, I'm tired of changing bulb for my
neighbor and her husband.
3. If you don't have money, you will be the
one who opens fanta with your teeth for
everyone during family meetings.
4. "I will take a bullet for you", says a guy
that cannot take ordinary paracetamol
without putting it inside Eba.
Mtcheww
5. Jesus fed 2700 women and he never
want anything from them, but you, yes you!
You bought a girl ordinary phone and you
want to enter ther, are you not mad?
6. Is making another girl laugh cheating?
Please I need your answers oo, I'm about
being single again, my bae said I'm
committing Funnycation.
7. I hate it when Facebook couples
disappear after a breakup and says nothing
to us the Facebook in-laws, after all our
support.
8. Bride price should be based on Breast
side,
after all, watermelon is expensive than
orange.
9. Girls are so wicked and selfish, how can
you deny me of a hole you didn't drill?
10. My sister..
If you go with your girlfriend to your man's
house and the dog doesn't bark at her..
Wisdom! My sister I say wisdom!
11. The kind money I want to have ehh!
Even if I come late to my traditional
marriage, my in-laws will apologise, they be
like "Our son, we are sorry you came late, it's
our fault, we woke up too early".
12. The way fine girls are behaving nice to
me this days ehh, I feel like having one, but
this virginity till marriage is a MUST for me.
Argue with your father's children.
13. Dating an insecure and jealous guy is
not easy oo..
BF: babe, where are you
GF: I'm at home.
BF: doinq what?
GF: I'm frying plantain.
BF: Ok, fry one lemme hear the sound.
14. Girls that wear heels to an event and
come back with slippers don't last long in a
relationship, they can't endure for long.
15. Guys, if a lady visits you and you gist, eat,
watch a movie and she returns home in
peace without s*x, will you die?
Some girls will be like "Itzfwesh tell them
oo", but you girls, when did your boyfriend's
house become a cinema, give him what he
want jhoor!
16. I was beaten by a woman in an elevator
today. I was staring at her breast then she
said "Would you please press one", I
thought she was talking about her breast.
17. My first time of toasting a girl.
Me: shiii! Fine girl, shiii!, I grab her hand
from the back.
Girl: who are you?
Me: Don't you know who I be? I'm from dis
state mehn, this right here is messed up,
back in the states, we don't take s**t from
nobody, you got dat?
Then I turned around, I couldn't see her
again.
18. I hate it when going to put offering in
church and one fat girl keeps dancing
forward and backwards like MTN network.
Mtcheww
19. The road to heaven is narrow.
I pity those that are fat.
Lemme mind my business sef
20. Seriously, after smokers, the next people
who are liable to die young are those who
don't mind their business.
21. You are calling a school reunion because
you have a car, you want to see me jumping
out of Keke abi?
Thunder fire you there, Idiot!
22. "Cum inside me" and "Don't worry, I'm
safe". These phrases has made guys pay
bride price they didn't plan for.
23. Glo weldone o!
I have to sit at the edge of my bed, turn a
little to the left and open my mouth before
network enter my phone.
24. Girls with big brezz are going to heaven.
Its not even a debate, so don't argue.
25. This one that I'm seeing wedding
ceremony everywhere, nobody should
mistakenly marry my future wife oo.
26. Girls will shave their eyebrows and leave
their armpit hairy..
Please is that shifting cultivation or bush
fallowing?
27. Guys, sometimes God leave you to be
broke so you can focus on one lady, because
once you get small money, you won't allow
anything wearing skirt to rest, small thing
"LETS CHILL, LETS CHILL".
YOU BE FRIDGE?
28. I'm nt that kind of guy who rush into
dating another girl immediately after
breakup, I wait for at least 10 minutes
before I start a next relationship.
29. No body keeps in touch than a girl you
promise to send her money, she can even
appear in your dream.
30. Don't call a guy "Baby", unless you are
going to give him brezz to suck.
Guys, are u with me??
31. Teacher: Class, write a story which you
ASSUME THAT YOU WERE IN A WAR, write not
less than 300 words.
Everybody started to write, I didn't write but
folded my arms.
The teacher approached me..
Teacher: Itzfwesh, why are you not writing?
Me: Aunty, They killed me immediately the
war started!
32. Ask for my account number or my shoe
size or my clothe size, not "How are you"..
Everytime, I'm not fine, I need money.
33. No one is as humble as someone coming
to buy on credit. She will be like "Answer
your customers first, I'm not in a hurry"
34. It took me 5 hours to compose this
jokes, and you say you will read without
commenting?
Thunder!!!!!!!

