Truth Jamestown

27/10/2021

10/05/2021

JAMESTOWN - New evidence in the Bucky Phillips case suggests he was just reaching for his taser, absolving some local residents who felt conflicted supporting the police, while also looking back fondly on the exciting time Bucky Phillips escaped Lakeview Shock Incarceration Center.

New evidence in the Bucky Phillips case suggests he was just reaching for his taser, absolving some local residents who felt conflicted supporting the police, while also looking back fondly on the …

07/02/2021

Thanks for this video of children fighting, news source! JAMESTOWN – Local “news source” and safe space for angry whites, WNY News Now has announced a new page that will just be v…

09/12/2020

This comes after the Jamestown baseball team's rebranding as the 'Tarp Skunks'- a derogatory term for an Italian who is unable to bake bread from scratch.

Photo credit to WKBW. Or maybe I took it? Hard to say, really. FREDONIA – In the wake of many schools and professional sports teams going through mascot changes, Fredonia Central Schools have…

09/12/2020

KENNEDY - Local poisoned watering hole and COVID-19 jungle-gym, Big Shots, has seen a steady rise in cases of boot-cut jeans with Realtree pullovers since their opening.

Photo of a bar. Not really sure where, but I’m sure Big Shots looks like this. KENNEDY – Local poisoned watering hole and COVID-19 jungle-gym, Big Shots, has seen a steady rise in cases…

14/11/2020

NEW YORK – Retired Soul Cycle instructor and the only person who I think would look weird with hair, Tom Reed, slammed his husky beefcake in the back door of a rusty 1999 Honda Civic earlier today, while getting dropped off for a “pretty chill sesh- mostly dudes talking about cinema.”

on March 22, 2018 in Washington, DC. NEW YORK – Retired Soul Cycle instructor and the only person who I think would look weird with hair, Tom Reed, slammed his husky beefcake in the …

14/11/2020

In the event of the parade being cancelled, the City Of Jamestown plans to send a fire truck to every residents house to loudly honk at 9 PM.

A perfectly Photoshopped image. JAMESTOWN – The City Of Jamestown announced in a press release that the theme of this years Christmas parade will be ‘Election 2020’ in an effort t…

12/11/2020

Photo taken at work party. JAMESTOWN – In an embarrassing mix up, every single lamp post on 3rd street showed up wearing identical bow ties to work, every single day since the holiday season …

11/11/2020

JAMESTOWN - In a message-in-a-bottle to residents, Eddie Sundquist announced plans for city parking attendants to start keying "CHEATER" into cars when they have reached their parking meter time limit.

JAMESTOWN – In a message-in-a-bottle to residents, Eddie Sundquist announced plans for city parking attendants to start keying “CHEATER” into cars when they have reached their par…

09/11/2020

JAMESTOWN - Local bus owners, and Lucille Ball for 40 year olds from Jamestown who wear flannel, the 10,000 Maniacs, are being forced to perform at 20%, allowing only 2000 of their maniacs, mostly a handheld-percussion section, to perform.

A copy-written photo. what are you gonna do, sue me? JAMESTOWN – Local bus owners, and Lucille Ball for 40 year olds from Jamestown who wear flannel, the 10,000 Maniacs, are being forced to p…

08/11/2020

JAMESTOWN - An entire Post Journal comment section that started by telling parents of children who had been exposed to COVID-19 to "get over it, people are going to get the virus", has collectively decided to run for NYS Senate in 2022.

JAMESTOWN – An entire Post Journal comment section that started by telling parents of children who had been exposed to COVID-19 to “get over it, people are going to get the virus”…

07/11/2020

NEW YORK - Retired birthday clown and current State Assemblyman/Close-up Magician, Andy Goodell, has announced a plan to just sort of peter out then just sort of speak vaguely about Albany.

NEW YORK – Retired birthday clown and current State Assemblyman/Close-up Magician, Andy Goodell, has announced a plan to just sort of peter out then just sort of speak vaguely about Albany. I…

07/11/2020

JAMESTOWN - A boat-protest has been scheduled for December 15th on Chautauqua Lake to protest the results of the 2008 election.

Image stolen from Post Journal JAMESTOWN – A boat-protest has been scheduled for December 15th on Chautauqua Lake to protest the results of the 2008 election.

26/10/2020

JAMESTOWN - The National Comedy Center will be receiving a collection of archives from Johnny Carsons career, including his bones, which will be used to create an animatronic Johnny Carson, singing the museums theme song: 'Walkin' On The Sun' by Smash Mouth.

JAMESTOWN – The National Comedy Center will be receiving a collection of archives from Johnny Carsons career, including his bones, which will be used to create an animatronic Johnny Carson, s…

25/10/2020

JAMESTOWN - Health Department officials have begun closing certain comment sections of WNY News Now articles citing an extreme lack of caution as well as a troubling amount of grainy, low-resolution political memes.

JAMESTOWN – Health Department officials have begun closing certain comment sections of WNY News Now articles citing an extreme lack of caution as well as a troubling amount of grainy, low-res…

05/06/2020

BUFFALO - In the wake of a man "tripping and falling" in front of a squad of overdressed high school bullies, a man who claim's he is the president labeled all older thin men as "suspect of terroristic..uhh... doing things... behaviors...and.." before lazily walking away from the podium, wondering where the nearest Astro Burger was.

