09/08/2021
A moment of transparency...
I never knew how hard it would be to parent a child with a sensory disorder. Specifically a child with congenital insensitivity to pain. It's hard because my child can be truly hurt and I would never know. He has learned to respond the way he sees others respond to pain but it's only because of learned behavior. For example, he falls and scrapes his knee and then it's, "I'm supposed to cry because that's what others expect me to do so let me do it."
Do not confuse emotional pain with physical pain. He can very much experience emotional pain. It's the physical pain he can't process. I remember once he broke a glass accidentally. He grabbed a fist full of pieces to show me the glass he had broken. He cut 2 fingers pretty bad he need 4 stitches. While he was bleeding he was not crying and did not react to the pain or blood. Although I was hysterical, he responded by saying, "I'm fine mom." One time, he fell at daycare and busted his nose. The teacher stated that she dashed over to comfort him immediately and clean him up but not once did he cry but rather pushed her hands away and ran off to play. His nose was fractured after taking him to the doctor. When he was a baby, he kept ear infections, so much so that he had to eventually get tubes. The ear infections were so frequent that fluid started building up and affecting his hearing. The only way I knew he had an infection is because I would be taking him to the doctor for a normal wellness check. The doctor would ask has he been fussy or pulling at his ears because they both would be inflamed, and my answer was always no. When he was 4 months he had a horrible case of RSV and was hospitalized for 2 weeks. Not once did he cry while they were giving him shots or hooking him up to the IV.
Tonight while wrestling with my dad, he accidentally head butted him. While my dad whenced in pain, Princeton did not. My dad felt so bad and he grabbed him up and began apologizing and hugging him. However, Princeton was still carrying on because it didn't phase or hurt him. He looked at my dad and said, "Papa I'm not hurt, I'm fine." It's scary to think my child could be hurt and I would never know. It's scarier because he don't feel or process physical pain that he thinks others are like him. He's too young to understand that this could really "hurt" someone. How is he to know what hurt is, or if he's inflicting physical harm, albeit unintentionally, if he doesn't have a clue what it means to feel physical pain? It almost makes me feel like a bad parent even though I know it's not my fault. It's just so frustrating and it makes me sad is all. 🙏🏾❤