25/06/2018

*TO: PRESIDENT BUHARI, VICE PRESIDENT OSINBAJO, TEAM, LEADERS OF VARIOUS GROUPS & ALL NIGERIANS*

*FROM: CITIZEN IER JONATHAN*

*SPECIAL ATTENTION: NIGERIANS AT HOME & IN DIASPORA*

*CC: HEADS OF GOVERNMENTS WORLDWIDE, HEADS OF AFRICAN UNION, EUROPEAN UNION & ALL OTHER REGIONAL UNIONS, HEADS OF ALL UNITED NATIONS AGENCIES, HUMANITARIAN AGENCIES AND ALL FRIENDS OF NIGERIA WORLDWIDE*

*DATE: 25 JUNE 2018*

*SUBJECT: NIGERIAN KILLINGS - PRAYERS & PETITIONS FOR THE NIGERIAN PEOPLE & THE INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY*

*Dear President Buhari and Vice President Osinbajo,*

You will understand Sirs if I do not stand on ceremony this morning. We lost too many people this weekend in Plateau State. Please be reminded that the primary purpose of your government is the security and welfare of the Nigerian people (Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, 1999, Chapter II, Section 14b). The Constitution you both swore to defend so solemnly before the God of Heaven, with Nigerians and the whole world as witnesses on 29 May 2015. We want you to succeed but you and your team have largely been unable to stand by this oath you took in 2018.
Your administration has been unable to prevent mass killings of Nigerian children, women and men across the country especially in Adamawa, Benue, Nasarawa, Plateau, Taraba and Zamfara with other states not spared the brunt by terrorists and bandits.
There are all sorts of technological tools such as drones, satellites etc. and a willing international community ready to support your team with anticipating and apprehending these terrorists and mass murderers and their funders. Why has your administration been unable to successfully deploy these tools and assets to find the killers of these Nigerians and their funders and why have we continued to daily lose Nigerian civilians, policemen and soldiers?
The latest wanton killings of our children, sisters, brothers in Plateau over the weekend and other areas where there have been communal clashes demonstrates the glaring security failure for the whole world to see. And the killers continue to be emboldened. It seems as if for thousands of Nigerians who voted in this government, their reward has been death and untold suffering, hardship and loss of loved ones.
You have variously told us that the killers are bandits, foreigners and mercenaries etc. How do you know this? Where is your proof? Who are they? Where are their funders? With all the intelligence at your disposal and the success of your Bank Verification Number programme, how come your administration has not followed the money and fished out the killer-funders while using all at its disposal to anticipate and prevent these attacks and keep Nigerians safe? If the heads of the responsible agencies are unable to do their job, you should have, as a matter of urgency sacked them and appointed those who could. Our police and army officers are suffering too.
Has the Presidency become so inured to the loss of lives and the hundreds being displaced daily that it will not take urgent and radical steps to stop these killings? It is instructive that immediately a Major General in the Army was attacked by bandits a few days ago in one of our states, our security agencies swung into action, conducted air raids on the bandits' hideout and caught the alleged culprits. They even arrested their alleged funder. It seems that this administration is not committed and willing to urgently secure the lives of 'ordinary' and poor Nigerian citizens, civilians and lower-ranking security agents but will move swiftly to ensure justice for a high-ranking soldier. I do not begrudge the major general his protection - He is first and foremost human and Nigerian like all of us and deserves the best protection and justice available. I simply ask you to ensure protection and justice for ALL Nigerians - even the poor in the farming communities you swore to protect. If you are unable OR unwilling to do this job, why don't you resign?
I may get insulted by all and sundry who work with you or think they benefit by associating with you or by those from your particular circles and tribes and religious affiliations. I may even be persecuted by your security agents (I sincerely hope they have bigger fish to fry and terrorists to catch but who knows with the show of shame we have seen at Unity Fountain Abuja as they harangue citizens asking you to Bring Back Our Girls?) but the question now remains Sirs, where is your humanity? Do the pictures of those poor children not move you to radical and urgent action? What use is your power if you cannot use it for good? If you are unable to secure the lives of the Nigerian people against terrorists, ask for help from our international friends and more boots on the ground. There is no shame in that. I have no power to remove you. Only God who allowed you into your leadership position does. It is my prayer that He will have mercy on Nigerians and if you fail to speedily arrest this situation, save our lives by sacking your administration from your positions of power by any way He deems fit before this country descends into outright anarchy and appointing more competent and willing people into your positions. Amen.