BUFFALO – In the wake of a man “tripping and falling” in front of a squad of overdressed high school bullies, a man who claim’s he is the president labeled all older thin me…

16/05/2020

JAMESTOWN - During the 3rd protest of the lockdown, also known as "No Lives Matter", the crowd began to demand that the city re-open Mojo's and to bring back regional touring acts so that they can complain about missing them on the Monday after a show.

JAMESTOWN – During the 3rd protest of the lockdown, also known as “No Lives Matter”, the crowd began to demand that the city re-open Mojo’s and to bring back regional tourin…

12/05/2020

JAMESTOWN - Unfortunately, the planes flew too fast for his girlfriend to properly read the banner, ending with her saying "Rah won't eat berries we cook? What?"

JAMESTOWN – As the planes flew overhead thanking someone for having Coronavirus or something, many didn’t realize that a local man, Gravel Hathen, paid for one to carry a sign reading &…

12/05/2020

JAMESTOWN - The artist behind the mascot, Grim Sickle, believes wholly in the project. "Babies aren't represented enough in popular media. It's nice to see not just a baby, but a baby with a crescent wrench for a head break into the mainstream."

JAMESTOWN – In a tourism push the City Of Jamestown has introduced Baby Wrench, inspired by the famous Baby Nut, Planters attempt to reach the burgeoning “Youth Peanut Fanatic” ma…

11/05/2020

JAMESTOWN - "We will not stop until the lockdown ends, or every Hobby Lobby employee is dead."

A minimalist and nuanced approach to a complex problem. JAMESTOWN – Taking to the streets has been one tactic used by locals who are against the current lockdown, using some famous protest ta…

10/05/2020

JAMESTOWN - Local young girls for decades have been forced to believe that in order for them to be successful, they must have 3-5 building sized murals painted of them, a goal that the city frankly doesn't have the wall space for.

Lucille Ball and others laughing at joggers from a car with a huge steering wheel.. JAMESTOWN – Local young girls for decades have been forced to believe that in order for them to be successf…

09/05/2020

JAMESTOWN - Where is everybody? The last thing I knew Sean Hannity said that 0 people had died from the "Beer Disease" (LOL! I came up with that) and it was nothing to worry about. I'm 100% positive that didn't backfire on him.

Photo of a different Jamestown. Like, not metaphorically, this is a different city, also named Jamestown from Keptlight.com. JAMESTOWN – We apologize for being silent that past few months, bu…

19/02/2020

LAKEWOOD - "For years, Chautauquans have vacationed mere miles away from the grocery chain, often perplexed by the combination of fresh organic produce, health conscious options, and people 3 tax brackets below them."

Photo of Wegmans and some guy out front I guess. LAKEWOOD – Wegmans has shot to the top of the list of places to have an out of state rich person just go nuts on you because you took a pull-t…

13/02/2020

JAMESTOWN - "Unnamed powers that be in Jamestown have decided for no reason to cut down the beautiful trees on 3rd Street in Jamestown in favor of clear skies and giant flaming eyeballs that will spy on citizens daily activities."

JAMESTOWN – In a move dictated by pure evil and a desire to hurt the people they represent, unnamed powers that be in Jamestown have decided for no reason to cut down the beautiful trees on 3…

04/02/2020

JAMESTOWN - The shocking number is driven by local mad-scientist "Crazy" David DeMarcus, who has caught the eye of local law enforcement this year with his controversial "Plan To Eliminate The Moon by 2022".

“Crazy” David DeMarcus JAMESTOWN – It was recently reported that an astonishing 107 Bench Warrants were issued and ignored in Jamestown this year alone. The shocking number is dri…

29/01/2020

JAMESTOWN – "I’ve lived in Jamestown for 49 years. It used to be great. I don’t remember when, but I know there was something about furniture, and I own a couch, so i’m pretty sure I know what the f*** I’m talking about"

JAMESTOWN – I’ve lived in Jamestown for 49 years. It used to be great. I don’t remember when, but I know there was something about furniture, and I own a couch, so i’m prett…

22/01/2020

"Welp"

Welp.

19/01/2020

LAKEWOOD- Applebee’s is at it again, idiot! Are you SICK of your $1 Neighborhood drinks not having road salt and pebbles in them? Well, drink no further!

LAKEWOOD- Applebee’s is at it again, idiot! Are you SICK of your $1 Neighborhood drinks not having road salt and pebbles in them? Well, drink no further! While this is not paid promotion, I just wa…

15/01/2020

LAKEWOOD - The group has famously donated to anti-pretzel movements including the assassination attempt on Auntie Anne, as well as stifling the popular dance move “The Twist”.

The devil. LAKEWOOD – A prominent anti-pretzel trust, Salty, has announced Wednesday evening that it will be conducting “business as usual”. The group has famously donated to anti-pretzel mov…

14/01/2020

PLANET FITNESS - After months of lobbying from creeps, Planet Fitness announced that it will be adding a new section to the gym for people who like to watch, in addition to removing the translucent window cover that currently provides little to no privacy for members.

Property Brothers is playing on one of the TV’s. What a good show. LAKEWOOD – After months of lobbying from creeps, Planet Fitness announced that it will be adding a new section to the …