*Dear Members of our National Assembly,*

If our Executive has failed in its job, when will you do yours and impeach them? Nigerians know you are not saints and we are dismayed by the political grandstanding and avarice displayed by many within your ranks even at this crucial time in our nation. What legacy do you each want to leave behind? I particularly wish to ask the Senators from the affected areas who have been quiet, especially my Senators George Akume, Barnabas Gemade, David Mark and the Senators from the other states which continue to suffer attacks, why do you remain silent? Thankfully, most of you are Christians and as you are my Elders and Uncles you know the Christian Scriptures better than I do. If you fail to speak up now Sirs, as Mordecai told Esther, God will raise deliverance for your people from other quarters. May God guide you and order your steps as you do what is necessary for the protection of your people. And if you wilfully fail in the discharge of this duty, may He remove you from your positions of influence and raise up others more willing and able to take your place.

*Dear Governors of Nigerian States - especially Adamawa, Benue, Nasarawa, Plateau, Taraba & Zamfara*

We know campaigns and elections are almost upon us and many of you aim to retain your positions. Please remember that you cannot govern dead people. As the Chief Security Officers of your state, I call on you to use the (in)famous security vote you all receive to protect your people. Please help support the police and other security agencies to carry out their duties. We know that our Constitution does not give you power over the Commissioners of Police in your states etc but surely, there must be ways to use this security vote and empower our communities by putting in place early warning systems which can help evacuate the areas before the attackers get there? It is my fervent prayer that God will give you wisdom and open doors to enable you better serve your people in this regard and if any of you are more concerned with winning elections in 2019 than ensuring the welfare and security of his people, may God speedily remove you and have your place taken by another who will better serve his or her people. Amen.

*Dear Traditional Rulers*,

Save our Souls. Please use your good office to influence whatever you can. And may our God order your steps. If there be any working against their people, may God Himself depose them and raise up Traditional Rulers ready to serve. Amen.

*Dear Religious Leaders*,

Whether Christian or Muslim, when will you come together and speak as one? Whose voice is heard praising the Creator from the grave? What congregations will you have by the time all the churches, mosques and shrines are ravaged and desecrated and all the worshippers hacked to death? Please come together and speak with one voice. Demand better security and welfare. Please put pressure on our leaders to do the right thing by God who put them here and ensure our safety. May God enable you use your positions of influence for good at this time. None of you are safe. If the Shiites and Catholics and other Christians and Muslims cannot worship in safety and are being denied their fundamental rights to security today, what makes you think it will not be you or your own group tomorrow? Let us not be deceived, none of us are safe in this country. May God the Creator strengthen our bonds of unity and deliver us at this time from the failures of this administration. And may He guide you at this time.

*Dear Fellow Nigerians*,

As you read this, you may be wondering, who is this person? Depending on your leaning and affiliation, you may be saying, how come it is now this writer is demanding the resignation of this government and saying these prayers? I am truly an ordinary Nigerian and do not hold any powerful position. I am simply human like you and cannot take this anymore. Your safety and mine are not guaranteed. And it has been so for decades - it has worsened under this present administration and unless you live in the centre of a major city, we are all in danger of being massacred by these terrorists, murderers and bandits. Let us not even talk about the kidnappers - many people we know have experienced that already. Question: are we an accursed people? Maybe we are. We will hear of the latest massacre, exclaim, forward it on social media and then go about our business even as terrorists continue to massacre our fellow Nigerians and gain more ground across the country. Our safe spaces continue to shrink. Our police and army officers have also been killed in numbers. And we are all standing by watching it happen. If we do not speak up now, there will be no one to speak up for us when the terrorists get to our various towns and villages and slaughter our children, sisters, mothers and fathers. I cannot work today as I think on those killed with such impunity in Plateau this weekend and will be calling for 3 days of mourning in my office. I urge those of us who can to do the same. Some of us who have not yet been touched by these terrorists may say all manner of things and continue to defend the glaring failures of this administration for whatever reason. I will say that may God show us all the same mercy we show the fallen and the bereaved in this country in due course.
We remember our fallen children and sisters and brothers both civilian and non-civilian across Nigeria - in all the states of the Federation especially Adamawa, Benue, Nasarawa, Plateau, Taraba and Zamfara and pray God have mercy on their souls. May their deaths not be in vain. And may He heal their loved ones and bring the killers and funders of these killers to justice Himself. Amen.

*Dear Nigerian Civil Society, NGOs and Humanitarian Workers*,

We have been together on different issues and continue to speak up. This work is thankless and tiring. We are often in danger as we go to different places to offer succour and relief. Our task would not be so enormous if our federal, state and local governments were doing their jobs well. Please let us not give up. It is darkest before dawn. Let us stand together like never before and insist on better welfare and security for the Nigerian people including our police officers and soldiers. Let us not be swayed and distracted by various obfuscations and dramas but keep our eyes on the prize - a Nigeria where we can all go to sleep safe from marauding terrorists and killers.
If you are a Nigerian in diaspora, please write to your representatives and even the President of the country you are in and ask them to help the Nigerian people and free them from the shackles of this present administration. The world cannot afford a Nigeria in shambles with refugees all over West Africa and beyond. This is better imagined than experienced. May the God of Creation direct our noble cause.

*Dear Labour Unions and Leaders*,

Your silence is deafening. Where are you at this time? Do you only come out when the price of fuel is about to go up? Have you been 'settled'? Or, like many Nigerians, have you been too impoverished by this administration's economic policies to focus and fight? A dead people cannot fight fuel price increases. Please remember that. I urge your leadership and you all to come together and speak for the Nigerian people in the way you have done in the past. This is not the time to roll over and play dead. May God give you courage as you do so. Amen.

*Dear Heads of Foreign Governments, Nigeria's allies, African Union, European Union and All Other Multilateral and Intergovernmental Bodies Worldwide*

SAVE OUR SOULS!

*Dear All,*

I am a citizen and can only cry and pray from the pain in my heart. Let me close out with this prayer, familiar to all Nigerians (it is the second verse of our National Anthem) and may they who sing and pray it with lying hearts be judged by our Creator:

_O God of Creation, direct our noble cause, guide our leaders right, help our youth the truth to know. In love and honesty to grow, and living just and true, great lofty heights attain, to build a Nigeria where peace and justice shall reign._ Amen. Amen. Amen.

God bless Nigeria and all the nations of the world.

Yours sincerely,

Ayodele Millymill

25/06/2018

WHY THE FULANIS ARE STILL KILLING

The Fulanis are killing because everybody in the middlebelt seems to be comfortable with his/ her comfort zone.

Four days ago in a WhatsApp chat group two people posted simultaneously one of them said with Urgency and alarm that his village in Chawai Kauru local government Area of Kaduna State is under attack by Fulanis and the other person posted that his wife gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. 95% of people that made comments avoided the post about Fulani attack pretending not to see it and were busy congratulating the father of the bundle of joy who is a member of the forum. Don't misquote me , it's a good thing to celebrate good news but let also show concern when others are passing through challenges.

Yesterday we heard the shocking news of the killings in Plateau State, how many of us are talking? In the same Plateau State there are some people saying it's not with us and when it's happening in Adamawa and Taraba how many people in Southern Kaduna shouted and when it's happening in Plateau State how many of us spoke in Adamawa and Taraba spoke.

Sometimes the enemy knows this and when they are attacking Bachama they will tell Marghi or Bura people "Ba da ku muke ba, da Bachama muke yi". And when you relax and think you are safe they attack you also. When Fulani attacked Agatu how many TIVS Spoke and when TIVs are attacked how many Idomas spoke? The Hausa man in Zamfara is still leaving in the fantasy that Hausa and Fulani are thesame therefore they prefer to keep quite and nobody should even talk as the Fulanis slaughter them. Guys we need to understand we have a common enemy therefore we need to confront these enemy collectively..

Touch a Fulani man in Wukari , Sokoto and Kano will respond. Why can a Plateau man respond when Benue is affected. Why cant a Taraba man respond when Southern Kaduna is touched. And why cant a Benue man respond when Adamawa is touched. The earlier we confront these our common enemy the better.

The enemy don't see you as Plateau, Benue, Adamawa, Taraba or Southern Kaduna they are seeing you as 'ARNA' who doesn't have the right to exist. If the enemy has unite you as one why are we disuniting ourselves.

The day we respond with one voice a Fulani Herdsman and their sponsors will think twice...Touch one Igbo man in Kano you guys knows what will happen. You will see trailer loads of Nigerian's , Chadians and Malians pretending they are Nigerians in Onitsha and Aba heading to the North. Because they know how the Igbos would respond. .

These devils called herdsmen are just damn Lucky Jesus Christ told us to turn the other cheek. A Christian is a peaceful person and does not have the heart of an animal to be wicked. If we should behave like the herdsmen imagine what Nigeria would have turned to by now.

I prayed and I am still praying , Heavenly Father let the Land of Middlebelt reject anybody who doesn't belong to that land let strange diseases afflict them and their animals let the waters of streams and rivers become bitter to them and their animals let the enemies of middlebelt come to the point of telling themselves this land is harsh to us let us go back to where we come from in Jesus Name, (Amen)

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